Finding Hope and Healing in Motherhood's Complexities
Summary
Today, the focus is on the complex and often painful realities surrounding motherhood. While many celebrate this day with joy, for others it is a source of deep pain—whether from the loss of a mother, the absence of the mother they wished for, the inability to become a mother, or the grief of losing a child. The Word of God meets us in these places, offering comfort, perspective, and healing.
For those who miss the mother they once had—whether through death, disability, or divorce—there is an invitation to cherish the lessons and love that remain. The best of a mother can continue to speak into our lives, even after she is gone. Yet, it is important to recognize that being stuck in perpetual grief does not honor her; rather, she would want to see her children living, thriving, and happy. There is also a call to be happy for mothers who are now with the Lord, free from suffering and pain.
For those who grieve the absence of the mother they wished they had, the message is to recognize the replacements God has provided—be it adoptive parents, mentors, or even God Himself, who promises to never abandon us. There is wisdom in acknowledging our parents’ humanity, understanding that their failures often stem from their own brokenness, and extending grace to them as fellow human beings. Healing comes when we stop idolizing our parents and start seeing them as people who did their best with what they had.
To women who long to be mothers but have not been able to, the reminder is that identity is not defined by what we lack, but by who we are in Christ. God’s love sometimes says “no” for reasons we cannot see, but His “no” is always rooted in love and protection. There is also encouragement to consider the unique freedoms and opportunities available in this season, and to prayerfully consider adoption as a way to bring healing to both themselves and a child in need.
Finally, for mothers who have lost a child, the pain is acknowledged as the deepest of all. Yet, there is comfort in knowing that children are a gift from God, entrusted to us for a season, but ultimately belonging to Him. Honoring a child’s life through acts of remembrance and legacy can bring meaning to the pain, and it is vital to remember that a child would not want their death to end their parent’s life. Through it all, God offers supernatural comfort, healing, and perspective.
Key Takeaways
- The lessons and love of a mother endure beyond her physical presence. Even after loss—whether through death, disability, or relational distance—the wisdom and values she imparted can continue to guide and comfort. Honoring her means living out what she taught, allowing her influence to shape your life for good. [12:25]
- Grief, while natural, must not become a permanent residence. Remaining stuck in sorrow does not honor those we have lost; rather, it can dishonor their legacy and the investment they made in us. True honor is found in living fully, carrying forward their best, and embracing the life God still has for us. [13:36]
- God often provides “replacements” for what we lack, placing us in families and relationships that can offer the nurture and support we missed. Recognizing and being grateful for these gifts, rather than fixating on what was absent, opens our hearts to healing. God Himself steps in as the ultimate parent, never abandoning us. [15:46]
- Seeing our parents as human beings, rather than idealized figures, allows us to extend grace for their failures and shortcomings. When we humanize our mothers—understanding their struggles, limitations, and histories—we are freed from the pain of unmet expectations and can appreciate the effort they gave, even if it fell short. [21:34]
- Our identity and value are not defined by what we lack—whether it is the absence of children, parents, or other longings—but by who we are in God’s eyes. Trusting God’s love means accepting both His gifts and His “no’s,” believing that He withholds or gives for our ultimate good. Even in loss, God invites us to find purpose, healing, and new beginnings. [27:08]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:35] - Introduction: A New Series on “Mommy”
[02:27] - Honoring Mothers and the Weight of Mother’s Day
[03:50] - The Pain of Missing Mom: Death, Disability, Divorce
[12:25] - Holding On to a Mother’s Lessons
[13:36] - Grief and Honoring Your Mother’s Legacy
[14:20] - Rejoicing for Mothers in Heaven
[15:46] - Grieving the Mother You Never Had
[20:36] - Humanizing Our Parents and Extending Grace
[21:34] - Seeing Mothers as People, Not Idols
[23:06] - The Pain of Childlessness and God’s Love
[24:12] - Biblical Stories of Infertility and Longing
[25:35] - Embracing Identity Beyond Motherhood
[27:08] - Trusting God’s “No” and His Protection
[28:57] - The Unique Freedoms of Not Being a Parent
[30:58] - Considering Adoption and Spiritual Motherhood
[32:08] - The Deep Grief of Losing a Child
[34:55] - Children Are a Gift on Loan from God
[39:26] - Honoring a Child’s Legacy and Finding Healing
[41:00] - Closing Prayer and Blessing
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: “Mommy Pain”
---
### Bible Reading
- Proverbs 31:27-28, 31
“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her... Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
- Psalm 68:6
“God sets the lonely in families...”
- Psalm 27:10 (AMP)
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”
- Psalm 127:3
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
---
### Observation Questions
1. According to Proverbs 31, what are some of the ways a mother is described and honored?
(see [02:27])
2. In Psalm 68:6, what does it say God does for the lonely?
(see [15:46])
3. What does Psalm 27:10 promise to those who have been abandoned by their parents?
(see [15:46])
4. In the sermon, what are some of the different ways people can “lose” their mother, besides death?
(see [03:50])
---
### Interpretation Questions
1. The sermon says that holding onto a mother’s lessons and love can continue to guide us even after she is gone. Why might this be important for someone who is grieving?
(see [12:25])
2. The pastor mentions that being stuck in grief does not honor a mother’s legacy. What does it mean to honor someone’s legacy in a healthy way?
(see [13:36])
3. The message talks about God providing “replacements” for what we lack, including adoptive parents or mentors. How might recognizing these “replacements” help someone heal from the pain of not having the mother they wished for?
(see [15:46])
4. The sermon encourages us to see our parents as human beings, not as idols. How can this perspective help us extend grace and find healing from past hurts?
(see [21:34])
---
### Application Questions
1. If you have lost your mother (through death, disability, or distance), what is one lesson or value she taught you that you can intentionally live out this week? How might this help you honor her memory?
(see [12:25])
2. Are you currently stuck in a place of grief or regret about your relationship with your mother (or child)? What would it look like to take a step toward living fully, as a way of honoring their legacy?
(see [13:36])
3. Have you ever overlooked the “replacements” God has provided in your life—such as mentors, spiritual mothers, or friends—because you were focused on what was missing? How can you show gratitude for these people this week?
(see [15:46])
4. Think about your parents or caregivers. Is there an area where you have held onto unrealistic expectations or resentment? What would it look like to “humanize” them and extend grace, as the pastor described?
(see [21:34])
5. For women who long to be mothers but have not been able to, the sermon says your identity is not defined by what you lack. What are some truths about who you are in Christ that you can focus on this week?
(see [25:35])
6. If you are in a season where you do not have children, what is one unique opportunity or freedom you can embrace and use for God’s purposes right now?
(see [28:57])
7. For those who have lost a child, the pastor suggested honoring your child’s life through acts of remembrance or legacy. Is there a specific way you could do this, either privately or publicly, to bring meaning to your pain?
(see [39:26])
---
Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite the group to pray for comfort, healing, and God’s perspective for anyone experiencing “mommy pain” in any form. Ask God to help each person honor the lessons and love they have received, extend grace where there has been hurt, and trust Him with both the gifts and the “no’s” in their lives.
Devotional
Day 1: The Virtue and Legacy of a Godly Mother
A godly mother is described as diligent, wise, and caring, always looking after her family's needs and earning their appreciation and praise. Her influence is so profound that even in her absence, her lessons and love continue to shape the lives of her children. The respect and honor she receives are not just for her actions, but for the heart and wisdom she imparts, making her a true blessing to her family and community. Let the memory and teachings of such a mother continue to guide and comfort, even when she is no longer physically present. [02:27]
Proverbs 31:27-28, 31 (CEV)
"She is always busy and looks after her family's needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her. Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone."
Reflection: What is one lesson or piece of wisdom from your mother (or a mother figure) that you can intentionally apply to your life today?
Day 2: God Places the Lonely in Families
Even when biological family relationships are broken or absent, God’s loving provision is seen in the people He brings into our lives to care for us. Whether through adoption, foster care, or spiritual family, God intentionally places the lonely in families, ensuring that no one is truly abandoned. Gratitude for those who have stepped in to love and nurture us, and recognizing God’s hand in these relationships, brings healing and perspective to our pain of loss or abandonment. [15:46]
Psalm 68:6 (ESV)
"God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land."
Reflection: Who has God placed in your life as family, even if not by blood, and how can you express gratitude to them today?
Day 3: Trusting God’s Love When He Says “No”
There are times when the deepest desires of our hearts—like becoming a parent—are met with God’s “no,” and it can feel devastating. Yet, God’s love is present both in His yes and His no, and sometimes what He withholds is an act of protection or preparation for something greater. Trusting God’s love means believing that He sees what we cannot, and that our value is not diminished by what we lack, but affirmed by who we are in Him. [27:52]
Romans 8:28 (ESV)
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
Reflection: What is one area where you have struggled with God’s “no,” and how can you choose to trust His love and purpose for you today?
Day 4: Children Are a Gift on Loan from God
Children are a blessing and inheritance from the Lord, entrusted to parents for a season but ultimately belonging to God. The pain of losing a child is immense, but remembering that each child is a precious gift on loan can bring comfort and perspective. Parents are called to do their best in loving, training, and releasing their children, knowing that their ultimate identity and destiny are in God’s hands. [34:55]
Psalm 127:3 (ESV)
"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."
Reflection: If you are a parent, how can you honor the truth that your children are God’s gift and not your possession? If you have lost a child, what is one way you can honor their legacy today?
Day 5: Giving Grace to Imperfect Parents
It is easy to hold parents, especially mothers, in such high regard that their failures or shortcomings wound us deeply. But recognizing their humanity—seeing them as people with their own struggles, histories, and limitations—allows us to extend grace and forgiveness. Understanding that our parents did their best with what they had can bring healing to old wounds and free us from unrealistic expectations, enabling us to move forward with compassion and peace. [21:34]
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Reflection: Is there a way you need to humanize and forgive your parent(s) for their imperfections, and what would it look like to extend that grace today?
Quotes
Your child was sent to you and through you but he or she didn't come from you. I'm going to say that again because that might be very important for you to hold on to. Your child was sent to you and even through you reproductively, I'm going to say that again, but that child did not come from you. You cannot make a child. You can make love, you cannot make a child. That's God's business. Psalm 127 verse 3 says this, Psalm 127 verse 3 says children are blessing or inheritance from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is his reward. [00:36:41] (38 seconds)
That child was always on loan. I'm gonna say that again somebody watching me online I said that child was always on loan to you you don't own your child and your parents don't own you you just live long enough to figure that out think about that how many of you growing people here if one of your parents called you right now saying don't go outside no more this week when you laugh you ain't got no thought those days are over you had an assignment to name me to train me to raise me and to release me you train me up in the way I should go you don't own me you don't own your child they were an assignment you name them you train them you do the best you can but they don't belong to you you never own them they were always on loan. [00:37:35] (54 seconds)
Understand that being perpetually in a state of grief doesn't honor your mother. It actually would hurt her if she knew it. Some of y'all think, I ain't supposed to be able to go on without my mother. Life ain't the same. Yeah, life ain't the same without her, but you still got life without her being here. And if you, let me tell you why it doesn't honor your mother to be stuck in grief when she's gone. One of the most important things that we do as parents is we want to know that we gave you enough to make it without us. [00:12:47] (34 seconds)
You'd be surprised how the very thing that you're mad that your parent did to you is the very thing you can end up doing to your kids because it's easy to judge somebody for how they handled a situation until you find yourself in it and you like this is hard. That's why you got to get the healing you need so that you don't duplicate what devastated you. Amen. [00:18:33] (28 seconds)
Who you are is just as important as who you're not. You're not a mother but every time the devil tries to remind you what you're not you need to write out a list of who you are. I am a woman. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a game-changer. I am a daughter of the King. Your I am list should always trump your I'm not list. Don't just focus on who you're not, who are you, because you don't have to have what somebody else has to be valuable. [00:25:44] (53 seconds)
Your mother wants you to be happy. Some of you need to write that down. Your mother would be happy if you were happy. She is not happy about you saying, I can't live. I wish she'd come back. Here's the next thing. You should be happy for her too. She's in heaven, and she's healed. How about that? Whatever she suffered with in this life, she's free from in heaven. So you want her to come back and get in that same body that was deteriorating because of cancer, or hypertension, or diabetes, or the amputation, or whatever going on, she got to get back in that body because you want her? Be happy for her. [00:14:11] (40 seconds)
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