Finding Grace in Our Inner Conflicts and Stories

It's so interesting that somehow human beings are so drawn to stories. From the very beginning of our history as humanity, there's stories that are sometimes larger than life. Sometimes they're referred to as myths, and sometimes they're referred to as legends, but these stories that we have that's all around us, sometimes from childhood, come to help us have some insight or inner reflection about what it's like to be us, what it's like to be a human. [00:17:57]

God can use the most unlikely of things to grow us in our faith. Even a conversation with a Star Wars nerd, or a Star Trek nerd, there's things that happen in our lives that bring to light some things about the human experience that need to be drawn out. [00:19:34]

Sometimes those things can be stories that are not only from the Bible, that are not only about things in the Christian tradition. Sometimes it can be a science fiction or science space opera, as George Lucas called Star Wars, to help us find some insight about what it's like to be human, and what it's like to have this wrestling with matters of spirituality, the supernatural, the questions of life. [00:19:50]

The Bible contains a vast library of human experiences that are noticed and engaged by God. One of the things that I realized when I read through Scripture is that what I expect in Scripture would be that it's filled with saints and people who overcame all things and somehow had a faith that I can look up to. These role models of the faith. But most of the time, what we see is that the library of experiences that are testified in Scripture are of people that that are going through a lot of flaws, a lot of failures, a lot of real, real . flaws. [00:23:29]

It's not just a matter of them being, you know, like making mistakes every once in a while. No, they're truly broken people who are doing things that reflect a person that is very broken. And we see, even in their redemption arcs or transformations, that sometimes a lot of the characters don't end with a happy ending either. [00:24:13]

There's a vast library of human experiences, but I believe that the Bible has been chosen to tell these stories because in the midst of the strangest matters of evil or temptations or failures or flaws in humanity, that God acknowledges those things, is aware of those things, and engages, engages humanity. God does not depart and turn God's face away, but engages those activities. [00:24:35]

And I think it gives us sometimes the permission to know that when we start having certain thoughts or feelings that we might think, this is not what a Christian should be thinking or feeling, maybe the Bible is telling us you will have those feelings. You will have those thoughts. And sometimes those feelings and thoughts will lead to the beauty of God's work at hand in our lives and in our world. [00:25:10]

For Darth Vader, this hatred towards evil, like at the end of the day, he believes that he's a good person and he's trying to do something good. But because he has this aversiveness of evil, it turns him into an evil person. [00:26:16]

One of the things I realized about this is that in our Christian faith or in religion in general, sometimes our dogmatism, our holding on to certain things that we must believe in, ends up making us try to cleanse the conversations around us. It makes us feel as as though certain subject matters are not allowed. Because that's not, that's, that's... dirty. That's not part of what we're about here. That's an unholy subject matter. And it ends up resulting in this cleansing or destruction of evil whenever we might see it. [00:27:11]

But instead, I find that what we see in Scripture is that whenever there is a certain sense of badness, God is engaging in it rather than just saying, oh, don't talk about that. Don't look at that. The Bible is not stripped of human flaw or mistakes or bad things. Instead, it brings it into focus. And it shows that God is present and engaging actively in the midst of the dark things of the world, the dark inklings of the human spirit. [00:29:28]

Sometimes our sense of righteousness can make us wicked. Sometimes our righteousness, our zeal to do what is good, can actually end up resulting in us harming others. And sometimes those things can come from our childhood experiences, these values that we have that we cling on to, that we kind of merge into our spirituality and our sense of religion. And we say, oh, this is what is a good Christian. This is what we must hold on to. And sometimes our dogmatism that happens even in just our own personal values can make us turn a little bit more wicked than we imagined. [00:30:03]

One of the things I love about this exploration about Darth Vader is that his love makes him hateful. His pursuit, his love relationship turns him into a hateful person. He is in love with this character named Padme. And his whole life starts becoming about saving her, all about this passion that he has for her. And it makes him start turning into the dark side. Because of his love, of his fear and anxiety of losing love starts making him do and act in evil ways. [00:31:46]

And I wonder if that might be true in some of our lives. Where sometimes our love of a friend, a love of a stranger, or love of a person who we think needs to have a change in life, that sometimes our love can end up harming them in such severe ways. And I think this helps us to come to, take a lens of this experience of humanity where it's so easy for something good to be turned into something that is harmful. [00:32:25]

How easy it is that our convictions to do something good can sometimes end up harming people. It's so strange and it's a balance, it's a narrow road of trying to see how can we stay on this narrow path of doing what is good. Because I've been trying so hard, but I still end up doing something that I don't want to do. And the things that I do, I didn't want to do. It's this inner turmoil, this war that is happening within us. [00:32:58]

Sometimes our sense of calling can make us go against everything we believe in. For Anakin, he was deemed as the chosen one. He was deemed to restore balance to the force, but he ends up joining the dark side and ruining the entire institution that he was trying to, that he believed in. And I believe that sometimes, as I mentioned, for like cleansing the subject matters that we might deem as inappropriate in the church, sometimes our sense of zealousness and...and calling even, can make us go against everything that we believe in. [00:33:57]

For Anakin, his hope to save led to harm. He wanted to do everything possible to be able to save the one he loved, and it ended up him becoming a genocidal maniac. And I think that sometimes in our hopes to save others, we can choose to do things that lead to harm. [00:35:04]

There's a message in Star Wars, I think, and in the Bible where there's a message of balance that is hoped for, a balance of zeal and rationality, a balance of where we can kind of tread along this faith life. And it's hard, if not impossible, to walk just on our own religion. Because sometimes our values and our convictions can lead us to have restless nights of spiraling downwards and then doubling down on things and ending up going against everything we believe in. [00:35:28]

I believe that one of the things that I find remarkable about the Star Wars story is that it highlights grace in a way that I didn't expect to be aware of. Last week, Pastor Katie mentioned that for Christians and for the world, one of the conflicts that one of the struggles that we have is this balancing this idea of how can bad things happen to good people? But I believe that the story of Star Wars helps highlight a certain part of the gospel message. That yes, bad things can happen, bad things can happen to good people. But I think the matter of grace is that sometimes God wants good things to happen to bad people. [00:37:27]

That God hopes for the redemption of bad people. That God sometimes pursues to the end bad people. And sometimes and oftentimes rebukes the so -called good people. [00:38:09]

There's this sense where God is pursuing people who are even in the midst of the tension of being bad, of manifesting and exhibiting evil behavior. There's this sense where God is seeking and pursuing the so -called bad people. And the message that I think that God is so convicted about is that God will not forsake God's creation. God will not forsake that individual that is seen as a plague to society. [00:40:06]

I think that there's a theme, there's a pattern in Scripture where what we expect of heroes of the faith are not as perfect as we would hope for. Paul is saying that, yes, we will all have this wrestling. We'll do what we don't want to do. When we are so convicted about doing good and we realize, that's not what I wanted. That's not the outcome that I was expecting. I ended up hurting somebody instead of loving them as I wanted to do. [00:42:08]

It is a wrestle to think about the bad that happens to good people. But it is part of our conviction that we believe that good can happen to bad people, even though it might make us really angry about it. [00:45:25]

In the Star Wars saga, Luke Skywalker, the son of Anakin Skywalker, is the one that believes in Darth Vader. And the crazy thing is, Darth Vader, like, destroys planets and slaughters planets, and Luke is still believing that there is good in him. Darth Vader tortures his own daughter, cuts off the hand of his son, and still he's believing in him. And there's this sense where, even for among family, we can wound each other grievously. And somehow, even in the midst of it, we can display this heart of God where we still believe in the good of another, even though it's the most painful thing that we can cling to. [00:45:40]

For our third fill -in -the -blank, Jesus' active work to deliver us from the self -sabotaging nature of sin is all around us. There's a sense in the Bible and in our faith life where there's a sense where we're self -sabotaging, where we're not doing what we want to do, and instead we do everything to double down on what we don't want to do. [00:46:57]

In this expression of humanity in Darth Vader, he gets to a point where he is so doubling down on his self -hatred, I deserve to be evil. I deserve to be hated. I deserve to be hatred itself because he's doubling down on this self -sabotaging nature because he feels like he deserves it. But Jesus' work of trying to bring about transformation for these people so that they might experience some grace and a healed heart so that they might not say to themselves, I deserve all the bad that can come my way, but instead maybe I can believe in a God who is pursuing for some good in a person like me. [00:47:23]

Paul is ending the passage that we just read, what a wretched man I am. Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? And it's this hope, this continued hope. Maybe, maybe there will be some grace for me. Maybe there will be some relief in my self -torment, in my self -critical nature where I'm destroying every sense of self -esteem that I could have, and I'm destroying every idea of, oh, maybe I'm a decent, maybe I deserve something good. [00:48:08]

We self -sabotage regularly in our lives. Sometimes we might not even know that we're doing it. We do the things that we don't want to do, and we do not do the things that we do, want to do. This sense of this human experience, this faith experience, this reality of what it's like to be a person of faith, that we will wrestle with this, but also in the midst of it, we will be rescued because there is a God who has a heart that is displayed by Jesus where Jesus will go even to the cross to forgive the person who is in the midst of the hurt that they're doing to other people, that there will be good for the bad person, and Jesus is pursuing that. [00:48:43]

The challenge, I believe, is still clinging on to a hope that even the people that hurt us, that there can still be a hope that good can come to their life. That we don't double down on hatred or the reactions of our hearts, but we can cling to the hope of our faith where God loves and rescues even the most desolate or wretched people. [00:52:14]

The belief that Luke Skywalker has for his father, I think is a larger -than -life one, of course, but I think it does demonstrate the power and the difficulty of faith that even a person who scarred you, you can believe in them. [00:52:42]

The gift of encouragement and belief can be more difficult yet also more rewarding than we can imagine. I believe that this act that Christians can have, that humans can have, where they believe in and encourage those that are hurting them, that are scarring them, that are the hardest to love, the hardest to believe in, can sometimes be the most rewarding. And I think this doesn't happen, this is not a staple statement for any kind of relationship, of course, but I think it does highlight something that is true in our lives as people of faith, that this clinging on to a hope that even the good can happen to the bad. I believe that that is something that we can go out into the world and commit ourselves to. [00:53:10]