Finding Fulfillment: Overcoming Comparison Through Christ
Summary
After being away for several weeks, I returned with a renewed sense of gratitude for this community and a message that’s been burning in my heart. Life often leaves us feeling parched, like we’re drawing from a dry well, especially when we fall into the trap of constant comparison with others. This “comparisonitis” is a universal human struggle, not just a modern one. Even Jesus’ closest disciples, Peter and John, wrestled with it—competing for His attention, measuring themselves against each other, and missing the point of their unique callings.
Jesus’ response to Peter in John 21 is both simple and profound: “If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me.” This question—“What is that to you?”—cuts through our endless inner dialogue of comparison and competition. It’s a call to refocus, to stop measuring our worth or God’s favor by what He’s doing in someone else’s life. Instead, we’re invited to direct our energy toward our own relationship with God, trusting that He knows what He’s doing in each of our stories.
Comparison is primal, but that doesn’t make it healthy. Like the ancient drive to overeat or to distrust those who are different, it’s a habit that drains our relationships, saps our creativity, and leaves us spiritually dehydrated. The Ten Commandments warn against coveting, and Jesus intensifies this by telling us to guard against all forms of covetousness—not just for things, but for talents, opportunities, and even relationships. When we compare, we’re essentially telling God that what He’s given us isn’t enough.
True freedom and spiritual vitality come when we learn to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn, without using others as a measuring stick. Our focus must shift from others—and even from ourselves—to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Like a runner who keeps her eyes on the finish line, we’re called to fix our gaze on Him, not to the left or right. Only then do we find the living water our souls crave. When we stretch out our hands to God, admitting our thirst, He meets us with grace, clarity, and peace. Let’s be people who truly give our lives to Him, following where He leads, and finding our satisfaction in His presence alone.
Key Takeaways
- Comparison is a Dry Well
The instinct to compare ourselves with others is deeply ingrained, but it never leads to life or satisfaction. Like drawing water from a dry well, it leaves us exhausted and spiritually parched. The more we look to others for validation or worth, the less we experience the fullness God intends for us. True refreshment comes from seeking God’s presence, not from measuring ourselves against our neighbors. [03:20]
- Jesus’ Call: “What is That to You?”
When Peter questioned Jesus about John’s future, Jesus responded, “What is that to you? You follow me.” This is a liberating invitation to focus on our own journey with God, rather than being distracted by what God is doing in someone else’s life. It’s a reminder that God’s plans for others are not our concern; our calling is to faithfully follow Him, trusting that He knows what’s best for each of us. [10:31]
- Coveting Goes Beyond Possessions
The commandment against coveting isn’t limited to material things; it extends to talents, relationships, opportunities, and even the spiritual experiences of others. When we covet, we subtly accuse God of withholding good from us, undermining our trust in His goodness. Learning to celebrate others’ blessings without resentment is a mark of spiritual maturity and a pathway to deeper contentment. [16:25]
- Rejoicing with Others Breaks the Cycle
It’s often easier to mourn with those who mourn than to rejoice with those who rejoice, especially when their success highlights our own perceived lack. Yet, genuine friendship and Christlike love are found in the ability to celebrate others’ victories without envy. When we stop competing and start appreciating, our relationships deepen and our hearts become more open to God’s love. [24:58]
- Fix Your Eyes on Jesus, Not the Crowd
The only healthy comparison is with Christ Himself. When we fix our eyes on Jesus—the author and perfecter of our faith—we find direction, purpose, and peace. Looking to the left or right only distracts and discourages us; focusing on Him empowers us to run our unique race with endurance and joy. Our souls are nourished not by self-focus or comparison, but by stretching out to God and receiving His living water. [37:31]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:37] - Opening Prayer and Introduction
[03:20] - The Dry Well of Comparison
[04:35] - When Competition is Good (and When It’s Not)
[06:55] - The Disciples’ Struggle with Comparison
[08:20] - Peter and John: Rivalry Among Friends
[09:14] - Jesus’ Response: “What is That to You?”
[10:31] - The Unique Journeys of the Disciples
[12:33] - The Spiritual Cost of Comparison
[14:05] - Primitive Drives and Spiritual Health
[16:25] - Coveting: More Than Just Things
[18:42] - The Challenge of Celebrating Others’ Blessings
[23:12] - Learning to Rejoice with Those Who Rejoice
[24:58] - The Freedom of Non-Competitive Relationships
[27:10] - The Futility of Envy
[28:08] - The Ripple Effects of Comparison
[30:47] - Drained Focus and the Call to Fix Our Eyes on Jesus
[33:14] - The Cloud of Witnesses and Our True Standard
[36:18] - The Runner’s Focus: An Olympic Illustration
[37:31] - Fixing Our Eyes on Jesus
[38:34] - Personal Story: The Trap of Comparison
[40:23] - Surrendering Our Lives to God
[41:55] - Closing Prayer and Worship
Study Guide
Small Group Bible Study Guide: “What Is That to You? Escaping the Trap of Comparison”
---
### Bible Reading
- John 21:20-22
Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”
- Exodus 20:17
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”
- Hebrews 12:1-2
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith…”
---
### Observation Questions
1. In John 21, what question does Peter ask Jesus about John, and how does Jesus respond?
[[09:14]]
2. According to Exodus 20:17, what kinds of things are we told not to covet? How does this command go beyond just material possessions?
[[16:25]]
3. In Hebrews 12:1-2, what are believers encouraged to focus on as they “run the race”?
[[33:14]]
4. The sermon described comparison as a “dry well.” What are some examples the pastor gave of how comparison leaves us spiritually thirsty?
[[03:20]]
---
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus answered Peter’s question about John with, “What is that to you? You follow me”? What does this reveal about how God wants us to view our own journey?
[[10:31]]
2. The sermon said that coveting goes beyond possessions to include talents, opportunities, and relationships. How does this broader definition of coveting affect the way we see ourselves and others?
[[16:25]]
3. The pastor mentioned that it’s often easier to mourn with those who mourn than to rejoice with those who rejoice. Why might celebrating others’ blessings be so difficult for us?
[[24:58]]
4. According to Hebrews 12, what is the danger of looking to the left or right instead of fixing our eyes on Jesus? How does this relate to the “race” imagery?
[[37:31]]
---
### Application Questions
1. The pastor shared a personal story about feeling envious after hearing about someone else’s financial success. Can you think of a recent time when you found yourself comparing your life to someone else’s? How did it affect your mood, your relationship with God, or your relationships with others?
[[38:34]]
2. Jesus’ words, “What is that to you? You follow me,” are a call to focus on our own walk with God. What is one area of your life where you need to stop looking at others and start following Jesus more closely?
[[10:31]]
3. The sermon said that when we covet, we’re telling God that what He’s given us isn’t enough. Is there something in your life right now that you’re struggling to accept or be grateful for? How can you bring this honestly to God?
[[16:25]]
4. The pastor talked about the freedom that comes from rejoicing with those who rejoice. Is there someone in your life who has recently experienced a blessing or success? How can you genuinely celebrate with them this week, even if it’s hard?
[[24:58]]
5. The “dry well” of comparison drains our energy and creativity. What is one practical step you can take this week to dig a “new well”—to seek refreshment from God instead of from comparison?
[[03:20]]
6. Hebrews 12 encourages us to “fix our eyes on Jesus.” What is one distraction or “weight” that keeps pulling your focus away from Him? What would it look like to lay that aside this week?
[[37:31]]
7. The pastor ended by inviting everyone to “stretch out their hands” to God, admitting their thirst. What would it look like for you to admit your spiritual thirst and reach out to God for living water this week?
[[41:55]]
---
Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite the group to pray, asking God to help each person let go of comparison, to find contentment in His unique plan for their life, and to fix their eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of their faith.
Devotional
Day 1: The Emptiness of Measuring Worth by Comparison
The impulse to compare ourselves with others is deeply rooted in human nature, yet it never quenches the thirst of the soul. When you look to others for validation or worth, it’s like drawing water from a dry well—no matter how much you draw, you remain parched. True satisfaction and spiritual refreshment come only from seeking God’s presence and recognizing the unique path He has for you. Instead of exhausting yourself by measuring your life against others, turn your heart toward the living water that only God can provide. Trust that He knows what you need and that His provision is sufficient for your journey. [03:20]
“Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife. A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”
— Proverbs 14:30 (ESV)
Reflection: When was the last time you felt spiritually drained by comparing yourself to someone else? What practical step can you take today to redirect your focus from others to God’s unique provision for your life?
Day 2: Embracing Your Unique Calling Without Distraction
Jesus’ response to Peter—“What is that to you? You follow me.”—is a powerful invitation to stop being distracted by what God is doing in someone else’s life. Your calling is not to replicate another’s journey but to faithfully follow where Jesus leads you. When you fix your eyes on your own path with God, you free yourself from the exhausting cycle of comparison and competition. This freedom allows you to trust God’s wisdom in orchestrating each person’s story, including your own, and to walk confidently in the purpose He has designed for you. [10:31]
“For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men. We are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are wise in Christ.”
— 1 Corinthians 4:9-10 (ESV)
Reflection: Identify one area where you have been distracted by what God is doing in someone else’s life. How can you intentionally refocus your energy on following Jesus in your own unique calling today?
Day 3: Coveting as a Barrier to Trusting God’s Goodness
Coveting is not just about desiring material possessions; it extends to talents, opportunities, relationships, and even spiritual experiences. When you covet, you are essentially questioning God’s goodness and provision for your life. This subtle accusation undermines your trust in Him and steals your contentment. Learning to celebrate others’ blessings without resentment is a sign of spiritual maturity and opens the door to deeper peace. By releasing covetous desires, you affirm that God’s gifts to you are enough and that His timing and plans are perfect. [16:25]
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”
— Romans 12:9-10 (ESV)
Reflection: What is one blessing or opportunity in someone else’s life that you have found difficult to celebrate? Can you ask God to help you rejoice genuinely with them and trust His provision for your own life?
Day 4: Cultivating Joy in Others’ Success
It is often easier to empathize with others in their pain than to celebrate their victories, especially when their success highlights your own perceived shortcomings. Yet, Christlike love calls you to rejoice with those who rejoice, breaking the cycle of envy and competition. When you learn to appreciate others’ achievements without comparison, your relationships deepen and your heart becomes more open to God’s love. This posture of genuine joy reflects spiritual freedom and invites God’s peace to flourish within you. [24:58]
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”
— Romans 12:15-16 (ESV)
Reflection: Think of someone whose success has been hard for you to celebrate. What is one practical way you can express genuine joy for them this week, reflecting Christ’s love in your heart?
Day 5: Fixing Your Gaze on Jesus Alone
The only healthy comparison is with Christ Himself, the author and perfecter of your faith. When you fix your eyes on Jesus, you find direction, purpose, and peace. Looking to the left or right only distracts and discourages you, but focusing on Him empowers you to run your unique race with endurance and joy. Your soul is nourished not by self-focus or comparison but by reaching out to God and receiving His living water. This daily act of surrender brings grace, clarity, and satisfaction that no worldly measure can provide. [37:31]
“Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
— Hebrews 12:2 (ESV)
Reflection: What distractions pull your gaze away from Jesus today? How can you practically “fix your eyes” on Him in your daily routine to find renewed strength and joy?
Quotes
But what he's saying is this, Peter, you're looking at what the relationship I have with John right now and how he's close to me, and you're worried about who's going to live longer? If I want him to live forever, what is that to you? This, my friends, sear this in your memory. This will serve you very well for the rest of your life. Witty. Witty. What is that to you? [00:10:56] (23 seconds)
If I'm going to have Peter be the rock of the church, if I'm going to have him do it, what is that to you? And God would say that to all of us. We look at other people we're competing with, who are getting ahead of us in business, who are getting ahead of us in our families, who have bodies that are better than ours, who have opportunities that are better than ours, who have parents that are better than ours, who have personalities that are better than ours, who have health that are better than ours. And we're going, why not me on that? Why do you have, why? God would say to us, hey, if I'm doing this in that person's life, what is that to you? That has nothing to do with you. That has to do with them and God, not you and them, them and God. [00:11:33] (42 seconds)
But just because we know we can and we're in this competition, if you want to be on a spiritual development track where you're getting moisture from God, where you're connecting with Him, where He's filling us with His hydration, with His Spirit, we have to stop sucking air out of a well that never gives life. [00:14:59] (22 seconds)
PlayStation is not even the best. That's still the best one. It was back when I was gaming about 80 years ago. Yeah. All right. Anyway, it lists a bunch of things. Hey, don't covet it. Don't covet it. And then Jesus comes along and He adds to it. Here's what He says in Luke 12, 15. And He said to them, take care and be on your guard against all covetousness. All covetousness. For one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. All. Emphasize all. Coveting isn't about just physical things like a car, a spouse, a house. You can covet somebody's knack with numbers. All things. [00:17:13] (44 seconds)
If God wanted to heal this person, what is that to you? I don't know. I don't know. It's good to ask the question, but I'm just saying, I'm trying to give us uppercuts and jabs to say, can you see this is everywhere with us? The amount of energy and the amount of love that we could give if we didn't have this constant comparisonitis going with somebody else would be really, really good. I spoke a number of times about where men are and how the suicide statistics and mental health and men are lonely, lonely, lonely. But is it any different with women? Really? The statistics aren't as bad with women. But you tell me I'm not a woman, don't plan on ever identifying as a woman. But you tell me, you tell me those you ladies that it's just as bad with women. And you tell me that women are around each other, but the competition with other women is very high, very fierce. [00:21:06] (51 seconds)
And I immediately went, that's awesome. Great for Jim. Now, why did I do it immediately? Because God has been grooming this out of me for years. I don't struggle with this the way I used to because I recognized I was getting nowhere. I needed to turn the corner. And it was so fun to see this little picture of him on his Instagram story and go, it's great for him. And truly celebrate him. The book of Romans chapter 12, 15 to 16 says this, Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. [00:23:52] (40 seconds)
We want just enough Jesus to fit into the cultural context that we're in just enough Jesus to not upset mom or not upset grandma, just enough. But man, when it gets tough, when it gets rough, when we're comparing ourselves to other people, for all of us who want to focus on Jesus, we cannot focus on Jesus because we're focusing on other people. [00:31:16] (21 seconds)
We're to look at Him. We're not to look at anybody else. Nobody else. We're not going to look at ourselves. We're supposed to look to Him. He's the author and perfecter of our faith. The more time we spend looking around here, what do you have, I don't have, what are you doing, how's that, or what about this? And the more we're doing this, we can't go. We can't finish our race. There's a race for you to run. [00:37:34] (25 seconds)
And I focus on him, on where I'm going, where I think he's taking. I focus on him and whatever he's doing in other people's lane. What is that to me? I only get frustrated. I only get angry. I only get bitter when I start looking to the left and to the right because I gave him my life. Friends, be one of those who actually gives your life. Doesn't talk, it actually gives it. Actually does what you think Jesus is asking you to do because he's at the end of your lane saying, come on. Come on. Come on. This way. [00:41:04] (35 seconds)
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