Finding Assurance: God's Love and Our Worth

Summary

### Summary

Today, we explored the deep and often unspoken question that many of us carry: "Am I loved?" This question can shape our emotions, thoughts, and actions, especially when it feels like the answer is "no." We delved into the story of Hagar from Genesis 16, a woman who felt unseen and unloved, and how her encounter with God transformed her understanding of love and worth. We also examined how unhealthy patterns of love—codependent, transactional, and wounded love—can emerge when we try to force a "yes" to our primal question. These patterns can lead us to neglect our own needs and even our relationship with God.

Paul's description of love in 1 Corinthians 13 serves as a beautiful but often unmet ideal. When our need for love is not fulfilled, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors and relationships. However, setting healthy boundaries, as Jesus did, can help us love others without losing ourselves. Boundaries are not barriers but tools to show others how to treat us, enabling us to maintain healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

We also learned that God sees, hears, and knows us intimately. This truth can free us from the need to seek validation from others and help us live confidently, knowing we are already loved by God. By embracing this primal truth, we can create environments where others also feel seen and heard, making a positive impact in our communities.

### Key Takeaways

1. The Primal Question of Love: Many of us carry the deep question, "Am I loved?" This question can drive our emotions, thoughts, and actions, especially when it feels like the answer is "no." Understanding this can help us recognize why we might fall into unhealthy patterns of seeking love. [42:49]

2. Unhealthy Patterns of Love: When we try to force a "yes" to our primal question, we may fall into codependent, transactional, or wounded love. These patterns can lead us to neglect our own needs and even our relationship with God. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healthier relationships. [45:55]

3. The Importance of Boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining fulfilling relationships. Boundaries are not barriers but tools to show others how to treat us. Jesus himself set boundaries to take care of his relationship with God and to love others without being overwhelmed. [53:46]

4. God Sees, Hears, and Knows Us: The story of Hagar teaches us that God sees, hears, and knows us intimately. This truth can free us from the need to seek validation from others and help us live confidently, knowing we are already loved by God. [57:13]

5. Living Out Our Primal Truth: Embracing the truth that God sees, hears, and knows us can transform our lives. It frees us to live confidently and to create environments where others also feel seen and heard. This can make a positive impact in our communities and help us live out the best version of ourselves. [01:02:31]

### YouTube Chapters

[0:00] - Welcome
[37:36] - Introduction to the Series
[39:13] - The Primal Question: Am I Loved?
[41:06] - Personal Story: Caleb's Need for Love
[42:49] - The Impact of Feeling Unloved
[44:30] - Paul's Description of Love
[45:55] - Unhealthy Patterns of Love
[48:59] - The Story of Hagar
[50:22] - Hagar's Dilemma
[52:06] - The Consequences of Unhealthy Love
[53:46] - The Importance of Boundaries
[56:01] - Jesus and Boundaries
[57:13] - God's Assurance to Hagar
[58:10] - God Sees, Hears, and Knows Us
[01:02:31] - Living Out Our Primal Truth
[01:06:00] - Closing Prayer

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. Genesis 16:1-4
2. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
3. Psalm 139:1-3

#### Observation Questions
1. In Genesis 16:1-4, what was Sarai's solution to her inability to bear children, and how did Abram respond?
2. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, what are the characteristics of love as described by Paul?
3. In Psalm 139:1-3, what does David say about God's knowledge of us?

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the story of Hagar in Genesis 16 illustrate the consequences of unhealthy patterns of love, such as codependent or transactional love? [48:59]
2. Why is it significant that Paul describes love as patient, kind, and not self-seeking in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? How does this contrast with the unhealthy love patterns mentioned in the sermon? [44:30]
3. What does it mean for our lives that God sees, hears, and knows us intimately, as described in Psalm 139:1-3 and illustrated in Hagar's story? [58:52]

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a time when you felt unseen or unloved. How did that experience shape your actions and relationships? How can recognizing God's intimate knowledge of you change your perspective? [42:49]
2. Identify any unhealthy patterns of love in your life, such as codependent, transactional, or wounded love. What steps can you take to set healthier boundaries in these relationships? [45:55]
3. How can you apply Paul's description of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to your daily interactions with family, friends, and coworkers? Be specific about one characteristic you want to focus on this week. [44:30]
4. Jesus set boundaries to maintain his relationship with God and to love others without being overwhelmed. What boundaries do you need to set in your life to ensure you are not neglecting your own needs or your relationship with God? [56:01]
5. Think of someone in your life who might be struggling with the question, "Am I loved?" How can you help them feel seen, heard, and valued this week? [01:04:52]
6. How can embracing the truth that God sees, hears, and knows you help you live more confidently and positively impact your community? [01:02:31]
7. What specific action can you take this week to remind yourself of your worth and love in God's eyes, especially when you feel the need for validation from others? [01:03:39]

Devotional

Day 1: The Primal Question of Love
Many of us carry the deep question, "Am I loved?" This question can drive our emotions, thoughts, and actions, especially when it feels like the answer is "no." Understanding this can help us recognize why we might fall into unhealthy patterns of seeking love. [42:49]

The question "Am I loved?" is a fundamental one that shapes our lives in profound ways. When we feel unloved, it can lead to a cascade of negative emotions and behaviors. We might find ourselves seeking validation in unhealthy ways, whether through relationships, achievements, or material possessions. This quest for love and acceptance can become all-consuming, leading us to neglect our own needs and even our relationship with God. Recognizing this primal question and its impact on our lives is the first step toward healing and wholeness.

Understanding that our need for love is a natural and God-given desire can help us approach it in a healthier way. Instead of seeking love from external sources, we can turn to God, who loves us unconditionally. By grounding ourselves in God's love, we can find the security and affirmation we need, freeing us from the endless pursuit of validation from others. This shift in perspective can transform our lives, helping us to live more authentically and joyfully.

1 John 4:18-19 (ESV): "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because he first loved us."

Reflection: Think about a time when you felt unloved or unworthy. How did it affect your actions and relationships? How can you remind yourself of God's unconditional love in those moments?

Day 2: Unhealthy Patterns of Love
When we try to force a "yes" to our primal question, we may fall into codependent, transactional, or wounded love. These patterns can lead us to neglect our own needs and even our relationship with God. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward healthier relationships. [45:55]

Unhealthy patterns of love often emerge when we are desperate to feel loved and accepted. Codependent love involves losing oneself in another person, often to the detriment of one's own well-being. Transactional love is based on the idea of giving to get something in return, reducing love to a mere exchange. Wounded love stems from past hurts and traumas, leading us to seek love in ways that are ultimately harmful. These patterns can create a cycle of dysfunction, affecting our relationships and our spiritual lives.

Recognizing these unhealthy patterns is crucial for breaking free from them. By identifying the ways in which we seek love that are not aligned with God's design, we can begin to make changes. This might involve setting boundaries, seeking counseling, or spending more time in prayer and reflection. As we work to heal these patterns, we can develop healthier, more fulfilling relationships that honor both ourselves and God.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV): "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Reflection: Identify one unhealthy pattern of love in your life. What steps can you take to address this pattern and move toward healthier relationships?

Day 3: The Importance of Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining fulfilling relationships. Boundaries are not barriers but tools to show others how to treat us. Jesus himself set boundaries to take care of his relationship with God and to love others without being overwhelmed. [53:46]

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, yet they are often misunderstood. Many people see boundaries as barriers that keep others out, but in reality, they are tools that help us define how we want to be treated. Boundaries allow us to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being, enabling us to love others more effectively. Jesus himself modeled the importance of boundaries by taking time to withdraw and pray, ensuring that he remained connected to God and could serve others without becoming overwhelmed.

Setting boundaries can be challenging, especially if we are used to putting others' needs before our own. However, it is a vital practice for maintaining our spiritual and emotional health. By clearly communicating our limits and expectations, we can create relationships that are respectful and nurturing. Boundaries also help us to prioritize our relationship with God, ensuring that we have the time and space to grow spiritually.

Mark 1:35 (ESV): "And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed."

Reflection: Reflect on an area of your life where you need to set a boundary. What steps can you take to establish this boundary, and how might it improve your relationships and spiritual health?

Day 4: God Sees, Hears, and Knows Us
The story of Hagar teaches us that God sees, hears, and knows us intimately. This truth can free us from the need to seek validation from others and help us live confidently, knowing we are already loved by God. [57:13]

Hagar's story in Genesis 16 is a powerful reminder that God sees, hears, and knows us intimately. Despite feeling abandoned and unloved, Hagar encountered God in a profound way. God assured her that He was aware of her struggles and that she was not alone. This encounter transformed Hagar's understanding of her worth and identity, showing her that she was deeply loved and valued by God.

This truth is just as relevant for us today. Knowing that God sees, hears, and knows us can free us from the need to seek validation from others. We can live confidently, secure in the knowledge that we are already loved by the Creator of the universe. This assurance can transform our lives, helping us to navigate challenges with grace and to extend love and compassion to others.

Psalm 139:1-4 (ESV): "O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether."

Reflection: How does knowing that God sees, hears, and knows you change the way you view yourself and your relationships? How can you remind yourself of this truth in your daily life?

Day 5: Living Out Our Primal Truth
Embracing the truth that God sees, hears, and knows us can transform our lives. It frees us to live confidently and to create environments where others also feel seen and heard. This can make a positive impact in our communities and help us live out the best version of ourselves. [01:02:31]

When we embrace the truth that God sees, hears, and knows us, it has the power to transform our lives. This foundational truth frees us from the need to seek validation from others, allowing us to live confidently and authentically. As we internalize God's love and acceptance, we become more secure in our identity and purpose. This security enables us to create environments where others also feel seen, heard, and valued.

Living out this primal truth can have a ripple effect in our communities. As we embody God's love and acceptance, we can make a positive impact on those around us. By creating spaces where people feel safe and valued, we can foster deeper connections and promote a sense of belonging. This, in turn, helps us to live out the best version of ourselves, reflecting God's love and grace to the world.

Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

Reflection: How can you create an environment where others feel seen and heard? What specific actions can you take this week to reflect God's love and acceptance to those around you?

Quotes

### Quotes for Outreach

1. "Raise your hand if you've ever felt unseen or like unheard. That's a lot of us. Thank God I'm not just preaching to myself. That's most of the room. For a while now, my 14-year-old Caleb, he's been coming to me and saying, Dad, show me love. And he will say, Dad, dame un besito. Which means, Dad, give me a kiss. And then, Dad, hug me. I need more love from you. Can you just hug me?" [39:13] (32 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "We all want to feel heard. We all want to feel important. We all want to feel appreciated. When somebody mentions our name, when somebody thinks about us and wants us in their team, we all want that. There's nothing, there's not a better feeling out there than feeling loved by people. But here's the kicker. Many times, this is not what we get. Many times, this is not what we experience in life." [44:30] (27 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "Boundaries might seem like barriers, but are the key to healthier, more freeing relationships. See, if you want to lose weight, you set boundaries on certain things that you don't want to do, you don't want to eat. And this is going to benefit you to become healthier. I am on track. I want to lose at least, believe it or not, at least 20 more pounds. And I have three weeks without sugar, burgers, or Coca-Cola." [54:52] (33 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "When you're tempted to keep people at a distance, remind yourself that healthy boundaries help you love fully. And maybe you're here, maybe you're online. Maybe you're thinking, you know what, this is easier said than done. I'm going to ask God to help me. But whatever happened to the slave? Whatever happened to Hagar? Did God come to the rescue? I mean, was her primal question ever answered again with a yes?" [57:13] (33 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "See, even though sometimes we feel as if nobody sees us, God sees us. God sees everything we do. He sees our hurts, our goals, our brokenness. He sees all of you. What else changed for Hagar? Genesis 16, 8 says this. The angel said to her, Hagar, Sarai's servant, where have you come from and where are you going? I'm running away from my mistress, Sarai, she replied. See, not only did God see Hagar, as she was huffing and puffing and running away at full speed. But she also understood that God took time to hear her in her hurts while she was hurting and running." [59:55] (54 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

### Quotes for Members

1. "And as we could probably relate to all seven of these primal questions, there's one at the core of our life. There's one apex question that drives our emotions, our impulses, our thoughts, our reactions. And when life is good, when people are good, and when our answer is answered with a yes, we sleep at night, and we're happy. God is good, and we are good with our family. But the problem comes when our primal question is answered with a no." [37:36] (32 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "If you grew up feeling unseen and unheard, then often the primal question that imprints on you is, am I loved? Am I loved? Do others see me? Do others know me? Do others feel connected to me? In fact, this is probably the primal question that's at the core of a lot of people's mind and life. And this is the internal message that drives our decisions, our triggers, our reactions. And this is especially true if you grew up in any sort of abuse, if you grew up in a home where you were ignored." [42:49] (42 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "When I am loved is your primal question, your impulses are to seek codependent love. And what this says is this, I will lose myself and your needs in order to feel needed by you. And maybe for you, this, the way you lose yourself plays out like maybe you're not getting enough sleep. Maybe you're not getting enough rest or enough downtime because you're so busy taking care of somebody else's responsibilities." [45:55] (26 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "When I am loved is your primal question, your impulses are to seek wounded love. And what this means is like, you know what, I'll take whatever love I can get, even though it hurts. Maybe for you this plays out as making excuses for your partners or your friends' hurtful comments, hoping that if you stay, things will eventually get better. Maybe it's overlooking frequent indifferences. Or how they make you feel undervalued. Because for you, any negative attention is better than no attention." [47:26] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "When you live out your primal truth, knowing that God sees you, that God hears you, that God knows you, something powerful happens. It frees you to live your life in confidence, knowing that no matter what happens, God already knows you. That God already loves you. It frees you to think that you are called to make a positive impact in your community. It frees you to create environments where others know as well that they are seen and heard." [01:03:39] (36 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

Chatbot

Transcript

What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?

Were there any personal stories shared?