To Fight or Not to Fight - Is That the Question?

Devotional

Day 1: Rocks as Reminders: Holding Conflict in Open Hands

A simple rock becomes a tangible prompt to acknowledge conflict’s presence. Whether placed by keys, a sink, or a remote, it invites us to pause and reflect instead of ignoring tensions. Conflict often leaves wounds—some we’ve caused, others we’ve received. Holding the rock mirrors holding our struggles before God, not to fix them immediately but to recognize their weight. This practice roots us in humility, creating space for grace to soften hardened hearts. [01:40]

“Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:5–7, ESV)

Reflection: Where could you place a physical reminder to pause and pray when conflict arises? How might acknowledging conflict’s presence shift your response to it?

Day 2: Breathing Through Conflict: Inhaling Peace, Exhaling Tension

Like breath, conflict and peace form a rhythm essential for life. Holding only tension (“inhaling”) poisons relationships, while avoiding conflict (“exhaling”) stifles growth. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict but to move through it with intention. Just as lungs exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen, healthy communities exchange pride for humility. This cycle, though uncomfortable, sustains spiritual vitality. [07:12]

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens… a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak.”
(Ecclesiastes 3:1,7, NIV)

Reflection: When have you avoided conflict to keep false peace? What step could you take to “exhale” tension in a relationship this week?

Day 3: Growing Hearts Three Sizes: Hospitality in the Midst of Disagreement

Hospitality isn’t just sharing meals—it’s making space for those who unsettle us. Like the Grinch’s expanding heart, God stretches our capacity to welcome others without demanding they change. Paul urges the Romans to “welcome” disputing believers, not to debate but to dignify. True hospitality disarms division, turning opponents into fellow travelers. [31:58]

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
(Romans 15:7, NIV)

Reflection: Who feels “unsafe” to engage right now? How could you extend Christlike hospitality without requiring agreement?

Day 4: Judging vs. Despising: The Twin Traps of Polarized Hearts

Paul warns traditionalists against judgment and progressives against contempt. Both sins assume superiority, severing connection. Judgment says, “You’re wrong,” while contempt whispers, “You’re worthless.” Neither reflects Christ, who dined with Pharisees and tax collectors. Confronting our inner critic or inner cynic opens doors to grace. [33:32]

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
(Matthew 7:1–2, NIV)

Reflection: Which trap do you lean toward—judging others’ choices or despising their views? How might confessing this to Jesus soften your heart?

Day 5: Truthing in Love: Witness Beyond Winning Arguments

“Truthing” (Ephesians 4:15) isn’t proving points but living authentically. It’s speaking with care, listening with curiosity, and embodying Christ’s love even in disagreement. Paul shifts the Roman church’s focus from dietary rules to “righteousness, peace, and joy.” When conflict becomes witness, we trade scoring points for reflecting Jesus. [18:02]

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
(Ephesians 4:15, NIV)

Reflection: Where do you prioritize being right over being loving? How could “truthing in love” deepen your relationships this week?

Sermon Summary

Conflict is just part of life, even in church, and the rock becomes a plain reminder that conflict can hurt, can fester, and can separate people. Conflict is not something most people like. It can tighten the stomach, tense the hands, and make the mouth go quiet. But conflict that never gets practiced can become worse when it finally breaks out, because people who believe they should never fight often do a terrible job when fighting happens.

The call to see conflict as an opportunity for spiritual growth changes the whole frame. Conflict does not have to be mainly about winning, losing, or making somebody else think differently. Conflict can become a place where Jesus grows a person up. The question shifts from, “How can this other person change?” to, “How can Christ use this to change the heart?”

The polarity of conflict and no conflict helps name the truth on both sides. Conflict has downsides, because people get hurt, poison spreads, and separation happens. No conflict has real gifts, like peace, cooperation, fellowship, and getting things done. But no conflict also has its own downside, because silence can hide anger, resolution never comes, apathy grows, and people do not really know each other.

Paul’s words in Ephesians 4 give a picture of people tossed around by wind and waves. Christ calls the body to grow up by “truthing in love,” not merely by saying correct things. Truthing in love is more than speech, because silence can be nasty too. The Spirit’s word in conflict may sometimes sound like, “Grow up.”

Romans 14 brings that growth into a real church fight about food, holy days, and identity. Paul does not start by solving the issue. Paul starts with welcome. The word has the feel of receiving a gift, of hospitality, of making space for people who are not comfortable and do not agree.

Paul also warns both sides about their particular sins. The traditional-minded can become judgy. The more progressive or liberal can despise. God has welcomed the other person, and each servant stands before the Lord, not before another Christian’s control.

The kingdom of God is not food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. Conflict can help people know why they believe what they believe, witness more honestly, and love with more courage. The question is not really whether to fight or not to fight. The question is whether conflict will grow the church in agreeing, disagreeing, and loving, or leave it stuck where it has been.

##

Key Takeaways

1. Conflict can grow the heart Conflict does not have to stay trapped in the old pattern of winning and losing. The Colossian Forum’s counsel reframes conflict as a place where Jesus can work on the person inside the disagreement. That shift does not make conflict easy, but it does make it spiritually useful. [05:55]
2. No conflict has hidden costs Peaceful silence can look holy while anger sits underneath the table. A group can avoid open disagreement and still become poisoned by distance, apathy, and things never resolved. Honest conflict may sometimes be the healthier breath that keeps the body alive. [11:14]
3. Truthing in love grows maturity Paul’s phrase is more than saying true words with a nice tone. “Truthing in love” reaches into the heart, because silence, distance, and body language can also do harm. Christ grows the body up when truth and love stay tied together instead of being pulled apart. [17:30]
4. Welcome comes before winning Romans 14 begins with receiving the other person, not fixing the argument. Hospitality matters because uncomfortable people naturally drift toward distance, familiar friends, and safe corners. Paul’s call to welcome interrupts that drift and makes room for Christ to work. [27:26]
5. Judgment and contempt both wound Paul names different dangers on different sides of the conflict. Traditional-minded people may become judgy, while more progressive people may despise those they think are backward. Both responses forget that God has already welcomed the other servant.

## [33:07]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:44] - Who Likes Conflict?
[01:40] - Rocks As Conflict Reminders
[03:04] - Why Conflict Feels Hard
[05:08] - Conflict As Spiritual Growth
[06:41] - The Polarity Of Conflict
[08:06] - Downsides And Gifts Of Conflict
[14:15] - Conflict Throughout Scripture
[15:57] - Truthing In Love
[18:24] - Romans 14 And A Hard Passage
[25:15] - Paul Begins With Welcome
[32:19] - Judgment, Despising, And God’s Welcome
[35:19] - Knowing Why Belief Matters
[36:47] - Joy, Witness, And Honest Conflict
[38:32] - The Real Question About Fighting

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Romans 14:1-23
“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. The one who observes the day, observes it in honor of the Lord. The one who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God, while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God. For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; for it is written, 'As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.' So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding. Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” [18:24]

Observation questions

In Romans 14, what are the actual issues the church is arguing about, and what kinds of behaviors does Paul forbid in the middle of that disagreement?
What words or phrases in Romans 14 show that Paul begins with welcome before he begins with correction? [25:15]
What two different sins does Paul name on the two sides of the conflict: for the one who abstains and for the one who eats? [32:19]
What were some of the hidden downsides of “no conflict” that became visible when the group thought about it carefully? [11:14]

Interpretation questions

Paul tells the church to welcome one another, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions. What does that suggest about the difference between making room for a person and trying to control a person? [27:26]
Paul does not solve the food-and-days dispute right away. Why might that matter? What could it mean that some conflicts become a place for spiritual growth even before they become a place of agreement? [25:36]
Paul warns one side against judgment and the other against contempt. Why do those two sins often show up differently in different kinds of people, and how do both forget that God has already welcomed the other person? [33:07]
Paul says the kingdom of God is not food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. How does that help a church tell the difference between an important conviction and making too much of a secondary issue? [36:47]

Application questions

Conflict often reveals what is going on in the heart. In a recent disagreement, was the deeper desire mainly to win, to be understood, to avoid discomfort, or to let Christ do some growing in the heart? [05:55]
Peaceful silence can sometimes hide anger, distance, or apathy. Is there a relationship, ministry setting, or family pattern where “no conflict” has actually meant “nothing is really getting resolved”? [11:14]
Truthing in love is more than saying correct words with a calm tone. When conflict comes, is the greater temptation to speak harshly, to go quiet, to pull away, or to communicate contempt without words? [17:30]
God’s welcome comes before winning. Who is one person that feels hard to welcome right now because of disagreement, discomfort, or history? What would hospitality toward that person actually look like this week? [27:26]
Some people are more tempted to be judgy, and others are more tempted to despise. Which of those feels closer to home, and how does it usually show up in conversations, attitudes, or body language? [33:07]
Conflict can clarify why a person believes what they believe. Is there an issue where the group member knows they have strong opinions but would struggle to explain them clearly, patiently, and in a way that honors the Lord? [35:19]
The real question is not whether people will fight, but whether they will grow in agreeing, disagreeing, and loving. What would growth look like in the next conflict rather than staying stuck in the same old pattern? [38:32]

Sermon Clips

55s

#GrowThroughConflict

“``To fight or not to fight? Is that the question? That was the title today of my sermon. And I think the answer is no. That is not the question because we will fight. The question is, when we fight, will we grow in our ability to agree and disagree and love? Will we grow in our ability to love others, to truth in love, will we stay stuck where we have been? I think that's the question.”

64s

#TruthingInLove

“I've I I really like that. And Ron mentioned last week that that it's speaking the truth is in in the original language is just one word in, and it's truthing. Truthing in love. And I happen to be one of those people that love that word. I because because truething in love then is more than what we say. Right? Because we can be silent and be pretty nasty. has more to do with our heart, not just what we say. So truthing in love, truthing in love, we grow up. Did anybody tell you, oh, just grow up? Sometimes, I think the spirit says to us, grow up. Grow up. conflict is one of those ways that I think that message comes to us.”

79s

#HumilityOverJudgment

“here he's telling the the traditional minded Jews, he he's who who who want the strong food laws, and then the strong people who don't think you need food laws or special days anymore, he's warning them about how they treat each other. And I think he named something that's really interesting is that that traditionally minded people, the sin of traditionally minded people is judgment, being judgy. The the sin of people who are more progressive or liberal is despising people. So regardless of where we fall on that continuum, we have a particular vulnerability to being nasty, either jet being judgy or despising. And by naming this puff, I think says, hey, watch out. You have the ability to be unlike Christ.”

62s

#LeanIntoConflict

“I love the image that Paul uses. It's like, it reminds me of Jesus being in a boat on the lake when the storm when the winds come up. Right? Being tossed to and fro by the waves and the wind. So Paul is painting that picture of of not of being unmoored, of not having a solid foundation to stand on. And he said and I am I am not a a sailor or or anybody who navigates on the water, but my understanding is that when a storm comes up, you don't wanna try to go around it, and you don't wanna try and run away from it. You wanna head into it so that you're not capsized. Is that right? Anybody any sailors here? That's my understanding. And Paul says, the way to lean into conflict is to speak the truth in love.”

Ask a question about this sermon

New Paris COB This sermon · AI assistant

When is disagreement spiritually beneficial rather than harmful?

What does speaking the truth in love involve?

How should Christians welcome those with differing convictions?

To Fight or Not to Fight - Is That the Question? | Sermon by Pastor Dan Miller