Father Wounds Pt. 3 | 5:00am

Devotional

Day 1: When Fathers Hurl Spears, Sons Find Refuge

The weight of betrayal cuts deepest when it comes from those meant to protect. Jonathan’s story reveals how even a king’s son faced violence from his father, yet chose to align with God’s purpose over Saul’s rage. Wounds from parental figures leave scars, but they also create space to discover God as the safe harbor no earthly relationship can replicate. Healing begins when we stop expecting broken people to bear divine burdens. [27:17]

“If my best friend, the one I trusted, the one who shared my bread, has kicked me in the teeth, I’d have to pray about that. But I’d also pray for him.” (Psalm 55:12-14, The Message)

Reflection: Where have you entrusted your deepest needs to someone incapable of carrying them? How might shifting that weight to God free both you and them?

Day 2: Piling Troubles on Shoulders Too Small

People-pleasing drains joy and breeds resentment. David’s raw honesty in Psalm 55 exposes the exhaustion of performing for others’ approval. Like overloading a canoe, we sink when we demand people stabilize our worth. God’s shoulders alone can bear the weight of our need for security. His affirmation outlasts every human opinion. [31:35]

“The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that.” (Proverbs 29:25, The Message)

Reflection: What mask have you worn this week to avoid disapproval? What truth about how God sees you could replace that performance?

Day 3: Burying Zombies of the Old Self

Paul’s call to “bury the sucker” confronts our tendency to dig up dead identities. Like Moses’ recurring self-doubt, we often resurrect past wounds instead of walking in resurrection life. Baptism symbolizes drowning the old self—not preserving it as a museum exhibit. Freedom comes when we stop tending graves and start embracing adoption. [38:04]

“This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’” (Romans 8:15-16, The Message)

Reflection: What “zombie” from your past keeps clawing back? What practical step could help you stop feeding it?

Day 4: Abba’s Voice Over Father Wounds

Earthly fathers distort our lens for God until we hear Him say “Papa” himself. Saul’s abuse couldn’t stop Jonathan from partnering with David—God’s chosen. Our healing hinges on letting the Spirit rewrite our inner narrative, replacing the critic’s tape with Abba’s affirming whisper. Security blooms when we trust His parenting over our projections. [39:52]

“This resurrection life we received from God is not a timid grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’” (Romans 8:15-16, The Message)

Reflection: When has a negative human relationship colored your view of God? How might His “Papa” identity reshape that story?

Day 5: Living from Approval, Not For It

Chasing significance through achievements or applause is like drinking saltwater. Solomon’s “snare” and Paul’s “old life” warn against outsourcing our worth. David found freedom not in defeating Goliath but in tending sheep—unseen yet fully known. True security rests in being the child God already calls “enough.” [43:05]

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (1 John 3:1, NIV)

Reflection: Where do you still hustle for worthiness? What would it look like today to receive love as a settled fact, not a reward?

Sermon Summary

Today’s focus names a root that keeps leaking into a hundred symptoms: father wounds. Research ties father absence and emotional unavailability to lower self-esteem, hostility, externalizing behavior, and disrupted attachment, which then surface as low self-worth, anger, overcommitment, workaholism, manipulation, control, and narcissism. The deep ache behind the noise is what Larry Crabb called the twin longings of every human heart: security and significance. When those longings get aimed at people, the result is exhaustion and quiet resentment. When those longings get aimed at God, the result is rest and a true self that does not need the room to clap in order to stand.

Saul and Jonathan show how a father’s fury can crack a son’s soul. Saul hurls a spear at his own son and weaponizes shame because power has replaced humility and control has replaced trust. That story exposes a wound that often breeds people-pleasing and duplicity, the sort of “say it here, change it there” life that finally betrays both self and friend. David names the sting of betrayal and then sends the heart in the right direction with a simple line: “Pile your troubles on God’s shoulders; he’ll carry your load.” People were never built to shoulder those longings. God was.

Solomon calls the fear of man a snare. That trap keeps shrinking a life down to the size of other people’s opinions: father, boss, spouse, friends, followers. Trust in the Lord keeps a person safe, not insulated from pain but anchored from being defined by it. Paul then turns the key in Romans 8. The old do‑it‑yourself life is owed “not one red cent.” The right move is a burial, not a museum. Resurrection life is not grave‑tending; it is “adventurously expectant,” greeting God with, “What’s next, Papa.” As the Spirit touches the spirit, identity lands: he is Father, and in Christ, they are children.

The healing path runs this way. The contrast is clear: don’t live for the approval of man, live from the approval of God. The first step is honest diagnosis: name the recurring symptom and trace it to the root. The second is intentionality: invite wise eyes into the blind spots. The third and great step is movement toward the Father, not away from him. Earthly fathers are never the lens for seeing the heavenly Father. The perfect Father is the One who carries the weight, confirms the name, and teaches the heart to stop performing and start living.

Key Takeaways

1. Security and significance drive behavior [23:23] These twin longings do not disappear by ignoring them; they either rule from the shadows or get re‑anchored in God. A heart that chases security from people becomes defensive and controlling. A heart that demands significance from applause becomes restless and hollow. Rest begins when those needs are piled onto God’s shoulders, not handed to fragile ones. [23:23]
2. People-pleasing becomes a quiet betrayal [30:14] Saying yes to every face eventually means saying no to integrity. The split self cannot hold; it leaks as resentment and ends as betrayal, even of the very friends most cherished. Freedom starts when the center shifts from approval‑seeking to truth‑keeping under God’s gaze. [30:14]
3. Cast burdens where they can hold [31:09] People were never designed to carry another’s deepest need for security or significance. Loading those weights onto a spouse, leader, or community fractures both parties. God alone has shoulders broad enough, and giving him the weight restores relationships to their proper size. [31:09]
4. Bury the old do-it-yourself life [36:49] The gospel does not curate the old self; it inters it. Paul’s “not one red cent” invites a decisive break with performing, manipulating, and self‑saving. Resurrection life refuses grave‑tending and learns to ask the Father with expectancy, “What’s next, Papa.” [36:49]
5. Live from the Father’s settled approval [43:05] The fear of man is a snare because it makes identity negotiable. Abba’s voice, confirmed by the Spirit, makes identity non‑negotiable: loved, chosen, secure. From that place, obedience stops auditioning and becomes steady, joyful, and whole. [43:05]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[21:06] - Father Wounds series conclusion
[22:10] - Why father wounds run deep
[23:23] - Security and significance named
[24:33] - Symptoms that surface
[25:54] - Saul hurls a spear at Jonathan
[31:09] - Cast burdens onto God
[35:12] - Fear of man becomes a snare
[36:49] - Give the old life a burial
[39:34] - Abba Father and new identity
[43:05] - Live from God’s approval
[45:07] - Identify and trace the root
[46:53] - Run to the Father in faith
[54:33] - Invitation to begin with Jesus

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
1 Samuel 20:30-33 (ESV)
Then Saul’s anger was kindled against Jonathan, and he said to him, “You son of a perverse, rebellious woman, do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse lives on the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Therefore send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die.” Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him.

Psalm 55:22 (ESV)
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

Romans 8:15-17 (ESV)
For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Observation questions

In 1 Samuel 20:30-33, what specific actions did Saul take toward his son Jonathan, and how did Jonathan respond?
According to the sermon, what are the two “twin longings” that drive human behavior, and how do they manifest when misplaced? [23:23]
What does Psalm 55:22 instruct us to do with our burdens, and how does the sermon contrast this with placing them on people? [31:09]
Romans 8:15-17 describes a shift in identity. What new relationship does it emphasize, and how does this replace fear?

Interpretation questions

Why might Saul’s violent reaction toward Jonathan (1 Samuel 20:33) create lasting wounds, and how could this mirror the impact of unhealthy father-child relationships today?
The sermon warns that people-pleasing leads to “quiet betrayal” and resentment. [30:14] Why does trying to please everyone ultimately fracture relationships and integrity?
Proverbs 29:25 says the fear of man is a snare. How does living for others’ approval shrink a person’s life, and what makes trusting God a safer alternative? [35:12]
Romans 8:15-17 calls believers to live as “adventurously expectant” children of God. What does it look like practically to stop “grave-tending” the old self and embrace this new identity? [36:49]

Application questions

What recurring symptom in your life (e.g., overcommitment, anger, people-pleasing) might trace back to a deeper need for security or significance? How could you intentionally “pile this burden” on God instead? [23:23]
When have you felt the exhaustion of trying to meet someone else’s expectations (a parent, boss, or friend)? What step could you take this week to shift your focus to God’s approval instead? [43:05]
Identify one relationship where you’ve placed unfair expectations on someone to fulfill your need for security or significance. How might you release that pressure and trust God to carry it? [32:12]
The sermon says, “Don’t live for the approval of man; live from the approval of God.” What daily habit or reminder could help you internalize this truth when faced with criticism or praise?
If “burying the old self” means letting go of performance-based worth, what specific lie about your identity do you need to replace with the truth of being God’s child? [39:34]
Who could you invite to help you identify blind spots in areas where fear of others’ opinions still controls you? [46:01]

Sermon Clips

37s

“Paul says, hey. You don't owe that old life. 1 red cent. There's nothing in it for us. Nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial. talked about this last week. We baptized 17 people and talked about how baptism is is the burial. But sometimes, you have the burial of the old self. Sometimes you just need to bury. Because it says, come on. When you become born again, what happens? You give your life to Jesus. It says the old life passes away.”

53s

“So don't let it hang around like some sort of zombie chasing after you. Come on. Bury the sucker. Let go of it. Come on. Give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go. Oh, man. When we enter into relationship with God, everything should change. The old do it your life, old do it yourself life is dead. But notice, some of us, according to Paul, like to hang on to it.”

46s

“The truth is is people pleasing is exhausting. It's exhausting, and it causes us to lose our authentic identity. It it builds quiet resentment when we keep shrinking ourselves for others' approval. And, again, look at look at what David says here. Again, pile all of your troubles on God's shoulders because the truth is the truth is is that piling your troubles on on other people's shoulders is not fair. And and secondly, they weren't meant to carry all your troubles, and you weren't meant to carry all of theirs.”

38s

“And we think, well, that's what they're supposed to do. They're supposed to provide that for us. But the truth is is is they don't have the shoulders to be able to carry all of your security. There's only one who can do that. And if you receive that from god, guess what? You can receive the security they can carry from them. That's right. Right? The same thing with significance. Pile all of your need for significance on him because he's got good plans. That's what we were saying. He's got good plans for you. Pile all of that on him.”

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Father Wounds Pt. 3 | 5:00am | Live Experience