Facing Conflict: The Path to True Reconciliation
Summary
In our journey through life, relationships are central, yet they often come with challenges, particularly in the realm of conflict. Today, we explored the necessity of addressing conflicts head-on, rather than avoiding them. Many of us have been conditioned to dodge issues, hoping they will resolve themselves over time. However, time alone does not heal wounds; it often exacerbates them. Ignoring conflicts can lead to resentment and bitterness, robbing us of joy and peace. The key to resolving conflict is to face it directly, which requires courage and intentionality.
Fear is a significant barrier to conflict resolution. It is not the conflict itself that we fear, but the emotions and vulnerability it brings. This fear can make us defensive, distant, and demanding, hindering deep connections with those we love. True intimacy, soul-to-soul connection, is often avoided due to the fear of rejection or misunderstanding. Yet, courage to face these fears comes from God. As 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline. When filled with God's love, we find the courage to overcome fear and address conflicts.
Taking the initiative in conflict resolution is crucial. Jesus teaches us in Matthew 5:23-24 that reconciliation should take precedence over worship. If we know someone has something against us, we should seek to reconcile before offering our gifts to God. This principle emphasizes the importance of taking the first step, regardless of who is at fault. Planning a meeting to address the conflict involves choosing the right time and place, praying for guidance, and approaching the situation with a positive attitude.
Ultimately, resolving conflicts is more rewarding than dissolving relationships. While it may not be easier, it leads to personal growth, joy, and rewards in heaven. To achieve peace with others, we must first find peace with God. Jesus Christ, the mediator, reconciles us with God, enabling us to extend peace to others. By accepting His peace and forgiveness, we become peacemakers, blessed as children of God.
Key Takeaways:
- Time Does Not Heal All Wounds: Ignoring conflicts can lead to resentment and bitterness, robbing us of joy and peace. It is essential to face conflicts directly to prevent them from festering and causing long-term damage. [10:17]
- Fear of Vulnerability: The fear of conflict often stems from the fear of being exposed and vulnerable. This fear can make us defensive, distant, and demanding, hindering deep connections with those we love. [13:35]
- Courage from God: True courage to face conflicts comes from God. By being filled with God's love, we can overcome fear and address conflicts with power, love, and self-discipline. [16:20]
- Initiative in Reconciliation: Taking the initiative in conflict resolution is crucial. Jesus teaches that reconciliation should take precedence over worship, emphasizing the importance of taking the first step. [19:12]
- Peace with God First: To achieve peace with others, we must first find peace with God. Jesus Christ, the mediator, reconciles us with God, enabling us to extend peace to others. [25:12]
Youtube Chapters:
[00:00] - Welcome
[08:50] - The Artful Dodger
[09:48] - Time Heals Nothing
[10:17] - Ignoring Conflict
[11:24] - Fear of Conflict
[12:30] - Adam and Eve's Fear
[13:35] - Fear of Vulnerability
[14:34] - Soul Intimacy
[16:20] - Courage from God
[18:24] - Taking Initiative
[19:12] - Reconciliation Over Worship
[21:08] - Setting Up a Meeting
[23:33] - Rewards of Resolution
[25:12] - Peace with God
[26:54] - Prayer for Peace
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide
Bible Reading:
1. 2 Timothy 1:7 - "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
2. Matthew 5:23-24 - "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."
3. Genesis 3:10 - "He answered, 'I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.'"
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Observation Questions:
1. According to 2 Timothy 1:7, what has God given us instead of a spirit of fear? How does this relate to facing conflicts? [16:20]
2. In Matthew 5:23-24, what does Jesus prioritize over worship, and why is this significant in the context of conflict resolution? [19:12]
3. How does Genesis 3:10 illustrate the human tendency to hide from conflict, and what does this reveal about vulnerability? [13:04]
4. What are the three problems that fear of conflict creates in relationships, as mentioned in the sermon? [13:35]
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Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the spirit of power, love, and self-discipline from 2 Timothy 1:7 empower individuals to address conflicts in their lives? [16:20]
2. Why might Jesus emphasize reconciliation over worship in Matthew 5:23-24, and how does this reflect the importance of relationships in spiritual life? [19:12]
3. In what ways does the fear of being exposed, as seen in Genesis 3:10, affect modern relationships and the ability to resolve conflicts? [13:04]
4. How does the sermon suggest that unresolved conflicts can impact one's spiritual and emotional well-being over time? [10:17]
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Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a current conflict in your life. What steps can you take to face it directly, and how might 2 Timothy 1:7 guide you in this process? [16:20]
2. Consider a relationship where reconciliation is needed. How can you prioritize this reconciliation, as Jesus instructs in Matthew 5:23-24, and what practical steps will you take this week? [19:12]
3. Identify a fear that holds you back from addressing conflicts. How can you seek God's love to overcome this fear and move towards resolution? [17:31]
4. Think about a time when you avoided a conflict. What were the consequences, and how might facing it have changed the outcome? [10:17]
5. How can you create a safe environment for open and honest communication in your relationships, considering the fear of vulnerability discussed in the sermon? [13:35]
6. What practical actions can you take to ensure that you are not defensive, distant, or demanding in your relationships? [13:50]
7. How can you incorporate prayer into your conflict resolution process, and what specific prayers might you use to seek guidance and courage? [22:46]
Devotional
Day 1: Time Alone Does Not Heal Wounds
Ignoring conflicts can lead to deep-seated resentment and bitterness, robbing individuals of joy and peace. Many people are conditioned to avoid addressing issues, hoping they will resolve themselves over time. However, time alone does not heal wounds; it often exacerbates them. When conflicts are ignored, they can fester and cause long-term damage to relationships. It is essential to face conflicts directly and with intentionality to prevent them from becoming more significant issues. By addressing conflicts head-on, individuals can work towards healing and restoration, fostering healthier and more fulfilling relationships. [10:17]
Proverbs 17:14 (ESV): "The beginning of strife is like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out."
Reflection: Think of a conflict you have been avoiding. What steps can you take today to address it directly and begin the healing process?
Day 2: Vulnerability is the Root of Conflict Fear
The fear of conflict often stems from the fear of being exposed and vulnerable. This fear can make individuals defensive, distant, and demanding, hindering deep connections with those they love. True intimacy, a soul-to-soul connection, is often avoided due to the fear of rejection or misunderstanding. However, vulnerability is a crucial component of meaningful relationships. By embracing vulnerability, individuals can foster deeper connections and overcome the barriers that fear creates. Recognizing and addressing the fear of vulnerability can lead to more authentic and fulfilling relationships. [13:35]
1 John 4:18 (ESV): "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
Reflection: Consider a relationship where fear of vulnerability is present. How can you take a step towards embracing vulnerability in that relationship today?
Day 3: Courage to Face Conflicts Comes from God
True courage to face conflicts comes from God. By being filled with God's love, individuals can overcome fear and address conflicts with power, love, and self-discipline. Fear is a significant barrier to conflict resolution, but it is not the conflict itself that is feared; it is the emotions and vulnerability it brings. God's love provides the strength and courage needed to face these fears and address conflicts directly. As 2 Timothy 1:7 reminds us, God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline. [16:20]
Joshua 1:9 (ESV): "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
Reflection: In what area of your life do you need God's courage to address a conflict? How can you invite His presence into that situation today?
Day 4: Reconciliation Takes Precedence Over Worship
Taking the initiative in conflict resolution is crucial. Jesus teaches that reconciliation should take precedence over worship, emphasizing the importance of taking the first step. If someone has something against you, it is essential to seek reconciliation before offering gifts to God. This principle highlights the significance of addressing conflicts and prioritizing relationships. By taking the initiative to reconcile, individuals can foster peace and harmony in their relationships, aligning with God's desire for unity and love among His people. [19:12]
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV): "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift."
Reflection: Is there someone you need to reconcile with before you continue in worship? What steps can you take today to initiate that reconciliation?
Day 5: Peace with God Enables Peace with Others
To achieve peace with others, individuals must first find peace with God. Jesus Christ, the mediator, reconciles humanity with God, enabling them to extend peace to others. By accepting His peace and forgiveness, individuals become peacemakers, blessed as children of God. This peace with God provides the foundation for extending grace and forgiveness to others, fostering harmonious and loving relationships. By prioritizing peace with God, individuals can cultivate a spirit of reconciliation and unity in their interactions with others. [25:12]
Colossians 3:15 (ESV): "And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful."
Reflection: How can you deepen your peace with God today? In what ways can this peace empower you to be a peacemaker in your relationships?
Quotes
Friends, when I first married Kay, I was terrible at this, terrible at this. There was a player in the movie and in the play and in the book Oliver Twist, and his name is The Artful Dodger. That was me. That position was based on me. I knew how Kay would come at me with an issue, and I'd dodge it. [00:09:04]
Time heals nothing. I mean, if time healed everything, you could go to the doctor and just sit in the waiting room, and you'd be healed. Okay, you wouldn't even need to see the doctor. You just—time heals everything. Time heals—actually, time makes things worse. When you got an open wound, you don't deal with it, it festers. [00:09:46]
The fear of conflict is really the fear of being exposed, the fear of your emotions. It's the fear of being vulnerable. And when I have the fear of dealing with emotions, then this fear creates three problems in my relationship. It makes me defensive, it makes me distant, and it makes me demanding. [00:13:32]
Where do you find the courage to face it? You get it from God. The Bible says here on the screen, 2 Timothy 1:7, God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power and love and self-discipline. That means if I let God's spirit fill my life, I'm going to be filled not with fear and timidity. [00:16:18]
Jesus talks about this in The Sermon on the Mount and in Matthew 5, verse 22 and 23, he teaches this principle of take the initiative. It's the first key to conflict management. He says, in Matthew 5:23, if you're standing before the altar in the temple—now, what's he talking about here? You're at worship. [00:18:49]
God says reconciliation takes priority over worship. Wow. Some of you shouldn't be here. Reconciliation takes priority over worship. He says, you know, you like to worship, you like to come and sing, you like to hear God's word, you like to learn the principles of life. Good. But he says there's something more important than that. [00:19:57]
It's always more rewarding to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship. It's always more rewarding to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship. Now, it's not easier, but it's more rewarding. There are people in your life you want to just wash your hands of and walk away, say forget it, it's not worth it. [00:23:47]
You can't make peace with other people till you've made peace with God. And maybe that's part of the problem, is you're not at peace with yourself because you're not at peace with God. First, you got to make peace with God, then you get the peace of God, then you have peace on Earth, goodwill toward men. [00:24:46]
There is only one God and one mediator—that's the reconciler—who can reconcile God and people, who can bring us together. He's a bridge builder. He is Jesus Christ, and that's the starting point. First, you need to get peace in your heart, God getting the Prince of Peace inside you. [00:25:07]
God, you know the conflict in my life. You know the conflict with people, and you know the conflict with you, and you know the conflict with myself. And I'm tired of it, and I want to make peace. I want to make peace with you and have peace, your peace in my life, so that I can offer peace to others. [00:25:36]
I want to be a child of God, so Jesus Christ, I accept your peace today. I accept your forgiveness. I want to be your child. I want to be a peacemaker. I open my life to you as best I know how. Fill my life with love, not anger, with patience, with joy, with peace. [00:26:31]
Help me to be a bridge builder, not a wall builder. And then pray this: Dear God, help me to take the initiative, to not wait on that other person, but help me to take the initiative, find the right time and the right place. [00:26:41]
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