Facing Conflict: The Path to True Reconciliation

Friends, when I first married Kay, I was terrible at this, terrible at this. There was a player in the movie and in the play and in the book Oliver Twist, and his name is The Artful Dodger. That was me. That position was based on me. I knew how Kay would come at me with an issue, and I'd dodge it. [00:09:04]

Time heals nothing. I mean, if time healed everything, you could go to the doctor and just sit in the waiting room, and you'd be healed. Okay, you wouldn't even need to see the doctor. You just—time heals everything. Time heals—actually, time makes things worse. When you got an open wound, you don't deal with it, it festers. [00:09:46]

The fear of conflict is really the fear of being exposed, the fear of your emotions. It's the fear of being vulnerable. And when I have the fear of dealing with emotions, then this fear creates three problems in my relationship. It makes me defensive, it makes me distant, and it makes me demanding. [00:13:32]

Where do you find the courage to face it? You get it from God. The Bible says here on the screen, 2 Timothy 1:7, God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power and love and self-discipline. That means if I let God's spirit fill my life, I'm going to be filled not with fear and timidity. [00:16:18]

Jesus talks about this in The Sermon on the Mount and in Matthew 5, verse 22 and 23, he teaches this principle of take the initiative. It's the first key to conflict management. He says, in Matthew 5:23, if you're standing before the altar in the temple—now, what's he talking about here? You're at worship. [00:18:49]

God says reconciliation takes priority over worship. Wow. Some of you shouldn't be here. Reconciliation takes priority over worship. He says, you know, you like to worship, you like to come and sing, you like to hear God's word, you like to learn the principles of life. Good. But he says there's something more important than that. [00:19:57]

It's always more rewarding to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship. It's always more rewarding to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship. Now, it's not easier, but it's more rewarding. There are people in your life you want to just wash your hands of and walk away, say forget it, it's not worth it. [00:23:47]

You can't make peace with other people till you've made peace with God. And maybe that's part of the problem, is you're not at peace with yourself because you're not at peace with God. First, you got to make peace with God, then you get the peace of God, then you have peace on Earth, goodwill toward men. [00:24:46]

There is only one God and one mediator—that's the reconciler—who can reconcile God and people, who can bring us together. He's a bridge builder. He is Jesus Christ, and that's the starting point. First, you need to get peace in your heart, God getting the Prince of Peace inside you. [00:25:07]

God, you know the conflict in my life. You know the conflict with people, and you know the conflict with you, and you know the conflict with myself. And I'm tired of it, and I want to make peace. I want to make peace with you and have peace, your peace in my life, so that I can offer peace to others. [00:25:36]

I want to be a child of God, so Jesus Christ, I accept your peace today. I accept your forgiveness. I want to be your child. I want to be a peacemaker. I open my life to you as best I know how. Fill my life with love, not anger, with patience, with joy, with peace. [00:26:31]

Help me to be a bridge builder, not a wall builder. And then pray this: Dear God, help me to take the initiative, to not wait on that other person, but help me to take the initiative, find the right time and the right place. [00:26:41]