Can We Talk About Expectations? | Can We Talk? | Pastor Jerry Lawson | Daystar Church

Devotional

Day 1: The Emptiness That Only God Can Fill

Our culture constantly tells us that another person can complete us, that finding the right partner is the key to ultimate happiness. This is a powerful and pervasive lie. The truth is that every human being carries a God-shaped void within their heart, a space designed for a relationship with our Creator. No spouse, no relationship, and no amount of human affection can ever fill that sacred space. When we look to people to do what only God can do, we set ourselves and them up for certain disappointment and relational failure. This foundational misplacement of expectation is the root of so much pain. [05:07]

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19, ESV)

Reflection: What is one specific area of your life—perhaps a longing for acceptance, security, or significance—where you have been tempted to look to another person to meet a need that only God can truly fulfill?

Day 2: The Danger of Compromising for a Relationship

When we believe a relationship is our ultimate source of fulfillment, we often compromise our core values and convictions to obtain or keep it. We may rationalize lowering our standards, ignoring red flags, or stepping outside of God’s design in a desperate attempt to make a connection work. This path is built on fear and neediness, not on faith and God’s perfect will. It is a dangerous trade, sacrificing eternal principles for temporary validation, and it never leads to the wholeness we truly seek. Remember, we will never find God’s will by violating God’s Word. [08:05]

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, ESV)

Reflection: In your current or past relationships, what is one God-honoring boundary or standard have you been tempted to compromise, and what is one practical step you can take to reaffirm your commitment to it?

Day 3: Covenant Love vs. Contractual Love

Many relationships operate like a business contract, focused on protecting one’s own rights and ensuring the other person holds up their end of the bargain. This is the opposite of God’s design for covenant love. A covenant, modeled by Jesus for His church, is about self-sacrifice and laying down one’s rights for the good of the other. It is a commitment to give love unconditionally, not to withhold it until certain conditions are met. Shifting from a contractual mindset to a covenant mindset transforms a relationship from a transaction into a sacred partnership. [14:37]

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, ESV)

Reflection: In your most important relationships, where have you been keeping a mental scorecard of who owes what, and how can you actively choose to lay down that record-keeping and serve without expectation today?

Day 4: The Disappointment of Misplaced Hope

Placing the weight of our deepest needs and hopes onto another person guarantees disappointment. It is an impossible burden for any human to bear. We may go to bed with an idealized image of our partner, believing they are the solution to all our problems, but we will inevitably wake up to the reality that they are human, flawed, and limited—just like us. This disillusionment is not their fault; it is the natural consequence of asking them to be a savior, a role that belongs to Christ alone. This misplaced hope leads to frustration and leaves us feeling empty. [18:32]

“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” (Psalm 62:1-2, NIV)

Reflection: When have you experienced the disappointment of expecting a person to make you completely happy or whole, and how did that experience point you back to your need for God?

Day 5: Seeking First the Kingdom in Relationships

The ultimate correction for misplaced expectations is to recenter our lives on the truth that God is our “One.” Our primary pursuit must be a growing, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. When He is the source of our identity, security, and purpose, we are then freed to healthily love others. A spouse or partner is a precious gift, a “number two” to journey with, not a deity to worship. The beautiful promise is that when we seek God’s kingdom first, the other things we need—including healthy, godly relationships—are added unto us. [25:06]

“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, ESV)

Reflection: What is one tangible way you can intentionally prioritize your relationship with God this week, making Him your true “One” and trusting Him with the desires of your heart for human connection?

Sermon Summary

This teaching examines Genesis 29 to expose how cultural romance myths and misplaced expectations warp human relationships. Using Jacob, Rachel, Leah, and Laban as a case study, it argues that most relationship failure does not stem from a lack of love but from expecting another person to be what only God can be. Infatuation and urgency drive people to compromise God's standards, make transactional demands, and treat marriage as a contract rather than a covenant that gives up rights. The narrative of Jacob’s seven years of labor, the deceitful wedding night, and Leah’s desperate hope for love illustrate how people attempt to manufacture belonging, only to wake to disappointment when a created human cannot complete the soul.

The teaching contrasts contract—mutual protection of rights—with covenant—self-giving sacrifice modeled by Christ, who laid down his life without preconditions. Practical warnings follow: do not violate God’s word to force a relationship into being; do not expect moral or physical fixes from a spouse; do not make a relationship into an idol. Instead, pursue God first so that romantic relationships form among those already seeking the same spiritual center. The narrative ends with a sober encouragement: God can redeem messy beginnings. Leah, once unloved, bore Judah—whose line becomes the throne from which the Messiah would come—demonstrating God’s power to bring blessing through imperfect people when He is made number one. The talk closes with an appeal to prioritize spiritual formation, attend marriage-focused teaching, and seek Christ as the primary healer of unmet longings, followed by an invitation to receive Jesus and corporate prayer for marriages and singles alike.

Key Takeaways

1. Misplaced expectations destroy relationships Expectations that demand another person to supply identity, wholeness, or salvation set that person up to fail and the relationship up to fracture. When God is not the center, every perceived shortcoming becomes evidence of desertion rather than an opportunity for grace and growth. Reordering longings toward God loosens the grip of unrealistic demands and opens space for genuine mutual formation. [02:01]
2. Relationships are not ultimate saviors Treating a spouse as the solution to inner emptiness drives people into compromises, coercive bargains, and moral concessions in order to “close the deal.” Such attempts manufacture intimacy on shaky foundations and often invite God’s absence rather than His presence. True restoration begins when God, not another person, is asked to heal and complete the heart. [06:41]
3. Marriage is a covenant, not contract A contract protects rights; a covenant relinquishes them out of sacrificial love—the pattern Christ set for the church. Entering marriage as a ledger of obligations produces bargaining, bitterness, and conditional love; entering as a covenant cultivates vulnerability, endurance, and forgiveness. Strive to give up rights, not to keep score. [13:05]
4. Seek God first; meet at Jesus' feet Spiritual alignment precedes sustainable partnership: those seeking Christ as first will naturally find companions headed the same way. Prioritizing spiritual formation removes idolatries that distort relationship choices and prepares hearts for covenantal love. Pursue the kingdom; relational fruit follows. [28:24]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:38] - Culture's romance myth
[02:01] - Misplaced expectations explained
[06:41] - When relationships become saviors
[07:09] - Compromise to close the deal
[13:05] - Covenant versus contract
[17:59] - Rachel, Leah, and deception
[22:08] - Leah's longing and God's response
[25:38] - Judah and divine redemption
[28:24] - Finding the one at Jesus' feet
[29:03] - Call to marriage training
[32:04] - Invitation, decisions, and prayer

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading
*Genesis 29:16–35 (ESV)*
*16 Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. 18 Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” 19 Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.” 22 So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. 23 But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. 24 (Laban gave his female servant Zilpah to his daughter Leah to be her servant.) 25 And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?” 26 Laban said, “It is not so done in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. 27 Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also in return for serving me another seven years.” 28 Jacob did so, and completed her week. Then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 (Laban gave his female servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel to be her servant.) 30 So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And served Laban for another seven years. 31 When the Lord saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. 32 And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.” 33 She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. 34 Again she conceived and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi. 35 And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she ceased bearing.*

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Observation questions

What did Jacob offer to do in exchange for marrying Rachel, and how did he view the time he spent working?
How did Laban deceive Jacob on his wedding night, and what was Jacob’s reaction when he realized?
What was Leah’s repeated hope each time she gave birth to a son?
What was different about Leah’s attitude when she named her fourth son?

Interpretation questions

Why did Jacob agree to work an additional seven years for Rachel after being deceived? What does this reveal about his priorities and emotional state?
Leah kept hoping that bearing sons would make Jacob love her. Why did this strategy repeatedly fail to bring her the fulfillment she longed for?
Laban claimed that custom required the older daughter to marry first. If Jacob knew this, why did he ignore it? What does this say about how desire can overshadow wisdom?
Leah’s declaration, “This time I will praise the Lord,” marks a shift. What do you think led to this change in her perspective?

Application questions

Relationships are not ultimate saviors [06:41]. In what ways have you looked to a person—a spouse, dating partner, or friend—to make you feel whole or complete? How did that turn out?
Compromising what you shouldn’t [07:09] can feel necessary when you’re trying to “close the deal” in a relationship. Are there areas where you’ve lowered your biblical standards or boundaries out of fear of losing someone?
Treating marriage like a contract [13:05] instead of a covenant often shows up as keeping score or making demands. Where have you been more focused on your rights than on sacrificially loving and serving?
Leah’s hope that “surely my husband will love me now” [22:26] reflects a deep longing for validation. When have you placed similar expectations on another person that only God can truly fulfill?
The healthiest relationships are found among those already seeking Christ [28:24]. How intentional are you about pursuing spiritual growth first, rather than making a relationship your primary goal?
God can bring redemption even out of messy beginnings [26:16]. If your relationship or marriage started on shaky ground, how can you invite God to reshape it with covenant love today?
What is one practical step you can take this week to ensure Jesus—not a person—is the true center of your identity, security, and hope?

Sermon Clips

Where where are you gonna find the woman of your dreams? At the feet of Jesus because the woman of your dreams is seeking Jesus. People tell me all the time, pastor, pray for me that I'll find the right one. I said, I'll be happy to pray for you, but let me tell you something. The right one is also looking for the right one. And the best way for you to find the right one is to be the right one. [00:28:26] (20 seconds) #BeTheRightOne

And the most heartbreaking statement in the whole story comes now. Surely, my husband will love me now. Wow. I mean, that's gotta be the most sad feeling to think if I could just produce for him. If I could just do what he needs, if I give him children, our marriage will work. If I just make enough money, she'll respect me and stay with me. If I could just lose the weight, he'd still be attracted to me again. If we could just have this level of lifestyle, she'll have respect for me. Surely, she'll love me now. Surely, he'll love me now. [00:22:17] (36 seconds) #LoveIsNotPerformance

That is the standard. That's the example of what a marriage is supposed to be. You are in covenant with your spouse. Not after you do this, then I'll do that. If you'll meet my needs here, I'll try to meet your needs there. No. You go in and you say, I'm not worried about what you do. I'm gonna do everything I possibly can for you. Come on. Somebody said marriage is fifty fifty that never works. You don't even know where 50 is. It's a hundred hundred. [00:15:04] (27 seconds) #AllInMarriage

While your heads are still bowed, I wanna pray for those who you've been searching for a long time. Maybe you're like Jacob and you're empty. You're searching for something. Maybe it's a relationship. Maybe it's a position or an act you know, some kind of achievement, money. Maybe it's a possession. But but you've come to realize today that only Jesus can fill that void inside your heart, and you need to receive Jesus today. [00:31:56] (28 seconds) #JesusFillsTheVoid

And it's not God's will for your life. Let me tell you something. You don't find God's will for your life by violating God's word. You'll never find it. How many of you believe that God has the best version of relationships, marriage or dating for you? He his version is the best. You won't find his will by violating his word. And if that's what it takes to keep him, listen to me, he's not the one. That's that's hard to hear unless he immediately repents and comes and talks to me about this. Okay. He's not the one. Alright. [00:08:05] (32 seconds) #GodsWillRequiresObedience

Father, I pray for people who maybe have placed too much on their spouse. Maybe they've placed unrealistic expectations. Maybe they've asked that person, kind of subconsciously asked them to be their solution, to make them feel whole. God, we repent of that today, and we just run to you alone. You're the only one who can make us whole. [00:31:04] (26 seconds) #DontMakeSpouseYourSavior

Jacob went to bed with a headache and and he woke up hungover and he rolled over. He's like, oh, where's my glasses? Where's your makeup? That is not what he thought. And so Jacob said to Laban, what is this that you've done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me? See, this is what happens when you think someone can meet all of your needs. [00:18:07] (26 seconds) #NoOneMeetsAllYourNeeds

God, give them godly direction. I pray for healing when they've been damaged and hurt and mistreated and so much of this world has done wrong things and hurt them. God, you are still on the throne. You're still a healer. Jehovah Rapha, the god who heals all things emotional, heat wounds, healing today. I pray in Jesus' name. [00:30:38] (18 seconds) #GodHealsEmotionalWounds

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Can We Talk About Expectations? | Can We Talk? | Pastor Jerry Lawson | Daystar Church

Devotional

Day 1: The Emptiness That Only God Can Fill

Day 2: The Danger of Compromising for a Relationship

Day 3: Covenant Love vs. Contractual Love

Day 4: The Disappointment of Misplaced Hope

Day 5: Seeking First the Kingdom in Relationships

Sermon Summary

Key Takeaways

Youtube Chapters

Bible Study Guide

Sermon Clips

Chatbot

Can We Talk About Expectations? | Can We Talk? | Pastor Jerry Lawson | Daystar Church

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