Instructions to Children and Parents // Ephesians

Ephesians brings the church right into the house, right where life is lived, with instructions to children and parents. Paul has moved from marriage to parenting, still in that long section on the walk of the believer. The first three chapters have shown the wealth of the believer, riches given by God the Father in Christ. The next chapters show how those riches are supposed to look in a home filled with the Spirit.

Paul starts with children because each household instruction begins with the one called to be subject, then turns to the one with leadership responsibility. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” means more than hearing sounds. Obedience means to “listen under,” to hear with the intention of doing. Jesus himself shows the perfect pattern, fully about his Father’s business and yet subject to Joseph and Mary in Nazareth. God defines what is right, not the culture, not the child, not the mood of the house.

The fifth commandment deepens obedience into honor. “Honor your father and mother” carries the idea of weight, value, substance. What has weight gets attention. The Greek word even sounds like “time,” and that fits the point: honor is shown with time, attention, and presence. A home that is always running and gunning may need to “loosen up the schedule,” because quality time usually breaks out where quantity time is actually given.

The promise attached to honor is that “it may be well with you” and that life may be long on the earth. Paul takes the Old Testament land promise and widens it out as a general principle for life. This is not a blank check guaranteeing old age, since Daniel suffered exile and Jesus died at 33. But the path of listening, honoring, and fearing the Lord keeps a child out of many foolish places, sharp-edged situations, and painful consequences.

Verse four turns to fathers, and by extension to parents. A father is meant to be a nourisher, protector, and upholder, not a man who crushes the spirit of his children. Colossians says fathers must not exasperate children so that they lose heart. “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion,” and correction without encouragement can make a child feel like no matter what happens, it is never enough.

The Lord calls fathers to bring children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Discipline trains and cultivates the soul, while instruction puts truth into the mind through words, admonition, encouragement, and restraint. Eli’s failure shows that love without restraint is not love. God’s way holds together nurture, correction, affection, time, and grace, because every family still needs the salve of God’s grace moving in both directions.

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Key Takeaways

• 1. Obedience listens with intent Obedience in Ephesians is not bare compliance or a child merely hearing noise from a parent. The word carries the idea of “listening under,” which means the heart receives instruction with a readiness to act. Jesus exposes the emptiness of calling him Lord while refusing to do what he says, so obedience becomes a matter of truthful hearing before God. [59:21]
• 2. Honor gives weight and time Honor treats father and mother as weighty, not disposable, inconvenient, or background noise. The language of honor points to value, and value is revealed by attention, deference, and time. A distracted home may not be intentionally dishonoring anyone, but constant hurry and screens can quietly steal the very presence through which honor is practiced. [63:10]
• 3. Grace travels both directions Family life cannot survive on rules alone because every parent and every child fails. A healthy home learns to say “I’m sorry” without dancing around blame or making excuses. Grace does not erase responsibility, but it keeps responsibility from becoming condemnation, because saved-by-grace people must also become grace-giving people. [74:32]
• 4. Correction needs relationship and encouragement A child can lose heart when correction becomes the whole atmosphere of the home. Discipline without warmth can sound like rejection, even when the parent thinks it is just training. The wise balance is not permissiveness, but correction joined to encouragement, so the child knows both the boundary and the affection behind it. [78:25]
• 5. Fatherhood nourishes, restrains, instructs Ephesians names fathers as those who bring children up, which means more than providing money or enforcing consequences. A father is called to cultivate the soul, restrain foolishness, and put truth into the mind with words that fit the child. Biblical fatherhood is firm, fair, affectionate, and present, because the home is meant to become a place where the Father’s care can be seen in real life.
  
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Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [42:39] - Ephesians 6 and the Home
• [45:13] - Wealth, Walk, and Warfare
• [47:31] - Jesus Obeyed His Parents
• [48:11] - Children, Obey in the Lord
• [50:39] - A Broken Father Story
• [57:48] - Household Order and Gospel Pictures
• [59:21] - Listening Under Authority
• [62:27] - Honor Father and Mother
• [63:48] - Honor Means Time and Attention
• [67:04] - The Promise of a Better Path
• [74:32] - Grace in an Imperfect Home
• [76:00] - Fathers as Nourishers and Protectors
• [78:25] - Rules, Relationship, and Rebellion
• [81:14] - Discipline and Instruction of the Lord
• [86:41] - Firm, Fair, Affectionate Family Life

1. In Ephesians 6:1-4, what commands are given to children, and what command is given to fathers?
2. In Luke 2:51, what two things are said about Jesus and his relationship to Mary and Joseph? [47:40]
3. In Ephesians 6:2-3, what promise is attached to honoring father and mother? [01:07:04]
4. According to Colossians 3:21 and Ephesians 6:4, what negative outcome can come from the way a father corrects a child? [01:18:25]

1. Ephesians says children are to obey their parents “in the Lord.” What does that phrase add to the command, and how does it help show that obedience is more than outward compliance? [59:21]
2. The command to honor father and mother reaches beyond simple obedience. In what ways does honor include value, attention, and time, and why does that matter in a hurried home? [01:03:48]
3. Paul repeats the warning that fathers must not provoke or exasperate their children. What kinds of parenting attitudes or patterns tend to crush a child’s spirit instead of training the heart? [01:19:31]
4. The promise in Ephesians 6 says that honoring parents leads to life going well and to long life on the earth. How should that promise be understood as a general principle rather than a guarantee? [01:12:40]

1. Obedience means listening with the intention of doing. In what area is it hardest right now to listen first instead of reacting, defending, or delaying? [59:30]
2. Honor is shown with time and attention. What in the weekly schedule tends to steal presence from family life, and what might it look like to loosen the pace a little? [01:04:13]
3. Grace needs to move in both directions in the home. Is there a needed “I’m sorry” that has been avoided with a parent, child, or other family member? What has made that hard to say? [01:14:48]
4. Rules without relationship often lead to rebellion. If correction has become more common than encouragement, how might warmth, affection, or patient conversation be rebuilt in practical ways? [01:18:36]
5. Children can lose heart when they feel nothing is ever enough. Have there been words, tones, or repeated patterns in the home that may be discouraging someone more than helping them? [01:19:44]
6. Bringing children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord takes both nurture and restraint. Which side comes more naturally right now: correction or encouragement? How could the weaker side grow this week? [01:21:14]
7. A healthy home is meant to be a place of safety, affection, truth, and steady guidance. What is one concrete change that could help the home feel more like that this month? [01:22:22]