Embracing Wisdom: Validating Feelings in Relationships

We React to what people say and ignore what they're feeling big mistake the other mistake we do is we invalidate any feelings that we don't feel ourselves I don't feel it so you shouldn't if I don't feel what you feel then your feeling is dumb it's irrational it's illogical it makes no sense and you shouldn't feel it and we just dismiss miss it because we don't feel it then you shouldn't feel it that's foolish that is not wise. [00:14:36]

Feelings are neither right nor wrong they're just there feelings are neither right nor wrong they're just there they're not facts so you don't need to argue it they're just feelings and if I feel something I shouldn't have to defend it and if you feel something you shouldn't have to defend it somebody should just go I hear you and maybe other people feel that way too. [00:17:06]

Wisdom acknowledges your feelings and doesn't diminish them you see the typical reaction when we don't feel what other people feel we do two things number one we belittle them if you had a brain you would know that's just not true and you wouldn't feel that way we belittle that doesn't help and the other thing this is worse is we play psychologist now the reason you feel this way is because your father. [00:17:44]

The Bible says wisdom is gentle wisdom is considerate is it possible you both had a tough day yes is it possible that you could be considerate of their tough day without having to top it yes what am I saying I'm saying if you want want to be wise if you want to stop making the same stupid relational mistakes over and over and over you need to stop minimizing other people's feelings. [00:19:39]

Wisdom is willing to yield to others Pastor Tom is going to come and teach us on this fourth Mark of wisdom it's open to reason it allows discussion discussion this Greek word eupeus it's the only time in the whole Bible this word is used and it's a great word for wisdom and relationships it means you're not stubborn you're not defensive now how do you know that how do you know if you have this kind of quality in your life one of the main ways you know is how you listen. [00:21:04]

The wiser you are the better a listener you will be and the more foolish you are the less you will listen to others I I've got to admit I do a very unwise thing all the time in relationships it's totally unwise I tend to finish people's sentences for them anybody else do this you know they're saying something and I I want to move the conversation along so I like say the end of the sentence that's very unwise cuz I'm not letting them say what they want to say and I may not hear really what I need to hear in that. [00:21:28]

If you want to be open to reason you want to be willing to listen you want to be willing to learn now if I asked you are you a reasonable person I think most of us would say yes I'm reasonable let me ask you how do you know you're reasonable cuz think about this if you were unreasonable you wouldn't know you were unreasonable because you were unreasonable so how do you know if you're really a reasonable person one of the ways that you know is do you listen to others. [00:22:34]

The Bible says wisdom is full of mercy and Good Deeds Circle that word mercy if I'm going to be wise I'm going to maximize Mercy I'm going to Major on Mercy in my relationships full of mercy and good deeds in other words it's wise to show Grace to people when they mess up when they blow it when they sin when they fumble when they flub up when they have faults when they fail it's wise to show Mercy when people show up it's wise to cut people slack when they mess up. [00:27:13]

God doesn't give me what I deserve he gives me what I need if I got what I deserve I wouldn't be standing here if you got what you deserve you wouldn't be alive God doesn't give you what you deserve he gives you what you need that's mercy and the Bible says that's Wise Wise people give people what they need not what they deserve that's mercy and that's wisdom so here's the fifth Mark of wisdom in a relationship if I want to be wise my kids my boyfriend my girlfriend my husband my wife if I want to be wise I won't emphasize your mistakes because I am merciful wise people don't rub it in Wise people are merciful. [00:28:49]

The Bible says that wisdom is impartial and always sincere now this is interesting these two words in the Greek in the original Greek in the Bible are the words aicos and anoos they're very similar words impartial and sincere anoos um let me explain it this way the Greeks invented theater comedies tragedies you know all Plato Socrates Sophocles all these guys wrote very famous plays and in Greek plays one guy would often be an actor and would play many parts he'd come out wearing a mask and he'd say his part then he'd go back behind the stage he'd get another mask he'd come back out and he'd play somebody else's part. [00:31:28]

If I want to be wise in my relationships I won't disguise my intentions I won't wear a mask I won't fake it I won't pretend I won't try to be somebody that I'm not I won't lie to you I won't cheat you I won't trick you I won't fake you out I won't take advantage of you I won't deliberately mislead you the point is this fools are fakes wise people are authentic they're the real deal they aren't phonies they're genuine they're authentic they're warts and all what you see is what you get. [00:33:25]

If you don't wise up if you don't learn some Godly wisdom you're going to go through your entire life making the same relational mistakes over and over and over and you're not going to get what you want out of that relationship a intimate satisfying Souls satisfying relationship the kind that God intended for you to have how do I get the wisdom to stop making foolish mistakes in relationships well there's only two places you get wisdom you don't get it from college you don't get get it from online uh you know blogs you don't get it from TV shows you get wisdom from knowing god and doing what he says to do doing his word knowing god and doing his word. [00:36:01]