Embracing Wildness: A Journey of Transformation
Summary
Growing up in the wild landscapes of North Wales, I was a volatile and emotional child, often feeling like the black sheep in a family of war heroes and marines. My grandfather, an outdoorsman, introduced me to the knife, a tool that symbolizes change and transformation. This early experience with the knife became a metaphor for my life, as I struggled with intense emotions and a sense of not fitting in. My childhood was marked by a deep-seated rage and a fear of becoming like my abusive grandfather, a shadow that loomed over my family.
Art became my refuge, a place where I could express myself freely without the need for approval. However, as I grew older, the pressures of fitting into societal norms and the art world in London left me feeling lost and disconnected. The superstitions and fears instilled by my grandmother only added to my internal turmoil. It was during this time of darkness that I encountered the New Testament, discovering a wild and fearless Jesus who resonated with my own untamed spirit.
This encounter with Jesus was transformative, challenging my perceptions of faith and identity. I realized that the wildness within me was not something to be tamed or suppressed but a reflection of the wild nature of God. This revelation led me to seek a community where I could be truly known and accepted, a place where authenticity and vulnerability were valued over conformity.
In my journey, I found solace in the creative process, particularly in working with leather. The act of carving and transforming leather became a spiritual practice, a way to harness the wildness within and create something beautiful. This process mirrored my own spiritual journey, a journey of cutting away the old and embracing the new.
Ultimately, I discovered that true freedom comes from embracing who we are, wildness and all, and finding a community that supports and challenges us to grow. This journey is not about fitting into a mold but about living authentically and courageously, guided by the wild and untamed spirit of God.
Key Takeaways:
1. Embracing Wildness: Our wild and untamed nature is not something to be suppressed but a reflection of the wildness of God. Embracing this aspect of ourselves can lead to a deeper understanding of our identity and purpose. [43:01]
2. The Power of Transformation: Just as a knife changes whatever it touches, our experiences and encounters with God can transform us in profound ways. This transformation requires courage and vulnerability, allowing us to become who we are meant to be. [10:52]
3. Authenticity in Community: Finding a community where we can be truly known and accepted is essential for spiritual growth. This requires honesty and vulnerability, sharing our true selves without fear of judgment. [36:30]
4. Creative Expression as Worship: Engaging in creative processes, like working with leather, can be a form of worship and spiritual practice. It allows us to connect with God and express our unique identity in a tangible way. [25:39]
5. Facing Fear with Faith: The energy required to manage fear is immense, but by facing our fears with faith, we can redirect that energy into creative and constructive pursuits. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life. [44:06]
Youtube Chapters:
[00:00] - Welcome
[02:38] - Childhood in North Wales
[03:51] - Emotional Struggles
[04:30] - Family Shadows
[08:18] - Masks and Illusions
[10:52] - The Knife as a Metaphor
[14:53] - Art School Challenges
[17:20] - Superstitions and Fears
[19:10] - Encounter with the New Testament
[22:32] - Leather Jacket Revelation
[25:39] - Creative Process in Leather
[27:48] - Spiritual Quest
[30:46] - Church and Community
[34:06] - Band of Brothers
[40:20] - Power of Storytelling
[43:01] - Wild at Heart
[44:06] - Facing Fears with Faith
[45:31] - Journey of Transformation
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Mark 4:35-41 - Jesus calms the storm, demonstrating His power and wildness.
2. 2 Corinthians 5:17 - "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
3. Psalm 139:13-14 - "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
#### Observation Questions
1. How does the speaker describe their childhood experiences in North Wales, and what impact did these experiences have on their emotional development? [02:38]
2. What role did the knife play in the speaker's life, and how did it become a metaphor for transformation? [10:52]
3. How did the speaker's encounter with the New Testament change their perception of Jesus and faith? [19:10]
4. What significance did the creative process, particularly working with leather, have in the speaker's spiritual journey? [25:39]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. In what ways does the speaker's story illustrate the concept of transformation as described in 2 Corinthians 5:17? [45:31]
2. How does the speaker's understanding of Jesus as a "wild and fearless" figure challenge traditional perceptions of faith? [19:10]
3. What does the speaker's journey suggest about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in a faith community? [36:30]
4. How does the speaker's creative expression with leather reflect their spiritual journey and connection with God? [25:39]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a time when you felt like a "black sheep" in your family or community. How did you handle those feelings, and what did you learn from that experience? [03:51]
2. The speaker found transformation through their encounter with Jesus. How can you seek transformation in your own life through your faith? [19:10]
3. Consider the role of creativity in your spiritual life. How can you use your creative gifts as a form of worship and connection with God? [25:39]
4. The speaker emphasizes the importance of finding a community that values authenticity. How can you contribute to creating such a community in your church or small group? [36:30]
5. The speaker faced their fears with faith, redirecting energy into creative pursuits. Identify a fear you are currently facing. How can you approach it with faith and transform it into something constructive? [44:06]
6. How can you embrace the "wildness" within you as a reflection of God's nature, and what steps can you take to live more authentically and courageously? [43:01]
7. Think about a time when you felt disconnected from your faith or community. What actions can you take to reconnect and find a sense of belonging? [31:54]
Devotional
Day 1: Embracing the Wildness Within
Our wild and untamed nature is a reflection of the divine wildness of God. Embracing this aspect of ourselves can lead to a deeper understanding of our identity and purpose. Often, society encourages us to suppress our untamed nature, labeling it as unruly or inappropriate. However, recognizing that this wildness is a part of God's image within us can be liberating. It allows us to explore our true selves and understand that our unique traits are not flaws but gifts that can be used for a greater purpose. [43:01]
"For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God." (Romans 8:19-21, ESV)
Reflection: What aspects of your personality have you been suppressing because they seem too wild or untamed? How can you begin to embrace these traits as part of God's image in you today?
Day 2: The Courage to Transform
Transformation is a powerful process that requires courage and vulnerability. Just as a knife changes whatever it touches, our experiences and encounters with God can transform us in profound ways. This transformation is not always easy; it often involves cutting away the old to make room for the new. It requires us to be open to change and willing to let go of what no longer serves us. By embracing this process, we allow ourselves to become who we are meant to be, stepping into a life of purpose and fulfillment. [10:52]
"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18, ESV)
Reflection: What is one area of your life where you feel God is calling you to change? What steps can you take today to begin this transformation journey?
Day 3: Authenticity in Community
Finding a community where we can be truly known and accepted is essential for spiritual growth. This requires honesty and vulnerability, sharing our true selves without fear of judgment. In a world that often values conformity, it can be challenging to find spaces where authenticity is celebrated. However, being part of a community that encourages us to be our true selves can be incredibly healing and empowering. It allows us to grow spiritually and emotionally, knowing that we are supported and loved for who we are. [36:30]
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." (Ephesians 4:25, ESV)
Reflection: Who in your life do you feel truly knows and accepts you? How can you cultivate deeper authenticity in your relationships with them today?
Day 4: Creative Expression as Worship
Engaging in creative processes, like working with leather, can be a form of worship and spiritual practice. It allows us to connect with God and express our unique identity in a tangible way. Creativity is a gift from God, and when we use it to create something beautiful, we are participating in His divine nature. This creative expression can be a powerful way to worship, as it allows us to reflect God's creativity and bring glory to Him through our work. [25:39]
"Then Moses said to the Israelites, 'See, the Lord has chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills—'" (Exodus 35:30-31, ESV)
Reflection: What creative activity brings you joy and allows you to connect with God? How can you incorporate this activity into your spiritual practice this week?
Day 5: Facing Fear with Faith
The energy required to manage fear is immense, but by facing our fears with faith, we can redirect that energy into creative and constructive pursuits. Fear often holds us back from living fully and embracing our true potential. However, when we choose to face our fears with faith, we can transform that energy into something positive and life-giving. This shift in perspective can lead to a more fulfilling and purposeful life, as we learn to trust in God's plan and step out in courage. [44:06]
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV)
Reflection: What is one fear that has been holding you back from pursuing your dreams? How can you take a step of faith today to overcome this fear and move forward?
Quotes
"When I was seven and my grandfather handed me my first knife, the knife, it's an object of change. When you hold a knife, whatever a knife passes through, it's changed forever. You can't undo it. You can't undo what a knife..." [00:01:35]
"From being very young, maybe three or four, I was this volatile, emotional kid. My mum was afraid that social services would come and take me away. Because my forehead was covered in bruises. I was probably the age I started banging myself. I was probably the age I started banging my head against a wall." [00:03:43]
"I spent my life trying to wear masks to fit. I felt like a ball in a pinball machine. Being buffeted around. I was bouncing between these groups, trying to, trying to fit, maintaining this illusion that everything was okay." [00:09:41]
"I remember they came to school with these little red Gideon's new testaments and I was terrified of it it was this it was another superstitious thing it was another mirror to break it was another thing that's going to catch me off guard I didn't dare read it so I just put it away and forgot about it..." [00:19:10]
"My time in London I found it and there was a moment where I picked up this little red New Testament and what I found inside was not what I expected at all there was this wild man who made demons..." [00:20:13]
"I did what I thought was the right thing to do, and I went and found a church and tried to ask Christians about, who is this character? And I'd be the first one there, and I'd be the last one to leave, because I needed to know. I needed to know, is this the real deal?" [00:30:23]
"no we need something else we need permission permission to be who we are much of my life i thought okay if i just can adjust a little bit i'll fit if i can just maybe shave a little bit off here then i'll fit there but no matter how much a black sheet wants to be a white sheep and they're not..." [00:34:46]
"You need people that can see you in the places you can't see yourself i want to be known i want i'm I want, tell me the truth. I needed allies because if I didn't have them, dark would take over. You need people to kick your ass." [00:36:09]
"The first rule of Band of Brothers is what's said around the fire stays around the fire. If you're going to be part of this you have to tell your story as honestly as you dare. And so guys started telling their story around the fire and we were all of us blown away by what we heard." [00:38:19]
"That book, Wild at Heart, gave me a language to help me make sense of the wild places that I thought were wrong about me. God is wild. He is not safe. He is this wild one. I'd always thought these wild places were just something you've got to tame, control, cut off." [00:43:19]
"I think that was useful. fighting against something and fighting out of a place of terror and backed up against the ropes rather than stepping in and fighting engaging and fighting for something i think that's the biggest change for me i'm going to smash the mirrors i'm going to walk under the ladder and how do i do that in my daily practice..." [00:44:40]
"I'm working on may take hundreds or thousands of hours and it's hundreds of thousands maybe millions of tiny incisions and it's a journey you start with this empty bare piece of flesh this leather hide and you have to work it cut at a time and that's that's kind of where I'm at it's a cut at a time" [00:45:57]
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