We are held by the great book of life, in which it is written that we will inevitably face deprivation and discomfort, longing and forgiveness. In these times, our hearts may be filled with hope and fear, turning and settling, mystery and agency, challenge and compassion, accountability and acceptance. Today, let us gather in celebration of our shared humanity and our personal power.
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It's a pretty sure thing that each of us at one time or other has hurt someone else, intentionally or not. It's also a pretty sure thing that each of us has been hurt or harmed by another. It's part of the human condition that when two or more are gathered together, there will be times both great and small when hurt occurs.
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Being human, we have many options for responding. One common response—see if anybody relates to this—is to sweep the hurt under the proverbial rug of not talking about it to the person or the persons responsible for the hurt. From the smallest slights to life changing harms, many incidents of hurt and harm go untouched or unspoken.
[00:40:14]
Repeated rug sweeping may initially feel healing, but the result can be piles of sludge building up in our spirits, in our souls. Does anybody relate? Anybody relate to sludge? Soul sludge? Is that what it is? Instead of violence, Instead of avoidance?
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Cultivating compassion in the face of repairing wrongs can change our acts of repentance away from judgment to creative and loving forward movement.
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During this season, we have many options for dealing directly with hurt and harm so that the sludge does not accumulate. Today I hope to expand your perspective on transformation through a new approach explained in a recent UUA bestseller called Repentance and Repair.
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These challenging times we are in call for our entire country, indeed our entire world, to embrace new options for healing for repair on so many fronts on so many fronts, my friends. So much seems broken, especially under current political and social abuse in this country. Not to speak of harm to the environment.
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At root, repentance means turning to engage in. Repentance means that in the aftermath of hurt or harm, the wrongdoer intentionally turns away from actions which cause the hurt, with hope of not repeating the actions in a new context in the future.
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Repentance can't undo a hurt in the past, but as a process of ethical self transformation, it can bring hope for the future. Repentance is not a single step, and it's not done quickly. Authentic repentance involves time commitment, risk taking, and perhaps vulnerability. We can't cut corners.
[00:44:32]
Permanent change takes time and commitment. Most religions in the world include processes for repentance and forgiveness in their theological and their ethical systems. Religious practices can call individuals, groups, cultures, sometimes entire nations, to forgiveness and to turning.
[00:45:35]
Living well in covenant goes a long way to helping our communities develop habits for compassionate repair in the face of hurt or harm. Still, I do wonder how much more liberal faith could be doing to create practices for admitting wrongdoing and creating new standards for right relations.
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The more we can recognize this dual face of human nature, the more readily we can accept the importance of having a good process for repentance and repair when we do engage in hurt and harm.
[00:48:06]
But I do think it is important to be bald in acknowledging that it is human to make mistakes and also to admit mistakes. Identifying harm when it has been done to us can open the door to forgiveness.
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She grounds her work on the premise that within each human is the capacity for restoration, echoing our universalist ancestors that all are saved, all are worthy human beings.
[00:51:01]
Her method differs from other approaches I've learned during my years in ministry. Rather than centering on the individual who has been hurt, she focuses on the one doing the harm. Hear that? That's the core difference in her method. She focuses on the one who has done the harm, the harm doer.
[00:51:27]
The first step toward repair is that the harm doer identify and own a harm they have caused in situations running from inappropriate jokes to outright lies, to actions and habits which perpetuate marginalization and discrimination to political stereotyping which can influence how the current government shutdown plays out.
[00:53:01]
Often a harm doer doesn't even realize the harm they've caused. It may take an act of courage for the one who has been harmed to speak up, and then a lot for the harm doer to admit their wrongs. I wonder, is it hard for you to admit mistakes?
[00:53:31]
And it's only then at the fourth step that the harm doer offers an apology to the one harmed. It may seem like apology comes pretty late in her repair process. I expect many of us expect apology as much more immediate, but Rutenberg maintains that all too often quick apology only masks as true repentance.
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My friends, our world is in such need of repair and tools for transformation. Rutenberg's plan is only one approach, but it proved life changing for many.
[00:54:54]
Had I been more open, more trusting that it would be safe to express my hurt, I might have made it possible for the other to move to that life, giving first step of Rutenberg's method a chance to admit their harm and thus to transformation through the remaining steps to change their habits, accepting consequences and going to apology and going forward.
[00:57:09]
My friends, transformation in any relationships can benefit from turning. Don't wait for the next official high holy season. Reach out now to people and situations for which you seek amends and transformation. It's not too late.
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May we all go forward then in truth telling, in admitting mistakes, in making amends and offering forgiveness. May we all go forward well, in transformation, my friends, may all this be so.
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