Embracing Singleness: The Journey to Self-Discovery

The reason is because if you don't know who you are, don't understand who you are, you don't appreciate who you are and have no knowledge of who you are, then you cannot love, appreciate or value other people. So the most important pursuit in life is self -knowledge and this is what singleness is all about. Singleness is about finding yourself, loving yourself, valuing yourself, putting the highest estimation on yourself, accepting yourself, understanding yourself. [00:03:31]

If you are 35 and you ain't married, they think something's wrong with you. Maybe you are homosexual. Maybe you are lesbian. What are you doing? And especially if your friends are girls or boys like yourself, they begin to think all kinds of funny things. In other words, they almost think that if you ain't married, you are strange. You are awkward. This is dangerous. And it's wrong. You don't need to be married to fulfill God's will. [00:04:59]

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin the reason why I put that there is because sometimes people go through a bad experience and they do experience divorce and then they feel that their life ain't gonna work anymore God doesn't wanna use them anymore His purpose ain't gonna be fulfilled anymore that is not true God forgives all sins including unfaithfulness or the broking of a covenant in marriage this is not an unpardonable sin many great people have gone on to change the world after divorce. [00:09:30]

The ultimate trauma in life is divorce malachi 2 16 says what read it out loud together i hate divorce says the lord god of israel and i hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment says the lord almighty notice he ties divorce with violence why because divorce is a violent act when you bond with another person bonding is a dangerous word bonding is like shooting webs at each other like a spider web every time you speak to someone you shoot a web every time they listen to you they get a web and the more you talk to someone the more webs are created and then the deeper the conversation gets the thicker the webs become. [00:11:15]

And that's why God says I hate divorce divorce is traumatizing it's the ripping of two people's bonds apart no lawyer can give you a divorce impossible no judge can give you a divorce impossible what they give you is a piece of paper they cannot give you an emotional divorce that's why when you leave the classroom all hell breaks I mean when you leave the courtroom rather all hell breaks loose after that for months because it ain't as simple as you thought and the kids are involved the bonds are twice as thick so he's saying before you even get into marriage think about this. [00:15:44]

Your marriage is only as good as your singleness. Write that down. People come to me all the time. I want you to pray for my marriage. I'm sitting there going, now let's see, which one do I need to pray for? Her or him? Because marriage ain't the problem. You in the marriage, you, if it ain't working, you are part of this equation. [00:26:47]

So it's more important for you to make sure you bring the best to the relationship, which means that you've got to become the best before you bring the best. So you focus on yourself to become the best, so that when you work on working together with someone, you bring the best contribution to them. A lot of people are defects, not assets. They will devalue you by association. They will destroy your value. [00:28:08]

Singleness is the most important state of human development. Singleness is the foundation of God's human family. He only made one human, and everyone came out of that one human. God began this human race with one person, not a couple. Sometimes we think that marriage is God's foundation of the human race. That's not true. He only made one person at the bottom. A single person. So God began all human relationships with a single person. [00:45:10]

The way you measure if you're single is whether you need to be married. If you don't need to be married, you're probably ready to be married. Get it? Yeah. See, we sometimes... People make us feel guilty if we're not interested in marriage. But you're the perfect candidate for marriage if you don't need to be married. Because you are obviously close to being whole. Because it means that you are having a good life all by yourself. And that's a sign of wholeness. [00:47:04]

Wholeness means I don't need nobody to become somebody. I'm somebody all by someone. Somebody go with me, dear. Singleness means, hey, I don't need you to approve me. I don't need you to make me feel important. I don't need you to tell me how good I am because I know I'm good at this. In other words, wholeness means I am free from needing you. That's why I am good for you. Because I'm not coming to take from you. [00:47:46]

If you are not complete, marriage will expose it. Can I say that again? It's very important. All your defects will show up in marriage. So you think you are complete. You think you are okay now? Get married. So you want to focus on yourself right now. You want to say, let me develop myself, let me enhance myself, let me read books, let me focus on my intellectual development, my spiritual development now, my physical development, let me get my hygiene sorted out, hygiene, let me get my vision sorted out, let me decide what I want to do with my future, let me get my purpose defined. [01:02:58]

Because now you get distraction so don't use your time looking for somebody use your time becoming somebody some people are so busy looking for who they want they ain't got time to be who they are So when they do find who they're looking for, they ain't got no one to give them. Let me say it slow. We're so busy looking for someone we want, we don't have time to become who we are. [01:06:26]