The reason single parenting is difficult within the church is really because of God's design for marriage, design for family, that right from the beginning God designed the marriage as the foundation, the stability of parenting. Obviously, that's not the only issue or the only thing in there. But in Genesis 1 .27, it says, God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and multiply. So, the idea of having more kids, to have family, the design was for a father and mother to raise the child, the children. But we know the story of Adam and Eve and that they rebelled against the Lord. So, then you have their rebellion going. And in Genesis 3, God pronounces the judgment on that and really the consequences of what comes from sin and rebellion against God.
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So, when you think of single parenting one of the things we have to understand is one just because you're a single parent doesn't mean you are specifically in sin but single parenting comes about from sin not your sin but from the fallen world whether it's through death becoming a widow or widower whether it's through divorce other types of tragedies it just the corruption of this world brings about complications in our life that makes it harder.
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Sometimes single parenting in some sense can even happen in a marriage that's not divorced that there's no actual death but the relationship is so broken that one parent seems to be finding themselves being pretty much the only parent again that's not God's design that's not God's desire for humanity but because of sin because of our corruption as as a world these things come into us so it can be because of your sin it can be because of just the general fallen state of our nature but the whole point being that if you find yourself kind of being the only parent whether again within the marriage in a divorce kind of situation or even a death situation you find yourself in that you shouldn't be discouraged or feeling as if God is judging you because your life is harder because of that you shouldn't find yourself being discouraged like well if I would have just done this and you've got to just recognize and embrace. This is going to be painful toil. It's going to be hard.
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But then as a Christian single parent, you're going to want to recognize that this is a harder path. It's not according to God's design necessarily, and that's where to embrace that. It's not feeling sorry for yourself. It's also not sitting there going, why did God do this to me? But it's also not condemning yourself, going, oh, I must have done something horrible to get here.
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If it really is literally caused by your sin, repent before the Lord. Start working on what that means to return to the Lord and return to what He has for you. But let's just say out of just today, if you're a single parent, you've got to understand, you're in a hard situation, and it's one that, again, others should really have compassion for, but you yourself need to recognize you're going to have to kind of gird up your loins. You're going to have to acquit yourself like a man. And you're going to have to have to wait for it. to be tough. You're going to have to embrace the difficulty of single parenting.
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One of the things that you want to recognize as a single parent is if you are a single parent, you're taking on the role of a father and a mother. Whether you're a father, literally, or a mother, literally, you are still going to be following the basic principles of biblical parenthood. It's just kind of double the work, double the pressure, double the responsibility.
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Even if you're like a single mother, you don't go to Ephesians 6 .4 where it says, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up within training and instruction of the Lord. You don't go, well, that's only for fathers. I get to drive my kids crazy. No, that applies both. And I know you probably know that, but again, it's very easy to kind of go, well, I'm a mother or I'm a father. I can't do what a mother does. And I'm a mother. I can't do what a father does. And yeah, there are going to be some aspects of that where you're not going to be able to do everything a father would if you're a mother. And if you're a father, you're not going to be able to do everything a mother does, but you've got to embrace both of those roles.
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You have to kind of double your efforts in one sense. I mean, that's, I wish I could say, well, then just, you know, go with it, but you have to look to do, man, you know, I think of, if I were a single father, having to do my daughter's hair as they were little kids. That was not my thing. But then you see those guys who take the shop vac and vacuum their daughter's hair and put the little scrunchie on the vacuum tube and then put it on. That's pretty creative. I think, you know, if that were in my case, I would have seen a video like that and went, I can do that. But the braids and things like that, not going to really happen.
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It's a lot of work as a single parent. And as a married father, I don't really know what that would be like day to day in terms of experience. I can only imagine from just the moments of time. But God knows. God knows your situation. God knows how that is. And that's where, as a widow or a widower, as an abandoned spouse or some other type of tragedy that has left you single and a parent, you've got to recognize that God cares about you. Then, you know, you need to cast your burdens on him.
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You cast your anxiety on him. You cast your concerns on him, not because you slough off your responsibilities and go, well, it's not up to me. I don't do anything. I just sit back and wait. But really, you don't have to carry it alone. You're not in this alone. Even though you're a single parent, you have a relationship with Christ. If you are a believer, if you have a walk with the Lord, because it says right there in 1 Peter 5, 7, he cares for you. You cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you. He really has a concern for you. He loves you.
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You're going to want to make time to be in the word, to be in prayer, to be at church, to learn and grow, to be in fellowship with other believers, just so that you can gain more and more relationship with the Lord, to understand him and know him more so that it's easier in one sense. It's not as big of a struggle to cast your anxiety on him. To take his yoke upon you is not to just take more burden. It's actually to have him share your burdens that as you take his yoke on you, he's taking the yoke on himself and you share that. Well, you can't think of a better person to share. share a yoke with than the Almighty. Talk about lifting the load, but again, that is part of the relationship with the Lord. You want to grow in that and develop that in your own life.
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If your spouse leaves, whether it's abandonment or it's the adultery that, you know, as Christ puts out that idea of you can divorce because of adultery. If that is the case and that's happened, you don't want to let it bother you, trouble you that you are now a single parent. You are struggling with those things. It's going to be hard, but don't let it weigh even heavier on you. Like, well, if I would have chosen better, if I would have done this better. If it is someone else's sin that has caused you to be single, that's on them. The guilt is on them. You have to go forward in faith. You have to still trust that it is as God's will, that you are in this situation. So you accept this as maybe discipline from the Lord, maybe something to keep you from becoming conceited, something to, at least we know, to make you grow, to help you to become like Christ. You go forward in faith.
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When you find yourself in the consequences of your sin, it's not something that you should be discouraged by or dismayed or despairing. It is though there to make you consider and realize and to turn your heart towards the Lord, to not come under the burden of your sin and going, well, I'm just living under my sinful wickedness for the rest of existence. But it is to come to an understanding that, hey, I blew this. I made the mistake. I was foolish. And so the situation I'm in is hard on me. It's also probably hard on my kids too. So you need to consider and realize and expand your view and get your eyes off yourself and turn to the Lord.
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You have to be careful and kind of as a side note, but for the sake of your kids, especially you want to make sure you're only speaking what is beneficial for your kids, not what's beneficial for yourself. It's easy to take time to explain why you're the hurt party and why you are injured and why you are in the situation you're in and try to garner sympathy. Now, some of that is legitimate in the sense of your kid doesn't know what's going on. They're trying to understand the reality of the situation. You can't avoid all negative comments about someone who's abandoned you or sinned against you, but you want to be careful that that does not become the way of life or become the focus of it. You only want to speak what is necessary.
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So all that is kind of a precursor that we've been talking about to get to this. And in Genesis 16, you have a single parent through sin, through wickedness and in many ways, not hers. You have Hagar who was Sarah's maidservant and, you know, through probably cultural ideas and worldliness and running ahead of what the Lord spoke, Abraham and Sarah made foolish decisions and Hagar was part of that. You can sit there and go, well, was she a willing party? You know, it's hard to say a servant is a willing party to anything in this. But for arguments sake, let's even say she was, but the weight of the guilt is still mainly on Abraham and Sarah. I have a hard time kind of blasting Hagar and this going, well, she showed, she's a maidservant. She's under authority. her life was not her own it was not a good situation for her and so you look at that and go how do you get there but let's just even for argument's sake say yeah she's got some issues in there too but you know she's got to seek the Lord she's got to do what's right but anyway she she has Ishmael through Abraham and and this is a problem because Sarah doesn't like it she's driven for long so she does have a partner in Abraham but not really because really soon after Ishmael is Abraham's son but he's kind of a cast off and he's not the child of promise he's not the one that was designed again you go against the design of God I mean all this would you would think put Hagar in just a horrible position and it wasn't easy so she runs off at one point in Genesis 16 as she's going and hurting and I mean you can just imagine the pain the sorrow the confusion but God sees her God ministers to her God assures her and encourages her and in verse 13 says Hagar gave this name to the Lord who had spoke to her you are the God who sees me for she said I have seen the one who sees me El Rochai you know it's God who sees me the God who sees me this this is spoken by a single parent the God who sees me oftentimes you can feel as if this is on your own you've been abandoned and no one cares no one sees it's easy to feel that way because within the church often the focus is on parenting but it'll go towards the husband as the father the wife as the mother and then the two together as the parenting unit it's really easy to start feeling like on no one sees me.
[00:20:13]
So again, there's all kinds of reasons why a single parent feels very alone, feels very isolated. They don't need to in one sense, but it does take extra effort. It takes a lot of responsibility on your part. But you're not on your own. And not just because the church could, but God sees you. God is not leaving you on your own. God is not going to forsake you and just abandon you to the hardships of your life. So God sees you.
[00:24:07]
And you have that in Genesis 21, 19. It says, then God opened her eyes and she saw a well of water. So she went and filled the skin with water and gave the boy a drink. So God opened her eyes to see the need of how to fulfill the need of her son. And for you as a single parent, have hope. God sees you. And the more you seek him and the more you get to know him, he is going to open your eyes to fulfill the needs, whether it's doing things that don't come naturally to you, that overcoming difficulties of dealing with stuff that you go, I've never dealt with this. I don't know how. You seek the Lord. He'll open your eyes to how to meet those needs through various things, whether just through yourself or you develop relationships with other people in the church and they help to fill. But God is providing that way.
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God is the father to the fatherless. He defends widows. He gives the lonely a family. And you find that in Psalm 68, four through six, it says, sing to God, sing praises to his name, exalt him who rides on the clouds. His name is the Lord and rejoice before him. A father of the fatherless and a defender of the widows is God in his holy habitation. God settles the lonely. in families. He leads the prisoners out to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a sun -scorched land. So you don't want to be the rebellious one. You don't want to be the person who fights against the Lord. You know that God sees you. You know that God is for you and not against you.
[00:26:33]
If you're a single mother and you have a son who needs fatherly figures, God is a father to them, but also he uses other men. And you have to, in many ways, as a single mother, give permission to men in the church to mentor, to reach out, because most guys are not going to just take a kid under their wing and act as if, well, this is my right because it's not my kid and I don't want to be stepping on your toes. And so that's usually going to be an awkward step for any single mother to actually approach maybe a woman in the church going, hey, can I ask you if you and your husband would be interested in helping me with my son? And then you, then through that, that guy starts going, yeah, I will take him under. I'll start mentoring him. You develop those kinds of relationships or flip it and you're a single father going, I don't know how to deal with my daughter. She's hitting puberty. She's having emotions. You're going to have to develop relationships.
[00:27:43]
Biblically speaking family is not blood nor is it the legality of marriage even though there's that covenant and they're those are the things that develop out of that but luke 8 21 he he he defined a real family in in spirit when jesus said my mother and my brothers are those who hear god's word and put it into practice it's could be blood relations but it's also beyond blood relations beyond even the formality of the nuclear family of a husband and wife and children the biological connections it's those who are connected through the spirit those who are putting god's word into practice and those are the people you want to pursue to develop a relation with you have to put the word into practice but as they're putting the word into practice you will be settled into a family you will start to have a family that doesn't usurp your authority doesn't take over your home and doesn't learn but you You're welcomed in and they're welcomed in into your family so that it's, it's mutual.
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So you don't want to get to the place where you feel like you're forsaken. Cause even in Psalm 27, 10, he says, even if your, your father and mother forsake you, God receives you. God accepts you. God takes you in. So the family of Christ is something that you have to willingly seek out, but willingly cooperate with the Lord as he even brings people your way as they offer.
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You can often go, well, my kid is missing out on a father or a mother or missing out on what a good family should be like. And you can get so focused on what is lacking and what is missing. Ecclesiastes even talks about that, that there, that there is no lack of lack. There's no end to what is lacking. Don't get focused on that because one, you as a child of God, if you're finding yourself in single parenting, no matter how you got there, today is the day and you. were called to this for such a time and your kid is a child of a single parent for such a time god has called you to this we talked about how this isn't god's design for the the the human race for the historical uh direction of the people but we sin but within that corruption god is not going i don't know what to do for you guys you keep messing up he knows what you need he knows how to redeem you he knows how to redeem your kids and he's giving you and your kid the best opportunity to respond to him it's for such a time as this just like esther she wasn't she was even like a daughter of adoption and single parenting with mordecai um so you look at that and go oh geez but for such a time as this that you you find yourself in such a situation but god has designated this for you this is your lot and that can feel hard but that actually should lift some weight off of you you're only responsible to be willing and obedient to walk the path he sets before you you cannot manufacture your own path it's not in your hands as jeremiah talks about that it's not in a person's will or ability to direct their own steps or we make plans but it's the lord who actually establishes our steps god is the one who's in charge of our life so if you find yourself single it was for such a time as this god has a purpose for you and your kids to bless you to save you so you need to understand that even though it ravages your life it it feels like it's consuming you joel 225 even says i will repay you the lord i will repay you for the years eaten by the locusts right he is going to take what is evil make it good take what is hard and make it a blessing he's the one who brings life out of death so so have hope that this is not just a random happening in your life he is working all things out for your good uh be encouraged by that that god sees you and he'll open your eyes to how to meet these needs if you're well and obedient but this didn't happen randomly to this you were called so follow him in this.
[00:32:18]
The last word i'm gonna bring out in this is is the idea of the sense that you're not capable of being a father and a mother or a mother and a father and of course god is going to fill in the gaps you're not going to do every little thing but we can get to the place where it's like my kid's just going to miss out on everything i'm downhearted just going i can't and yeah on your own you can't but you're not on your own god sees you and he'll enable you you can do the single parenting thing you can meet the challenges you can overcome all the hardships that come your way and all the challenges and you can meet your kid's need as you continue to walk with the lord as you grow in christ he will use you.
[00:35:06]
You can do it don't be discouraged don't let it don't despair you will have hard days you will have failures you will have times where you're going ah but god is able to redeem that time god is able to repay god is able to do these things because for such a time he sees you and he'll open your eyes if you will just continue to seek him if you're willing if you learn to obey if you if you continue to seek him out you'll be able to do everything you need to do even if it's as simple as asking someone else for help if that's what the time calls for if that's what the need is do you understand god's using you to advocate for your kid god will enable you and he will supply what is lacking he will he will meet every need and he'll do it even through you as a single parent because you can do everything through christ have hope god sees you god sees you and he will open your eyes to see how to fulfill the needs even if you don't understand it you will be meeting the needs of your kids when you're willing and obedient seeking the lord he sees you you're not on your own you're a single parent and yet you're not because jesus is with you have hope and keep walking with him peace
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