Embracing Reconciliation: Forgiveness and Justice in Relationships

"Now, I have to be honest, okay? Like, there's a story about Mike. I'm going to try to go real quickly. You're going to be like, you're the youth pastor? I'm like, yep, I'm the youth pastor. That there's this one Christmas morning when I think of the dysfunctional family in our Christmas, in my Christmas line. Now, remember, this is a story from Christmas morning. It's going to be great. And one Christmas morning, this was seven years ago, my wife, we're not married yet. We're engaged. And we go to my parents' house. I have three older sisters. And we all, you know, charge upon my parents' house in upstate New York. And in my family, it's a big deal to be on time. Don't be late. My oldest sister has three little kids. So we have to be on time to open presents. So there's this whole, like, tension already building. If you're late, like, we're going to look at you, kind of thing. There's tension. And just so happened that one of my sisters was late." [00:34:24] (48 seconds)


"And then there was this break in between breakfast. It was Christmas presents. Ignore. Pretend like we're good, even though we're not good. And then there's this break in between. And then we're going to all, like, get cleaned up and have a great breakfast. And then there was, that was the time that my oldest sister said, I think this is the moment to confront my sister. And I was like, oh, dear. Here we go. Christmas morning. And then there was and they started to talk about how it made each other feel that so -and -so was late and so -and -so felt shamed and all this thing was going on. And then my brother -in -law, the husband of the one who was late, started to, like, defend his wife, my sister. Rightfully so, gentlemen. And so he kind of just sits next to my sister and then, like, hears him talking. And then he gets offended by something my other sister says. And then he starts to chime in. But he doesn't chime in as gently. And he's kind of a little, a little intense to defend his wife. And then I hear this from the other room. And I tell Olivia, hold on. I got to go help." [00:35:32] (58 seconds)


"Joab is trying to protect his friend. Picking up in verse 2. So Joab sent someone to Tekoa, had a wise woman brought from there. He said to her, pretend you are in mourning. He's talking to this woman. Dress in mourning clothes. Don't use any cosmetic lotions. Act like a woman who has spent many days grieving for the dead. Then go to the king and speak these words to him. So Joab puts the words in her mouth. Hey, woman, I need you to do this. Here's, say this. This will get David's attention. You'll get through to him. And you go, why? Why didn't Absalom just go, hey, yo, David, you're being an idiot. Bring back your son." [00:41:26] (36 seconds)


"She said, Then let the king invoke the lord his god to prevent the avenger of blood from adding to the destruction so that my son will not be destroyed. Basically, she's saying, Please, David, I need a decision now. I don't want to go home and lay like, Come on, lord. Come on, your majesty. Right? She's trying to get a decision out of him now. Won't you please, please suspend the justice for the sake of bringing home my son, who is imaginary, and I'm making up to you right now, but bring him home to me. And David responds, As surely as the lord lives, he's convinced. All right, fine. Like, I need to, you won't go away, so okay, fine. Not one hair of your son's head will fall to the ground. And as soon as David says this, Joab and the woman go, Ah, got him. They knew. They knew right how to spin this to get David to say just the words. They've gotten David to ignore the cause of justice for the sake of family reunion. Ignore justice. Bring back your son." [00:44:09] (59 seconds)


"And then she continues, like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But that is not what God desires. Rather, he devises ways so that a banished person does not remain banished from him. David, you just counseled me that we should suspend justice for the sake of reconciliation. Reconciliation, meaning, hey, there's fragmentation, and there's the process of harmony again. That's the process. Reconciliation, let's come back together." [00:46:04] (30 seconds)


"What do we do with that? David, so here's a question we've got to ask when we read this text. Was that good advice from the woman? And really, Joab, was that good advice? We should suspend justice for the sake of reconciliation. What should my parents have done after I punched, slapped a hole in the wall? Should they suspend justice for the sake of reconciliation? The answer to that question is yes, absolutely. And? No!" [00:46:39] (34 seconds)


"Let's deal with the yes part first. We should be quick to reconcile with others. Should we suspend justice? Absolutely. We should be very gracious. I should be very forgiving towards others. We should be rich with reconciliation. We should be quick to overlook mistakes. I'm pretty sure there's a verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that love holds no record of wrongs. That's being quick to overlook mistakes." [00:47:22] (28 seconds)


"Now, hold on. I thought God finds a way to bring back his banished ones. He does. The question is, who are the banished ones? Are you? Do you feel like you are? Or you were? What's your story? I was. And this room is full of people either in two categories, where he used to be banished or are feeling banished under the weight of that banishment." [00:51:22] (24 seconds)


"He doesn't suspend justice with mulligans. He satisfies it. And you go, how? Hey, now instead, God looks at the guilty sinner in front of him and says, I will devise a way to bring you back to me. My holiness can't have your sin in my presence. My love draws you near. My holiness says, no, you may not enter. I'm holy, so I have to find a way to bring you back to me. And how do I do that? I'll give you my son." [00:53:32] (28 seconds)


"So we leave with two lessons, my friends. One is that we need to have this urgency. That we have to get it right in our personal relationships. And I know that is a loaded thing to say. Again, I'm not saying you just let it all go and your feelings aren't valid and what's happened and this and there's no consequences. That's not what I'm saying. But we have to figure out a way to get things right in your interpersonal relationships. You and I are not the judge, even though I want to be. And even though I want this. That's not the way. That's not the way to do it." [00:54:40] (34 seconds)


"A couple of days after I slapped that hole in the wall, I called up my brother -in -law because really I was mad at him. And he thought I was mad at him. And we figured it out a couple of days. We talked. Didn't let it fester. Didn't let it go on for 30 years. I said, hey man, we gotta figure this out. I'm sorry." [00:55:17] (25 seconds)