Embracing Love: Connection Beyond Romance and Sacrifice

 

Summary

On this special day, often associated with romance and courtship, I want to delve into a deeper understanding of love. While Valentine's Day is typically linked with hearts, flowers, and romantic gestures, its origins are rooted in a profound expression of love and sacrifice. The original Valentine, a devoted follower of Jesus, was martyred for his faith, exemplifying a love that transcends mere romantic affection. This historical perspective invites us to explore love as a profound connection that goes beyond the superficial.

C.S. Lewis noted that the concept of romantic love as a life-defining quest emerged in the 11th century, but love itself is much more profound. It is about connection, a theme explored by John and Julie Gottman in their research on relationships. They discovered that successful relationships are built on recognizing and responding to "bids for connection." These bids can be subtle or overt, and how we respond to them—by turning toward, away, or against—can significantly impact the strength of our relationships.

Turning toward these bids, even in small ways, can enrich our connections with others. Simple gestures like eye contact, a smile, or a touch can communicate care and build bonds. Jesus exemplified this through his frequent use of touch to connect with others, whether blessing children or healing the sick. His life was a continuous bid for connection, culminating in the ultimate expression of love through his sacrifice.

Today, I encourage you to be mindful of the bids for connection around you. Whether through a kind word, a gentle touch, or simply being present, these small acts can transform relationships. Remember, God is constantly making bids for connection with us, inviting us into a deeper relationship with Him. As we celebrate love today, let us embrace these opportunities to connect with others and with God, who loves us more than we can imagine.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Deeper Meaning of Valentine's Day: Valentine's Day's origins remind us of a love that involves sacrifice and devotion, as exemplified by the original Valentine, who was martyred for his faith. This challenges us to view love as more than just romantic gestures but as a profound commitment to others and to God. [02:40]

2. Understanding Bids for Connection: Relationships thrive when we recognize and respond to bids for connection. These can be subtle gestures or words that invite us to engage with others. Turning toward these bids strengthens our bonds, while ignoring or rejecting them can weaken relationships. [05:01]

3. The Power of Small Gestures: Simple acts like eye contact, a smile, or a touch can significantly impact our relationships. These small gestures are like deposits in a relational bank account, building trust and connection over time. [07:16]

4. Jesus' Example of Connection: Jesus frequently used touch to connect with others, demonstrating care and compassion. His life was a continuous bid for connection, inviting us into a relationship with Him and with each other. [09:36]

5. God's Constant Bid for Connection: God is always reaching out to us, inviting us into a deeper relationship. From the sound of God walking in the garden to the sending of Jesus, these are divine bids for connection, reminding us of His unwavering love. [11:13]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:13] - Valentine's Day Introduction
- [00:55] - Stories of Encouragement
- [01:24] - C.S. Lewis on Courtly Love
- [02:40] - The True Origin of Valentine's Day
- [03:53] - Invitation to Deeper Love
- [04:12] - The Gottmans' Research on Connection
- [05:01] - Responding to Bids for Connection
- [06:12] - The Impact of Turning Toward
- [07:16] - Recognizing Bids for Connection
- [08:14] - The Power of Touch
- [09:36] - Jesus' Example of Connection
- [10:26] - God's Bid for Connection
- [11:32] - Closing Blessing

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
1. Genesis 3:8 - "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden."
2. John 15:15 - "I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

Observation Questions:
1. What was the original significance of Valentine's Day according to the sermon, and how does it differ from today's common perceptions? [02:40]
2. How did the concept of "courtly love" emerge, and what does C.S. Lewis say about its historical development? [01:24]
3. What are "bids for connection" as described by John and Julie Gottman, and how do they impact relationships? [04:12]
4. How did Jesus exemplify connection through touch, and what are some examples given in the sermon? [09:36]

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the original story of Valentine challenge modern views of love and sacrifice? What implications does this have for how we view love today? [02:40]
2. In what ways do the Gottmans' findings on "bids for connection" relate to the biblical concept of love and community? [04:12]
3. How does Jesus' use of touch in his ministry reflect God's desire for connection with humanity? [09:36]
4. What does the Genesis account of God walking in the garden suggest about God's intentions for relationship with humanity? [10:41]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on the original meaning of Valentine's Day. How can you incorporate the idea of sacrificial love into your relationships this week? [02:40]
2. Identify a recent "bid for connection" you may have missed or ignored. How can you respond differently next time to strengthen that relationship? [05:01]
3. Think of a small gesture, like a smile or touch, that you can use to communicate care to someone in your life today. How might this change your relationship with them? [08:14]
4. Jesus often used touch to connect with others. Is there someone in your life who might need a reassuring touch or gesture of kindness? How can you offer that this week? [09:36]
5. Consider how God is making bids for connection with you. What is one way you can respond to deepen your relationship with Him this week? [11:13]
6. Reflect on a time when you felt disconnected from God or others. What steps can you take to turn toward those relationships and rebuild connection? [10:26]
7. How can you be more mindful of the small opportunities for connection in your daily interactions, and what impact might this have on your community? [07:16]

Devotional

Day 1: Love as Sacrifice and Devotion
Love is often celebrated through romantic gestures, but its true essence is found in sacrifice and devotion. The original Valentine exemplified this by giving his life for his faith, demonstrating a love that transcends mere affection. This historical perspective challenges us to view love as a profound commitment to others and to God, inviting us to explore deeper connections that go beyond the superficial. As we reflect on Valentine's Day, let us remember that true love involves a willingness to sacrifice and devote ourselves to the well-being of others. [02:40]

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13, ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life can you show sacrificial love to today, and what specific action can you take to demonstrate this love?


Day 2: Recognizing and Responding to Bids for Connection
Successful relationships are built on recognizing and responding to "bids for connection," as discovered by John and Julie Gottman. These bids can be subtle or overt, and how we respond to them—by turning toward, away, or against—can significantly impact the strength of our relationships. Turning toward these bids, even in small ways, can enrich our connections with others. By being attentive and responsive, we can strengthen our bonds and create a more loving and supportive environment. [05:01]

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)

Reflection: Identify a recent bid for connection from someone close to you. How did you respond, and how might you respond differently in the future to strengthen that relationship?


Day 3: The Impact of Small Gestures
Simple acts like eye contact, a smile, or a touch can significantly impact our relationships. These small gestures are like deposits in a relational bank account, building trust and connection over time. By being mindful of these opportunities, we can communicate care and build stronger bonds with those around us. Jesus exemplified this through his frequent use of touch to connect with others, whether blessing children or healing the sick. [07:16]

"A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit." (Proverbs 15:4, ESV)

Reflection: What small gesture can you make today to show someone you care and are present in their life?


Day 4: Jesus' Example of Connection
Jesus frequently used touch to connect with others, demonstrating care and compassion. His life was a continuous bid for connection, inviting us into a relationship with Him and with each other. By following His example, we can learn to be more present and attentive to the needs of those around us, fostering deeper and more meaningful connections. [09:36]

"And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them." (Mark 10:16, ESV)

Reflection: How can you emulate Jesus' example of connection in your interactions with others today?


Day 5: God's Constant Bid for Connection
God is always reaching out to us, inviting us into a deeper relationship. From the sound of God walking in the garden to the sending of Jesus, these are divine bids for connection, reminding us of His unwavering love. As we celebrate love, let us embrace these opportunities to connect with God, who loves us more than we can imagine. [11:13]

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." (Revelation 3:20, ESV)

Reflection: In what ways can you open your heart to God's bids for connection today, and how might this deepen your relationship with Him?

Quotes

Valentine was initially about something way deeper you may know about this we associate Valentine's Day with hearts and candies and flowers and romance but the initial Valentine so far as is known was thought to have lived in about the third Century after Jesus and was actually in Africa. [00:02:40]

The initial Valentine was not associated at all with falling in love or romance but he was a devoted follower of Jesus and he was persecuted and actually beheaded for his faith, and many many many centuries later Saint Valentine's Feast got associated with this time of year and animals mating with each other. [00:03:13]

At its core it was about somebody whose love for God and for people were so deep that it cost them everything. We don't usually mean it in that way if you say to somebody could I be your Valentine usually it doesn't mean would you please behead me, but that's where Valentine's got its start. [00:03:35]

Couple John and Julia Gottman write about this quite fascinating they discovered it almost by accident they would have a lot of people in their labs they were looking at Mary but this this extends far beyond marriage and they would video folks and they didn't even know at first what they were looking for. [00:04:12]

Pretty quickly a pattern emerged surrounding what we started calling bids for connection. One person would make a bid initiating a moment of connection, it could be physical or verbal overt or subtle, and the researcher controlling the camera would zoom in on the other person's face people responded to bids for Connection in one of three ways. [00:04:28]

By turning toward they gave a positive or affirmative response acknowledging the other person and engaging with their attempt to connect even a hmm can be counted as a turning toward in fact if you're Scandinavian it counts as gushing enthusiasm and high emotional intelligence hmm. [00:04:58]

The number one way for you to bring value into your relationship and to be bonded to friends family members people in your life is to become an expert at offering and recognizing and responding to bids of connection. So be on the lookout for small bids of connection think of every moment kind of like you're walking around and you're looking for money on the ground. [00:06:52]

Every single moment you positively respond to another person is money in your bank account, and then one last word if you want to communicate care today every once in a while when you're with somebody just touch them. [00:08:09]

One of the interesting things about Jesus is how often he would offer touch little children would come and the Texas he would place his hands on them and bless them, people that nobody else would touch a leper comes it was against the law to touch a leopard Jesus touched the leper before we cleansed the leper. [00:09:26]

Notice by look or by word when they want to connect, and then lastly on this day know this whoever you are young old single married happy sad up down God loves you more than you have any idea. [00:10:09]

That was a bid for connection from God, want to go for a walk, the Tabernacle and the temple that's a bid for connection from God the ache we have that makes us cry out to the universe that's a bid for connection all the way of course to the ultimate bid for connection on God's part which is his sending of his son Jesus to be our friend. [00:10:51]

God is making a bid for connection every moment of your life. [00:11:32]

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Transcript
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