Marriage and family remains one of the primary tools that God uses to shape us, maybe the most important tool that he uses to shape us, to mature us, and to more loving, sacrificial, trusting people. Marriage and family remains one of God's primary ways for shaping and maturing and healing a broken world. We can't get away from it.
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Now, the thing about relationships is that they're difficult, and there are no perfect marriages, and there are no perfect families, and there are no perfect children, and everything doesn't work out the way you want. And that's certainly true in the narrative that we read through Abraham and Sarah. Their relationships were difficult. And just like us, they had a hard time trusting God with the things that were most dear to them, which are the people in their life.
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God uses broken vessels, including families and marriages that are good but not perfect.
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Despite their struggles, Sarah and Abraham loved each other through the bad times and the hard seasons and the difficult struggles in life. And there's a beautiful scene I'll read to you in a moment where Sarah passes away, and we're told that Abraham mourns because he loved his wife. At the very end. They had a good family, not a perfect one.
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Even adulthood without children is not something to be looked down upon. In fact, the scriptures say that the station in life is one that is honored. Whether it's a temporary season of singleness or a permanent season, it's a blessing the scriptures describe. But it certainly isn't for everyone. But for some, singleness should not be treated as a waiting room. Rather, it's a calling. After all, Jesus was single and never had children, and he was the most fulfilled, joyful person that ever lived.
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There are a number of different ways to build a family. They're all honored in the scripture. They're special. Marriage and family and children are a part of our lives, and it's really important. It's the foundation of all culture and civilization. It's been that way for a very, very long time.
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There's a narrative that's going around today in our culture that says, when you get married and you have kids, the fun is over. The freedom is over. In fact, let me read you a few quotes that I've just grabbed off of social media over the years that just capture some of the sentiment of our culture today looking down on something that's really, really special, these commitments that lead to joy.
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But the data shares something different. For example, the happiest women in America today are young, married moms. They also happen to be the tiredest. Self -reported. The category of women most fulfilled and happy today are young, married moms. There's not a lot of places you're going to hear that, but you can find it. It's real data, self -reported by people in these large studies. The happiest men today in America are married men.
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Christian couples are 40 % less likely to get a divorce than non -Christian couples. That old stat that we get divorced at the same rate is not true at all, and it hasn't been for a very long time. Which also means that living within some structure of support and having something like the Scriptures guide us and having someone like the Holy Spirit resource us in our marriage is actually a helpful way to handle the most important relationship in your life.
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We cannot talk about maturity as adults without talking about these relationships because we need to be mature for these relationships. But here's the secret. It's in these relationships that God matures us. I am a different person because of my marriage. I am a different person because of my wife, Elise. I'm a different person because I'm a dad. I'm a different person because of my sons. God has used that to change me, and he continues to use that to change me.
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Commitments are relational. That's why they're important, because people matter. It's responsibility in relation to another person or persons.
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The first stage is the struggle to get your life together. This is the stage you go through when you're young. Your young adult years, you're trying to figure out who you're going to be, what you're going to be. You're getting your life together. Stage one gives way to stage two. And stage two is the struggle to give your life away. These are the middle age years, all the way up into your 70s, where you are pouring yourself into your career, your children, your grandchildren, your marriage, your community. You're giving your life away. That's what a mature person is meant to do during those years.
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His life was not a life of just drifting around, going from one thing that he thought would be fun to another thing. He is setting down roots. He is living a life of responsibility and commitment, and God would use it, and it would lead to blessing in his life. Later on, we're told that Abraham was blessed in every way. The blessings that would come in every way would not happen if he would not have first been a man of commitment and responsibility.
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Scripture teaches that your marriage must be the highest earthly priority second only to your relationship with God. It should take precedence over your career, your ministry, your parents, your friends, even your children one day.
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Marriage is a gift. It's not just a commitment. It's life -generating. It's life -giving. It's life -forming. It's renewing.
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It's a gift because you get the gift of friendship. On your wedding day, you get to marry your best friend. Like, the remedy to loneliness is friendship. You get to marry a friend that is going to move with you in every way and share everything with you.
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Your marriage has more potential in your adult years to change you than anything else. Because it's the rest of your life. It's an incredible tool that God uses.
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One of the struggles with marriage is that couples don't know how to deal with their shadow individually and together. There are some things that we are continually growing and saying yes to this gift of being changed through their marriage or facing their shadow as individuals and together.
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There's something to staying committed, persevering, especially during the shadow moments, especially when you hit a wall, that when you do that, on the other side is greater joy, happiness, intimacy, love, connection. This is how it works with God. It's not always up and to the right. Life is full of our shadow. It's full of these walls. Marriage is a gift that way.
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Marriage is also a gift because it's meant to be a gift to other people. Your marriage, if you're married or you're married, your marriage someday is meant to be a gift to the people around you.
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Couples, when you love each other, you are pointing to something invisible, something truly special, and that is Jesus' love for his church and for humanity. I don't know how it works. It's why Paul called it a mega mystery, but somehow it puts a framework in people's hearts and minds and souls that allows them more easily to understand the love of God for them.
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Children are a gift in the sense that your life is full of relationships. It helps prevent loneliness. In fact, what happens is when you have children, you begin to crave loneliness all over again.
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I've learned more about the love of God the Father from being a father than I ever learned listening to sermons or reading the scriptures, which is kind of a strange thing for a pastor to say. But it's helped me understand what the scriptures actually say about God's unconditional love and the role of boundaries and discipline in love. All those things. It's an incredible gift.
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You're never fully mature until there's someone or something that matters more to you than you. And there's a number of things that are meant to be like that, like Jesus and his kingdom and our families and even someday other people. When you get to that place, that's a sign of maturity.
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Families are built in different ways, and God blesses and recognizes different kinds of families. He does. Multiple marriages, blended families, adoptive families. God recognizes different families. And we see it in scripture that he built families that he used as blessings to the world and places where those people could be blessed. He built those families in very, very different ways.
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As parents, what we're doing is we're trying to teach our kids to learn to hear the voice of God so that he might lead them. Because at some point, they need to stop listening to us so they can listen to him.
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Let's enjoy the blessing that comes. Let's know what to do when it gets tough, because it will, and let's support each other when that happens.
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