Embracing Humility and Submission in Marriage
Summary
In today's sermon, we embarked on a journey through the complexities of humility and submission within the context of marriage, guided by biblical principles and practical insights. We began by addressing the cultural misconceptions surrounding these virtues, particularly how they are often viewed as outdated or negative. However, as we delved into the scriptures, it became clear that these are not only relevant but essential for a thriving, Christ-centered marriage.
We explored the concept of humility, not as self-deprecation but as a selfless way of valuing others above oneself. This was illustrated through the analogy of dogs and cats, where a dog sees its owner as a master to serve and love, reflecting the attitude we ought to have towards our spouses and others. This perspective shift from self-centeredness to other-centeredness is counter-cultural but deeply rooted in the teachings of Jesus.
The discussion then shifted to the sensitive topic of submission, particularly within the marital relationship. We examined Ephesians 5, which calls for wives to submit to their husbands and husbands to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. This mutual submission is not about control or dominance but about loving and respecting each other deeply, reflecting Jesus' submission to the church's needs.
Practical steps were offered to cultivate humility and submission in our daily lives. These included admitting when we are wrong, moving towards our spouse emotionally, performing acts of service without seeking recognition, and choosing to lose small battles to win over in love. Each of these actions challenges us to put biblical principles into practice in tangible, impactful ways.
As we concluded, the emphasis was placed on the transformative power of living out these principles. By choosing humility and submission, we not only enrich our marriages but also bear witness to the radical, counter-cultural love of Christ. This kind of love has the power to change not just individual relationships but entire communities.
### Key Takeaways
1. Humility is Misunderstood: Humility is often seen negatively in our culture, which celebrates self-promotion and individualism. However, true biblical humility involves recognizing our own flaws and putting others' needs before our own. This is not about thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less, as C.S. Lewis pointed out. Embracing this can transform our relationships and our approach to conflicts within marriage. [11:54]
2. The Power of Submission: Submission in marriage, as outlined in Ephesians 5, is not about hierarchy or dominance but about mutual respect and love. When both partners live out their call to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, it fosters a deeper intimacy and partnership. This mutual submission is a powerful testimony to the selfless love of Christ. [20:55]
3. Practical Steps to Humility: Admitting when we are wrong is a practical step towards humility that can have a profound impact on our relationships. It requires us to swallow our pride and acknowledge our imperfections, which can lead to healing and restored relationships. This act of vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. [30:35]
4. Submission as a Strength: True submission is about putting the needs and well-being of others above our own desires. In marriage, this might mean deferring to our spouse's preferences or making sacrifices for their benefit. This does not diminish our value but showcases our strength in prioritizing the health of the relationship over personal gain. [32:44]
5. Cultivating a Culture of Mutual Respect: By practicing humility and submission, we can create a culture of mutual respect and love in our marriages that extends to our broader community interactions. This culture challenges the prevailing norms of self-centeredness and promotes a more compassionate, understanding approach to relationships. [35:00]
### Chapters
0:00 - Welcome
01:16 - Introduction to Humility and Submission
02:50 - Why Focus on Marriage?
04:39 - Misconceptions about Humility
06:29 - Humility Illustrated with Pets
08:20 - Biblical Commands to Humility
10:03 - The Challenge of Humility in Marriage
11:54 - Practical Humility in Relationships
13:27 - The Silent Communication of Attitudes
15:22 - Humility Exercise
17:07 - Addressing Personal Flaws
19:11 - Understanding Submission in Context
20:55 - Biblical Basis for Submission
22:45 - Misuse of Submission in Marriages
24:32 - Mutual Submission Explained
26:16 - The Importance of Mutual Respect
28:15 - Illustration of True Submission
30:35 - Practical Steps Toward Humility
32:44 - The Role of Submission in Conflict
35:00 - The Impact of Humility and Submission on Community
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:22-25: "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
2. 1 Peter 5:6-7: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
3. James 4:10: "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."
#### Observation Questions
1. What does Ephesians 5:22-25 say about the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
2. According to 1 Peter 5:6-7, what are we instructed to do under God's mighty hand, and what is the promise associated with it?
3. How does James 4:10 describe the outcome of humbling ourselves before the Lord?
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the concept of mutual submission in Ephesians 5:21-25 challenge cultural views on marriage roles? [24:32]
2. In what ways does 1 Peter 5:6-7 encourage believers to handle their anxieties and worries? How might this apply to marital relationships?
3. What does James 4:10 suggest about the relationship between humility and being lifted up by God? How can this principle be applied in a marriage context?
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent conflict in your marriage or close relationship. How could practicing humility have changed the outcome? [11:54]
2. Think about a time when you felt superior to your spouse or a close friend. How did this affect your relationship, and what steps can you take to foster humility instead? [12:12]
3. Submission can often be misunderstood as weakness. How can you reframe submission as a strength in your marriage or relationships? [32:44]
4. Identify one practical step you can take this week to move towards your spouse emotionally. How will you ensure you follow through with this action? [30:07]
5. Consider a small "battle" you can choose to lose this week to win in love. What is it, and how will you approach it? [32:15]
6. How can you create a culture of mutual respect and love in your marriage that extends to your broader community interactions? [35:00]
7. Reflect on the analogy of dogs and cats used in the sermon. How can adopting a "dog-like" attitude of service and love transform your approach to your spouse or close relationships? [06:29]
Devotional
Day 1: Embracing True Biblical Humility
Humility is often misunderstood in our culture, which tends to celebrate self-promotion and individualism. True biblical humility, however, is about recognizing our own limitations and putting the needs of others before our own. It's not about thinking less of ourselves but thinking of ourselves less, a concept famously noted by C.S. Lewis. This form of humility can significantly transform our relationships, especially within marriage, where it fosters a deeper understanding and resolution of conflicts. By embracing this humility, we can improve how we interact not only with our spouse but with everyone around us. [11:54]
Philippians 2:3-4: "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
Reflection: How can you demonstrate biblical humility in a specific relationship today, prioritizing their needs above your own?
Day 2: The Strength in Mutual Submission
Submission within marriage, as described in Ephesians 5, is often misconstrued as a hierarchy or a form of dominance. However, true submission is about mutual respect and love. It involves both partners submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, which fosters a deeper intimacy and partnership. This mutual submission is a powerful testimony to the selfless love of Christ and can profoundly impact the health and dynamic of a marriage. Embracing this concept can lead to a more harmonious and supportive relationship. [20:55]
Ephesians 5:21: "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Reflection: In what ways can you practice submission in your marriage this week to reflect Christ's love and foster deeper intimacy?
Day 3: The Power of Admitting Our Wrongs
One practical step towards cultivating humility is admitting when we are wrong. This act requires swallowing our pride and acknowledging our imperfections, which can lead to healing and restored relationships. It's a demonstration of strength, not weakness, showing a willingness to grow and improve. This vulnerability can significantly impact our relationships, making them more authentic and grounded in mutual respect and understanding. [30:35]
James 5:16: "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
Reflection: Think of a recent situation where you were wrong. How can you admit this mistake to the involved person today?
Day 4: Submission as an Act of Love
True submission in marriage involves putting the needs and well-being of our spouse above our own desires. This act of deference can be a powerful expression of love and commitment, showcasing our strength in prioritizing the health of the relationship over personal gain. By practicing this form of submission, we not only enrich our marriage but also set a profound example for others in how to maintain loving and respectful relationships. [32:44]
1 Peter 4:8-9: "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling."
Reflection: What is one specific way you can submit to your spouse's preferences this week as an act of love?
Day 5: Cultivating a Culture of Mutual Respect
By practicing humility and submission, we can create a culture of mutual respect and love in our marriages that extends to our broader community interactions. This culture challenges the prevailing norms of self-centeredness and promotes a more compassionate, understanding approach to relationships. As we embody these virtues, we influence those around us, potentially transforming not just our personal relationships but also the wider community. [35:00]
Romans 12:10: "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
Reflection: How can you contribute to creating a culture of mutual respect and love in your community this week?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "The best way I have discovered to illustrate the difference between humility and lack of humility is by looking at animals, looking at cats and dogs. If you have a dog, for example, and if we could go inside that dog's brain and figure out what he's thinking, he's thinking something like this. He's looking at you and going, wow, you love me, you feed me, you pet me, you care for me, you do all this stuff for me. You must be God. You're awesome. I love you." [06:29]
2. "Humility is learning how to yield. Marriage, if you think about it this way, is a lifelong two-car traffic jam learning how to use the zipper method. It's a lifelong two-car traffic jam and each of you are just like, no, you go first. No, you go first. You go first. When you yield and submit to your spouse, you're choosing to let them go first." [08:20]
3. "The good news about humility is that you can practice it and grow in it. Humility is kind of like a muscle in that regard. The more you work it out, the stronger it gets. That's the good news of humility. The bad news of humility is unless you force yourself to practice humility, humility will be forced upon you in the form of humiliation." [10:03]
4. "You show me a man who is fully submitted to Christ and his wife. I'll show you a woman who has absolutely no problem submitting to him. Not at all. She will do it gladly. You show me a man who is not submitted to anything or anyone. Let alone Christ. Let alone his wife. I'll show you a woman who has no interest in what you have to say about Ephesians chapter 5." [26:16]
### Quotes for Members
1. "It's not really submission until it feels like submission. Meaning, yeah, I don't, I want to do this, but they're saying no. Guys, if you want to do something and you have people or a person or a group of people in your life, whether it be a spouse or a life group or whatever it is, and you're like, I'm going full on down this way and they're all saying, man, I don't know. I don't think you ought to do that." [32:44]
2. "Humility is not ignoring someone's flaws. It's having the courage to look at your own flaws first. It's not ignoring anyone's flaws because they're real and they did damage and they were hurtful. But humility is having the courage to look at your own flaws first. It's doing Matthew 7. It's saying, hey, I want to take that log out of my eye first before I try to tell you to spec in your eye." [11:54]
3. "Whatever you are thinking secretly will still be communicated silently. You can't help but communicate it. If you're thinking it secretly privately, it will be communicated silently. They will feel it. If it's someone who's really close to you, they will feel it even more even faster. What you are thinking silently will be communicated silently." [13:27]
4. "Practicing humility is not overly complicated, but guys, it is painfully difficult. Painfully difficult. Simple, not easy. So let's do a humility exercise because I know you all love exercises. Humility exercise. Here we go. I do want you to participate in this one. All you got to do is lift your hand really high. Lift your hand high. If you agree with this statement, I have some issues." [15:22]
5. "Mutual submission. Make no mistake. I don't want to claim that there's not a biblical order to submission. There absolutely is. You can't read the Bible and tell me there's not. There is an order to biblical submission. Man is called to submit to God and his wife. But the reason most women I know have a problem submitting to their husbands is because this man in their life has chosen to submit to no one." [26:16]
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