Embracing Grace: The Power of Trying Softer

 

Summary

In our journey of faith, we often find ourselves striving relentlessly, believing that more effort will lead to greater spiritual growth and fulfillment. However, today, I want to share a transformative concept that can change how we approach our daily lives: "Try Softer." This idea, though counterintuitive, invites us to release the tight grip of control and embrace a gentler, more grace-filled way of living.

Reflecting on my own experiences, I recall a time when I was consumed by the desire to excel in my pastoral duties. I was reading extensively, managing resources, and pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. It was then that a wise friend advised me to "try softer." This doesn't mean abandoning effort altogether, but rather recognizing when our striving becomes counterproductive. The ancient Greeks understood this balance, as illustrated by the story of a painter who achieved his desired effect only when he stopped trying so hard.

Jesus, in the Gospel of Matthew, offers us a profound invitation: "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. This doesn't mean a life free from work, but rather a life where we engage with purpose and reliance on God's strength. Jesus, the master carpenter, knows how to fit the yoke perfectly, bearing the heavier load alongside us.

In our modern world, we are bombarded with advice on how to live our lives, often leading to overwhelming expectations. Yet, Jesus calls us to a different way—a way of surrender and trust. By trying softer, we allow God to direct our thoughts and actions, freeing us from the burden of self-seeking and control. This approach transforms our relationships, work, and spiritual journey, allowing us to live with peace and authenticity.

Key Takeaways:

- The concept of "Try Softer" encourages us to release the need for control and embrace a more grace-filled approach to life. This doesn't mean abandoning effort but recognizing when our striving becomes counterproductive. [01:12]

- Jesus invites us to take His easy yoke, which is not a call to idleness but a call to engage in life with reliance on God's strength. His yoke is perfectly fitted for us, bearing the heavier load alongside us. [05:35]

- In our relationships, trying softer means allowing others to be themselves without attempting to control or manage them. This approach fosters genuine connections and reduces relational stress. [10:31]

- At work, trying softer involves releasing the obsession over tasks and deadlines, trusting that God will guide our efforts and provide the necessary strength and wisdom. [10:44]

- In our spiritual journey, trying softer means bringing whatever faith we have to God, trusting that He will meet us where we are and lead us into deeper trust and rest. [10:08]

Youtube Chapters:

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:17] - Living One Day at a Time
[00:27] - The Concept of "Try Softer"
[01:12] - Personal Experience with Striving
[02:09] - The Illusion of Control
[02:54] - The Painter's Lesson
[03:30] - The Exhaustion of Control
[04:10] - The Limits of Willpower
[05:09] - Jesus' Invitation to Rest
[06:09] - Understanding the Yoke
[07:55] - Choosing Jesus' Yoke
[08:25] - The Role of the Carpenter
[09:25] - The Power of Relaxation
[10:08] - Faith and Trust
[10:31] - Relationships and Control
[11:00] - Conclusion and Daily Practice

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: "Try Softer"

Bible Reading:
- Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Observation Questions:
1. What does Jesus promise to those who are weary and burdened in Matthew 11:28-30?
2. How does the sermon describe the concept of "Try Softer" in relation to personal effort and control? [01:12]
3. What example from the sermon illustrates the idea that trying too hard can be counterproductive? [02:22]
4. How does the sermon explain the role of Jesus as a carpenter in fitting the yoke perfectly for us? [09:13]

Interpretation Questions:
1. What might Jesus mean when He says His yoke is easy and His burden is light? How does this contrast with the burdens we often place on ourselves? [05:35]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that trying softer can lead to more authentic relationships? [10:31]
3. How does the concept of "Try Softer" challenge the common belief that more effort always leads to better results? [01:12]
4. What does the sermon imply about the relationship between surrendering control and experiencing peace in our spiritual journey? [10:08]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a time when you felt overwhelmed by trying too hard. How might adopting the "Try Softer" approach have changed that situation? [01:12]
2. In what areas of your life are you currently striving for control? How can you begin to release that control and trust in God's strength? [02:09]
3. Consider your relationships. How can you practice allowing others to be themselves without trying to manage or control them? [10:31]
4. At work, what is one task or deadline you are obsessing over? How can you trust God to guide your efforts and provide the necessary strength and wisdom? [10:44]
5. In your spiritual journey, what does "trying softer" look like for you? How can you bring your current level of faith to God and trust Him to lead you into deeper rest? [10:08]
6. Identify a specific area where you feel burdened. What steps can you take this week to accept Jesus' invitation to rest and take on His easy yoke? [05:35]
7. How can you incorporate the practice of "trying softer" into your daily routine to foster a more grace-filled and authentic life? [01:12]

Devotional

Day 1: Embrace Grace Over Control
In our fast-paced world, the concept of "Try Softer" encourages us to release the need for control and embrace a more grace-filled approach to life. This doesn't mean abandoning effort but recognizing when our striving becomes counterproductive. By letting go of the tight grip of control, we open ourselves to a gentler way of living, where grace takes precedence over relentless effort. This approach allows us to experience life more fully, with peace and authenticity, as we trust in a higher power to guide our steps. [01:12]

"For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, 'In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.' But you were unwilling." (Isaiah 30:15, ESV)

Reflection: What is one area of your life where you are holding on too tightly? How can you begin to release control and invite grace into that area today?


Day 2: Rest in Jesus' Yoke
Jesus invites us to take His easy yoke, which is not a call to idleness but a call to engage in life with reliance on God's strength. His yoke is perfectly fitted for us, bearing the heavier load alongside us. This invitation is a profound reminder that we are not meant to carry our burdens alone. By accepting His yoke, we find rest and strength, knowing that we are supported by a loving presence that understands our struggles and walks with us through them. [05:35]

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:29, ESV)

Reflection: What burdens are you currently carrying that you need to share with Jesus? How can you practically take His yoke upon you today?


Day 3: Foster Genuine Connections
In our relationships, trying softer means allowing others to be themselves without attempting to control or manage them. This approach fosters genuine connections and reduces relational stress. By releasing the need to control others, we create space for authentic interactions and deeper understanding. This not only enhances our relationships but also allows us to experience the joy of connecting with others in a meaningful way, free from the pressure of expectations. [10:31]

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a relationship where you tend to exert control. How can you practice letting go and allowing that person to be themselves today?


Day 4: Trust God in Your Work
At work, trying softer involves releasing the obsession over tasks and deadlines, trusting that God will guide our efforts and provide the necessary strength and wisdom. This doesn't mean neglecting responsibilities but rather approaching them with a sense of peace and trust. By doing so, we can work more effectively and joyfully, knowing that we are not alone in our endeavors and that our efforts are supported by divine guidance. [10:44]

"Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established." (Proverbs 16:3, ESV)

Reflection: What is one work-related task or deadline that is causing you stress? How can you commit it to God and trust Him to guide your efforts?


Day 5: Deepen Your Spiritual Journey
In our spiritual journey, trying softer means bringing whatever faith we have to God, trusting that He will meet us where we are and lead us into deeper trust and rest. This approach encourages us to be honest about our spiritual state and to rely on God's grace to grow. By doing so, we open ourselves to a transformative journey where our faith is nurtured and strengthened, allowing us to experience a deeper connection with the divine. [10:08]

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6, ESV)

Reflection: In what area of your spiritual life do you feel the need to try softer? How can you invite God to meet you there and lead you into deeper trust?

Quotes



"so we're learning how to live one day at a time and do that with god and do that by just having one clear simple thought to take with us all through the day to anchor our lives and the one today is super memorable i promise you you will you will take it with you it's only two words and it will change your life it's kind of counter-intuitive tell you when i first heard about a long time ago i had taken a job at a church and i was going to be leading the church and i was trying so hard and i wanted to preach sermons that were inspiring and compelling and deep and that everybody would like and wanted to lead for everything i was worth and was reading all kinds of books on this and trying to cast vision and manage resources as and and supervise people and challenge and come in early and stay late and i was exhausted wasn't it also that was going very well somebody who'd been around the church for a long time came into my office closed the door and said john i can see you working really hard we all can see you're trying really really hard here's my advice for you try softer sometimes trying harder more strain more effort more work just begins to feel contrived and and not be effective anymore and you're not at your best you're not relaxed you're not natural if trying harder is not getting you where you want to go try softer i was taking me a long time to come to grips with those words it doesn't mean that trying is a bad thing being able to exercise effort is a glorious capacity god has given to us but if trying harder is not getting you where you want to go here's something you might try try softer instead of white knuckling teeth gritting clenched fist more effortful trying to be in control somebody said control is the master addiction and that kind of trying that doesn't do us good is when we are trying to control what we're actually not able to control" [00:09:36]

"ancient greeks talked about this there was a painter a palace and he was trying to paint the kind of foam that would come from a horse's mouth when a horse had been running and he tried and he tried and he tried everything every kind of breaststroke nothing worked finally he gave up and he threw the sponge that he would use to clean his paint brushes against the painting and he found to his amazement that that sponge created exactly what it was that he was trying to create with all of his effort that he could not do and when he quit trying so hard it happened and every one of us will know this experience in some area of our life if you've ever been involved in athletics then you'll know there's a moment where trying to hit a serve harder actually reaches a point of diminishing returns or in music trying harder to play the piece exactly right just doesn't cut it or when you're on a first date with somebody trying harder to impress them actually makes you less yourself or on a job interview so then try softer because uh what exhausts us is not effort the capacity for effort is a good thing what exhausts us is when we try to control what we are actually not able to control" [00:140:64]

"leslie farmer is a brilliant psychiatrist who wrote that we live in the age of disordered will and farber said when it comes to the will there are two arenas of life two realms there are objects that we are able to control directly by choosing there are acts that we can make happen by willing them but then there are goals there are trajectories there are outcomes that we would like to enter into and we cannot control them by our will we can will knowledge he said but not wisdom i can will going to bed but not going to sleep you ever try really really hard to go to sleep i can will eating but not hunger i can will bravado but not courage i can will lust but not love i can will religiosity but not faith william james noted over a century ago it's such a strange thing that there'll be certain endeavors like when there's a name that you're trying to remember and you can't remember and you try and try and try super hard and the harder you try the more frustrated you get and then when you give up it just comes to you it just comes when you try softer that's a picture of grace" [00:217:599]

"no one has ever spoken of this more powerfully than jesus did and one of the most compelling times was in the gospel of matthew in the 11th chapter he came to people who were exhausted from trying really hard religious leaders very often send a message to people of just try harder try harder try harder try harder to believe in god try harder to be more faithful try harder to be a better person and it kills the human spirit and so jesus says come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden and i will give you rest take my yoke on you and learn for me for i am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls for my yoke is easy and my burden is light such amazing words he says if you're tired if you labor and you're heavy laden come to me and i will give you rest take my yoke on you now that's very strange yolk is a an instrument of burden it's an instrument of work if you're tired he doesn't say i will give you a vacation a trip to vegas valium and he says i will give you a way to do work why because we were made to contribute we were made to engage with life that's a glorious and good thing to do but we were ourselves out with it in jesus day in particular a yoke was a word that rabbis would often use to describe their understanding their way to arrange your life around god's will and god's word there were all these commandments in israel and they were a great gift to israel but people had to try to figure out if you're not supposed to work on the sabbath what constitute work and one rabbi would have one idea and one would have another idea so that was a rabbi's yoke here's the thing everybody has a yoke because we all have to live we all have to find a way of doing life so dr phil has a yoke dr oz have a as a yoke dr ruth as a yoke i read an article years ago i think it was in the usa today that looked at if you took the advice of all the experts in different fields of life how much do experts in sleep say you're supposed to sleep each day and financial experts say you should spend on managing your finances each day and health experts say you should spend exercising each day and um vocational experts how much did you devote to your job and parenting experts how much you devote your to your children or to your marriage or to flossing your teeth and it ended up by the time you totaled it all together it was something like 36 hours a day like there's not that much time in a day everybody has a yoke the question is not whether or not you will have a yoke whose yoke will you choose and jesus says my yoke is easy because what he aims at is transformation from the inside where i learn to rely not on my own power but the power of god it begins with surrender the easy yoke i can't he can i think i'll let him your will be done and then something beautiful about his yoke for you to take into this day try softer try softer try ken softer a pastor friend of mine talks about how in jesus day uh carpenters of course were the ones that would construct a yoke and a good carpenter would go to a farm and now yoke is not something that i take on by myself a yoke was always created for a pair of oxen for two different animals and a good carpenter would know which animal was stronger which animal was more experienced which animal was able to bear more of the weight and sometimes with yoke you would even have different size hole depending on the size of the animal so that the stronger animal could bear the heavier weight jesus was a good carpenter you get in the yolk with him see that's the thing that's what makes his yoke easy i don't bear it on my own and neither do you he bears the heaviest weight and that's why i don't have to go through life with my teeth clenched and my brow furrowed and and my muscles all tensed up amazing things happen when you just relax what i love about the morning prayer from aa as it begins now god direct my thinking so that it's divorced from self-seeking dishonesty self-pity self-will and fear inspire my thoughts decisions and intuitions help me to relax and take it easy almost every morning when i say those words i think oh that's just what i need so today try softer when it comes to your relationship with god don't try harder to have more faith remember when i fainted twice real early on when i was preaching so many people would say just try harder to trust god you ever try harder to have more faith try softer just whatever amount of faith you have whatever you're feeling that's okay tell god today with your time don't try harder to get more done faster try softer you can't control time you can't control the traffic let's try softer today in your relationships instead of trying to manage and control everybody around you your friends your relatives your parents your kids your spouse your ex your whoever today let them be them let them worry about them try softer today at work instead of obsessing over that email that project that try softer that's the easy yoke that's your day-to-day one day at a time i'll see you tomorrow" [00:309:44]

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Transcript
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