Embracing Grace: The Power of Forgiveness
Summary
Life often brings us face to face with the pain of betrayal, abandonment, and unanswered questions. Katherine’s story, shared at the beginning, is a mirror for so many who have been left without closure, who have been ghosted, lied to, or overlooked. The deepest wounds are not always from what happened, but from what was never explained or repaired. In that space of unresolved pain, bitterness can take root and threaten to define us. Yet, God calls us not to remain stuck in cycles of cynicism or resentment, but to rise higher, to go deeper, and to do the hard work of extending grace—even to those who do not deserve it.
Forgiveness is not about excusing the offender or pretending the hurt never happened. It is about refusing to let the offense imprison us. Jesus’ teaching to forgive “seventy times seven” is not a math problem, but a call to cultivate a spirit that stops keeping score. True forgiveness is a continual act, a decision to set ourselves free from the power of past wounds. As Lewis Smedes said, “Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and discovering that prisoner was you.” When we refuse to forgive, we shackle ourselves to pain, much like the ancient Roman punishment of being tied to a decaying corpse. Unforgiveness poisons us, distorts our lives, and keeps us from the abundant life Jesus offers.
Healing does not come simply with time; it comes when we surrender our wounds to Jesus. We must choose not only to cut off the weight of past hurts but also to carry forward grace, mercy, and favor for others. The parable Jesus tells in Matthew 18 reveals the scandal of grace: we have been forgiven an unpayable debt, and we are called to extend that same mercy to others. The challenge is to see ourselves not just as victims, but as recipients of grace who are now called to be dispensers of it. Grace is greater than ghosting, greater than betrayal, and greater than any wound we carry. In Christ, we are empowered to live free, to forgive, and to become agents of redemption in a broken world.
Key Takeaways
- The pain of unresolved relationships and unanswered questions can breed bitterness, but God calls us to a higher path. The ache of what was left unsaid or undone is real, yet it is in this tension that God invites us to experience triumph through grace, not by staying stuck in resentment but by moving forward in forgiveness. [01:08:43]
- Forgiveness is not about keeping score or waiting for apologies; it is about cultivating a spirit that refuses to be imprisoned by offense. Jesus’ call to forgive “seventy times seven” is a radical invitation to stop counting and start living in the freedom that comes from letting go. [01:15:18]
- Unforgiveness is like carrying a decaying weight on our backs—it poisons us, distorts our lives, and keeps us from healing. True healing begins when we surrender our wounds to Jesus, refusing to let past hurts dictate our present and future. [01:17:42]
- Grace is not just something we receive; it is something we are called to extend, even to those who have hurt us deeply. The parable of the unforgiving servant reminds us that to withhold mercy after receiving it is to forfeit the freedom and transformation God intends for us. [01:20:58]
- The journey of forgiveness requires us to see ourselves honestly—not just as victims, but as fellow sinners in need of grace. When we exclude others from the community of humanity or ourselves from the community of sinners, forgiveness falters. Embracing both our need and our call to forgive opens the door to true redemption. [01:21:34]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[01:06:11] - Katherine’s Story: Betrayal and Ghosting
[01:07:38] - The Ache of Unanswered Questions
[01:08:43] - Bitterness vs. Grace
[01:09:23] - You Can’t Hold Grace and a Grudge
[01:09:55] - Forgiving Without Apology
[01:10:31] - Jesus’ Way: Victory Over Vengeance
[01:11:19] - Peter’s Question: How Many Times?
[01:13:06] - Hurt from Wickedness and Weakness
[01:14:09] - Jewish Tradition of Forgiveness
[01:15:18] - Forgiveness: Not Counting, But Releasing
[01:16:12] - Forgiveness Liberates the Forgiver
[01:17:42] - The Poison of Unforgiveness
[01:18:49] - Refusing to Limp Through Life
[01:19:22] - Healing by Surrendering to Jesus
[01:20:08] - Grace is Greater Than Ghosting
[01:20:58] - The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
[01:21:34] - The Scandal of Grace and Our Call
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Grace Greater Than Ghosting
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### Bible Reading
- Matthew 18:21-35 (The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant; Jesus’ teaching on forgiving “seventy times seven”)
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### Observation Questions
1. In Matthew 18:21-22, what question does Peter ask Jesus, and how does Jesus respond? What does Jesus’ answer suggest about the nature of forgiveness?
2. According to the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 18:23-35, what happens between the king and his servant, and then between that servant and his fellow servant?
3. The sermon mentions that “you can’t hold on to grace and a grudge at the same time.” What examples from Katherine’s story or the parable illustrate this point? [[01:09:23]]
4. What is the consequence for the servant who refuses to forgive, according to Jesus’ parable?
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus chooses such a large number—“seventy times seven”—when talking about forgiveness? What does this reveal about God’s expectations for us? [[01:11:19]]
2. The sermon compares unforgiveness to carrying a decaying corpse on your back. What does this metaphor communicate about the effects of holding onto past hurts? [[01:17:42]]
3. In the parable, the servant is forgiven an unpayable debt but refuses to forgive a much smaller one. What does this say about our own struggles to extend grace after receiving it? [[01:20:58]]
4. The sermon says, “Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and discovering that prisoner was you.” How does this idea challenge the way we usually think about forgiveness? [[01:16:12]]
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### Application Questions
1. Think about a time when you were hurt, ghosted, or betrayed. Did you find yourself stuck in bitterness or resentment? What helped you move forward—or what is still holding you back? [[01:08:43]]
2. Jesus calls us to forgive even when there’s no apology or explanation. Is there someone in your life you need to forgive, even if they haven’t said sorry? What would it look like to start that process? [[01:09:55]]
3. The sermon says, “You can’t hold on to grace and a grudge at the same time.” Are there any grudges you’re holding that are keeping you from experiencing God’s grace more fully? What’s one step you could take this week to let go? [[01:09:23]]
4. When have you found it hardest to forgive—when someone hurt you intentionally, or when it was out of weakness or carelessness? How does seeing yourself as a fellow sinner in need of grace change your perspective? [[01:13:06]]
5. The parable in Matthew 18 shows that receiving grace should lead us to extend grace. Is there a relationship in your life where you need to become a “dispenser” of grace instead of a “collector” of offenses? What’s one practical way you could do that? [[01:20:58]]
6. The sermon says healing doesn’t just come with time, but by surrendering our wounds to Jesus. What would it look like for you to “hand your wounds over to Jesus” this week? [[01:19:22]]
7. The message challenges us not to let past hurts define our present or future. Is there a specific area of your life where you feel stuck because of old wounds? How can the group pray for you or support you as you seek freedom and healing? [[01:17:42]]
---
Devotional
Day 1: Forgiveness Is Not About Keeping Score
Forgiveness is not a matter of counting how many times someone has wronged you, but about cultivating a heart that refuses to keep score at all. Jesus calls us to a radical mercy that goes far beyond what is expected or even reasonable, inviting us to forgive not just seven times, but seventy times seven. This is not a math problem, but a mercy perspective—an invitation to live free from the prison of resentment and to reset the tally to zero every time. True forgiveness is a continual act that liberates us from the power of offense and keeps our hearts open to grace. [01:15:18]
Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV)
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Reflection: Who is someone you have been keeping score against in your heart? What would it look like to reset the tally to zero and offer them forgiveness today?
Day 2: The First Person Forgiveness Liberates Is You
Unforgiveness is like carrying a decaying weight on your back, poisoning your spirit and keeping you shackled to past pain. When you refuse to heal, you remain bound to the people and moments God wants to move you beyond. Healing does not mean ignoring the wound, but surrendering it to the One who can turn scars into stories of grace. Choosing to forgive is choosing to set yourself free, refusing to limp through life with bitterness and instead embracing the abundant life Jesus offers. [01:16:27]
John 10:10 (ESV)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
Reflection: Is there a wound or memory you are still carrying that is holding you back? What step can you take today to surrender it to Jesus and begin to walk in freedom?
Day 3: Grace Is Greater Than Ghosting
No matter how deeply you have been hurt, God calls you to extend grace even to those who have abandoned, betrayed, or ghosted you. Grace is not about what others deserve, but about what God wills for your life—a higher, harder, and holier calling. When you choose grace over bitterness, you refuse to let someone else’s actions define your future or your heart. Grace is the path to healing, wholeness, and the freedom to move forward unburdened. [01:20:08]
Romans 12:17-21 (ESV)
Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Reflection: Who in your life has “ghosted” or deeply hurt you? How can you choose to extend grace to them today, even if they never apologize or make things right?
Day 4: We All Have Hurts That Must Heal
Everyone experiences relational pain—sometimes from intentional harm, sometimes from the weakness and flaws of others. No one on this earth is perfect, and even those closest to us will sometimes let us down. Recognizing that hurt is a universal part of the human experience helps us to approach others with compassion and humility, remembering that we too are in need of grace. Healing begins when we stop expecting perfection from others and start seeking God’s help to mend what is broken. [01:11:55]
Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Reflection: Is there someone you have labeled as “all bad” because of how they hurt you? How might seeing their humanity and your own need for grace help you begin to heal?
Day 5: Forgiveness Makes You a Carrier of Mercy
When you receive forgiveness, you are invited to become a dispenser of that same mercy to others. The scandal of grace is that God forgives us an unpayable debt, and in turn, we are called to forgive those who owe us far less. Refusing to extend mercy after receiving it forfeits the opportunity to participate in God’s redemptive work. True freedom and healing come when you not only accept God’s grace but also pass it on, becoming a living testimony of His love and forgiveness. [01:20:58]
Matthew 18:23-35 (ESV)
“Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Reflection: In what ways can you become a carrier of mercy this week, offering forgiveness and kindness to someone who least expects it?
Quotes
It was 2021 when a woman named Katherine went viral on Tik Tok sharing her story online. It stunned the world. It seemed too implausible to be true. Katherine had been in a serious relationship for two years. She and her boyfriend had dreamed aloud about marriage, spending their lives together. They built what they thought was a life together. She thought they shared routines. They met one another's families. They were out busy making memories. And then as the pandemic raged on and the world locked down, Katherine, well, her world unraveled. Her boyfriend told her he had tested positive for COVID 19 and then suddenly disappeared. [01:05:55]
Days turned into weeks. No replies to texts, no answered phone calls, no closure for Katherine. And then when she finally went looking for answers, what she found was worse than she could have imagined. He ghosted her. Not only had he ghosted her, he had lied about everything, including his name. He faked his identity, faked his illness, and faked his disappearance. Katherine wasn't just mourning a breakup, church. She was mourning the betrayal of reality itself and what felt like an attack on her sanity. [01:07:01]
And yet, Katherine's story is not just hers. It's the anthem of so many hearts that have been broken. Not by loud explosions, but by quiet exits by people who've walked away and never looked back. By relationships that ended not with a period, but with an ellipses. Just blink. Don't act like I'm talking about you. Have you ever been ghosted? Have you ever ghosted someone? Maybe not ghosted, but you've been overlooked, betrayed, lied on, lied to, abandoned. [01:07:49]
And and then then you understand if you've ever felt those kinds of relational pains that sometimes the deepest wounds aren't from what happened, but from what was never explained, never apologized for, and never repaired. There is an ache of unanswered questions that can make your soul a breeding ground for bitterness. But church, in that space, there is tension, but ultimately there can be triumph when I know that God didn't create me to stay stuck in that space. God calls me higher. God calls me deeper. [01:08:29]
God calls me to do the difficult task of extending grace to people who don't deserve it. Not because they deserve it, but because God wills it. And y'all, the simple central truth I'm trying to get to you today is you can't hold on to grace and a grudge at the same time. That is then what what what what we're supposed to do when we leave today is we're learn we need to learn how to live free by learning to forgive others. Let let's be honest y'all. That's that's not an easy task. [01:09:04]
Cuz how do you forgive people who don't say they're sorry? How do you heal when the ones who seem to hurt you seem to be living their best life without remorse? How how do you let go when you're still holding on to the broken pieces of shattered dreams and expectations? But Jesus, friends, doesn't just understand our questions. He anticipates them and his life, his cross, and his call give us a way forward. Not through vengeance, but rather through victory over it. Not through resentment, but through redemption. [01:09:31]
Not through suffering in silence, but through announcing that grace is available. Sometimes the deepest wounds are the ones caused by not what happened, but why, what was left unsaid, what was left undone. And if you've ever been ghosted or betrayed or lied on or abandoned, then you know that the real battle isn't against the pain. It's the bitterness that tries to take root after the pain. Y'all, God didn't call you to stay stuck in a cycle of cynicism. He calls you to something higher, something harder, something that is ultimately holier. [01:10:34]
Peter comes and says, "How many times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me up to seven times?" And Jesus's answer is one of the hard sayings of Jesus. Not seven, but 70 times seven. I I I'm trying to get you to live in in victory over vengeance. Why? Because here's what you need to know. First of all, friends, we all have hurts that we must heal. Come here church. We all have hurts that we must. There is no way you can be a person on this planet in relationship to other people and not be hurt sometimes. [01:11:19]
Come here. If you're waiting on the person who will never hurt you, they have come, they have died, and they have risen. And that's Jesus. Everybody else, your mama, your daddy, your sister, your cousin, Nook Nook, Man, Billy Ray, Valentine, all of them are going to hurt you in some way at some. There's no way to be a flawed person on this fallen planet without sometimes experiencing relational brokenness and tension. Come here, church. Sometimes people hurt you because of their wickedness. They are intentional. They mean to hurt you. [01:11:56]
But other times people hurt you out of weakness. They don't mean to be bad. They don't mean to be harmful. They don't mean to be hurtful. They're just a person who is flawed like you. Hey, and just because you're hurt doesn't mean they're a Helion. Is the microphone on? Can you hear what I'm saying to you? Just because you're hurt doesn't mean that person is ungodly, unspiritual, unholy, or hell bound. Peter Peter puts it in context. He says, "This is my brother, sister that hurts me. How many times should I forgive him?" [01:12:37]
Peter thinks he he's coming to Jesus thinking he's being generous because in Jewish tradition forgiving someone three times was considered godly. Um listen carefully church uh it's the teaching of the Talmud particularly uh Takree Yoma of the Babylonian Talmud where Rabbi Yse Barhanina teaches that if a person seeks forgiveness from someone they have wronged they are obligated to ask up to three times. This principle is derived from Genesis 50:17 where Joseph's brothers implore him three times to forgive them each time saying please and from this the sages of the Jews inferred that one must make three sincere attempts to seek forgiveness. [01:13:42]
This is codified in Jewish law by the sulan aluk that states that if a part the wrong party does not forgive after three earnest requests and the offender is no longer obligated to continue seeking forgiveness. At this point the responsibility shifts they said to the person withholding forgiveness. Watch Peter. He's been hanging out with Jesus a long time and he anticipates that Jesus is going to require a level above the law. In Matthew 5, he kept saying, "You've heard it said, but I say, so Peter doubles the three and adds one for good measure and says, "Is seven enough?" [01:14:31]
Jesus says, "17* 7." He's not giving Peter a math problem. He's giving him a mercy perspective. Cuz forgiveness is not about counting offenses. It's about cultivating a spirit that stops keeping score in the first place. By the way, if you ever really forgive people, then the tally goes back to zero cuz forgiveness erases it all. Jesus is teaching friend that if you want to live free then you have to make the effort over and over and over again to ensure that no offense will empower will have power or imprison you. [01:15:14]
Lewis Smees puts it this way. Forgiveness is setting a prisoner free and then discovering that prisoner was you. Cuz we think forgiveness is about letting the offender off the hook. If I forgive them, then then they'll just get away with it. But family, the first person forgiveness liberates is you. Cuz when you refuse to heal, you stay shackled to people and pain God is trying to move you past. Healing isn't ignoring the wound. It's surrendering the wound who can turn scars into stories of grace. [01:15:56]
Listen, in in ancient Rome, there was a gruesome punishment reserved for the worst criminals. That that was if you committed a particularly heinous crime. They would tie a living person to a dead body. hand to hand, face to face, body to body with a decomposing rotting corpse. So that wherever the living man went, the body that was dead went to. Generally, they tied the body to the back of the living person. The decay from the dead body would slowly start seeping into the living flesh of the walking man until the living man died a slow agonizing death. [01:16:46]
Because this wasn't just physical punishment. It was a brutal symbol that your crime will consume you unless you cut it off. That's unforgiveness, y'all. You think you're carrying pain or the memory of someone's uh uh deed against you, but you're really carrying decaying death on your back. You think you're punishing them, but you are poisoning yourself. Maybe that's too far away. Maybe that's too ancient. Let me let me let me It It's like stepping on a shard of glass, but instead of taking it out of your foot and stitching it up, you leave it there and you start living with a limp. [01:17:44]
So your body begins to adjust to what it never was designed to have in it. You you start favoring that foot. Oh man. You you start leaning to one side. After a while, there becomes a muscle imbalance and your entire body is out of whack because there is an issue that can be fixed, but you refuse to address over time. Then the wound doesn't heal. It begins to fester. It gets infected. It changes how you move. And before you know it, you've built a whole life and a pain around a pain that you refuse to address. [01:18:22]
Friend, listen. You got to get to the place where you say, "I refuse to limp through life. I refuse to let who hurt me and what hurt me still hold me. I refuse to carry death on my back." When Jesus said, "I have come that you might have life and have that more abundantly." Healing doesn't just happen with time, y'all. It happens when you hand your wounds over to Jesus. is not just enough than to cut that off your back. You then got to decide to carry something else forward. You can't heal the wound and then pick up bitterness. [01:18:59]
You got to heal the wound and choose to carry grace and mercy and favor for others. Oh man. Cuz because because it's not simply friends that that we begin with an understanding we all have hurt that must heal. We continue when we understand that grace is greater than ghosting. Wow. Right after Jesus answers Peter in Matthew 18, he tells a story, a parable, a uh uh we call them earthly stories with heavenly meanings that reveals the scandal of grace. This servant owes his king an unpayable debt, something so outrageous that it would take a lifetime to repay. [01:19:43]
But in a shocking act of mercy, the king forgives the debt in its totality, releasing the man from everything he owed. But then Jesus says that same servant who just had his debt forgiven finds a man who owes him a few coins and chokes him out, demands repayment. He he he he does the ving rings on baby boy. And when the king hears about it, he gets furious because the servant didn't just forget his kindness, he forfeited the opportunity to become a carrier and a dispenser of the same mercy that he received. [01:20:28]
Mirus Vulfe writes it this way in his book, Exclusion and Embrace. Come here, church. Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans and I exclude myself from the community of sinners. Here it is. Um the problem is I see you as a violator and myself as a victim and I am so much the victim that even when I violate it's another violator's fault. [01:21:12]
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