Embracing Grace: Overcoming the Divided Self

Devotional

Day 1: The Struggle of the Divided Self

In our daily lives, we often experience the tension between our intentions and actions. This internal conflict is a universal struggle, as articulated by Augustine, who found himself doing what he knew he shouldn't and failing to do what he knew he should. This divided self is a reflection of our own experiences, where the mind commands the body with ease but struggles to command itself. We may desire to be generous, patient, or loving, yet find ourselves at odds with these intentions due to our desires and habits. This struggle is not unique to us but is a shared human experience that calls us to seek grace and strength beyond ourselves. [01:14]

Romans 7:18-19 (ESV): "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."

Reflection: Identify one area in your life where your actions conflict with your intentions. What steps can you take today to align your actions with your intentions?

Day 2: The Emptiness of Worldly Success

Augustine's pursuit of worldly success left him feeling empty, highlighting the futility of seeking fulfillment in status and achievements. Despite his accomplishments in rhetoric and education, he realized that true happiness eluded him. This realization came to a head when he encountered a drunken beggar who seemed happier than he was. Augustine's story reminds us that true fulfillment is not found in external accomplishments but in aligning our will with God's. It challenges us to examine where we seek our happiness and to consider the deeper, spiritual fulfillment that comes from a relationship with God. [03:18]

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11 (ESV): "And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun."

Reflection: Reflect on a recent achievement or success. Did it bring you lasting fulfillment? How can you seek deeper satisfaction in your relationship with God today?

Day 3: The Grip of Desires

The struggle with desires is a significant barrier to spiritual growth. Augustine's battle with his own desires, particularly sexual ones, illustrates the need for grace to overcome the chains of habit and addiction. He described his soul as a "house divided," torn between the will to follow God and the whispers of his desires. This internal conflict is a reminder that our desires can often lead us away from our spiritual goals and that overcoming them requires divine assistance. It encourages us to seek God's grace to break free from the habits that hold us back. [06:00]

Galatians 5:16-17 (ESV): "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."

Reflection: What is one desire or habit that you struggle with? How can you invite God's grace into this area of your life today?

Day 4: The Gift of Grace

Grace is a gift that cannot be manufactured but is received through introspection and openness to God's will. Augustine's moment of clarity came when he was open to hearing God's voice through Scripture. This moment of grace was not something he could create on his own but was a divine gift that came after much waiting and introspection. It reminds us that while we cannot force grace, we can position ourselves to receive it by being open and attentive to God's presence in our lives. [09:24]

2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV): "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

Reflection: In what area of your life do you need to be more open to receiving God's grace? How can you create space for introspection and listening to God's voice today?

Day 5: Sharing Our Struggles

Sharing our struggles and stories with others is vital for spiritual growth. Augustine's journey invites us to be honest about our struggles and to seek grace, role models, and community. Jesus, who experienced his own crisis in the garden, understands our internal conflicts and offers strength and grace to overcome them. By sharing our stories, we not only find support and encouragement but also help others who may be facing similar struggles. This communal aspect of faith is essential for growth and transformation. [11:13]

James 5:16 (ESV): "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

Reflection: Who is someone you trust that you can share your struggles with? How can you reach out to them today to seek support and encouragement?

Sermon Summary

In today's reflection, we explored the profound struggle of the divided self, a concept eloquently articulated by Augustine in his "Confessions." Augustine's journey is a mirror to our own internal battles, where the mind commands the body with ease, yet struggles to command itself. This division is evident in our daily lives when we find ourselves not doing what we know we should or doing what we know we shouldn't. Whether it's the desire to be generous, patient, or loving, or the struggle to care for our bodies and minds, we often find ourselves at odds with our intentions.

Augustine's life story is a testament to this struggle. Born to a pagan father and a devout Christian mother, he was a brilliant mind who initially renounced Christianity in pursuit of worldly education and success. Despite achieving great heights in rhetoric, he found emptiness in his accomplishments. His encounter with a drunken beggar highlighted the futility of his pursuits, as he realized that true happiness eluded him despite his status.

Augustine's internal conflict was exacerbated by his adherence to Manichaeism, a belief in a universe at war with itself, where good and evil were equally powerful. His struggle with desires, particularly sexual ones, kept him from fully embracing God. He described his soul as a "house divided," torn between the will to follow God and the whispers of his desires that promised misery if abandoned.

The turning point came when Augustine, in a moment of despair, heard a voice urging him to "take it and read." He opened the Scriptures and found a passage that dispelled his doubts and filled him with confidence. This moment of grace was not something he could manufacture, but it was a gift that came after much waiting and introspection.

Augustine's story invites us to consider the cost of not following Jesus and to be honest about our struggles. It encourages us to seek grace, to find role models, and to share our stories with others. Jesus, who experienced his own crisis in the garden, understands our struggles and offers strength and grace to overcome them.

Key Takeaways

1. The divided self is a universal struggle, where our intentions often conflict with our actions. This internal battle is a reflection of Augustine's journey and resonates with our own experiences of wanting to do good but being held back by our desires. [01:14]
2. Augustine's pursuit of worldly success left him empty, highlighting the futility of seeking fulfillment in status and achievements. True happiness is not found in external accomplishments but in aligning our will with God's. [03:18]
3. The struggle with desires is a significant barrier to spiritual growth. Augustine's battle with his own desires illustrates the need for grace to overcome the chains of habit and addiction. [06:00]
4. Grace is a gift that cannot be manufactured but is received through introspection and openness to God's will. Augustine's moment of clarity came when he was open to hearing God's voice through Scripture. [09:24]
5. Sharing our struggles and stories with others is vital for spiritual growth. Jesus understands our internal conflicts and offers strength and grace to overcome them, as demonstrated in his own crisis in the garden. [11:13]
** [11:13]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:42] - The Divided Self
[01:14] - Struggles in Daily Life
[02:02] - Augustine's Background
[03:18] - The Emptiness of Success
[04:22] - Encounter with the Beggar
[04:52] - Manichaeism and Desires
[06:00] - The Grip of Habit
[07:31] - The Need for Grace
[09:24] - The Turning Point
[10:07] - Counting the Cost
[10:56] - Jesus' Understanding
[11:41] - The Journey to Grace
[12:16] - Community and Connection
[12:58] - Closing Remarks

Sermon Clips

"today s gtin wrote in his book called The confessions really kind of the beginning of spiritual autobiography in the Western World my inner self Was A house divided against itself why does this strange phenomenon occur the Mind gives an order to the body and is at once obeyed but when it gives an order to itself it's resisted what causes it the Mind commands the hand to move and is so readily obeyed that the order can scarcely be distinguished from its EX excution but when the Mind commands the mind to make an act of will these two are one and the same and yet the order is not executed" [00:28:07]

"so now I want you to think about some area in your life where you find yourself not doing what you know you want to do or doing what you know you don't want to do you know you want to be a generous person and yet you find yourself right now worried about money or hoarding it or spending it more than you should you want God to make make you a patient person and he better do it today well you know you want to love your kids but man they tick you off so much sometimes or that person in your life that's so difficult or you know you want to take good care of your body it's the Temple of the Lord and yet you find yourself eating or drinking or not exercising you know that your mind could be growing and thinking wonderful thoughts and yet you find yourself surfing the internet or watching TV why do I do what I don't want to do Paul asked that question a long time ago and this is the journey that Augustine is on in his journey towards God" [00:74:04]

"Augustine was born to a pagan father his dad apparently converted on his deathbed but to a very devout uh Christian mom her name was Monica and she prayed for Augustine throughout his entire life he was a brilliant brilliant young man um outside of the Apostle Paul probably his impacted the thinking of the church more than anybody else in 2,000 years but by the time he was 20 years old and he was become very well educated he had given up on his faith he renounced Christianity he was pursuing education in the ancient Greco Roman World The Art of rhetoric to be able to communicate to be able to persuade to study the works of people like cero in Plutarch in how to do this that was the Apex of education and uh Augustine was the master of it in fact one of the highlights of his life was when he was named to uh a chair of rhetoric in Milan that would be kind of like being uh you know the scholar who occupies the greatest most prestigious endowed chair in Harvard in our day" [02:05:00]

"however he said there was a kind of emptiness in this he was getting what he wanted we've been talking about how everybody's life story can be looked at this uh there is a protagonist and you have a heart's desire and this was part of Augustine's heart's desire and yet although he was getting what was working for he found that it wasn't what he really wanted and that much of rhetoric ended up simply trying to flatter people so much so that he actually called this the prophal chair of lying and the soul is so constituted that being a really good liar will not lead to fulfillment in fact at what should have been the professional peak of Augustine's life he was on his way to give an invited address to the emperor to the Roman Emperor the only time in Augustine's life that he appeared before the emperor and there was a drunken beggar that came up to him and asked him for money and Augustine thought to himself this guy's a beggar and I'm going to go talk to the emperor and he's happier than me and what's more um he's happy and he's drunk but tomorrow he will be sober but tomorrow I will wake up still drunk on my own reputation on how I'm looked at by other people and he became disenchanted with this" [03:12:20]

"he belonged to a kind of a philosophy kind of a religion a syncretist kind of religion called the manes manism and it believed that the Universe was at war with itself that good and evil there was a Transcendent reality but neither good nor evil was more powerful or more basic than the other and uh nothing was in control nothing was leading anywhere but he wasn't even very good at being a manic kin and in particular he was gripped by uh sexual desire and he lived for a long time with the kind of a mistress or common laww wife had a child by her began to be drawn towards God drawn towards Jesus but knew that that would require a kind of dying and he didn't want to do that and that's why he talks about his soul his life being a kind of A House Divided" [04:24:40]

"he talks about how the mind is weighed down by habit so that there are two Wills in us because neither one by itself is the whole will and this names the problem now habit is a very strong word for Augustin it's not just um you know I chw my fingernails not that sort of thing it's talking about how uh I get gripped by desire in such a way that my will is no longer able to break the grip of that we might talk about attachments we might talk about addictions lots of different ways of thinking about that but this is where Augustine found himself I want to serve God I want to follow God and yet I hear the whis Whispers of my longings and my desires and they say if you give me up if you die to me your life will be miserable you will be wretched there will be no joy in you and uh uh this was the nature of my sickness he said I was in torment reproaching myself more bitterly than ever as I twisted and turned in my chain the very Freedom that he thought renouncing Christianity would bring him I can do whatever I want I can dolge my appetite ended up becoming the the chain that bound him he was not free to not indulge his appetite habit he says was too much for me" [05:49:44]

"I probed the hidden depths of my soul and rung its pitiful secrets from it and when I mustered them all before the Eyes of My Heart a great storm broke within me somehow I flung myself down behind the figary and gave way to the tears which now streamed from my eyes for I felt that I was still the captive of my sins now what Augustine is doing he's going to need Grace to break free from the grip of certain obsessive Desires in his heart I can't God can I think I'll let him that doesn't mean that I'm passive and part of the work that Augustine is doing is he's counting the cost not a following Jesus he's counting the cost of not following Jesus so for me for you think about that area of your life where you are divided in your will" [07:07:16]

"Grace comes to Augustine he is in a garden and he hears a voice take it and read take it and read and he's not sure if it was a real person or a voice just in his mind but he picks up the scriptures and he opens it and he reads from the Apostle Paul in the Book of Romans not in reeving or drunkenness not in lust and wanness not in quarrels rather arm yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ spend no more thought on fleshly appetites and then he writes I had no wish to read more and no need to do more for as I came to the end of that sentence it was though the light of confidence flooded into my heart and the Darkness of Doubt was dispelled now we can't make Grace come I don't know why sometimes we have to wait Augustine had to wait for a long long time but to count the cost to think about what will it look like if I give into this and if I just keep living out this habit and then tell a friend like my conversation with my friend Neil for Augustine uh uh Ambrose the bishop of Milan became his great hero and kind of a role model who's the hero that helps you move in the right direction ction because what we're looking at is there is this uh heart's desire that I have and and one of the deep ways that I'm uh in conflict over that is there's an inner conflict an intrapersonal conflict and the invitation is to tell Jesus about that because Jesus understands it" [09:19:59]

"one of the Striking differences when you read the story of Jesus's life as opposed to like the story of the life of Socrates when so was condemned to die he was pretty calm about it Jesus said to his friends uh now my soul is in anguish unto death and what shall I do now my heart is troubled Jesus knows what it is that this feels like you know in a story it's on its way to a crisis and then the climax the climax for Jesus was the cross that wasn't the crisis the crisis was in the garden cuz in the garden that's where Jesus had to struggle with I don't want I have to drink this cup nevertheless your will not my will be done and then strength and Grace came that's the journey that Augustine describes so magnificently in his confessions our hearts are restless because our Wills are divided and when habit gets really strong I can't God can there's a part that I can play I can be just open rational and honest about what's the cost of not following Jesus and I can be honest with a friend this is a place where we tell each other our stories CU everybody has a story and your story matters" [10:49:39]

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