Embracing Grace: Navigating Conflict with Love
Summary
### Summary
Good morning, everyone! It's a joy to be here with you today. I want to start by sharing a bit about our ongoing worship series, "Churches Thrive," which focuses on servant leadership and healthy conflict resolution. Our key verse today is from Matthew 18:15, which instructs us to address conflicts directly and privately. This is a crucial aspect of maintaining unity within the church.
Conflict is not new to the church. Even in the New Testament, we see examples of disagreements, such as the one between Paul and Barnabas over Mark. Conflict is inevitable, but how we handle it is what sets us apart as followers of Christ. The passage from Matthew reads almost like a personnel manual, offering clear steps for resolving disputes. Step one is to address the issue privately with the person involved. If they listen, you've won them over. If not, step two involves bringing one or two others to help mediate. Finally, if the person still doesn't listen, the matter is brought before the church.
I shared a personal story to illustrate this. I got into a conflict with a fifth-grade boy on my bus route. He refused to follow my instructions, and my tone got out of control. Later, I had to have a difficult conversation with his parents and my supervisor. This experience reminded me of the importance of approaching conflicts with a spirit of grace and understanding.
In another example, I talked about how we often misjudge others' motivations. We assume we know why someone acted a certain way, but we're usually wrong. It's crucial to approach conflicts with an open mind and a willingness to listen. This is where the concept of "speaking the truth in love" comes in. It's not just about being honest but doing so in a way that fosters understanding and reconciliation.
I also shared a story from the movie "The Mission," where a former slave trader seeks redemption by carrying the implements of his past sins up a mountain. This act of penance and the eventual forgiveness he receives from the very people he wronged is a powerful example of the kind of reconciliation we should strive for in our communities.
Finally, I emphasized that the goal of conflict resolution is not to excommunicate or ostracize but to restore relationships. Jesus instructs us to treat those who don't listen as Gentiles and tax collectors, but remember, Jesus himself welcomed and dined with such people. The ultimate aim is reconciliation, not punishment.
As we navigate conflicts, let's remember to approach each other with grace, understanding, and a genuine desire for reconciliation. Let's be ambassadors of Christ's love, making His appeal through our actions and words.
### Key Takeaways
1. Conflict is Inevitable but Manageable: Conflict has always been a part of the church, even in the New Testament. The key is not to avoid conflict but to handle it in a Christ-like manner. Addressing issues directly and privately can often lead to reconciliation and stronger relationships. [38:02]
2. The Importance of Private Resolution: The first step in resolving conflict, as outlined in Matthew 18:15, is to address the issue privately with the person involved. This approach fosters a spirit of understanding and can often resolve the issue without further escalation. [39:00]
3. Misjudging Motivations: We often assume we know why someone acted a certain way, but we're usually wrong. Approaching conflicts with an open mind and a willingness to listen can lead to better understanding and reconciliation. [50:10]
4. The Power of Reconciliation: The story from "The Mission" illustrates the power of reconciliation. True reconciliation involves not just addressing the wrongs but also offering a path to redemption and restoration. This is the kind of community Jesus envisions for us. [43:40]
5. Restoration Over Excommunication: The ultimate goal of conflict resolution is not to excommunicate but to restore relationships. Jesus' instruction to treat those who don't listen as Gentiles and tax collectors reminds us that He welcomed and dined with such people. Our aim should always be reconciliation. [47:21]
### YouTube Chapters
1. [0:00] - Welcome
2. [07:15] - Introduction and Worship Series
3. [12:02] - Personal Story: Conflict on the Bus
4. [16:46] - Prayer and Announcements
5. [18:29] - General Conference Updates
6. [36:45] - Spirit of Unity at the Conference
7. [38:02] - Conflict in the Church
8. [39:00] - Steps to Resolve Conflict
9. [43:40] - Story from "The Mission"
10. [47:21] - Restoration Over Excommunication
11. [50:10] - Misjudging Motivations
12. [52:29] - Historical Conflicts in the Church
13. [56:36] - Final Thoughts on Reconciliation
14. [01:02:26] - Closing Remarks
Study Guide
### Bible Reading
- Matthew 18:15 (NIV): "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."
### Observation Questions
1. According to Matthew 18:15, what is the first step in resolving a conflict with another member of the church?
2. In the sermon, what personal story did the pastor share to illustrate the importance of handling conflicts with grace? ([56:36])
3. How does the pastor describe the role of witnesses in the second step of conflict resolution according to Matthew 18:16? ([40:52])
4. What example from the movie "The Mission" was used to illustrate the power of reconciliation? ([43:40])
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why is it important to address conflicts privately first, as instructed in Matthew 18:15? How does this approach foster understanding and reconciliation? ([39:00])
2. How can misjudging others' motivations lead to further conflict, and what steps can be taken to avoid this? ([50:10])
3. What does the pastor mean by "speaking the truth in love," and how can this principle be applied in conflict resolution? ([50:53])
4. How does the story from "The Mission" reflect the concept of true reconciliation and redemption within a community? ([43:40])
### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent conflict you experienced. Did you address it privately with the person involved? If not, how might you handle it differently next time? ([39:00])
2. Think of a time when you misjudged someone's motivations. How did it affect your relationship with that person? What can you do to approach future conflicts with an open mind? ([50:10])
3. The pastor shared a story about a conflict with a fifth-grade boy on his bus route. How can you apply the lesson of approaching conflicts with grace and understanding in your own life? ([56:36])
4. In what ways can you practice "speaking the truth in love" in your daily interactions? Can you think of a specific situation where this approach could have made a difference? ([50:53])
5. The ultimate goal of conflict resolution is to restore relationships. How can you actively work towards reconciliation in your community, especially with those you have had disagreements with? ([47:21])
6. How can you ensure that you are not contributing to conflict escalation, but rather promoting peace and understanding within your church or community? ([39:40])
7. Identify a person with whom you have unresolved conflict. What steps can you take this week to initiate a conversation aimed at reconciliation? ([39:00])
Devotional
Day 1: Conflict is Inevitable but Manageable
Conflict has always been a part of the church, even in the New Testament. The key is not to avoid conflict but to handle it in a Christ-like manner. Addressing issues directly and privately can often lead to reconciliation and stronger relationships. Conflict is not something to be feared but an opportunity to grow and strengthen our bonds with one another. When we approach conflicts with a spirit of grace and understanding, we can turn potentially divisive situations into moments of unity and growth.
Jesus provides a clear framework for resolving disputes in Matthew 18:15-17. The first step is to address the issue privately with the person involved. If they listen, you've won them over. If not, bring one or two others to help mediate. Finally, if the person still doesn't listen, the matter is brought before the church. This method emphasizes the importance of direct communication and the goal of reconciliation rather than punishment. [38:02]
Matthew 18:15-17 (ESV): "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
Reflection: Think of a recent conflict you experienced. How can you apply Jesus' steps for resolution to this situation today?
Day 2: The Importance of Private Resolution
The first step in resolving conflict, as outlined in Matthew 18:15, is to address the issue privately with the person involved. This approach fosters a spirit of understanding and can often resolve the issue without further escalation. When we confront someone privately, it shows respect and a genuine desire to resolve the issue without causing public embarrassment or shame.
Private resolution allows for honest and open communication, where both parties can express their feelings and perspectives without the pressure of an audience. This method not only helps in resolving the conflict but also strengthens the relationship by building trust and mutual respect. By addressing issues privately, we follow Jesus' example of handling conflicts with grace and love. [39:00]
Proverbs 25:9 (ESV): "Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret."
Reflection: Is there someone you need to have a private conversation with to resolve a conflict? How can you approach this conversation with a spirit of grace and understanding?
Day 3: Misjudging Motivations
We often assume we know why someone acted a certain way, but we're usually wrong. Approaching conflicts with an open mind and a willingness to listen can lead to better understanding and reconciliation. It's easy to jump to conclusions and misjudge others' motivations, but this often leads to misunderstandings and further conflict.
By taking the time to listen and understand the other person's perspective, we can avoid unnecessary conflicts and build stronger relationships. This approach requires humility and a willingness to admit that we might be wrong in our assumptions. When we approach conflicts with an open mind, we create an environment where reconciliation and mutual understanding can flourish. [50:10]
James 1:19-20 (ESV): "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God."
Reflection: Think of a time when you misjudged someone's motivations. How can you practice being quick to hear and slow to speak in your current relationships?
Day 4: The Power of Reconciliation
The story from "The Mission" illustrates the power of reconciliation. True reconciliation involves not just addressing the wrongs but also offering a path to redemption and restoration. This is the kind of community Jesus envisions for us. Reconciliation is a powerful act that goes beyond simply resolving a conflict; it involves healing and restoring relationships to their fullest potential.
In "The Mission," a former slave trader seeks redemption by carrying the implements of his past sins up a mountain. This act of penance and the eventual forgiveness he receives from the very people he wronged is a powerful example of the kind of reconciliation we should strive for in our communities. True reconciliation requires humility, forgiveness, and a willingness to move forward together in love and unity. [43:40]
2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (ESV): "All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation."
Reflection: Is there a relationship in your life that needs reconciliation? What steps can you take today to begin the process of healing and restoration?
Day 5: Restoration Over Excommunication
The ultimate goal of conflict resolution is not to excommunicate but to restore relationships. Jesus' instruction to treat those who don't listen as Gentiles and tax collectors reminds us that He welcomed and dined with such people. Our aim should always be reconciliation.
When conflicts arise, it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to exclude or punish those who have wronged us. However, Jesus teaches us that the goal should always be to restore relationships and bring people back into the fold. Even when someone refuses to listen, we are called to treat them with the same love and grace that Jesus showed to Gentiles and tax collectors. This approach emphasizes the importance of forgiveness, understanding, and a genuine desire for reconciliation. [47:21]
Galatians 6:1 (ESV): "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted."
Reflection: How can you show love and grace to someone who has wronged you, even if they haven't sought reconciliation? What steps can you take to restore that relationship?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Anybody can fight. It just sort of seems to come naturally to us. Anybody can lash out in fear. And how often have we seen this in the church? This overcoming the conflict that exists between us is an age-old kind of thing. There is no golden age, certainly, of the Christian church. There's no golden age in our forebears, in the Jewish tradition, because we see these sorts of conflicts." [38:02]
2. "One of the interesting things about having a goal for somebody to hear you, right, which is this step one, is that it's not in your control to have someone else hear you. The things that are in your control are, you know, again, that spoonful of grace, the I statements so that you're not accusing someone and talking about their motivations and things like that. But one of the things you can do is to model the kind of behavior that you want to see. And so you can approach the person with ears open as well as mouth in gear. So you can listen for their story as well." [54:48]
3. "A lot of times if we just tried the little spoonful of grace, or sugar, depending on what song you're singing, we could maybe see a miracle happen, like friendship." [01:02:26]
4. "I know it's frightening. I know it's scary. But boy, how exhilarating it is when the storm subsides and a miracle happens." [01:02:26]
5. "There's something that's almost irresistible to a cry for help from another human being. It's an extraordinary thing. Because the goal in this step one is not just to have the person hear you out. The goal is to win and to restore." [55:17]
### Quotes for Members
1. "The New Testament, for instance, doesn't try to hide it. One of Paul's missionary journeys involves a person named Mark, who Barnabas wanted to take along, and Paul goes, over my dead body, and poof, we have two missionary journeys instead of one. Perhaps that's a win, I don't know. So there was no golden, you can't look back at some golden age when we didn't have conflict. We have conflict. The question is, how do we work?" [38:02]
2. "It's pretty simple stuff, right? It says, go to them when the two of you are, what does it say? Alone. And point it out. And if the person hears you, it doesn't say if the person falls on their knees and begs for forgiveness. If the person changes their life in every way, it says if the person hears you, you've won them over. There's a restoration." [40:19]
3. "One of the phrases in the Bible that mystifies me is this idea of speaking the truth in love. It's not just about a spoonful of sugar. It's about being able to speak in a way that you can be heard. Being able to share a story that, well, let me just give you a concrete example. One of the things that psychologists tell us, is that if we want to be heard, when we bring to our, here's a classic example, two people who are married, right? They're supposed to love each other and care about each other. And when they're in conflict, it actually hurts the marriage if the person who has the issue, right, if the issue's on their heart, won't bring it to their partner. It actually hurts, it's like a cancer that grows inside, like a tumor." [50:53]
4. "To me, that's what this step three looks like. Where a community doesn't send someone or banish someone out to hell or excommunicate them. Where a community restores one who is lost. One who is looking for redemption. It's possible. It happens. It's not some let's drum them out, let's all vote them out. It's the community cares and gathers around somebody. I think that might be what Jesus has in mind." [46:36]
5. "What does it say? It says treat that person as a what? A Gentile and a tax collector. So I want to ask you a question. How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? Oh, by the way, what was the profession of the tax Apostle who's writing this gospel. Why, he was a tax collector. There's a sense of welcoming back home. There's a sense of restoration that happens here." [47:21]
6. "One of the things that was interesting to me about this whole breakup in the United Methodist Church, I don't know if you've been following along, but in the last four years, about 25% of the formerly United Methodist Churches have left. And here's the thing, when we were in the run-up to 2019 and these different ways of living together as a church, Dr. Russ Ritchie, who taught us history at Duke Divinity School, wrote a study in which he said, the first hundred years of the United Methodist, of the Methodist Church, it was called the Methodist Episcopal Church, in the first hundred years of our existence, we had breakups like this, every decade, every decade." [52:29]
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