Embracing God's Design: The Gift of Sex in Marriage

Summary

In today's message, we explored the profound analogy between fire and sex, emphasizing that both can be incredibly beneficial when contained within their proper boundaries, yet destructive when misused. Just as fire provides warmth and comfort when kept in a fireplace, sex, when experienced within the confines of marriage, aligns with God's design and brings about goodness and fulfillment. The Apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, addresses the Corinthian church's confusion regarding sexual relations, highlighting the importance of understanding and adhering to God's intentions for sex within marriage.

Paul's teachings remind us that sexual desires are not inherently wrong; they are God-given. However, the misuse of these desires leads to immorality and sin. The church in Corinth struggled with two extremes: rampant sexual immorality and asceticism, which is the denial of physical desires. Paul calls for a balanced approach, advocating for the fulfillment of sexual desires within marriage as a means to promote pleasure, partnership, and purity.

Sex within marriage is not only about personal satisfaction but also about mutual giving and partnership. Paul emphasizes that spouses should not deprive each other, as this can lead to temptation and immorality. Instead, marriage should be a haven where sexual intimacy is celebrated and nurtured, fostering a deeper connection between husband and wife.

Furthermore, Paul addresses the single members of the church, acknowledging that while marriage is a good context for sexual expression, singleness is also a gift that allows for undivided devotion to God. He encourages those who are single to exercise self-control and to marry if they struggle with maintaining purity.

Ultimately, the message calls for open and honest conversations between spouses about their sexual relationship, encouraging them to break cycles of deprivation and to honor God through their marriage. By doing so, couples can experience the fullness of God's gift of sex, enjoying it as a source of joy and unity.

Key Takeaways:

1. The Dual Nature of Fire and Sex: Just as fire can be both beneficial and destructive, sex, when experienced outside of God's design, can lead to harm. However, within marriage, it is a gift that brings warmth and connection. Understanding this dual nature helps us appreciate the importance of boundaries. [03:35]

2. God-Given Desires: Sexual desires are not inherently sinful; they are part of God's creation. The challenge lies in channeling these desires appropriately within marriage, avoiding the extremes of indulgence and denial. This balance honors God's design and promotes healthy relationships. [10:42]

3. Mutual Giving in Marriage: Paul emphasizes the importance of mutual giving in marriage, where spouses fulfill each other's needs. This selfless approach breaks cycles of deprivation and fosters a deeper partnership, reflecting God's intention for marriage. [19:49]

4. Promoting Purity Through Marriage: Engaging in sexual intimacy within marriage acts as a safeguard against immorality. It provides a secure environment where desires are fulfilled, reducing the temptation to seek satisfaction elsewhere. [28:12]

5. Singleness and Self-Control: While marriage is a context for sexual expression, singleness is also a gift that allows for focused devotion to God. Paul encourages singles to exercise self-control and to marry if they struggle with maintaining purity, highlighting the importance of honoring God in all circumstances. [32:45]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [03:35] - The Dual Nature of Fire and Sex
- [05:53] - Addressing Extremes in Corinth
- [07:43] - God's Design for Sexual Desires
- [10:42] - Channeling Desires Appropriately
- [15:24] - The Value of Sexual Intimacy
- [18:45] - Mutual Giving in Marriage
- [19:49] - Breaking the Cycle of Deprivation
- [22:18] - Partnership and Oneness
- [23:19] - Generosity in Marriage
- [25:17] - Selflessness in Marriage
- [27:06] - Concession and Agreement
- [28:12] - Promoting Purity Through Marriage
- [29:59] - The Goodness of Sex in Marriage
- [31:58] - Singleness and Self-Control
- [33:20] - Conversations and Initiatives

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide

Bible Reading:
- 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

Observation Questions:
1. What analogy does the sermon use to describe the nature of sex, and how does it relate to the concept of boundaries? [03:35]
2. According to the sermon, what were the two extremes regarding sexual behavior that the Corinthian church struggled with? [05:53]
3. How does Paul describe the mutual responsibilities of spouses in marriage according to 1 Corinthians 7:3-4? [07:43]
4. What does the sermon suggest is the purpose of sexual intimacy within marriage? [19:49]

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the analogy of fire help us understand the importance of boundaries in sexual relationships? [03:35]
2. In what ways does Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7 challenge the cultural views on sex both in Corinth and today? [05:53]
3. How does the concept of mutual giving in marriage reflect God’s design for relationships? [19:49]
4. What role does self-control play in both marriage and singleness according to Paul’s teachings? [32:45]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on the analogy of fire and sex. Are there areas in your life where you need to establish or reinforce boundaries to align with God’s design? [03:35]
2. How can you and your spouse engage in open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship to break cycles of deprivation? [33:20]
3. If you are single, how can you exercise self-control and honor God in your current season of life? What steps can you take to maintain purity? [32:45]
4. In what ways can you practice mutual giving in your marriage this week? Consider specific actions that demonstrate selflessness and partnership. [19:49]
5. How can you create a secure environment in your marriage that promotes purity and reduces temptation? What practical steps can you take to strengthen your relationship? [28:12]
6. For those who are married, how can you ensure that your marriage is a haven where sexual intimacy is celebrated and nurtured? [29:07]
7. What conversations do you need to initiate with your spouse to honor God through your marriage? How can you take the first step in breaking any negative cycles? [33:20]

Devotional

Day 1: The Dual Nature of Fire and Sex
Sex, like fire, has a dual nature that can be both beneficial and destructive. When contained within the boundaries of marriage, it aligns with God's design and brings warmth, connection, and fulfillment. However, when experienced outside of these boundaries, it can lead to harm and destruction. Understanding this dual nature helps us appreciate the importance of maintaining boundaries that honor God's intentions. Just as a fire provides warmth and comfort when kept in a fireplace, sex within marriage is a gift that fosters intimacy and unity between spouses. Recognizing the potential for both good and harm encourages us to approach sexual intimacy with reverence and responsibility. [03:35]

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4, ESV)

Reflection: In what ways can you ensure that your approach to sexual intimacy aligns with God's design, bringing warmth and connection rather than harm?

Day 2: God-Given Desires
Sexual desires are not inherently sinful; they are part of God's creation and design. The challenge lies in channeling these desires appropriately within the context of marriage, avoiding the extremes of indulgence and denial. This balance honors God's design and promotes healthy relationships. The Apostle Paul addressed the Corinthian church's confusion regarding sexual relations, emphasizing that sexual desires are God-given but must be expressed within the boundaries of marriage. By understanding and respecting these boundaries, individuals can experience the goodness and fulfillment that God intended. [10:42]

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor." (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, ESV)

Reflection: How can you channel your God-given desires in a way that honors Him and promotes healthy relationships within your marriage or future marriage?

Day 3: Mutual Giving in Marriage
Marriage is a partnership where mutual giving and selflessness are essential. The Apostle Paul emphasizes the importance of spouses fulfilling each other's needs, breaking cycles of deprivation, and fostering a deeper partnership. This selfless approach reflects God's intention for marriage, where both partners contribute to the relationship's health and vitality. By prioritizing mutual giving, couples can experience a deeper connection and unity, reflecting the love and generosity that God desires for marriage. [19:49]

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4, ESV)

Reflection: In what ways can you practice mutual giving in your marriage or relationships, ensuring that both partners' needs are met and cycles of deprivation are broken?

Day 4: Promoting Purity Through Marriage
Engaging in sexual intimacy within marriage acts as a safeguard against immorality. It provides a secure environment where desires are fulfilled, reducing the temptation to seek satisfaction elsewhere. The Apostle Paul highlights the importance of marriage as a context for sexual expression, promoting purity and protecting against immorality. By honoring the marriage bed and nurturing sexual intimacy within its boundaries, couples can experience the fullness of God's gift of sex, enjoying it as a source of joy and unity. [28:12]

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18, ESV)

Reflection: How can you actively promote purity within your marriage or future marriage, ensuring that sexual intimacy is celebrated and nurtured within its proper boundaries?

Day 5: Singleness and Self-Control
While marriage is a context for sexual expression, singleness is also a gift that allows for focused devotion to God. The Apostle Paul encourages singles to exercise self-control and to marry if they struggle with maintaining purity. Singleness provides an opportunity for undivided devotion to God, and those who are single are called to honor God in their circumstances. By embracing the gift of singleness and exercising self-control, individuals can live a life that reflects God's love and purpose. [32:45]

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife." (1 Corinthians 7:32-33, ESV)

Reflection: If you are single, how can you embrace this season as a gift, focusing on undivided devotion to God and exercising self-control in your daily life?

Quotes

"Well, every year in the U.S., over 360,000 home fires are reported. So we're thankful that we have guys in our midst who've been involved in the fire departments and helping take care of those things. But when they come up, we have sadly learned that with those 360,000 home fires, often comes somewhere in the ballpark of 3,000 casualties and over 11,000 different injuries. And you're thinking to yourself right now, what a way to start a sermon, right? That is not exactly a feel-good statistic. That's kind of a downer because we're recognizing that fire can be an incredibly dangerous and destructive thing. When it is unleashed in places where it should not be, it normally does not do good stuff." [00:00:00] (49 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"But what Paul did in first Corinthians six to say, and it's not just that, but sexual immorality denies our relationship with Christ. There's, there's something fundamentally different about who we are in Christ and it impacts that area of our lives. And so living outside of God's design is denying something of who we are in him." [00:03:11] (24 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"And so we see at the beginning of chapter 7, Paul says, and now concerning the manners about which you wrote. All right, so we're remembering that he's dealing with a church and there are issues going on in this church. They've got a lot of dysfunctions. We've dealt with some of those things. And now Paul's saying, now let's address some of your questions. And so maybe it's reassuring to us that a church that existed, a couple thousand years ago, was asking some similar questions that the church needs to be asking or is asking even today. And so the question that they had to Paul was, is it good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman?" [00:04:01] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"And Paul's like, man, you guys have hit the two extremes on this conversation. When it comes to this issue, some are saying we have a freedom in Christ because of his forgiveness, because of the salvation we have, we can use that to, we have a freedom to engage in sexual activity with anybody. And Paul's saying that is a bad extreme to adopt. And so he talked in chapter 6 saying, hey, the stomach is for food, and food is the stomach, yeah, but your body is not made for sexual immorality. So this is an extreme we shouldn't go towards. Meanwhile, these other people in the church are saying, maybe the godly thing is to deny physical desires." [00:05:10] (43 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"And they were buying into this thing called asceticism. And if you're familiar with asceticism, it's basically the denial of human desires. And so it would expand to all things. We are not to enjoy the things of this world. And so the pious or the super spiritual would say, oh, we're going to do this. We're going to deny that. We're going to turn our nose up to it. And we're not going to engage in sexual activity at all. And Paul's like, well, that's another extreme that's gone too far. So you've got this church operating on these polars that are totally opposite of each other. And Paul's saying we need to stop and have a bit of a conversation. And we need to be honest about this conversation." [00:05:53] (38 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried, and the widows, I say that it's good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it's better to marry than to burn with passion." [00:07:53] (41 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"He's speaking to this issue, right? And if you're tracking with what Paul's saying, he's bringing the landing spot somewhere in between these polarizing viewpoints on sex. It's not freedom to go ahead and do whatever you want, and it's not abstaining entirely, especially even if you're in a marriage, right? And so he's saying we've got to land in a healthy place. Now, C.S. Lewis, in his book, Mere Christianity, he's making the argument in his book that when God has put a desire in us, something that this world cannot satisfy, perhaps it's an evidence that there's something outside of this world that we long for, right? And in making his point, he says that creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists." [00:08:35] (45 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"And so we think of authority over our own bodies as something that just we get to do. And Paul's saying, no, husbands, you love your wife as your own body, which means you cherish her, you love her, you nourish her. It is not a greed, but a generosity. That is the oneness that Paul is speaking to in a marriage. That's how God designed it to be. The problem is there are not many marriages that function like that today. Sadly, even within the church. There is a cycle of dysfunction that often happens. A cycle. We'll call it a deprivation, and let me explain what it is." [00:23:19] (47 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"God has created marriage to be something so incredibly good. He has created sex to be enjoyed within marriage. So break the cycle and discover the goodness of what God has designed marriage to be. Break the cycle. Stop it. We are not called to greed and selfishness in our marriages. If that is going to be the way you live out your marriage, and even for the younger people in the room, when you get married someday, if that's your attitude towards marriage, you are going to live in a dysfunctional and dissatisfied marriage. I guarantee it, because that's the way God called it to be." [00:25:29] (40 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"So, the concession that Paul gives, don't deprive one another. Literally, he's saying that the wording there is, don't rob your spouse of what is rightfully theirs. The only concession, is if it's done by agreement and for a short time. He says. And the agreement should be that you're using that time to seek the Lord together. But then you'll see right there in verse 5, but come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Third good. That sex in your marriage promotes purity." [00:27:06] (45 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

"He's saying like there is a protection, like in a haven where there's protection from something else, there's a protection from sexual immorality, a protection from the temptations when you engage with this inside of your marriage. He says that sex in your marriage should be the habit. It should be happening. You should be actively doing it. You should be engaged in this because it's a good thing. That's what creates a healthy marriage. It's part of a healthy marriage." [00:29:32] (27 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

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Transcript

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