Embracing God's Design for Marriage and Holiness

Devotional

Day 1: Embracing God’s Design for Marriage Roles

God’s design for marriage is not about ability or value, but about order and partnership, where men and women are equal in essence but have distinct roles that reflect His wisdom and purpose. In a world that often blurs or erases these differences, Scripture calls us to honor and celebrate the unique ways God has made us, trusting that His way leads to flourishing and life. When we accept and live out these roles—headship for husbands and submission for wives—we resist the pull of culture and instead choose the narrow, life-giving way of Jesus, even when it is countercultural or difficult. [01:05:17]

Ephesians 5:22-24 (ESV)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Reflection: In what ways have you been tempted to conform your view of marriage to cultural expectations rather than God’s design, and how can you intentionally choose to trust and live out His order in your home today?

Day 2: Headship Means Servant Leadership

True biblical headship is modeled after Jesus, who did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life for others; husbands are called to lead their families with sacrificial, servant-hearted love, taking responsibility for the spiritual and practical well-being of their homes. This means initiating peace, pursuing reconciliation, and stewarding authority with humility and care, not for personal gain but for the flourishing of their wives and children. When husbands embrace this calling, they reflect Christ’s love and create a home where grace and growth abound. [01:13:59]

Matthew 20:28 (ESV)
Even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Reflection: What is one specific way you can initiate peace or serve your family today, following the example of Jesus’ servant leadership?

Day 3: Submission as Service for Sanctification

Submission in marriage is not about being a doormat or losing your voice, but about serving your spouse for their sanctification—encouraging, confronting, and supporting them in ways that help them become more like Christ. This kind of submission is active, prayerful, and rooted in a desire for your spouse’s spiritual growth, refusing to enable sin or passivity but instead seeking God’s wisdom for how to best love and challenge one another. It is a posture that trusts God’s order and looks to Him for the details of how to walk it out in your unique marriage. [01:08:51]

1 Peter 3:1-2 (ESV)
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Reflection: How can you encourage or challenge your spouse today in a way that points them toward Christ and their calling, rather than simply keeping the peace or avoiding conflict?

Day 4: The Power of a Transformed Heart

The commands for marriage only work when our hearts have been transformed by Jesus—without His Spirit, we will use these truths selfishly or manipulatively, but with Him, we are empowered to love, serve, and forgive as He does. Our marriages become a place where the gospel is lived out daily, not by our own strength but by the grace and new mercies God gives us each morning. No matter our past failures or wounds, we can begin again, trusting that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it. [01:30:07]

2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Reflection: Where do you need to receive God’s new mercies and allow His Spirit to transform your heart and actions in your marriage today?

Day 5: Choosing the Narrow Way of Christ Over Culture

Every day, we are faced with the choice to follow the broad, easy way of culture or the narrow, challenging way of Jesus—especially in our marriages and families. The narrow way may be harder, but it leads to life, truth, and lasting joy, while the broad way leads to confusion and destruction. As we come to the table, we declare our allegiance to Christ as King, asking Him to strengthen us to choose His way, even when it costs us comfort or approval. [01:22:13]

Matthew 7:13-14 (ESV)
Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Reflection: What is one area where you are tempted to take the easy, culturally-accepted path in your marriage or family, and how can you choose the narrow way of Jesus instead today?

Sermon Summary

In a world that often blurs the lines between men and women, God’s design for marriage stands as a beautiful, purposeful contrast. The soul, the eternal part of us, finds its anchor in Christ, and this anchoring is essential for the flourishing of marriage. Drawing from Ephesians 5, the metaphor of a “marriage garden” helps us understand the unique roles and differences between men and women. Just as a garden thrives when each plant is cared for according to its design, so too does marriage flourish when husbands and wives embrace their God-given roles.

Men and women are inherently different—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These differences are not accidental or problematic; they are intentional, woven into creation by God. Our culture may try to erase or minimize these distinctions, but both science and Scripture affirm them. Men are designed with a bent toward independence and defense, while women are wired for community and interdependence. Both tendencies, left unchecked, can become unhealthy, but God’s Word provides the balance: love, headship, submission, and mutual service.

Marriage is not about “happily ever after” but about holiness. The call for husbands to love sacrificially and for wives to submit is not about ability or value but about order and partnership. Both are equal in worth, but their roles are distinct. Headship for the husband is not a license for domination but a call to Christlike, servant leadership—initiating peace, taking responsibility, and laying down one’s life for the family. Submission for the wife is not passivity or silence but an active, prayerful partnership that seeks the husband’s sanctification and the family’s flourishing.

The challenge is real: our culture encourages men to abdicate responsibility and women to compete rather than complement. But God’s way is the narrow path that leads to life. When we choose to follow Christ’s design, empowered by His Spirit, we find the grace to begin again, no matter our past failures. Communion reminds us that in Christ, all things are made new, and we are given everything we need for life and godliness. The invitation is to trust Jesus, embrace our roles, and let our marriages become a testimony to His transforming power.

Key Takeaways

1. God’s Design for Distinction and Partnership Men and women are created with intentional differences that reflect God’s wisdom and creativity. These distinctions are not to be erased or minimized but embraced as essential for a thriving marriage. When each partner honors the other’s unique design, the marriage becomes a place of growth, balance, and mutual blessing. [49:34]
2. Marriage as a Pathway to Holiness, Not Just Happiness God’s purpose for marriage goes beyond personal fulfillment; it is a context for sanctification. The struggles and challenges in marriage are opportunities for sin to be subdued and for Christlikeness to be formed in both spouses. Holiness, not comfort, is the soil in which true marital joy grows. [44:42]
3. Headship Means Sacrificial Responsibility, Not Privilege Biblical headship calls husbands to model their leadership after Christ, who came not to be served but to serve and give His life. Authority in the home is always tied to responsibility—husbands are to initiate peace, take ownership of their family’s spiritual health, and lay down their lives for their wives and children. This is the narrow, countercultural way that leads to life. [73:59]
4. Submission as Active, Prayerful Support for Sanctification Submission is not about blind obedience or inferiority; it is about serving one’s husband for his sanctification and the good of the family. Wives are called to encourage, confront in love, and support their husbands, seeking God’s wisdom for the details. This kind of submission is empowered by the Spirit and rooted in trust in Christ. [68:51]
5. Choosing Christ’s Way Over Culture’s Way Every believer faces the ongoing choice between conforming to cultural norms or submitting to Christ’s design. The broad way of culture may seem easier, but it leads to destruction; the narrow way of Jesus leads to life. Communion is a regular reminder to choose Christ’s way, trusting that His grace is sufficient to make all things new, no matter our past. [82:13]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[42:31] - Anchoring Our Souls in Christ
[43:33] - The Marriage Garden Metaphor
[44:42] - Marriage: Holiness Over Happiness
[46:56] - The Differences Between Men and Women
[48:13] - Raising Boys and Girls: God’s Design
[49:34] - Culture’s Attempt to Erase Distinctions
[51:34] - Scientific and Psychological Differences
[52:42] - The Dangers of Unchecked Masculinity and Femininity
[53:34] - The Gospel’s Transforming Power in Marriage
[55:13] - Biblical Commands for Husbands and Wives
[56:17] - Authority, Naming, and Responsibility
[59:06] - The Curse and the Complication of Roles
[68:51] - Submission: Serving for Sanctification
[73:59] - Headship: Christlike Leadership
[78:15] - Why God’s Order Matters in Decision-Making
[82:13] - Choosing the Narrow Way
[88:03] - Communion: Embracing New Mercies
[90:59] - Invitation to Salvation and Baptism

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Ephesians 5:22-27 (ESV) — > 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Genesis 2:18-24 (ESV) — > 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 19 Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Matthew 7:13-14 (ESV) — > 13 “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Observation Questions

According to Ephesians 5, what specific instructions are given to wives and to husbands? How are these instructions different? ([55:13])
In Genesis 2, what was God’s reason for creating woman, and how does Adam respond to her creation? ([56:17])
What metaphor did the sermon use to describe marriage, and what does it teach us about the roles of men and women? ([43:33])
In Matthew 7:13-14, what are the two “ways” or “paths” Jesus describes, and what do they represent in the context of marriage and culture? ([01:21:19])

Interpretation Questions

Why does Paul compare the relationship between husband and wife to that of Christ and the church? What does this say about the purpose of marriage? ([55:13])
The sermon says that men and women are “intentionally different” and that these differences are not accidental. How does embracing these differences contribute to a healthy marriage? ([49:34])
The sermon claims that “headship” for husbands is not about privilege but about sacrificial responsibility. What does this look like practically, and why is it countercultural? ([01:13:59])
How does the idea of “submission” as described in the sermon differ from common cultural misunderstandings of the word? ([01:08:51])

Application Questions

The sermon says, “Marriage is not about ‘happily ever after’ but about holiness.” How does this change the way you view struggles or disappointments in your marriage or relationships? ([44:42])
For those who are married, what is one way you can intentionally honor your spouse’s God-given differences this week? For those who are single, how can you encourage these differences in the marriages or families around you? ([49:34])
Husbands are called to initiate peace and take responsibility for the spiritual health of their families. If you are a husband, what is one area where you need to step up in servant leadership? If you are not a husband, how can you support or pray for the men in your life to do this? ([01:16:21])
Wives are called to submit as “active, prayerful support for sanctification.” What does it look like to encourage and confront your husband in love, rather than being passive or critical? ([01:08:51])
The sermon warns that culture encourages men to abdicate responsibility and women to compete rather than complement. Where do you see these tendencies in your own life or in the world around you? How can you choose Christ’s way instead? ([01:21:19])
Communion is described as a reminder that “in Christ, all things are made new.” Is there a past failure or regret in your marriage or relationships that you need to bring to Jesus for healing and a fresh start? ([01:29:15])
Jesus says the narrow way leads to life. What is one specific “narrow path” choice you can make this week in your marriage, family, or relationships that goes against the easy way of culture? ([01:22:13])

Sermon Clips

Marriage is not about and they live happily ever after. Marriage is actually about holiness. And we looked at Genesis 1 and 2 and 3 and we saw when God first created the man and the woman that they had some jobs to do. One of them was to subdue. That there was a serpent in the garden that needed to be subdued. They failed, but that same subduing needs to happen in marriage because now that snake has wrapped around every single human heart and is injecting poison in it. It's called sin. So now marriage is about holiness. It's about seeing sin subdued. And that's not always pretty or easy. [00:44:36] (43 seconds) #MarriageHolinessBattle

And what I say to people all the time is, listen, when I talk about marriage, this stuff only works for believers. If you're not a believer, you will rip one of these truths out of the garden. And then you're going to end up using it to manipulate and get your own way selfishly. These only work when my heart has been transformed, transplanted, become a different heart by the power of Jesus Christ. It's the only way these things work. [00:53:57] (26 seconds) #TransformedHeartsOnly

We are equal in essence, but we have different roles. We're the same value to God, the same dignity to God. We are joint heirs with Jesus Christ, but we have distinct roles when it comes to family and marriage and even society. [00:56:25] (21 seconds) #EqualValueDistinctRoles

A man's ability to name things still creates destiny in a man's kids and wife. I have sat in that office over there and had young women and young men tell me about things that their dad had said to them that either built them or broke them decades later. That's the power. That's the power of a man's word. So it's still true. [00:58:08] (25 seconds) #PowerOfWordsLegacy

You can come to this text and you can change it and conform it to culture. Or you can come to this text and say, God change me and make me conform to your way because you designed us and you know it's right. Those are your two choices. [01:06:00] (16 seconds) #ConformToGodsWay

So what is the essence of submission here? I'm going to put it like this. It's serving your husband for his sanctification. So you're looking for what is best for my husband. So is it best for a husband to have a wife that's a doormat that he can walk all over? No. That will ruin him. That will turn him worse and worse and worse and worse. It's I want my husband to be godly, to be Christ -like. So I'm serving him for sanctification. I want him to reflect the glory and majesty of Jesus Christ. [01:08:27] (39 seconds) #SubmissionForSanctification

To an unbeliever, if your husband's an unbeliever, 1 Peter 3, verse 1 says, you win him by your conduct. You're the most godly, joyful, fruitful plant on the planet. And you're praying that the way that you live life, the way that you're walking this out, the way that you go through valleys and mountains is such an example to your husband that he says, I want what you've got. And there are examples sitting in this room right now where that has happened. Just the godly walk of a wife winning her husband. [01:10:17] (37 seconds) #GodlyWifeWinsHusband

With the curse, here's what I think happened to men. We want all the authority with no responsibility. That's what broken us. We want the authority to buy a motorcycle, or we want the authority to buy a PS5, or we want the authority to build a man cave, or we want the authority to buy that new toy, but we don't want the responsibility to pay the rent. And you can take that in a million ways. We want authority without responsibility. But in the Bible, God always says authority and responsibility are built into the headship. [01:11:16] (40 seconds) #AuthorityWithResponsibility

``My model for headship is not someone I admire on Instagram or some hero I have. My model for headship is Jesus Christ. This is Jesus' mission when He came to earth. This is what He said, and I think it should be the mission of every single husband. It's Matthew 20, 28. I did not come to be served, but to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many. I did not get married to be served, but to serve my wife and to serve my kids and to give my life for them. That's what headship is in the Bible. It's nail -pierced servant leadership. That's what we're to do. [01:14:14] (57 seconds) #JesusModelOfHeadship

Husbands, we're supposed to do that. We are supposed to be the peacemakers in our home. So if you and your wife have a fight and you go to bed at night and you are mad at each other, and you're on opposite sides of that California king bed, like you're stretching that comforter, it's the only thing holding you from falling off the edge. Like you're just, ugh, ugh. But you remember, the Bible says, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Do not give a place for the devil. You remember that. Then husband, husband. It is your job to initiate peace, to initiate restoration, not to wait for your wife to come crawling back to you as happens so often. No, I'm the head. I'm responsible. I initiate peacemaking, just like Jesus did. [01:16:19] (56 seconds) #HusbandsInitiatePeace

And we have a choice all the time. Am I going to choose culture's way? Or am I going to choose Christ's way? And it faces us all the time. And Jesus has this great little text, and you can apply it in a million ways, but he says this in Matthew 7, 13. Enter by the narrow gate. Because broad and easy is the way to destruction, and many are going that way. Culture. But narrow and hard is the gate that leads to life. Choose the narrow gate. We have that choice all the time. Is culture going to tell me what to do? Or is Jesus Christ going to tell me what to do? My hope is that we're a group of people that say culture doesn't have it. We're spiraling down. Something's happening to us. It's not good. So I'm choosing Jesus Christ's way. [01:21:34] (57 seconds) #ChooseNarrowGate

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