Embracing Forgiveness Through Radical Acceptance

hurting is a natural thing in our world tragically but forgiveness is Supernatural we're on a journey to it and today I want you to start by thinking about a difficult person in your life somebody who is just hard for you to like maybe they are cranky maybe they're chronically negative maybe they're draining maybe they're somebody that's bossy could be somebody in your family could be somebody at work [00:00:30]

we can only forgive a little bit at a time we can only forgive something that's quite concrete and quite specific and we cannot make forgiveness do what another power is required for so here's what L writes wholesale forgiving is too much for anybody not long ago a man named Arthur Fram came to me seeking a way to forgive his daughter Becky [00:01:24]

Arthur was trying to use forgiveness as a quick and cheap nostrom for pains that forgiveness cannot cure it cannot heal our narcissistic resent Ms toward people for not being all we expect them to be can I say that one one more time forgiveness cannot heal the narcissistic resentments that we feel towards people for not being all that we expect or want them to be [00:04:48]

forgiveness nobody can really forgive people for being what they are forgiveness was not invented for such unfair maneuvering Arthur might be able to forgive Becky for cursing him when he offered to take you to a therapist probably forgive her for telling him she hated him in dinner the other night in fact he may had the power to forgive her for any of the specific things she did to make his life miserable [00:05:15]

we overload the circuits of forgiveness when we try to forgive people for being burdens to our existence or for not being the sort of person we want them to be there are other means for for coping with the threads of tragedy that are wov woven into the fabric of our lives but I'm sure that I would not have helped Arthur at all if I'd encouraged him to think that he should or even could forgive his daughter for being the person she is [00:05:47]

pain compounds itself when we indulge ourselves with grandiose forgiving the reason is simple when we try and fail as we're bound to forgive someone for being what he is resentment is added to resentment we blame him for our failure to forgive him as well as for wronging us we end up feeling sorrier for ourselves than we did before and guiltier too because now beside everything else we're ashamed of ourselves for not being able to forgive [00:06:40]

forgiving that heals focuses on what people do not what people are The Healing Art of forgiving has to be practiced a little at a time for most people anyway Ordinary People forgive best if they go at it in bits and pieces and for specific acts they bog down if they try to forgive people in the grand manner because wholesale forgiving is almost always fake [00:07:11]

forgiving anything at all is a minor miracle forgiving cart blanch is silly no one can do it except God and the first rule for mere human beings in the forgiving game is to remember we are not God I am not God you are not God the people in your life are not God and you cannot forgive them for that we forgive people for what they do we accept people for who they are [00:07:47]

there is a deep connection between the capacity to forgive and the capacity to accept because both of them are rooted in Love This Love that Jesus brought for us we've talked about how AR said that Jesus of Nazareth was the discoverer of forgiveness in human Affairs he was also I think the discoverer of Acceptance in human Affairs mirl wolf in his book exclusion and embrace talks about how it was the signature of Jesus to embrace people that others would exclude [00:08:15]

to accept another person is to be glad that they exist and to be glad that they are them I pretty regularly will talk these days with parents especially a lot of people who are parents uh and people of faith that have children who are lgtbq and uh sometimes they even think if they're going to honor their faith they have to reject their child and to say no no no for any human being to offer them the gift of acceptance [00:10:25]

today practice by accepting each person everybody that you see today every email that you write today every phone conversation here's the thought I'm so glad that you are you I'm so glad that you are you it's a gift to be able to encounter you I want to know [00:11:19]

Jesus recognized that what delighted God was precisely to embrace such people and so not only did he forgive Sinners their sin he also welcomed he embraced he accepted lepers and Samaritans and Roman centurians and people that were considered physically disabled now you don't forgive somebody for being a Samaritan or a leper or a Roman Centurion you welcome them you accept them [00:09:02]