Embracing Forgiveness: The REACH Model Journey

 

Summary

In today's discussion, we delved into the profound and transformative journey of forgiveness, guided by the REACH model developed by EV Worthington. This model provides a structured approach to forgiveness, making it both practical and deeply impactful. The journey begins with recalling the hurt, not in a way that fuels anger, but in a manner that allows us to see the situation from a broader perspective. This is followed by empathy, where we attempt to understand the other person's viewpoint, not to justify their actions, but to humanize them and recognize their struggles.

The next step is to give an altruistic gift of forgiveness, acknowledging that while the person may not deserve it, we choose to forgive because we have been forgiven by others, including God. This act of forgiveness is a reflection of the grace we have received in our own lives. Committing to forgiveness is crucial, as it helps us hold onto it even when doubts arise. This commitment can be as simple as writing a note to ourselves, reminding us of the decision we made.

Finally, we must hold onto this forgiveness, especially when negative emotions resurface. It's natural for old feelings to re-emerge, but by reminding ourselves of our commitment, we can maintain our stance of forgiveness. Throughout this process, we are encouraged to question the stories we tell ourselves about others. Often, these narratives sustain our anger and prevent us from seeing the full picture. By considering alternative, more redemptive stories, we open ourselves to compassion and understanding.

Key Takeaways:

- Reflect on Past Forgiveness: Begin by recalling a significant instance where you successfully forgave someone. This reflection can empower you to believe in your ability to forgive current grievances, knowing that God will support you through the process. [01:31]

- Empathy as a Tool: Empathy is not about justifying wrong actions but about understanding the humanity in others. By using our imagination to see things from their perspective, we can soften our hearts and open the door to forgiveness. [03:25]

- The Gift of Forgiveness: Forgiveness is an altruistic gift, given not because it is deserved, but because we have been recipients of forgiveness ourselves. This act mirrors the grace we have received from God and others in our lives. [04:34]

- Commitment to Forgiveness: Writing a note to ourselves about our decision to forgive can help solidify our commitment. This personal reminder serves as an anchor when doubts and negative emotions resurface. [05:45]

- Rewriting Our Stories: The narratives we create about others can fuel our anger. By questioning these stories and considering more compassionate alternatives, we can transform our responses and embrace a more forgiving attitude. [09:58]

Youtube Chapters:

- [00:00] - Welcome
- [00:35] - Introduction to the REACH Model
- [01:09] - Reflecting on Past Forgiveness
- [02:05] - Emotional vs. Decisional Forgiveness
- [02:44] - The Role of Empathy
- [03:59] - Using Imagination for Empathy
- [04:34] - Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness
- [05:28] - Humanizing Forgiveness
- [05:45] - Committing to Forgiveness
- [06:20] - Holding onto Forgiveness
- [07:28] - The Power of Commitment
- [08:22] - The Stories We Tell Ourselves
- [09:05] - A Story of Perspective
- [09:58] - Rewriting Our Stories
- [10:39] - Closing Remarks and Invitation

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: The Journey of Forgiveness

Bible Reading:
1. Ephesians 4:32 - "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
2. Colossians 3:13 - "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
3. Matthew 6:14-15 - "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Observation Questions:
1. What are the key steps in the REACH model for forgiveness as discussed in the sermon? [02:05]
2. How does the sermon describe the role of empathy in the forgiveness process? [03:25]
3. What is meant by giving an "altruistic gift of forgiveness," and why is it important? [04:34]
4. How does the sermon suggest we handle doubts and negative emotions that resurface after forgiving someone? [06:20]

Interpretation Questions:
1. How does the concept of recalling past forgiveness experiences help in the current process of forgiving others? [01:31]
2. In what ways does empathy change our perspective on those who have wronged us, according to the sermon? [03:25]
3. Why is it significant to commit to forgiveness, and how can this commitment be maintained over time? [05:45]
4. How do the stories we tell ourselves about others impact our ability to forgive, and what alternative narratives could we consider? [09:58]

Application Questions:
1. Reflect on a time when you successfully forgave someone. How did that experience shape your understanding of forgiveness, and how can it empower you to forgive current grievances? [01:31]
2. Think of a person you struggle to empathize with. What steps can you take to better understand their perspective and humanize them in your mind? [03:25]
3. Identify a situation where you need to offer forgiveness as an altruistic gift. What would it look like to extend grace in this situation, even if the person does not deserve it? [04:34]
4. Write a note to yourself about a decision to forgive someone. How can this act serve as a reminder and anchor when negative emotions resurface? [05:45]
5. Consider a narrative you have about someone that fuels your anger. What alternative, more compassionate story could you tell yourself to transform your response? [09:58]
6. How can you apply the REACH model in a current relationship where forgiveness is needed? What specific step will you focus on this week?
7. Reflect on the Bible passages about forgiveness. How do they challenge or encourage you in your journey of forgiving others?

Devotional

Day 1: Reflecting on Past Forgiveness
Reflecting on past experiences of forgiveness can empower us to tackle current grievances. By recalling a significant instance where you successfully forgave someone, you can draw strength and assurance from that experience. This reflection is not just about remembering the act of forgiveness but also about recognizing the growth and healing that followed. It serves as a reminder that forgiveness is possible and that God supports you through this transformative process. By acknowledging past victories in forgiveness, you can build confidence in your ability to forgive again, knowing that you are not alone in this journey. [01:31]

"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a time when you forgave someone and felt a sense of peace afterward. How can this memory encourage you to forgive someone you are struggling with today?


Day 2: Empathy as a Tool
Empathy is a powerful tool in the journey of forgiveness. It involves stepping into another person's shoes and attempting to understand their perspective, not to justify their actions, but to humanize them. By using your imagination to see things from their viewpoint, you can soften your heart and open the door to forgiveness. This process allows you to recognize the shared humanity and struggles that everyone faces, which can lead to a more compassionate and understanding attitude. Empathy helps dismantle the barriers of anger and resentment, paving the way for genuine forgiveness. [03:25]

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight." (Romans 12:15-16, ESV)

Reflection: Consider someone you find difficult to forgive. What might their life look like from their perspective, and how can this understanding help you move towards forgiveness?


Day 3: The Gift of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is an altruistic gift, given not because it is deserved, but because we have been recipients of forgiveness ourselves. This act mirrors the grace we have received from God and others in our lives. By choosing to forgive, we reflect the grace and mercy that have been extended to us, acknowledging that we too have been forgiven for our shortcomings. This perspective shifts the focus from the offender's actions to the grace we have experienced, allowing us to offer forgiveness as a gift rather than a transaction. [04:34]

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32, ESV)

Reflection: Who in your life needs the gift of forgiveness today? How can you extend this gift, reflecting the grace you have received?


Day 4: Commitment to Forgiveness
Committing to forgiveness is crucial in maintaining it, especially when doubts and negative emotions resurface. Writing a note to yourself about your decision to forgive can help solidify this commitment. This personal reminder serves as an anchor, helping you hold onto your decision even when old feelings re-emerge. By reaffirming your commitment to forgiveness, you can navigate through moments of doubt and remain steadfast in your choice to forgive. This practice reinforces the decision and helps you stay aligned with your values and intentions. [05:45]

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." (Hebrews 10:23, ESV)

Reflection: Write a note to yourself about your decision to forgive someone. How can this reminder help you stay committed when negative emotions arise?


Day 5: Rewriting Our Stories
The narratives we create about others can fuel our anger and prevent us from seeing the full picture. By questioning these stories and considering more compassionate alternatives, we can transform our responses and embrace a more forgiving attitude. This process involves challenging the assumptions and judgments we hold about others and seeking to understand their actions in a more redemptive light. By rewriting our stories, we open ourselves to compassion and understanding, allowing forgiveness to flourish. [09:58]

"Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment." (John 7:24, ESV)

Reflection: What story have you been telling yourself about someone who hurt you? How can you rewrite this narrative to foster forgiveness and understanding?

Quotes


I will let me say that the very first thing we usually try to do to help people forgive is to ask them to reflect back on their life and try to recall the hardest thing that they ever successfully forgave because if you can you know see over your life that you really have forgiven some pretty horrendous things because we all encounter these, that helps you to realize that even though I'm struggling with this thing right now, I you know have a chance of being successful God will help me through this. [00:01:09]

There are two types of forgiveness so one of those types is to make a decision to treat this person as a valuable value person created in God's image, and and therefore worthy of our honor in a way and so you know I'm gonna make a decision to treat this person differently, and I can make that decision but then you know this emotional change is often where we struggle and it's often takes years and years to to experience that. [00:02:05]

R stands for it to recall the hurt but to recall it a little differently than the usual what a jerk that person is and how much have I been damaged to to think about it in terms of E H empathy for the other person this is not to you know justify that what they did was was right in any way that this is just to say they're human and can I can I see how they might have been thinking about it. [00:03:04]

I use this creative holy imagination that God's given us to to empathize with the person to put myself in their position. Sometimes using a kind of an empty chair that is a kind of a pop psychology thing that's actually been investigated time and time again and it will help people empathize to pretend that the other person is in this chair across from me pour my heart out to them get in that chair, you know describe what how they might respond get back in the first chair you know this conversation. [00:03:39]

Hey then given altruistic gift of forgiveness this is altruistic in that they don't deserve to be forgiven but I'm going to give this gift because I've been given the gift of forgiveness throughout my life, I know that I know that uh God forgives me on the basis of what Jesus has done I I know that my parents forgave me for things uh I know that friends have forgiven me it's important not just to think that God forgave us because we can just go well of course God forgave me you know God's God but it's his job yeah that's his job again it's paid for that I guess but not probably not but you know if I can get into remembering how other people have forgiven me. [00:04:34]

And then commit to that forgiveness and I might do that just by writing myself a note so I commit to myself I don't have to tell the world I just tell me that I forgave on such and such a day such and such a Time, and then the reason that it helps to commit to that forgiveness is so that age I can hold on to that forgiveness whenever I doubt and I I likely will doubt suppose that my boss continually you know is I think unfairly on my case. [00:05:45]

What is likely to happen is my feelings are likely to rise up, uh and and and negative feelings it doesn't mean that I haven't forgiven her so if I can remind myself oh no I've forgiven her, what I'm feeling right there is the same conditioned reaction that I would feel if I burn my hand on a stove and then after it healed up I got near that stove again I would feel anxiety I would feel anger because that's one of the responses we have to paint and and this is psychological pain. [00:06:31]

We all tell ourselves stories about what it is that people do around us and I'm thinking of one of the stories that you told I'll ask you to tell it if you remember it sometimes I wrote book years ago people will ask me you know explain something and I I can't remember at all you know you had these great seven points here I have no idea what they are so you may not remember this, but I was thinking about how we all tell stories and that's part of what sustains our anger is the stories we tell ourselves about what jerks other people are. [00:07:54]

I remember we had friends whose little child said to his mom one time mom how come every other driver is named and then I won't say the name that the kid wanted they don't how come every other driver's name that because that's what the mom called them all we all tell a story you write about somebody who couldn't get around a car that was like double parked out in the street the driver had gone inside a building and so the driver that was behind that car was Furious ready to do physical violence until he saw the driver of the first car coming out of the building. [00:08:22]

Ask yourself as you go through today what story am I telling myself, and it could be about somebody who's driving on the road could be about somebody who is behind the counter could be about somebody that you're working with co-worker in the other office could be about spouse or a child what's the story and might there be another story might I see that person coming out of a door carrying a burden I had no idea they were carrying that would lead me into a completely different response and different reality. [00:10:39]

Is there another story is there a more Redemptive story to tell. [00:10:34]

Thanks for joining us at become new we want to grow spiritually one day at a time but it's tough to do that alone so we're offering a little more support for anyone who would like to work on putting the content into practice you can sign up to receive a text at the end of each week in this series asking if you completed the here's how portion for that week. [00:11:02]

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
Were there any personal stories shared?