Embracing Forgiveness: A Journey to Healing

Today and how often do I ruminate how often do I tell myself a story that makes me the victim part of what has been so challenging and sobering for me over these last months as I have been going to work on issues of forgiveness is that really I thought until the last couple of years when some big ticket items came up I didn't have many things to forgive people before I was not a very resentful person pretty easy going. [00:06:12]

I began to write down as I just spent time paying attention to my mind um what are the gried what what's what's the unforgiveness that I have been carrying and I'll just read you a tiny percentage of them um from my list I remembered an elder who I won't name at a really early church that I was at that um uh just was a problem in what felt to me like uh pretty obnoxious ways. [00:06:56]

I remember a group of people that I wanted to hire me and they didn't want to hire me and I felt rejected and I felt unforgiveness towards them now this is where it's really important to note this is why we don't just walk around offering forgiveness to people willy-nilly looking back on it they didn't do anything wrong so if I'd have gone to them and said you know I have prayed and worked this through with God and I forgive you for not selecting me they would have been offended by that. [00:07:10]

When I experience hurt and then I ruminate this process that we're walking through together the reach process recall the hurt in a different way empathize give an altruistic gift of forgiveness compassion and love commit to forgiving and hold on to it this is the process that we need to work through whether it turn turns out the person actually did do something wrong and I need to offer them full forgiveness or that I was just being too insensitive. [00:07:33]

Forgiveness is a messy mysterious layered often confusing business so Buck buckle up your seat belts there's a group of folks who reported to me and they graded me out lower than I thought they should have and I felt hurt by that there were people that I was involved in work with they made a decision to do something that felt like a real betrayal to me. [00:08:02]

I remembered a kid that felt to me like a bully when I was a kid growing up back in Rockford Illinois I hadn't thought about that for years but I had never thought through do I forgive this person an old couple of the church that I was at back in Chicago that I thought were my friends and then gave a kind of criticism that felt to me like it was so unfair. [00:08:17]

I never thought through should I forgive this another person that I worked with and one time he was having a conversation with another person about difficult people in his life and I was the difficult person in his life you I'd been carrying that one around where I felt hurt had never really dealt with forgiveness somebody else that lied to me directly to my face. [00:09:08]

I am a mess I am an unforgiving mess but with God's help I'm changing and I'm on this journey and the hope is there are actual steps that we can take there are things that we can do but it begins ironically by actually being quite open not denying not repressing not forgetting actually uh being aware of when do I feel hurt when is that getting into my body. [00:10:09]

In particular again not just anger fear hurt in the moment but when do I begin to ruminate on it so it is being stored up inside me here's the hope for today sins crouching in your door it wants to have you it really does unforgiveness wants to have you look at our world right now it wants everybody our political world in so many different ways it wants to have you. [00:10:28]

With God's help thou mayest it doesn't have to have me doesn't have to have you I can know the power of forgiveness through the help of our friend Jesus who wanton it and offered it in a way that changed the world and from which the world has still not recovered thou mayest thou mayest thou. [00:11:15]

I felt hurt by that I had I had ruminated about that but I'd never actually thought do I forgive this person and if I do how do I do that so and again that's the tip of the iceberg I am a mess I am an unforgiving mess but with God's help I'm changing and I'm on this journey and the hope is there are actual steps that we can take. [00:09:37]

There are things that we can do but it begins ironically by actually being quite open not denying not repressing not forgetting actually uh being aware of when do I feel hurt when is that getting into my body and in particular again not just anger fear hurt in the moment but when do I begin to ruminate on it so it is being stored up inside me. [00:10:44]