Embracing Change: Understanding Our Mixed Character

the overall picture that was emerging was a picture of what I call a mixed character where we have some good sides to our character in some situations we will rise to the challenge and say help a stranger in need but in other situations this is the the mix part of it the unfortunate part of it uh we will let self-interest get in the way of doing what we morally should do the right thing [00:00:00]

For Better or For Worse on purpose or by accident by yourself or with some help by the time you go to bed tonight you will be one day's worth of different from the way you started out in the morning change starts today and today I'm particularly delighted because we get to talk to somebody who is a unique expert in the field of change and particularly character change [00:39:57]

most of us I suspect tend to think of ourselves our friends and families as good people we may not be Saints but we're not morally corrupt either we're honest kind trustworthy reasonably virtuous people one of the central themes of This Book Is that such a picture of our character is badly mistaken indeed the results of hundreds of studies in Psychology call into question this way of thinking about ourselves [00:02:08]

so you write like those Shoppers we have serious character flaws that prevent us from being good people in fact we don't even recognize that many of these flaws exist does that mean that instead we're simply wretched people cruel or hateful well I want to suggest in this book that most of us are not morally wretched either what's going on here most of us are not good people but we are also not bad either [00:02:57]

so on the philosophy side I'm using a framework of character here where a character comes in two forms good character and bad character good character is virtuous character the virtues like honesty compassion and and courage on the flip side we have bad character The Vices things like cowardice dishonesty and callousness and so I was thinking about to myself well what am I like where do I fall on the spectrum of character and where do most people fall on the spectrum of character [00:03:31]

I went to this experimental literature in Psychology because I thought here are researchers putting people in carefully controlled situations where they have an opportunity to lie or steal or cheat or help or harm and then we get to see what that what people do not just one person but often in these studies hundreds of people run through a given study and to cut to the chase without getting into the weeds of the studies yet at least [00:04:16]

there are people on closer to the spectrum of uh of virtue there are people closer on the spectrum of ice we have our moral Haines our moral Heroes we have our moral villains we can all put names attaching to each so I I'm not saying we're all the same but many of us it looks like are a mixed bag and to unlock my own character better I think there are a couple tools we can use [00:05:44]

reflecting back over my life thinking about the opportunities I had to do the right thing and did I do them or not and what influenced me what prevented me from doing them if I didn't we also have people in our Lives who we can talk to who can serve as kind of um uh points of contact who can give us insight into ourselves that we might need and not see ourselves they might understand Us in ways that are better than we understand ourselves [00:06:07]

there are objective measures about um what does the Bible say and what is the Christian tradition say and what does my pastor saying what are people I confess to about really important things say about my life so I think there are a number of touch points we can use to try and get a better understanding of our character and you you actually point out in the book that uh it turns out that these studies empirically [00:06:49]

if you put people in situations where they're ordered to do things by authority figures and those things are are horrendous people will often go along with what the authority figure says if you're in situations where someone is in need of help as you've already said with a Target example and others around are not doing anything this is the bystander effect or the group effects we often will give in to our fear of embarrassment and not step up to the plate ourselves [00:09:22]

so uh for everybody that's listening to us right now as you think about this day and the change starts today how do you pursue that uh we'll leave you with one other thought Christian in your book you also as you're writing about people that you want to acknowledge and thank at the end of that uh you write about uh your three children and you say having three children under the age of five has been an incredible experience not to mention a real test of our characters [00:10:26]

today just be curious and uh if you have parents or if you have kids uh as you have friends as you have work when you're shopping in Target whatever you're doing just ask God would you show me as much of the truth about my character as I'm able to see and help me be non-defensive and open and humble and confident in your help as I look at that gap between my character as it is and that character that you want me to become [00:11:14]