Edgewater Sunday Service (LIVE) - October 19, 2025

Devotional

Day 1: Leave and Cleave—Giving Marriage Space to Grow

Marriage requires leaving old attachments and creating space for a unique, shared life. Each marriage is a new creation, a never-before-seen combination of two people with different backgrounds, experiences, and personalities. It’s tempting to run to parents or others when difficulties arise, but true unity comes from working things out together, seeking wise counsel from neutral parties, and allowing your marriage to develop its own rhythms and solutions. Pray first, asking God—who knows your spouse better than anyone—for wisdom and humility, always starting with the question, “Is it I?” Give your marriage the space to make its own history, trusting that God is shaping something new and beautiful in your union. [01:06:23]

Ephesians 5:31 (ESV):
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

Reflection: In what ways do you need to “leave and cleave” more intentionally—whether emotionally, relationally, or practically—to give your marriage the space to become its own unique story?

Day 2: Seek First the Kingdom—Setting the Right Priorities

The foundation of a healthy marriage is not the marriage itself, but a life centered on Jesus and His kingdom. When marriage becomes the ultimate thing, it crumbles under the weight of impossible expectations. Only when you seek first the kingdom of God—through Bible, prayer, community, and mission—do you come to your spouse with a full heart, ready to give rather than demand. When your cup is filled by Christ, you are free to love your spouse without expecting them to be your savior. Prioritize your relationship with God above all, and let everything else flow from that source of living water. [01:11:26]

Matthew 6:33 (ESV):
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Reflection: What is one practical way you can seek God’s kingdom first today, so that you come to your marriage (or relationships) with a full heart rather than an empty cup?

Day 3: Pouring Treasure—Nourishing Your Marriage with Intentional Investment

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. The health of your marriage depends on where you are pouring your best time, energy, and attention. Over time, routines and busyness can lead to boredom and hidden agendas, but intentional investment—sharing honestly, prioritizing meaningful conversation, and pouring your treasure into your spouse—keeps your relationship vibrant and open. Honest communication and shared experiences prevent the weeds of boredom and secrecy from taking root. Make it a discipline to invest in your spouse, sharing your thoughts, dreams, and daily life, so your hearts remain connected and your marriage is continually nourished. [01:25:53]

Matthew 6:21 (ESV):
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Reflection: What is one specific way you can intentionally invest your “treasure” (time, attention, energy) in your spouse today to nourish your relationship?

Day 4: Selfless Service—Dying to Self for the Sake of Love

Selfishness is the poison that destroys marriages, while selfless service is the way of Jesus and the path to true joy. Marriage is not about keeping score or demanding your own way, but about giving yourself away for the good of your spouse. This means dying daily to your own agenda, letting go of selfishness, and choosing to serve even when it’s inconvenient or unnoticed. When you take up your cross and follow Jesus’ example, you discover a deeper joy and peace that comes from living for others. Ask God to fill your cup so you can pour yourself out in love, finding shalom in your home and relationships. [01:32:30]

Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV):
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Reflection: What is one area where you have been keeping score or acting out of self-interest in your marriage or close relationships, and how can you choose to serve instead today?

Day 5: Raising Godly Offspring—Building a Legacy Through Marriage

The stability and health of your marriage is the foundation for your children’s well-being and the legacy you leave. When husbands and wives love and prioritize each other, children flourish emotionally, academically, and spiritually. Your relationship models for your children what love, respect, and faithfulness look like, shaping the next generation. There is no greater joy than seeing your children walk in the truth, and no greater pain than seeing them stray. Prioritize your marriage, invest in your children’s spiritual growth, and trust God to use your family as a means of raising up godly offspring for His kingdom. [01:19:13]

3 John 4 (ESV):
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

Reflection: How can you intentionally model a loving, Christ-centered marriage or relationship for the next generation today, and what is one step you can take to encourage your children (or those you influence) to walk in the truth?

Sermon Summary

We live in a time of incredible abundance and comfort, yet it’s easy to forget the source of every good thing. Gratitude is a discipline that shapes our hearts and reminds us that God is the author of all that is good. As we seek to be a new humanity, we look at life through the lens of Jesus, our model and shepherd. In the context of marriage, Ephesians 5 calls us to a love that mirrors Christ’s love for the church—a sacrificial, sanctifying, and nourishing love.

Marriage is like a garden, and just as a garden needs sunlight, good soil, and water, it also needs to be protected from weeds. These “weeds” are the destructive patterns and attitudes that rob marriage of its fruitfulness. One of the most common weeds is failing to give marriage its own space—clinging to old family ties or running to parents with marital problems undermines the unity God intends. Each marriage is unique, a new history being written, and it must be given room to grow in its own way, guided by prayer and God’s wisdom.

Another weed is misplaced priorities. Marriage is not meant to be the ultimate thing; only God can fill that role. When we seek fulfillment from our spouse or marriage itself, we come empty and needy, placing impossible expectations on each other. The biblical order is clear: seek first the kingdom of God, then prioritize your marriage, and then your children. When these priorities are in place, marriages and families flourish, and children thrive emotionally and spiritually.

Boredom and hidden agendas are also threats. Over time, couples can drift into routine and stop investing their best into each other. Jesus teaches that where our treasure is, our heart will follow. Continually pouring our time, energy, and attention into our spouse keeps the relationship alive and honest, preventing the rise of hidden motives and resentments.

The most dangerous weed is selfishness. Marriage is not about getting, but about giving oneself away. Selfishness poisons relationships, while self-sacrifice and service bring life and joy. This is only possible when we are filled by Christ, our cups running over with His love. As we die to ourselves and serve others, we discover the joy and peace that God designed for us from the beginning.

Key Takeaways

1. Gratitude is a spiritual discipline that reorients our hearts to recognize God as the giver of every good thing. In a world of abundance, it’s easy to take blessings for granted, but daily slowing down to give thanks keeps us humble and aware of God’s provision. This posture of gratitude is foundational for healthy relationships and a flourishing marriage. [51:33]
2. Every marriage is a unique story, never before written in the history of the world. Instead of comparing or copying others, couples must give their relationship space to grow in its own way, seeking God’s guidance for their specific journey. Prayer should begin with self-examination—“Is it I?”—inviting God to shape and fit us together in ways that honor Him. [65:26]
3. Prioritizing God above all else is essential for a healthy marriage. When we seek fulfillment from God first, we come to our spouse with a full heart, not an empty cup. This prevents the destructive cycle of unmet expectations and allows us to love and serve our spouse freely, without demanding from them what only God can provide. [69:00]
4. The investment of our treasure—time, energy, and attention—into our spouse is what keeps love alive and prevents boredom and hidden agendas. Honest, open communication and intentional sharing are disciplines that must be cultivated, especially as the years go by. Where we pour our treasure, our hearts will follow, so we must be vigilant to keep our hearts turned toward our spouse. [80:24]
5. Selfishness is the root poison of all relational breakdown. True joy and peace in marriage come from dying to self and serving the other, following the example of Christ. This is not natural, but supernatural—possible only when we are filled by Jesus, empowered to forgive, forget, and extend grace as we have received it. [90:36]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[51:09] - Opening Prayer and Gratitude
[52:36] - Introduction to Ephesians 5 and Marriage Garden
[53:52] - The Profound Mystery of Marriage
[54:38] - The Elements of a Healthy Marriage Garden
[55:13] - Weeds in the Marriage Garden
[55:54] - Marital Rating Scale: Weeds and Merits
[59:21] - Weed #1: Space and Leave & Cleave
[61:25] - The Uniqueness of Every Marriage
[65:26] - Praying for Your Spouse and Self-Examination
[66:36] - Weed #2: Priority and the Danger of Idolatry
[69:00] - Seeking First the Kingdom in Marriage
[71:45] - Prioritizing Marriage Over Children
[75:18] - The Impact of Marital Stability on Children
[79:55] - Weed #3: Boredom and Hidden Agendas
[86:31] - Weed #4: Selfishness and the Call to Serve
[92:04] - The Joy of Self-Sacrifice
[97:42] - Communion and Prayer for Overflowing Cups
[99:44] - Closing and Invitation for Prayer and Baptism

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Ephesians 5:25–33 (ESV) — 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Observation Questions

According to Ephesians 5, what kind of love are husbands called to show their wives? How is this love described in relation to Christ and the church?
What does Paul mean when he says, “the two shall become one flesh”? How does this relate to the idea of “leaving and cleaving” in marriage? [59:21]
In the sermon, what are some of the “weeds” that can choke out a healthy marriage, and how are they described? [55:13]
What does the sermon say about the order of priorities in a Christian’s life and family? [01:08:18]

Interpretation Questions

The sermon compares marriage to a garden that needs sunlight, good soil, and water, but also protection from weeds. What does this metaphor suggest about the ongoing work required in marriage? [54:38]
Why is it dangerous, according to the sermon, to make marriage or a spouse the “ultimate thing” in life? How does this relate to seeking fulfillment from God first? [01:09:00]
The pastor says that every marriage is a unique story, never before written. How does this perspective challenge the tendency to compare or copy other marriages? [01:02:44]
The sermon identifies selfishness as the most dangerous “weed.” Why is selfishness so destructive in marriage, and what does it look like to “die to self” in practical terms? [01:30:36]

Application Questions

The sermon talks about gratitude as a spiritual discipline that keeps us aware of God’s provision. What is one practical way you can slow down each day to practice gratitude, especially in your marriage or close relationships? [51:33]
“Leaving and cleaving” means giving your marriage its own space and not running to parents or old family ties with marital problems. Have you ever struggled with this, or seen it in others? What steps could you take to protect the unity of your marriage? [59:21]
The pastor warns against making marriage or children the “ultimate thing.” Are there areas in your life where you’ve put your spouse, kids, or even your marriage above God? What would it look like to “seek first the kingdom” in your current season? [01:09:00]
The sermon says, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” How are you currently investing your time, energy, and attention in your spouse or close relationships? Is there a specific way you could be more intentional this week? [01:20:24]
Boredom and hidden agendas can creep into marriage over time. When was the last time you had an honest, open conversation with your spouse (or a close friend) about your hopes, fears, or dreams? What’s one topic you’ve been avoiding that you could bring up this week? [01:22:10]
Selfishness is described as the root poison of all relational breakdown. Think about a recent conflict or tension in your marriage or family. Was selfishness at the root? What would it look like to “die to self” and serve the other person in that situation? [01:30:36]
The pastor encourages starting prayer with self-examination: “Is it I?” How could you make this a regular habit in your prayer life, especially when facing challenges in your marriage or family? [01:05:56]

Sermon Clips

Here's what Paul is saying. And it's so brilliantly true. He's saying your marriage cannot be king. Your marriage cannot be the ultimate thing. Do you know why that is? When marriage becomes ultimate, it shapes a society in such a way that things get really bad. Have you heard of this thing called honor killings? Honor killings are in society where marriage has become their God. It's the ultimate thing. So if a daughter dishonors marriage by doing something or by making a mistake with somebody, then guess what? The family members, her brothers, her uncles, her dad, they're required by that society to go hunt that girl down and kill her. What happened in that marriage? What happened in that society? Marriage got in the wrong spot. Marriage became king. It became king and it broke. [01:07:07] (62 seconds) #MarriageIsNotKing

A lot of conflicts in marriage are from unmet expectations. Because marriage has got to the wrong spot in our heads. Our cups are not running over. We're not full. We're not coming full. And then we begin to say something's wrong. And if you're looking for issues in your spouse, guess what you always find? An issue in a broken husband or a broken wife. Because we're all broken. So you're always going to find, if he was just more successful, we'd be happy. If we just had more money, we'd be happy. If she just looked this way, I'd be happy. Just go down the list because your priorities are, they're messed up and you're coming needy and you have expectations that they can never, ever meet. [01:09:37] (42 seconds) #UnmetExpectationsHurt

That's why the Bible says, number one, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And all this other stuff will be added to you. The kingdom is transcendent. The kingdom is unchanging. Jesus says this. He says, I will give you water that if you drink of this water, you'll never thirst again. Every other well is saltwater. The more you drink, the thirstier you get. Only the water that Jesus gives to you and me, when we seek first his kingdom, actually satisfies our soul and makes us into a different kind of person that comes with cups that are running over. And then marriage is put in the right spot. [01:10:18] (42 seconds) #SeekKingdomFirst

Your daughters are being trained. How you treat their mom, your wife, is the way that they will look for a husband to treat them. Do you want your daughter to be treated the way you are treating your wife? That's a sobering thought. That's for any husband in here. Because we're training them. It matters. [01:14:06] (25 seconds) #BoysNeedGuidance

I didn't get married to get a wife. I got married to give myself away to my wife, to serve her for the rest of my life, for her dreams to become my dreams. And if I want to kill that, just be selfish. It is the poison that destroys every single marriage. [01:26:35] (22 seconds) #LimitScreenDistraction

Being unselfish is weird. It really is. It is the, like, you look at every way that we're actually designed, we're designed to be selfish. And being unselfish is strange. Maybe it's why Paul says this. He says, I die daily. What's he dying to? His agenda, his thing, me, me being the center of the universe, I die daily. [01:30:30] (30 seconds)

When you learn to really serve other people, when you learn to give up your own thing for others, what you find is joy that's unspeakable. You find a different way of living that's brilliant and beautiful, because we were actually, before the fall, designed to serve. But the fall broke us in such a way that we're trying to get back to the Jesus model, which is, I did not come to be served, but to serve and to give my life as a ransom for many. And the only way we do that is when we're full, when our cups are running over. When we're running lean and when we're running empty, oh, we choose us every time. [01:32:08] (38 seconds)

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