How to Disagree Well as a Christian | Murray Colville

Devotional

Day 1: Overhearing the Heart of Christ

Jesus stopped speaking to His disciples and turned His face toward the Father. In John 17, His words spilled out not as a sermon but as a prayer—raw, intimate, and urgent. He asked the Father to protect His followers, to make them “one as we are one.” The disciples stood silent, hearing their Rabbi plead for their unity with the same intensity He’d used to calm storms. His glory, He said, was theirs now—the glory of a love that dies to unite. [10:19]

This prayer reveals Jesus’ deepest desire: our unity mirrors the Trinity’s eternal bond. He didn’t pray for uniformity, but for a shared life rooted in divine love. When we fight or fracture, we mute His witness. But when we love across differences, the world sees His fingerprints.

You’ve felt the sting of division—in family, church, or friendships. Jesus’ prayer isn’t naive. It’s a call to steward His glory by pursuing costly unity. Where have you substituted easy agreement for sacrificial love?

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe you have sent me.”
(John 17:20-21, NIV)

Prayer: Ask Jesus to show you one relationship where His unifying love is needed.
Challenge: Read John 17:20-23 aloud. Write down three observations about Jesus’ priorities.

Day 2: Truth Wrapped in Love

Paul told the Ephesians to “speak the truth in love,” holding both like a rope woven from steel and silk. Jesus modeled this: He rebuked Peter’s doubt while walking him back to faith, corrected Martha’s priorities while honoring her devotion. Truth without love crushes. Love without truth deceives. But together, they build maturity. [18:20]

Growth happens when we stop choosing between “right” and “kind.” Truth-telling becomes holy ground when we kneel beside someone, not stand over them. Maturity isn’t having all the answers—it’s holding conviction and compassion in trembling hands.

You’ve likely avoided hard conversations to keep peace—or bulldozed others to prove a point. What relationship needs you to speak truth with the tenderness of Christ?

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
(Ephesians 4:15, NIV)

Prayer: Confess where you’ve prioritized comfort over Christlike courage.
Challenge: Identify one person you need to encourage and gently correct this week.

Day 3: First Things, Third Things

The early church split over circumcision and meat sacrificed to idols. Paul sorted issues into “essential” and “optional.” Jesus’ resurrection? Non-negotiable. Dietary rules? Freedom. Some battles preserved the gospel. Others just bruised egos. [21:11]

Not all disagreements deserve equal energy. First-order issues define faith: Christ’s divinity, salvation by grace. Third-order preferences—music styles, coffee brands—require flexibility. When we conflate them, we fracture over footnotes while the world watches.

Where are you majoring in minors? What hill are you defending that Jesus wouldn’t die on?

“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters… Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, they stand or fall.”
(Romans 14:1,4, NIV)

Prayer: Thank God for the gospel’s clarity. Ask for wisdom to discern secondary issues.
Challenge: List a current disagreement. Label it “essential,” “important,” or “preference.”

Day 4: Scars and Serving Hands

Jesus’ post-resurrection body bore nail marks—eternal reminders of His costly love. He cooked fish for doubting disciples, restoring them not with lectures but breakfast. Unity flourishes when we lead with scars, not swords. [16:45]

Our “glory” as believers mirrors His: sacrificial service, not triumphalism. Fighting for unity means kneeling to wash feet, even those that walked away. It means valuing the person more than winning the point.

When have you withheld kindness until someone “earned” it? What practical act could bridge a divide today?

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
(John 13:35, NIV)

Prayer: Confess any pride that resists serving those you disagree with.
Challenge: Do one tangible act of service for someone you’ve struggled to understand.

Day 5: Curiosity Over Confrontation

The disciples argued about greatness. Jesus didn’t shut them down—He placed a child in their midst. He redirected rage with questions, defused traps with stories. Curiosity disarms. It says, “I value you more than my need to be right.” [26:55]

Before reacting, ask: “What do they deeply believe? Why does this matter to them?” Listen like Christ listens—to the heart, not just the words. Unity grows in the soil of humility.

When did you last ask a question instead of firing an answer? Who needs you to seek understanding today?

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
(Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)

Prayer: Ask God to replace defensiveness with holy curiosity.
Challenge: In a tense conversation, ask three questions before sharing your opinion.

Sermon Summary

We overhear the prayer in John 17 and discover a clear call to be one with Christ and one another. We see Jesus praying that the Father would glorify him as he goes to the cross and that the same glory and love would be given to his people so that we may be one. We recognize that this unity aims to witness to the world so that outsiders may believe the Father sent Jesus. We understand that unity does not mean sameness but a shared life in the vine that holds diversity in a single, living connection.

We insist that love must lead every attempt at unity and that this love must imitate the sacrificial pattern of Christ. We also insist that love cannot abandon truth and that mature relationships carry both conviction and charity. We accept that the church will disagree on many things and that not every dispute holds the same weight; some issues touch gospel essentials, some are important but secondary, and some are matters of preference. We adopt a framework that helps us sort quarrels by priority so that we do not break fellowship over third order matters.

We commit to practical habits that steer us toward unity without sacrificing truth. We choose to see the person before the problem and to name our own contribution to conflict. We choose curiosity over immediate correction, asking why a brother or sister holds a view and listening for the story and scripture that shape them. We remember that growth toward maturity looks like holding convictions while remaining open to relationship, and we trust that the Spirit will continue to shape us toward the unity Jesus prays for until the day when perfect understanding arrives.

Key Takeaways

1. Unity as missional witness We believe our visible unity serves as a deliberate argument that Jesus came from the Father and that his love is real. We will measure unity not only by internal peace but by whether our togetherness helps the world see God’s sending of Christ. We will prioritize practices that make our common life a credible, loving testimony to unbelievers. [10:55]
2. Love must be sacrificial and truthful We insist that love follows the pattern of Christ, offering glory through self-giving rather than mere affability. We also insist that love speaks truth, correcting and calling to holiness when necessary, because false peace destroys witness. We will resist sentimental unity that compromises gospel clarity. [16:27]
3. Hold convictions and relationships together We aim for maturity by holding firm to essential beliefs while keeping open, respectful relationships with those who disagree. We will name what is nonnegotiable and what is negotiable so we do not confuse conscience with preference. We will practice humility about our own fallibility as we remain committed to one another. [18:42]
4. Curiosity over confrontation in disputes We choose to ask questions before issuing judgments so we can learn the roots of another’s conviction and the scriptures that shape them. We will allow curiosity to give space for calm speech, mutual repentance, and shared growth rather than immediate defensiveness. We will treat disagreements as opportunities to listen and to be refined. [26:55]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[04:31] - A hot mic story
[05:59] - Eavesdropping on John 17
[07:27] - The hour of glorification
[08:25] - Prayer for protection and unity
[09:23] - Prayer for future believers
[10:55] - Unity as a witness
[15:36] - Foundations: love first
[17:09] - Truth held in love
[20:17] - Practical step: prioritize issues
[25:31] - Practical step: see the person
[29:36] - Closing prayer and charge

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading
John 17:20-23 (ESV)
“I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.”

Ephesians 4:15 (ESV)
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”

Observation questions

According to John 17:21, what specific outcome does Jesus link to the unity of believers?
In the sermon, what examples were given of "third-order" issues that Christians might disagree on? [23:37]
How does Ephesians 4:15 describe the relationship between truth and love in the process of spiritual growth?
What two foundations for unity were highlighted in the sermon? [15:36]

Interpretation questions

Why might Jesus connect the world’s belief in his divine mission to the visible unity of his followers (John 17:21-23)?
How does the distinction between "first-order," "second-order," and "third-order" issues help Christians navigate disagreements without breaking fellowship? [20:17]
The sermon describes mature relationships as holding convictions while remaining open to connection. How does this balance reflect the example of Jesus in the Gospels? [18:42]
Why is curiosity emphasized over confrontation when addressing disagreements? [26:55]

Application questions

Think of a recent disagreement you’ve had with another believer. How might categorizing the issue (first/second/third order) change your approach to resolving it? [20:40]
What practical step could you take this week to prioritize seeing the person before the problem in a tense conversation? [25:31]
When have you been tempted to prioritize “being right” over loving someone well? How could Ephesians 4:15 reshape your response in a similar situation?
The sermon suggests asking, “Why is this important to you?” in disagreements. Who in your life could benefit from this kind of curiosity, and how might you practice it? [27:23]
What is one area where you need to grow in holding both conviction (truth) and charity (love) together? How can you lean on Christ’s example in this? [17:33]

Sermon Clips

37s

#UnitedInChrist

“Unity and love are important. Prays for them. He prays for us in that. And we can have this unity and love even when we don't always agree or even understand. Because our unity doesn't come from always thinking the same things, but for being part of the same vine connected to Jesus. Fundamentally, know Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. And we're gonna keep walking through life together, figuring this out. We'll make stumbling steps. We'll live in in grace and forgiveness, hopefully. But we wait for a time when we will be brought into perfect unity, into renewed life and understanding, this life that Jesus wins for us on the cross.”

34s

#MissionalUnity

“And I wonder if you notice there the stakes, the outcomes, the kind of the goal of this unity. That they might be in the world and that the world would look at them or look at us and see the truth of Jesus. This unity is high stakes missional unity. Verse twenty one and twenty three, may they also be in us so that the world may believe you have sent me. See what he's praying for? Our, unity with each other and with Jesus might show the world the truth of who Jesus is, that he is the one from the father.”

37s

#ChooseCuriosity

“If you can aim for curiosity rather than confrontation or cowardice, that's probably what I'd rather do, run away, aim for curiosity. Ask questions before you tell them what you think. It gives you moments to sort of just calm down and go, what are you really talking about? What do you care about? Ask them, you know, why is this really important to you? Why is it important to you? Instead of saying, you're being unloving, you could say, well, how do you find this relates to Jesus' call for us to love? Maybe you can talk about other bits of scripture that kinda shape your view.”

40s

#PrioritizeTheProblem

“Tool number one, I'll give you prioritize the problem. Realize what it is we're talking about. What are we disagreeing about? Does it actually matter? That might help us to know if we want to keep this discussion going or not, or if we can disagree. A very simple framework is realizing that not every argument we have is of the same importance. This is a and it's a very very kind of simple way of putting it. Some things are first order importance. They're essential to the gospel. If we don't agree on them, maybe we're not actually brothers and sisters in Christ. We believe different things.”

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How to Disagree Well as a Christian | Murray Colville | John 17