Deepening Intimacy: The Journey of Knowing Each Other
Devotional
Day 1: Intimacy Through Knowledge
True intimacy in marriage is rooted in a profound knowledge of one another. The biblical concept of "to know" signifies a deep, personal connection that transcends surface-level understanding. In marriage, this means that partners must continually strive to understand each other more deeply, moving beyond the initial stages of attraction and dating. This ongoing effort to know one another is essential for maintaining a strong, intimate relationship. Many couples find that after marriage, they begin to hide parts of themselves again, creating barriers to intimacy. To prevent this, partners should approach their relationship as a lifelong study, always eager to learn more about each other. [01:17]
"And Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, 'I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.'" (Genesis 4:1, ESV)
Reflection: What is one new thing you can learn about your spouse today that will deepen your understanding and connection with them?
Day 2: The Journey Beyond the Wedding Day
The process of getting to know each other should not stop at marriage. During the dating phase, individuals often present an idealized version of themselves, but as relationships progress, true intimacy can develop. Unfortunately, many couples begin to hide parts of themselves after marriage, creating barriers to intimacy. To maintain a strong relationship, partners must continue to learn about each other, just as they would study any other important subject. This ongoing journey of discovery enriches both partners' lives and deepens their connection. [05:32]
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)
Reflection: How can you intentionally invest time this week to learn something new about your spouse's interests or passions?
Day 3: The Power of Open Communication
Communication is vital for intimacy in marriage. Just as we cannot truly know God without His self-revelation, we cannot truly know our spouses without open and honest communication. This involves discussing not just daily events but also deeper feelings and needs. By understanding each other's needs and desires, couples can better support and love one another. Open communication is the key to unlocking deeper levels of intimacy and connection. [13:13]
"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another." (Ephesians 4:25, ESV)
Reflection: What is one area of your relationship where you need to practice more open and honest communication with your spouse?
Day 4: Meeting Each Other's Needs
Recognizing and meeting each other's felt needs is crucial in marriage. Often, unmet needs can lead to dissatisfaction and vulnerability. By openly discussing and prioritizing these needs, couples can strengthen their bond and prevent potential issues. This requires a willingness to listen and respond to each other's needs with love and understanding. When both partners are committed to meeting each other's needs, the relationship becomes a source of mutual support and fulfillment. [19:59]
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2, ESV)
Reflection: What is one specific need your spouse has expressed recently, and how can you take action to meet that need today?
Day 5: The Endless Joy of Discovery
The joy of learning about one's partner is endless. Each person is a unique creation, and there is endless variety and fascination in getting to know another human soul. This ongoing journey of discovery enriches both partners' lives and deepens their connection. Embracing this journey with curiosity and excitement can transform a marriage into a lifelong adventure of love and understanding. [26:35]
"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!" (Psalm 139:17, ESV)
Reflection: What is one new way you can explore and celebrate the uniqueness of your spouse this week?
Sermon Summary
In this session, we explored the profound concept of "knowing" one another in marriage, drawing from the biblical use of the term to describe intimacy. The Old Testament often uses the verb "to know" to describe the deepest levels of human intimacy, emphasizing that true intimacy requires knowledge. This knowledge is not just about facts or surface-level understanding but involves a deep, personal connection that transcends mere acquaintance. In the context of marriage, this means that partners must continually strive to know each other more deeply, beyond the initial stages of attraction and dating.
During the dating phase, individuals often present an idealized version of themselves, hiding their true selves to make a good impression. However, as relationships progress, the masks begin to come off, and true intimacy can develop. This process should not stop at marriage; rather, it should deepen. Unfortunately, many couples find that after marriage, they begin to hide parts of themselves again, creating barriers to intimacy. To maintain a strong, intimate marriage, partners must continue to learn about each other, just as they would study any other subject of importance.
The sermon also highlighted the importance of communication in marriage. Just as we cannot truly know God without His self-revelation, we cannot truly know our spouses without open and honest communication. This involves discussing not just daily events but also deeper feelings and needs. By understanding each other's needs and desires, couples can better support and love one another.
Moreover, the sermon emphasized the importance of recognizing and meeting each other's felt needs. Often, unmet needs can lead to dissatisfaction and vulnerability in a marriage. By openly discussing and prioritizing these needs, couples can strengthen their bond and prevent potential issues.
Finally, the joy of learning and discovering new things about one's partner was underscored. Each person is a unique creation, and there is endless variety and fascination in getting to know another human soul. This ongoing journey of discovery enriches both partners' lives and deepens their connection.
Key Takeaways
1. Intimacy in marriage is rooted in knowledge. The biblical use of "to know" signifies a deep, personal connection that goes beyond surface-level understanding. True intimacy requires ongoing effort to understand and connect with one's partner on a deeper level. [01:17]
2. The process of getting to know each other should not stop at marriage. Many couples begin to hide parts of themselves after marriage, creating barriers to intimacy. To maintain a strong relationship, partners must continue to learn about each other, just as they would study any other important subject. [05:32]
3. Communication is vital for intimacy. Just as we cannot truly know God without His self-revelation, we cannot truly know our spouses without open and honest communication. This involves discussing deeper feelings and needs, not just daily events. [13:13]
4. Recognizing and meeting each other's felt needs is crucial. Unmet needs can lead to dissatisfaction and vulnerability in a marriage. By openly discussing and prioritizing these needs, couples can strengthen their bond and prevent potential issues. [19:59]
5. The joy of learning about one's partner is endless. Each person is a unique creation, and there is endless variety and fascination in getting to know another human soul. This ongoing journey of discovery enriches both partners' lives and deepens their connection. [26:35] ** [26:35]
"I've always been impressed by the fact that when the Old Testament speaks of intimacy and of sexual intimacy it frequently uses the verb 'to know.' For example, the Bible might say that Abraham knew his wife, and she conceived; or Adam knew his wife, and she conceived. And we hear that expression, and I've wondered why is it? Is it because the biblical writers are embarrassed to say the word that they go to euphemisms, circumlocution, ways of getting around being graphic or sexually explicit?" [00:17:08]
"It's using that verb 'to know' to communicate the deepest level of human intimacy, and that's because for intimacy to happen, whether it's physical or emotional or spiritual, knowledge has to take place. You cannot really experience intimacy with a stranger." [00:82:90]
"Now that's a natural thing to have happen in a dating relationship, but what creates the kind of love that builds permanent marriage is when that process of knowing one another deepens and continues and continues and continues because that is absolutely necessary for intimacy to take place." [00:292:52]
"So the principle is this: that if we are to experience intimacy we have to get to know our partners. It's that simple. Knowledge is a requirement. Marriage cannot be continued and sustained on feelings alone. Knowledge has to happen. I must know my wife. She must get to know me, but for us to learn anything, to know anything in depth, we have to study." [00:351:40]
"We have bought into a myth that tells us that happy marriages come from doing what comes naturally -- that somehow we will learn to know our mate through osmosis. Now there are certain things that we can learn about people just from being around them. We may begin to notice their little habits of how they walk and how they dress and how they react." [00:636:69]
"We can know a lot about God from looking at creation. Creation gives us clues as to the identity of God and the character of God, but we don't really know God intimately until God speaks, until God chooses to reveal himself and tell us what's inside." [00:767:48]
"And so if you want to know your husband and you want your husband to know you, you have to talk, and you have to talk about stuff besides the weather. You've got to talk about what's going on down there. We have to get to what I call the second level of communication, not just commonplace reactions, but down into how we feel about things. That's when intimacy starts to take place." [00:793:69]
"What I call 'My Mail Order Partner' game. You know when you go into a car -- car lot -- and you want to buy a new car, you walk into the dealership, and first thing they tell you is that they have seven or eight different models, and you have to figure that out. And then each model comes with 150 possible factory options, and so that the combinations that you can order for a car just boggle the mind -- all the different things." [00:910:74]
"What five would you choose? Now when I ask my wife that question, 'What five would you choose if you could have the perfect husband? What five options would you want? What are you looking for?' What she is doing when she answers that question is expresses to me her felt needs." [00:1023:10]
"We need to know what those felt needs are, and as much as is within us, we have to endeavor to meet the needs of our partners, and that's where communication is absolutely vital. I joke about this and laugh about this, but if you want to test how well you're communicating your feelings and your needs to your partner, look at your Christmas presents." [00:1347:99]
"But there is no more variety, nothing more provocative, nothing more fascinating than a human soul. We can say that people look like each other, but every single person has a unique personality, and there is no such thing under God's heaven as a dull person once we get beneath the surface." [00:1589:70]
"And so it's fun to learn to know another person intimately. It enriches their life, and it enriches our lives." [00:1626:58]