Covenant, Not Contract | Pastor Derek Williams

Devotional

Day 1: God designed us for life-giving relationships.

We were never meant to walk through life alone. God created us for connection, to find our place of belonging within the body of Christ. Relationships are the very context in which true life change occurs, fulfilling our calling together. While they can be challenging, isolation is not the answer, for a united army is far stronger than a lone soldier. [00:42]

A man who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)

Reflection: In what area of your life are you most tempted to isolate yourself rather than engage in God-honoring relationships? What is one practical step you can take this week to move toward community instead of away from it?

Day 2: The foundation of a godly relationship is covenant, not contract.

A contract is built on mutual distrust, protecting one's own rights and limiting liability. A covenant, however, is a sacred promise that surrenders rights for the sake of oneness. It is not sustained by fleeting feelings but by a devoted commitment to the vow made before God. This is how God relates to us, and it is the model for our most important relationships. [11:50]

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.
Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)

Reflection: Considering your closest relationships, do you more often operate with a contract mindset (protecting your rights) or a covenant mindset (surrendering your rights)? What would it look like to choose covenant love in a specific interaction this week?

Day 3: God’s design for intimacy includes protective boundaries.

Intimacy is a powerful gift from God designed to bond people together emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Like a fire in a fireplace, it warms and sustains a marriage. Outside of the covenant boundary of marriage, that same fire can cause deep pain and burn down one's sense of identity and security. God's instructions are not meant to restrict joy, but to protect our hearts and depth. [23:56]

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

Reflection: Whether you are single or married, how are you actively honoring God's design for intimacy in your thoughts, actions, and relationships? Is there an area where you need to ask for God's grace to reset and align with His boundaries?

Day 4: Your past does not cancel your purpose or God’s grace.

If your story includes relational pain, divorce, or regret, it is vital to remember that these experiences are part of your journey but they are not your identity. God is a redeemer who specializes in healing broken stories and restoring wounded hearts. The call is to own what is yours to own, release what is not, and refuse to drag unhealed pain into your next season. [13:47]

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1 (NIV)

Reflection: What unhealed pain from a past relationship might you be carrying that God is inviting you to release to Him today? How can accepting His grace free you to build covenant character in your current relationships?

Day 5: Become the right person instead of just looking for one.

The quest for a healthy relationship begins not with finding the right person, but with becoming the right person. This is a work of character and covenant that God wants to do in us first. Singleness, dating, and marriage are all seasons to honor God, and each one is a gift that prepares us for deeper covenant love, reflecting the ultimate relationship we have with Christ. [04:46]

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22 (NIV)

Reflection: Instead of focusing on what you want in a future or current partner, what is one aspect of your own character that God might be refining to make you a more covenant-ready person?

Sermon Summary

Relationships shape the soil where true life change grows. Relationships offer belonging and calling, yet they also expose weakness and create pressure when mishandled. Marriage receives special attention as a designed union that can bless, stretch, or wound, depending on how it is understood and practiced. Cultural habits that treat marriage as a contract—transactional, rights-based, and conditional—undermine unity and invite scorekeeping, drift, and shallow commitment. Contract thinking encourages exit strategies, protects self-interest, and treats vows like fine print; covenant thinking calls for surrender, steadfastness, and a vow that endures beyond changing feelings.

Covenant reframes marriage as a sacred, God-anchored promise that predates sin and culture. Covenant demands sacrifice, intentionality, and the refusal to let emotions alone determine commitment. Intimacy belongs inside that covenant: sexual union functions as a deep bonding mechanism that flourishes within security and breaks trust when detached from vow-based commitment. Sexual boundaries, modesty, and moral seriousness protect vulnerability and identity; when bonding occurs outside covenantal safety, the fallout reaches into identity and spiritual health.

Grace reshapes covenant practice. Covenant begins with healing and restoration for those who have failed, been betrayed, or walked through divorce; repentance, confession, and renewed vows offer a reset. The gospel models covenant love: Christ’s faithfulness to an unfaithful people becomes the template for human marriage—vowed love that persists regardless of performance. Covenant-based marriages aim not for perfection but for perseverance: they refuse to quit when chemistry fades and choose commitment shaped by vows and empowered by grace.

Singles and daters receive a practical call: use singleness as formation, pursue purity, and ask whether current relationships are moving toward covenant or merely drifting. Married partners receive a direct challenge to stop keeping score, honor vows, and allow covenant love to reflect the gospel. Built according to the Designer’s instructions, marriage has the capacity to withstand storms, heal broken stories, and point to the steadfast love of Christ.

Key Takeaways

1. Marriage is a sacred covenant [11:12] Covenant describes a public, God-sealed promise rather than a temporary arrangement. This transforms marriage into an identity-forming union that demands perseverance and holy intention. Vows become the anchor when feelings falter, calling partners to act beyond short-term satisfaction. Treating marriage as covenant reorders priorities from self-protection to mutual formation and faithfulness. [11:12]
2. Reject contract thinking in marriage [10:18] Contract thinking narrows relationship goals to rights, exit plans, and minimum performance. That posture breeds scorekeeping, legalism, and a transactional mindset that erodes intimacy. Replacing contracts with covenant stops the tallying of obligations and invites sacrificial unity. The shift requires choosing trust and long-term growth over immediate self-interest. [10:18]
3. Sex belongs within covenant boundaries [23:37] Sexual intimacy functions as a powerful bonding mechanism that needs the security of vows. When sex occurs outside covenant, emotional vulnerability increases without protective commitment, often leading to identity wounds. Boundaries—modesty, purity, and intentional timing—preserve the sacredness of the marriage bed. Guarding the sexual union protects depth, trust, and the spiritual well-being of both partners. [23:37]
4. Covenant mirrors Christ’s faithful love [31:35] Covenant love takes its model from Christ, who remained faithful despite human failure and inconsistency. Understanding divine, vow-based love frees partners from demanding performance-based affection. Grace becomes the operational ethic inside covenant, enabling renewal, forgiveness, and sustained commitment. When marriage reflects Christ’s faithfulness, it becomes a living sign of gospel truth. [31:35]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:24] - Why relationships matter
[01:43] - Focusing on marriage
[04:46] - Become the right person
[06:29] - Defining marriage rightly
[07:12] - Cohabitation and consequences
[11:12] - Covenant vs. contract
[16:13] - Genesis and Jesus’ view
[19:45] - Intimacy and sexual boundaries
[25:08] - Covenant begins with grace
[30:45] - Marriage as gospel symbol
[35:59] - Call to reset and pray

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading
Genesis 2:24 (NIV)
That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:31–32 (NIV)
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Matthew 19:4–6 (NIV)
“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

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Observation questions

According to Genesis 2:24, what two actions does a man take regarding his parents, and what is the result of his union with his wife?
In Matthew 19:4–6, where does Jesus anchor His teaching about marriage, and what command does He give regarding what God has joined together?
What does Ephesians 5:31–32 identify as the “profound mystery” behind the union of a man and woman in marriage?
The sermon mentions that covenant love is modeled after Christ’s faithfulness to the church [31:35]. How is this reflected in the Ephesians passage?

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Interpretation questions

Why do you think God designed marriage to involve “leaving” one’s parents and “cleaving” to a spouse? What does this imply about the nature of the marriage bond?
Jesus refers back to “the beginning” in Matthew 19. What significance does this have for how we understand marriage today, especially in a culture that often views it as a social contract?
The phrase “one flesh” appears in all three passages. What do you think it means—is it only physical, or does it include emotional, spiritual, and relational unity as well?
How does understanding marriage as a reflection of Christ and the church change the way couples might approach conflict or seasons of distance [28:38]?

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Application questions

Covenant love means staying committed even when feelings change [28:58]. What’s one practical way you can choose covenant over contract in your closest relationship this week?
Sexual intimacy is designed for covenant security [22:00]. If you’re dating or engaged, how can you and your partner intentionally protect purity and move toward covenant rather than convenience?
Many people carry regret from past relational brokenness [12:50]. How can you receive God’s grace and healing rather than living under shame or performance?
Singles often ask, “How do I find the right person?” but a better question is, “How do I become the right person?” [04:46] What’s one area of character God may be shaping in you now for future covenant relationships?
Marriage is meant to reflect the gospel [30:45]. If you’re married, how can you and your spouse better demonstrate Christ’s faithful, covenantal love to those around you?
What would it look like to “reset” your current relationship—whether dating or married—by recommitting to covenant over contract [25:52]?
How does knowing that Christ loved you covenantally (not conditionally) free you to love others without keeping score or demanding performance [34:56]?

Sermon Clips

Because what God joins together, God is going to sustain if you'll let him. What God designs, he'll empower. And what he ordains, I promise you, he will bless it. Because marriage is not a contract. It's a covenant. It's sacred. And if we'll build our marriage God's way, it will stand the test of any storm that life can bring to us. [00:35:18] (27 seconds) #GodsCovenantMarriage

Intimacy inside of a covenant relationship warms the marriage. Intimacy outside the covenant relationship burns and destroys hearts. So God's not trying to remove the fire because he designed it. He's just trying to give you the boundaries to keep you protected. [00:23:43] (19 seconds) #BoundariesProtectIntimacy

You know what a covenant is? It's a sacred promise made before God. It's not sustained by feelings or dependent upon our performance. The bible runs on covenant. And covenants not based on your feelings or my feelings. Why? Because feelings lie. Feelings fluctuate, but covenant remains. [00:28:07] (22 seconds) #CovenantOverFeelings

Because Christ didn't contractually love us. He covenantally loved us. He's in it for the long haul. Romans five eight says, but God demonstrates his own love for us in this. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were still jacked up and all messed up, he still loved us. [00:31:16] (17 seconds) #ChristCovenantalLove

Because when bonding relationship happens outside of a covenant relationship of marriage, your vulnerability increases, but it increases without the security of that covenant. And you know what happens when your vulnerability increases without the security? Insecurity. [00:22:04] (20 seconds) #SafeVulnerability

And when you understand that you're loved by a vow that Christ made with you and I and not based on our performance, that's when you'll stop demanding a performance based love from your spouse. You start acting with a covenant of grace. [00:31:49] (15 seconds) #LovedByAVow

Because I need to tell you this. God's standards are high, but his grace is even higher. And a love that's built on covenant love, empowered by covenant grace is stronger than any contract could ever be. [00:33:14] (15 seconds) #CovenantGrace

The only way that you and I are gonna be able to love our spouse with a covenant like love is because we first receive that covenant love through a relationship with Jesus. Jesus doesn't love us conditionally. He said, I'm in it with you for the long haul no matter how you perform. [00:34:27] (19 seconds) #ChristsUnconditionalLove

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Covenant, Not Contract | Pastor Derek Williams

Devotional

Day 1: God designed us for life-giving relationships.

Day 2: The foundation of a godly relationship is covenant, not contract.

Day 3: God’s design for intimacy includes protective boundaries.

Day 4: Your past does not cancel your purpose or God’s grace.

Day 5: Become the right person instead of just looking for one.

Sermon Summary

Key Takeaways

Youtube Chapters

Bible Study Guide

Sermon Clips

Chatbot

Covenant, Not Contract | Pastor Derek Williams

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