Connecting Through Choices: The Power of Relationships

Devotional

Day 1: The Ripple Effect of Our Choices

Our choices, no matter how small, can create ripples that impact not only our lives but also the lives of those around us. This is evident in the story of a friend who chose to share a room with someone feeling lonely, leading to a lifelong community. Such decisions highlight the power we hold in shaping our relationships and communities. By choosing to connect and create spaces of belonging, we can foster growth and support for ourselves and others. This principle encourages us to be mindful of our decisions, recognizing their potential to create lasting change. [01:43]

"Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap." (Galatians 6:7, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a recent decision you made, big or small. How did it affect those around you, and what can you learn from it about the power of your choices?

Day 2: Intentional Connection in Relationships

In our relationships, whether with God or others, the primary goal is connection. This requires intentional communication and a focus on understanding and empathy rather than control. By prioritizing connection, we align ourselves with the divine design of relationships, where we are the branches and God is the vine. This approach fosters deeper bonds and a sense of belonging, as we learn to communicate in ways that build bridges rather than walls. Embracing this mindset allows us to experience the richness of relationships grounded in love and mutual respect. [02:57]

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)

Reflection: Identify a relationship where you can improve your communication. What specific steps can you take today to foster a deeper connection with that person?

Day 3: Embracing True Power in Relationships

True power in relationships comes from understanding our identity in God and using that power to support and respect others. This involves maintaining boundaries and living from a place of abundance rather than scarcity. By recognizing that our worth is rooted in God's love, we can navigate relationships without falling into power struggles. This understanding empowers us to uplift others while honoring our own needs, creating a balanced dynamic that reflects God's design for healthy relationships. [05:48]

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV)

Reflection: Consider a relationship where you feel either superior or inferior. How can you shift your perspective to embrace true power rooted in God's love?

Day 4: The Balance of Control and Surrender

While we are not in control, we are not passive victims either. God shares His power with us, and understanding this balance is key to maturity in relationships. By acknowledging the illusion of control, we can surrender our need to dominate and instead embrace a posture of humility and trust. This balance allows us to engage in relationships with grace, recognizing that true strength lies in our ability to let go and let God guide our interactions. [06:28]

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5, ESV)

Reflection: Reflect on an area of your life where you struggle with control. How can you practice surrendering this to God today?

Day 5: The Art of Effective Communication

Effective communication involves moving from objective facts to subjective interpretations and feelings. This process requires empathy and a deep understanding of our own emotions and needs. By engaging in this art, we can foster connections that are authentic and meaningful. It challenges us to listen actively and express ourselves honestly, creating a space where both parties feel heard and valued. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also aligns with the biblical call to love one another deeply and sincerely. [09:33]

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6, ESV)

Reflection: Think of a recent conversation where communication broke down. What could you have done differently to ensure both parties felt understood and valued?

Sermon Summary

In our journey through life, we often seek significance and connection, both with others and with God. This innate drive to be significant is a good thing, though it can sometimes become distorted. Reflecting on my own experiences, I recall how a simple decision by my friend Kevin Meyer during our college years profoundly impacted my life. His willingness to share a room with me when I felt lonely created a community that has lasted for decades. This illustrates the power of choices and the impact they can have on our lives and the lives of others.

We are made to count, and our relationships are central to this. In marriages and friendships, the primary goal is connection, akin to our relationship with God, where we are the branches and He is the vine. Kevin and his wife Grace have developed a concept called "communicate to connect," which emphasizes the importance of understanding our power in relationships. This power is not about control but about living from a place of being loved by God, which enables us to love others.

In relationships, we often fall into power struggles, either feeling superior or inferior. True power comes from understanding our identity in God and using that power to support and respect others while maintaining our own boundaries. This balance helps us live in abundance rather than scarcity.

The wisdom from the 12 steps reminds us that while we are not in control, we are not passive victims either. God shares His power with us, and maturity in relationships involves understanding and using this power wisely. Effective communication is key, moving from objective facts to subjective interpretations and feelings. This process requires empathy and a deep understanding of our own emotions and needs.

Today, consider the relationships that matter most to you. Reflect on your emotions, the stories you tell yourself, and how you communicate these in a way that fosters connection. Remember, you and God together have great power, so make today count.

Key Takeaways

1. The Power of Choices: Our decisions, even seemingly small ones, can have a profound impact on our lives and the lives of others. Choosing to connect and create community can lead to lasting relationships and personal growth. [01:43]
2. Connection as the Goal: In relationships, whether with God or others, the primary goal is connection. This requires intentional communication and a focus on understanding and empathy rather than control. [02:57]
3. Understanding Power in Relationships: True power in relationships comes from knowing our identity in God and using that power to support and respect others. This involves maintaining boundaries and living from a place of abundance. [05:48]
4. The Illusion of Control: While we are not in control, we are not passive victims either. God shares His power with us, and understanding this balance is key to maturity in relationships. [06:28]
5. Effective Communication: Moving from objective facts to subjective interpretations and feelings is crucial in communication. This process requires empathy and a deep understanding of our own emotions and needs. [09:33]
** [09:33]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:28] - Introduction to Kevin Meyer
[00:40] - The Impact of a Single Decision
[01:29] - The Power of Community
[02:11] - Made to Count
[02:33] - Communicate to Connect
[03:09] - The Goal of Connection
[03:56] - Understanding Power in Relationships
[05:12] - Living from Abundance
[05:59] - The Illusion of Control
[06:45] - God Shares Power
[07:23] - Effective Communication
[08:15] - The Role of Empathy
[09:43] - Reflecting on Relationships
[10:22] - Making Today Count

Sermon Clips

"hey I am with one of my best friends Kevin Meyer in this beautiful location by the way you guys are selling this place actually yeah we are and if you want to buy it let me know yeah yeah just uh text us here at become new uh Kev and I have known since the eighth grade and he changed my life we're talking about being made to count and having an impact and a lot of that's through other people and really when I was in college just to think about what one decision could do in somebody's life uh my freshman year I was quite lonely my sister was there but I didn't really make close friends that I felt quite vulnerable about that Kevin is the kind of guy who has just a gift for intimacy and just draws people like flies and um many thoughts come to mind which I cannot say now yeah uh but towards the end of that year I didn't have anybody to room with and that's kind of a a lonely and um even shame creating thing after a whole year at college and so I asked Kevin would you let me room with you next year and he already had somebody who's going to be rooming with so that meant there would have to be three of us and you said yes I mean space was one of the best decisions I made well and it changed my life because that's mine too uh created a little community and then Kevin you also the guy who told me you've got to take this one Professor Jerry Hawthorne New Testament Greek and a group of us did and Jerry changed our lives my life for sure and a little community formed and uh some of us remain in very close touch to this day and so you never know when somebody has it like if you would have said no to that yeah ask I don't know it's amazing choices we make and the power that's in those choices yep so I thought I'm in Minnesota right right and and you can tell the wimp Southern California guys get a jacket on that's right" [00:17:40]

"we're talking about uh the fact that we're made to count we all have a natural drive to be significant and that's a good thing although it gets distorted and Kev partly because I think you do have this amazing gift to communicate with people in a way that creates connection part of what you do Kevin is a pastor he and his wife Grace also work a lot with people could be couples could be friendships could be parents anything to help people figure out how do I communicate with other people so that I connect with them right instead of being distant from them so that's what I want to talk about with you for a couple of moments for all of us so like in marriages but it can be used in anything but uh specifically in marriages we ask people what the purpose of that is and a lot of times you get lots of different answers but primarily it's to be connected and it's no different than our relationship with God I am the vine you're the branch this is stay connected and I think a lot of times that just is helpful for the people to realize our goal is to connect and so then we developed a thing called communicate to connect um to help people in the process of communication but I think one of the important things to just as we think about it is we talk a lot about um not just the person being connected but the fact that people need to understand their power well and I was thinking when you said the the goal in a relationship is to connect" [00:136:56]

"um how easy it is for me with Nancy or people I work with or something to forget that's the goal and think no my goal is that my will should be done right right and um I want to do this activity I want to go to that restaurant I want to spend that money and I I forget the goal of connection with the other person and communicating and just think it's about my will correct so and and what's so important about that is um depending on the system that you came from from a family so for us just to be bluntly honest you know Grace and I um ran into some marriage problems at a certain point and I will say a lot of them came stem from from my own uh dysfunction and in that process one of the great things that a counselor said in pre-marriage to my wife was first he said to me Kevin you are incredibly lucky to have a person like Grace Grace you got your work cut out so I was kind of going yeah he sure did he's looking there's no trunk but anyway um so in all that one of the things that we talk about among other things around the whole process which you take too long to get into but is about being a powerful person and that a lot of times when we talk about that people get nervous around the word power just to get nervous around the word anger because it's been often used in such ways that are harmful and oppressive right yeah so we talk a lot about um if you're going to be a powerful person it really begins in a sense of value so the first thing we talk about is your identity are you do you live out of a sense of being loved by God so that you can love others and so that it begins there most people if you want to put on a scale move to better than which and here's the part most people get either oppressed by overpowering or power overings over someone which leads to control which leads to a sense of you've got to be the source of abundance which we know God is the only source of abundance right yeah yeah the other side will happen and you can flip-flop in this in your relationships is that you move from that place of value to place of being less than which is powerless which leads you to being helpless and then hopeless like a lack of abundance there's nothing and you're a victim and those two things in marriages create kind of the power struggle if you don't show up and begin to understand you're loved and when you're loved then you can kind of own your power in a way that your power is being used to help and support the other as well as control your own boundaries yeah so that you've been become a person who lives in abundance rather than the source or lack of yeah I was thinking one of the things that we talk about a lot is wisdom from the 12 steps I can't he can I think I'll let him and that when people are facing an addiction or kind of ultimate issues in life um death itself I I the illusion of control is so tempting and to say nope I can't but that doesn't mean that I view myself as a victim or passive and I'll talk of people sometimes they get a bit concerned about that language I can't because the reality is no there's you and God together can do wonderful things amazing things so understanding what's the right way to say I can't I'm not God I'm not in control but then where does that go down the wrong Paths of um viewing myself as a passive victim just coming to my mind when you're talking about that is you just thinking John at one point he says I don't call you servants yeah which is a power over kind of position right I call you friends and and really what we're learning is that God is a God who shares power yeah right now we know he's all-powerful but we also recognize that we're not but we part of maturity and growth in a marriage and a relationship is beginning to understand your power and how you can use that and and then everything around that is how you face conflict and then deal with the communication process which is a tool that you know all kinds of different therapists can use different ones but one that we tried to develop with people is just to help people to go from here's the objective conflict if you took a videotape of this um could you just both go yeah we agree this is what happened we help them move from that objective place to a place where they now subjectively say this was what my mind made up I interpreted this from the from what happened yep and and that kind of thing which at that point we kind of say when you say here's my story I made up of it if you watched Renee Brown there's all all kinds of different people have different language for this but it's basically your interpretation which is usually interpreted through wounds of the past or other conflict situations you've had so like you got here late I interpret that as you really don't care about me for me as much as I care for you right you think that I can just be blown off yeah I'm not a priority valued yeah yeah and even the way you present that is important because someone could say you know I um because we have them move from that interpretation where you're using I statements not you you I observed it when you left you said this you know that kind of thing and then we move to feelings and we and most people don't have a good grasp of feelings they did a study that showed over a number of different people and they could only really name about three happy sad mad wow and there's a a whole plethora I never use it I don't know why they came uh that that can help us understand feelings so that people can get part of your job and intimacy is this idea into me you see you have to help get that out there for the other person so they can't they're not mind reading huh into me you see right wow and so so when you go to the feelings people do a lot of things and if you watch your talk you'll see I feel like I feel that that's not a feeling to say I feel abandoned puts you in a defensive posture right so what you want to really be looking at is is saying I feel lonely that is one that draws a person when they go on I didn't know your mind made that you are a priority um in my heart and I feel and here's the huge hardest part of it is the person who listens has to be in a place of empathy and empathy is another thing that we don't understand truly well what that is moving then from that feeling you then move to here's the need and list of different needs I you know I need to feel respected I need to feel like we're participants or whatever that might be yeah and then help people strategize how do you do that together that's just a quick run through of some really important Concepts well so today think about the relationships in your life that matter the most maybe it's a friendship or somebody at work or a spouse and think through um what's the emotion I'm feeling how do I get a level below just glad matter sad what's the story I'm telling myself I think that's really key and then how do I communicate that in a way that is clear and honest but also connected with the other person right right well you know as part of helping people feel they count and you counting that's that power part and you do and you do count and you and God together have great power so make today count yeah I love you Kevin I love you thank you this is really what it looks like okay see ya thanks" [00:211:50]

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