Commitment and Growth: Strengthening Marriages Together
Summary
Today, I began by welcoming everyone to Arrows Church, expressing joy at seeing the congregation, especially on Mother's Day, and extending a warm welcome to all the mothers present. I emphasized the importance of expressing gratitude, not just through words but through actions, and announced a special raffle for the mothers in attendance.
I then transitioned into the core of today's sermon, which is part of our ongoing series titled "For Better or Worse," focusing on the intricacies of marriage. I highlighted the symbiotic relationship between healthy churches and healthy marriages, drawing an analogy to the mutual benefits seen in natural ecosystems, like that of the clownfish and the sea anemone.
In our discussion, I revisited the themes from previous weeks, starting with the distinction between falling in love, which is effortless, and staying in love, which requires intentional, continuous effort and commitment. I stressed that no great marriage happens by accident; it is the product of hard work and dedication.
Reflecting on personal experiences and the unpredictability of life, I shared how my wife, Shelly, and I have navigated various challenges over our 27 years of marriage, including job losses and family losses. These reflections led into a deeper exploration of 1 Corinthians 13, the "love chapter," where I emphasized the enduring qualities of love—patience, kindness, and perseverance.
I addressed the common misconception of the "right one" myth, explaining that the idea of a perfect partner predestined for us is not only unrealistic but also harmful. Instead, I argued that choosing to love and commit to your partner daily is what makes them the "right one."
As we neared the conclusion of the service, I invited couples to reaffirm their commitment to each other, regardless of the challenges they might face. This act of reaffirmation was not just a symbolic gesture but a foundational practice to fortify marriages against the inevitable difficulties of life.
We concluded with a prayer for all relationships represented in our congregation—married couples, singles, and those dating. I prayed for strength, resilience, and divine guidance to uphold the sanctity and health of these relationships, reflecting Christ's love for the church.
Key Takeaways:
1. The Symbiotic Relationship of Marriage and Church
Just as in nature, where organisms support each other for mutual benefit, marriages and churches can sustain each other through healthy, supportive interactions. This symbiotic relationship is crucial for fostering a community where both institutions thrive, supporting one another in spiritual growth and communal health. [04:08]
2. The Work of Love
Falling in love might be effortless, but staying in love requires conscious effort and dedication. A successful marriage is not the result of serendipity but the outcome of continuous, intentional actions and choices that prioritize the relationship above individual needs. [05:35]
3. Reflection and Self-awareness in Relationships
Our partners often act as mirrors, reflecting our own behaviors and attitudes back to us. This reflection can teach us about ourselves and prompt personal growth. Embracing this aspect of marriage can lead to deeper understanding and better relational dynamics. [06:58]
4. Challenging the 'Right One' Myth
The notion that there is only one perfect match for each person is a romantic but unrealistic concept. Real love is built on the choices and commitments made daily, not on predestined fate. Recognizing this can empower couples to invest more fully in their relationship. [18:57]
5. Commitment Through Life's Uncertainties
Marriage vows are not just promises for the good times but commitments that extend through all of life's challenges. Recognizing that 'I do' means 'I will' through whatever may come can strengthen the bond between partners, making them resilient against life's unpredictabilities. [25:30]
Youtube Chapters:
- [0:00] - Welcome
- [01:23] - Introduction and Mother's Day Acknowledgment
- [02:50] - Prayer and Series Theme Introduction
- [04:08] - The Importance of Healthy Marriages in Church
- [05:35] - Discussing Love and Commitment
- [06:58] - Reflections on Personal Growth Through Marriage
- [12:33] - Personal Stories and Challenges
- [13:18] - Reading from 1 Corinthians 13
- [18:13] - Debunking the 'Right One' Myth
- [25:30] - Reaffirming Commitment
- [27:24] - Closing Prayer and Reflection
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
> "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
#### Observation Questions
1. What are the qualities of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7?
2. How did the pastor describe the relationship between healthy marriages and healthy churches? ([04:08])
3. What analogy did the pastor use to explain the symbiotic relationship between marriages and churches? ([04:08])
4. According to the sermon, what is the difference between falling in love and staying in love? ([05:35])
#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why is it important to recognize that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions and choices? ([05:35])
2. How can the concept of mutual submission and humility strengthen a marriage? ([06:58])
3. What does the pastor mean by the "right one" myth, and why is it considered harmful? ([18:57])
4. How does the pastor's personal experience with his wife Shelly illustrate the unpredictability of life and the importance of commitment in marriage? ([12:33])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on the qualities of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Which quality do you find most challenging to practice in your relationships, and why?
2. The pastor mentioned that healthy marriages and healthy churches support each other. How can you contribute to fostering this symbiotic relationship within your church community? ([04:08])
3. Think about a time when you had to make a conscious effort to stay in love. What actions did you take to prioritize your relationship, and how did it impact your marriage? ([05:35])
4. The pastor talked about the importance of mutual submission and humility in marriage. Can you identify a recent situation where you practiced or struggled with these principles? How did it affect your relationship? ([06:58])
5. The "right one" myth suggests that there is a perfect partner predestined for each person. How can you shift your mindset to focus on daily choices and commitments in your relationship instead of searching for perfection? ([18:57])
6. The pastor shared personal stories of challenges faced in his marriage. Reflect on a significant challenge you have faced in your relationship. How did you navigate it, and what did you learn from the experience? ([12:33])
7. During the sermon, couples were invited to reaffirm their commitment to each other. How can you regularly reaffirm your commitment to your partner, and what specific actions can you take to strengthen your bond? ([25:30])
Devotional
Day 1: Mutual Support in Marriage and Church
Marriage and the church are intertwined in a symbiotic relationship, each supporting and enhancing the other. Just as in nature, where organisms like the clownfish and the sea anemone thrive together, marriages and churches can create environments that foster mutual growth and spiritual health. This relationship is vital for building a community where both institutions can flourish, providing a foundation for spiritual growth and communal health. Understanding this dynamic helps members of the church see their relationships as integral to the church's vitality and their spiritual lives. [04:08]
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken."
Reflection: How can your marriage or closest relationship better support your spiritual community, and vice versa?
Day 2: The Continuous Effort of Love
Falling in love might be effortless, but maintaining that love requires conscious, continuous effort and dedication. A successful marriage is not a product of chance but the outcome of intentional actions and choices that prioritize the relationship above individual needs. This commitment to daily choose love and nurture the relationship is what sustains and deepens the bond between partners over time. Emphasizing the importance of ongoing effort helps couples understand that love is a dynamic and evolving journey, not a static destination. [05:35]
Colossians 3:12-14: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Reflection: What is one specific way you can show intentional love to your partner today?
Day 3: Reflecting for Personal Growth
In relationships, our partners often act as mirrors, reflecting our behaviors and attitudes back to us. This reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth and self-awareness. By embracing the reflective nature of relationships, individuals can learn more about themselves, leading to deeper understanding and improved relational dynamics. This process of reflection and growth is essential for nurturing a healthy, resilient relationship that can adapt and thrive through life's challenges. [06:58]
James 1:23-25: "For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."
Reflection: What has your partner reflected about you recently that you might have overlooked or ignored?
Day 4: Challenging the 'Right One' Myth
The notion of a predestined 'right one' is a romantic but unrealistic concept. True love is built on the daily choices and commitments made within a relationship, not on fate. Recognizing this empowers couples to invest more fully in their relationship, understanding that love is a decision that needs reaffirmation through actions and choices every day. This perspective shifts the focus from seeking the perfect partner to nurturing the existing relationship, fostering a deeper and more realistic bond. [18:57]
1 Peter 4:8-10: "Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."
Reflection: How can you actively choose to love your partner today in a way that goes beyond your usual expressions of love?
Day 5: Commitment Through Life's Uncertainties
Marriage vows are not just promises for the good times but are commitments that extend through all of life's challenges. Recognizing that 'I do' means 'I will' through whatever may come strengthens the bond between partners, making them resilient against life's unpredictabilities. This understanding of commitment as a dynamic, enduring pledge helps couples navigate through difficulties together, fortified by their shared commitment and love. [25:30]
Romans 15:5-6: "May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
Reflection: What are some practical ways you can reaffirm your commitment to your partner, especially during challenging times?
Quotes
Quotes for Outreach:
1. "Gratitude is never silent or invisible. So if you're grateful for your mom, say it, show it, right? And so happy Mother's Day." [01:23]
2. "Arrows Church is a community where everyone's welcome, nobody's perfect, and with Jesus, anything is possible. We actually believe all three of those." [01:23]
3. "Healthy churches ought to create healthy marriages. And I think healthy marriages ought to sustain healthy churches. You guys know, you ever heard of a symbiotic relationship? That's what I view when I think of marriages in churches." [04:08]
4. "No one ever stumbled their way into a great marriage. Nobody ever woke up on year 30 and was just like, whoa, this has been so easy. I promise you, if there are people in your life that you know, friends, family that have been married 30, 40, 50 years, and you think they have a great marriage, they did not accidentally have that. They worked at it." [05:35]
5. "And humility and submission is saying, no, no, no, I'm going to put your needs in front of mine. I'm going to yield myself to you. I'm going to lay down my life for you. But it's so crucial." [06:58]
Quotes for Members:
1. "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil, but it rejoices with the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. Always perseveres. Love never fails." [14:15]
2. "When you say I do, what you mean is I will. For some of us, it's been a while since we said I do. Like I said, Shelly and I said I do 27 years ago. Justice and Asha weren't even born yet. It's been a minute. And we said I do 27 years ago, but I can say I will today. I can say I will tomorrow. I can say I will in 10 years. I do really means I will." [23:09]
3. "I do, I do now, and I will. I'm in all the way. If that's you guys, would you just squeeze each other's hands, just as a way of saying yes, I am, I will. If you would say, you know what, it doesn't matter what happens. If it's a better job offer in the future, great. If it's no job in the future, loss of job in the future, I just want you to know, I am, I do, I will. I'm in it. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." [25:30]
4. "Protect us in times of disagreement, and remind us of the vows we made to each other and to you. Strengthen our bonds that we may weather every life storm together, leaning on your grace and guidance. May our marriage be a testament of your love and faithfulness, reflecting your glory for all to see." [29:28]
5. "What makes you think your spouse is any different? You remember when you two were joined together? When you were united in Christ and you became one together? You are one flesh. Your spouse is your flesh and blood." [18:13]
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