When Church People Seem Mean: Love Anyway

We’re in a month of honest questions about church, and today I named the one many think but don’t say: Why are church people mean, judgmental, hypocritical, out of touch? Romans 3 answers bluntly: all have sinned and fallen short. That’s not a “church people” problem; that’s a people problem. Yes, it hurts more when it happens in church, because folks come in vulnerable, hoping to meet love, not another wound. One rude word at the door can feel like “I said ‘I love you,’ and you told me my haircut is bad.” That’s real pain, and we can’t wave it away.

So why does God still insist we gather? Because there is no other kind of church than an imperfect one. If God only assembled flawless people, none of us would belong. Hebrews 12 tells us to fix our eyes on Jesus. I told the story of the woman carrying a full glass of water around the building; when her eyes were fixed on the glass, she didn’t have time to catalog everyone else’s failures. Jesus is the only one who will never be out of touch with your story, never fail to treat you justly, never grow hypocritical. Keep your eyes on Him.

But there’s more. Church is where God trains us to love imperfect people, because that’s the only kind He loves—and the only kind we are. Iron sharpens iron; other people’s rough edges bump into mine, and both get trued. As we practice loving wounded, inconsistent people, something surprising happens: we begin learning how to receive grace for our own inconsistencies, too. Love your neighbor as yourself means many of us need to let Jesus teach us how to love ourselves rightly—so we have honest love to give away.

Let’s also ask a hard question: am I the obstacle? It can be as small as “that’s my seat,” and as big as a spirit of superiority. Maybe our Sunday prayer should be, “Lord, let a newcomer sit where I like to sit.” I don’t need a perfect room; I need a dozen people with eyes fixed on Jesus, ready to turn the world upside down. So let’s examine ourselves, ask the Spirit to show us where we’ve wounded, not to condemn us but to change us, and then keep our eyes on Jesus.

Key Takeaways

• 1. All people are deeply imperfect. We are not exceptions to Romans 3. Expecting the church to be the one place without hypocrisy sets us up for disillusionment and excuses us from honest self-examination. Owning our own failures is the doorway to humility and empathy. God meets us in truth, not in denial.
• 2. Fix your eyes on Jesus. Where we set our gaze shapes how we walk. When our attention is on Christ, the flaws of others lose their power to derail our faith or embitter our hearts. Jesus becomes the reference point for worth, justice, and love. He alone treats us rightly, and He steadies our steps.
• 3. Church trains love for imperfect people. God didn’t place us in community because it’s tidy, but because it’s transformative. Iron sharpens iron; friction reveals and removes burrs we can’t see alone. Learning to love flawed people is not compromise—it’s apprenticeship to Christ. As we practice this, we also learn to receive grace for our own flaws.
• 4. Watch for the obstacles you create. A wounded guest doesn’t need our preferences; they need our patience. Small acts—releasing “my seat,” choosing gentle words, deferring to another’s need—can keep someone’s bruised heart from closing again. Ask the Spirit to reveal where convenience trumps compassion. Repentance here makes room for healing to begin.

1. Romans 3:10–18 uses a string of images and phrases to describe human sin (e.g., “no one understands,” “their throats are open graves,” “their tongues practice deceit”). Which two images stand out to you and why?
2. In Romans 3:19–20 what purpose does Paul say the law serves? What does he say the law cannot do?
3. According to Romans 3:21–24, how is righteousness given? What words or phrases in these verses describe what God does for us?
4. The pastor kept returning to the line “all have sinned and fallen short.” From the passage and the sermon, what difference does that make to how we label “church people” when someone is hurt by a Christian?

1. How should a person understand the claim “all have sinned” when they feel justified in criticizing the church for hypocrisy? In other words, does Paul’s statement remove the need to call out real abuse, or does it change how one does so? Explain.
2. What does the preacher mean by saying God calls people into an imperfect church because “there is no other kind”? How would someone reconcile that with the call to holy living?
3. The sermon used the glass-of-water story to illustrate keeping one’s eyes on Jesus. What does it mean for a person’s daily church life to “fix their eyes on Jesus” instead of on other people’s faults? Be specific about habits or attitudes.
4. The pastor warned that sometimes the obstacle is you. What behaviors described in the sermon (for example, insisting on “my seat,” quick judgments, gossip) would qualify as creating an obstacle? How would a person recognize these in themselves?

1. Think of a recent time at church when you were hurt by someone’s words or actions. Describe exactly what happened. With Romans 3 and the sermon in mind, what is one concrete thing you will do this week to address that hurt (e.g., pray for that person, ask for a private conversation, seek pastoral help, journal your feelings)?
2. Name one small Sunday preference you guard (a seat, routine, where you stand, being first to greet). What will you do the next time someone takes it? Make a specific plan (pray silently, move without complaint, invite them to sit there next time).
3. Identify one person in the church you tend to judge or dismiss. What one tangible step can you take this week to show them the love of Christ (invite to coffee, send an encouraging text, listen to their story for 10 minutes)?
4. Is there a habit of yours that could be wounding to newcomers (sharp words, gossip, exclusive groups, obvious cliques)? Pick one habit and decide on one corrective action you will practice for the next four Sundays.
5. The sermon suggested we often don’t love ourselves rightly and so can’t love others as we should. What is one specific way you can accept grace for a personal inconsistency this month (confess to a trusted friend, begin a short daily prayer of repentance and forgiveness, start counseling)?
6. Practice “fixing your eyes on Jesus” this week with a short, concrete discipline: choose one (2-minute breath prayer when you enter the building, read Romans 3:23 once daily and say “Thank you” for grace, or a 3-minute silent focus on Christ before greeting anyone). Which one will you commit to, and when exactly will you do it?