Dating with Purpose: Christ, Character, Chemistry, Commitment

Mar 01, 2026

Devotional

Day 1: Love Moves with Intention and Pursuit

The call to pursue a relationship is not a passive one; it requires courage and clear intention. Love, by its very nature, is active and moves towards another person. It is not meant to be kept casual or ambiguous but should be marked by a respectful and excited pursuit. This kind of intentional movement honors both the other person and the God who designed relationships. It involves taking a risk, stepping out in faith, and making your interest known with kindness and clarity. [48:38]

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away, for behold, the winter is past; the rain is over and gone.
Song of Solomon 2:10-11 (ESV)

Reflection: What is one practical step you can take this week to move toward someone with Christ-honoring intention, whether in initiating a new connection or nurturing an existing one?

Day 2: Evaluating Relationship Through Christ, Character, and Chemistry

A season of dating is a time for wise evaluation, not merely for enjoyment. It is a process designed to discern if a relationship should move toward the permanence of marriage. This evaluation should be grounded in three key areas: a shared faith in Christ, the evidence of godly character, and a healthy relational chemistry. Observing these facets over time and in community provides the discernment needed to see if life and spiritual growth are flourishing within the relationship. [54:08]

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

Reflection: As you consider your current or a potential relationship, which of the three C’s—Christ, character, or chemistry—requires the most prayerful attention and intentional observation right now?

Day 3: The Danger of Awakening Love Too Soon

Physical intimacy is a powerful gift designed for the covenant of marriage, and introducing it too soon in a relationship can cloud judgment and create intense emotional bonds prematurely. This often leads to confusion, making it difficult to discern genuine compatibility and character. True intimacy begins with knowing a person’s heart, mind, and spirit, not just physical connection. Guarding this boundary protects both individuals from unnecessary pain and preserves clarity for wise decision-making. [01:03:25]

I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.
Song of Solomon 2:7 (ESV)

Reflection: In what specific ways can you and your community establish healthy guardrails to protect the gift of physical intimacy for its proper time?

Day 4: Clarity is an Act of Kindness

Ambiguity in dating relationships often leads to confusion and heartache. Being clear about your intentions and the direction of the relationship is a profound act of love and kindness. It involves honest communication about your hopes and a shared understanding of what you are moving toward. This clarity honors the other person by giving them the respect of transparency and the freedom to respond accordingly, preventing the pain that comes from mixed signals or undefined expectations. [01:11:18]

Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
Matthew 5:37 (ESV)

Reflection: Is there an area in a current relationship where you have been avoiding clarity? What would it look like to approach that conversation with both truth and grace this week?

Day 5: Your Ultimate Fulfillment is Found in Christ

No human relationship, no matter how good, can bear the weight of being your ultimate source of fulfillment, identity, or salvation. Marriage is a beautiful gift, but it is not the finish line of the Christian life. Jesus alone is the author and perfecter of our faith, the only one who can truly satisfy the deepest longings of the human soul. Finding your primary security in Him first frees you to love others well, without demanding from them what only God can provide. [01:23:10]

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
Philippians 3:7-8a (ESV)

Reflection: Where have you been tempted to look to a relationship, rather than to Christ, for your primary sense of worth, security, or purpose?

Sermon Summary

Phoenix Bible Church lifts Song of Songs chapter 2–3 as a framework for singleness, dating, and marriage, insisting that love must move, be cultivated, and be guided by gospel-centered wisdom. The text portrays a pursuing beloved who leaps over mountains and a longing soul who seeks and perseveres; that movement models bold, purposeful pursuit rather than casual ambiguity. Dating functions as a process of cultivation and evaluation: it should give life, spur spiritual growth, and reveal character, not create anxiety or spiritual dryness. The poetic spring imagery signals that healthy relationships produce flourishing—joy, clarity, and growth—while persistent drama, compromise, or dread signal a path away from life.

Three lenses shape wise evaluation: first, Christ—seek someone whose devotion to Jesus shapes values and direction; second, character—watch how a person treats others, resists temptation, and exercises self-control over time and in community; third, chemistry—physical attraction matters but must not override spiritual and relational alignment. Community and time serve as guardrails: character appears most honestly in communal settings and with the patience that reveals fruit. Physical intimacy can cloud discernment because bonding chemistry intensifies feeling; the text cautions, “do not awaken love until it pleases,” urging restraint so identity and heart, not dopamine alone, guide commitment.

Clarity counts as kindness. Dating should not remain a vague status; it exists to move toward marriage for those headed that way. Men and women should initiate with respectful intention, define direction after several dates, and involve mentors and trusted community before committing. Commitment brings a new pronoun—our—and exposes the need to handle conflict well: discern whether a partner defends and deflects or repents and restores. Honest, basic disclosure about significant past wounds or sexual history (not sensational detail) belongs in pre-commitment conversations so two people do not unite unaware of hidden foxes that can spoil a shared vineyard.

Above every horizontal relationship stands the gospel. Jesus remains the finish line, not marriage; a Savior-first identity frees singles and spouses to serve the kingdom and to seek community, healing, and sanctification. The cross supplies grace for brokenness and the courage to pursue, confess, forgive, and restore as relationships mature into holy, life-giving unions.

Key Takeaways

1. Love moves — pursue with courage Love calls for active movement, not passive waiting or casual swiping. Pursuit requires facing difficult terrain—conversations, risk, and vulnerability—because two sinful people aiming for forever must move toward one another intentionally. Courage to pursue with integrity honors both dignity and desire in a way that invites flourishing. [48:12]
2. Look for life, not drain A core test for any budding relationship: does the other person spark spiritual and emotional growth or consistent depletion? Seek signs of joy, clarity, and increased devotion to Christ; avoid patterns of constant drama, compromise, or spiritual stagnation. Relationships that wither the soul rarely heal into healthy marriages. [50:33]
3. Christ, character, and chemistry Prioritize shared devotion to Jesus, observable moral fruit, and then attraction. Theology shapes everyday choices; character reveals itself in community over time; chemistry matters but is not sovereign. Let spiritual alignment set the trajectory before emotional intensity dictates vows. [54:08]
4. Clarify intentions; clarity is kindness Dating without clear intention often confuses and wounds; naming direction protects both hearts. Initiate with kindness, define the relationship after several dates, and invite mentors to endorse or question the path. Clear speech prevents prolonged half-commitments and honors eventual covenant-making. [69:03]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[34:24] - Love Moves Stories
[36:11] - Opening Prayer and Series Context
[38:33] - Why Church Must Engage Dating Culture
[44:28] - Reading: Song of Songs 2:8–3:5
[47:38] - Cultivating Relationship: Love Moves
[50:33] - Life Imagery: Flourishing vs. Withering
[54:08] - Evaluate: Christ, Character, Chemistry
[63:25] - Guardrails: Physical Intimacy & Discernment
[69:03] - Clarify Intentions: Defining the Relationship
[73:31] - Commit: Conflict, Confession, Communion
[81:01] - Jesus as the Finish Line & Closing Prayer

Bible Study Guide

Bible reading
Song of Songs 2:8–3:5 (ESV)
2 Corinthians 6:14 (ESV)

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Observation questions

In Song of Songs 2:8–9, how is the beloved described, and what does his action suggest about pursuit?
What imagery is used in Song of Songs 2:10–13 to describe the season and setting of the relationship?
According to 2 Corinthians 6:14, what warning is given about being unequally yoked?
What repeated command is given in Song of Songs 2:7, 3:5, and 8:4 regarding love?

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Interpretation questions

Why might the poet use spring imagery (flowers, singing, fig trees) to describe a relationship? What does this reveal about God’s design for dating?
The phrase “do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” is repeated multiple times in Song of Songs. What might be the danger of awakening love too soon? [01:03:25]
How does being “unequally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) affect a relationship’s direction and purpose, not just its spiritual activities?
Why does the woman bring the man to her “mother’s house” (Song of Songs 3:4)? What significance might this have in evaluating a relationship? [01:19:11]

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Application questions

When you think about your current or past dating relationships, did they bring a sense of “spring” — joy, growth, and spiritual vitality — or did they feel more like “winter”? What was one specific moment that revealed this? [00:50:33]
How can you intentionally involve Christian community in your dating life to help evaluate character and Christ-centeredness? Is there someone you trust who could speak into your relationship? [00:57:39]
In what ways have you allowed physical or emotional chemistry to cloud your discernment about someone’s character or commitment to Christ? What guardrails do you need to put in place? [01:03:25]
If you’re dating someone, have you had a clear “define the relationship” conversation? If not, what’s holding you back from seeking clarity? [01:09:03]
How does remembering that “Jesus is the finish line, not marriage” change the way you approach dating, singleness, or even your current marriage? [01:21:01]
Are there past wounds or parts of your story you’ve been hesitant to share with someone you’re dating? How might you wisely and graciously disclose these things with the support of community? [01:16:15]
What’s one step you can take this week to “become the person the person you’re looking for is looking for” — whether that’s growing in Christ, character, or relational health? [01:02:07]

Sermon Clips

54s

#FulfilledInChrist

“``And you can get your horizontal relationship right. You can crush it with a spouse and be lost without a savior. We're gonna sing a song of what a god, not what a man, not what a woman, what a god. And it has this line that just stuck out to me all week. It says, no treasure of this life can satisfy. Don't look over here for someone to fulfill you. Look up here to Jesus Christ to be fulfilled, and then be freed up to enter into this dating process with Jesus Christ as your security, your identity, your eternity. That's where this thing starts. Let's pray. Father in heaven,”

41s

#ChristHealsBrokenness

“And and one, would just tell you, we just sang about it. The blood of the perfect son of God was spilled out on a cross to heal you from that sin and shame. And if we're a church community, we gotta figure out a way whether it's in situations like that or just in friendship and conflict where you have to leave a church because you went too far. I I think we're misunderstanding the gospel and we need to take another look. Amen? Christ can bring healing. Christ can fortify you through those kinds of situations. Even if you stay broken up, you can still honor that person.”

29s

#WalkLockstepInFaith

“And so scripture says, hey, don't be unequally yoked. Hey, you're looking for a person that you could be bound together with, going in the same direction with. You don't want to be dragging that other person along to church. And never works out. You don't wanna be dragging that other person along to go on a mission trip or to go to a bible study. You're meant to be lockstep going together in that process. AW Tozer, a theologian said this, that the most important thing about you is what you believe about God.”

32s

#CultureDoesntTeachDating

“And here's the problem with that is while we're not talking about these things as the church of God with the word of God and the the power of God, people are still hearing about them in our culture because they're not steering clear of these topics. In fact, they're they're leaning in on these topics and people don't know how to date. They don't know how to do marriage. They don't know how to do sex or conflict because they're just hearing the culture talk about it a hundred and sixty seven hours a week.”

33s

#EngageCultureWithTruth

“And I just want you to know if you're new to PBC, man, our heart is to engage culture, uphold truth, and love people well. And we are always going to enter into these somewhat controversial topics because not we want we want to be edgy or like I want to get people throwing stuff at me but because we love you and we want you to see God's truth is is real in your relationships and and we don't want people specifically as not just a pastor but a parent, I don't want my teenagers”

31s

#DiscipleTheNextGeneration

“And we as the the people of God with the word of God, we have it. And the spirit of God that raised Christ from the dead, we have it. We are called to step in and disciple our next generation. We are called to disciple our kids around topics like marriage and sex and dating and relationships. What does God have to say about that? He has some things to say about those things. And we wanna wade into those waters and we'll always be a church”

31s

#SinglesCommunityConnect

“And there's people in our church who are navigating this confusing weird world and they're not doing it well and they're hurting and they're confused and and we love our single people. Amen? Like can we just we have single people in our church. Can you raise your hand if you're single? Would you do that for me? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Keep your hands up. Take a look around. This is your options. Okay? You're welcome. You're welcome. Alright. Connect in the lobby after service. Alright?”

37s

#CharacterOverCharm

“Proverbs 25, it talks about a man who lacks self control. You wanna see, does he have a temper? Does he have a reputation of getting around with other women? You want to run away from that. Again if you see that in the dating stage without the complications of finances and kids and all those things, like it doesn't get better, it only gets worse. And so you see, do they do they have character? I always think about this, like, t Swift. As I think about dating, I think about t Swift. Taylor Swift for the uneducated in the room.”

32s

#GuardAgainstIntensity

“It clouds discernment. I read an article in Psychology Today that talked about, hey, breakups, they don't go so bad and so messy because of duration. They go bad and messy because of intensity physically. Many times when I see people in our church who are dating and I and I start to hey, where's the other person? Well, we broke up. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. And, you know, like, I got the church and the divorce. And I'm still here, but she's gonna go to another church. I'm like, what?”

46s

#FamilyDiscernmentMatters

“But really what that's giving you the imagery of is in that day, bringing this conversation about a relationship to your mother's house or to your mom was a place of safety, of security. You could talk about this wisely. Other people could sign off on this relationship with you. Listen. If you were dating, if you were getting serious, and I I know everybody's got a crazy uncle. I know everybody's got some crazy parents. There might be one or two people who are like, I hate that guy or you should not marry that girl. Okay. That's fine. But if everybody if everybody says this is not a good idea, I I don't love the way you are when you're with him, I I don't feel like you guys are growing closer to Jesus together, Those are red flags.”

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