Christ-like Love: Building Strong Marriages Through Leadership

 

Summary

In my sermon, I shared personal experiences and biblical insights to address the complexities of marriage and the importance of loving one's spouse in a Christ-like manner. I began by recounting a time when I delivered a well-studied sermon to a group of Christian college students and faculty, only to realize later that the same message failed to resonate with a rural church congregation. This taught me the importance of context and the need to communicate effectively to different audiences.

I then delved into the biblical call for husbands to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. This love is not conditional but is a continuous commitment that reflects Jesus' initiative and unconditional love for us. I emphasized that men are to be spiritual leaders in their homes, guiding their families in godliness and serving them with the heart of a shepherd.

I also addressed the need for husbands to affirm and appreciate their wives openly, ensuring that their spouses feel truly valued. I shared a personal anecdote about a time when my lack of sensitivity to my wife's feelings led to a misunderstanding, highlighting the importance of listening and validating one's spouse.

Furthermore, I discussed the dangers of gender confusion and abuse within the context of marriage, urging husbands to lead with compassion and understanding, and to avoid behaviors that could be perceived as abusive or dismissive.

I touched on the challenges of maintaining intimacy in marriage, the necessity of genuine communication, and the pitfalls of allowing external factors to encroach upon the marriage relationship. I also warned against the potential for infidelity and the importance of setting boundaries to protect the marital bond.

Lastly, I spoke about the significance of prioritizing one's marriage and family over other commitments, including career and education, to ensure a strong and loving home environment.

Key Takeaways:

- Contextual communication is key in ministry and marriage. Just as a sermon must be tailored to its audience, so must spouses communicate in ways that are meaningful and understandable to each other. This requires empathy, attentiveness, and a willingness to adapt one's approach to meet the other person's needs. [01:45:20]

- Spiritual leadership in the home is not about authoritarian rule but about shepherding with love, care, and a servant's heart. Husbands are called to foster a spiritual environment that encourages growth in Christ-likeness for the entire family. This leadership is not about intellectual prowess but about a heart devoted to God and His purposes. [50:02]

- Affirmation and appreciation are vital for a healthy marriage. It's not enough for a husband to value his wife internally; she must feel appreciated through his words and actions. This requires intentional effort to express gratitude and admiration, both privately and publicly. [51:13]

- Setting boundaries to protect your marriage is a non-negotiable. Whether it's the "Billy Graham rule" or other personal convictions, it's crucial to establish clear lines that safeguard the marital relationship from potential threats, such as infidelity or inappropriate relationships. [04:01:44]

- Prioritizing marriage and family over other pursuits is essential for long-term happiness and fulfillment. While careers and education are important, they should never come at the expense of one's primary relationships. By keeping these priorities in order, spouses can ensure a legacy of love and faithfulness that honors God and blesses their family. [01:12:14]

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:25-28 (ESV)
> Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

2. 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
> Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

3. Song of Solomon 2:15 (ESV)
> Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.

#### Observation Questions
1. According to Ephesians 5:25-28, how are husbands instructed to love their wives? What is the model for this love?
2. In 1 Peter 3:7, what are husbands commanded to do in their relationship with their wives, and what is the reason given for this command?
3. What is the significance of the "little foxes" mentioned in Song of Solomon 2:15, and how do they relate to marriage? [03:56:00]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the sacrificial love described in Ephesians 5:25-28 reflect Christ's love for the church, and what practical steps can husbands take to emulate this in their marriages? [32:17]
2. What does it mean to live with your wife in an "understanding way" as stated in 1 Peter 3:7, and how can this understanding impact the overall health of a marriage? [37:10]
3. The sermon mentioned the importance of setting boundaries to protect the marriage. How can the concept of "catching the little foxes" from Song of Solomon 2:15 be applied to modern marriages to prevent issues from escalating? [03:57:00]

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your communication with your spouse. Are there any "little foxes" that you need to address to improve your relationship? What steps can you take this week to enhance your communication? [04:09:00]
2. In what ways can you show sacrificial love to your spouse, similar to how Christ loved the church? Identify one specific action you can take this week to demonstrate this love. [32:17]
3. How can you affirm and appreciate your spouse more openly? Think of one way to express your gratitude and admiration both privately and publicly this week. [51:13]
4. Consider the boundaries you have set to protect your marriage. Are there any areas where you need to establish clearer boundaries to safeguard your relationship? What changes can you make to ensure these boundaries are respected? [45:02]
5. Reflect on the balance between your career, education, and family commitments. Are there any adjustments you need to make to prioritize your marriage and family more effectively? What specific steps can you take to realign your priorities? [01:12:14]
6. How can you foster a spiritual environment in your home that encourages growth in Christ-likeness for your entire family? Identify one spiritual practice you can implement or enhance this week. [49:02]
7. Think about a recent conflict or misunderstanding with your spouse. How can you apply the principles of living in an "understanding way" to resolve the issue and strengthen your relationship? [37:10]

Devotional

Day 1: Embracing Contextual Communication in Love
Understanding and adapting to one's spouse's communication style is crucial for a thriving marriage. Just as a message must be tailored to its audience for maximum impact, communication within marriage requires a deep understanding of one's partner. This involves actively listening, showing empathy, and expressing oneself in a way that the other person can truly comprehend. It's about creating a bridge where both partners feel heard and understood, which fosters a deeper connection and mutual respect. In a world where misunderstandings can easily arise, taking the time to learn and speak each other's emotional language is an act of love that strengthens the marital bond. [01:45:20]

"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." - Colossians 4:6

Reflection: How can you improve your communication with your spouse today to ensure they feel understood and loved?

Day 2: Leading with a Shepherd's Heart
Spiritual leadership in the home is a call to guide and nurture one's family with the same love and care that a shepherd has for their flock. It is not about asserting dominance or intellectual superiority, but about humbly serving and leading by example. A husband's role as a spiritual leader is to create an environment where every family member can grow in their faith and become more like Christ. This requires a heart that is fully devoted to God and His purposes, one that seeks wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit to lead with gentleness and strength. [50:02]

"And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding." - Jeremiah 3:15

Reflection: In what ways can you demonstrate Christ-like servant leadership in your home this week?

Day 3: Cultivating Appreciation in Marriage
Affirmation and appreciation are not just nice-to-haves in a marriage; they are essential nutrients that keep the relationship healthy and vibrant. It is important for spouses to not only value each other internally but to also express that appreciation openly and consistently. This can be through words of affirmation, acts of kindness, or simply taking the time to acknowledge and celebrate each other's contributions to the relationship. When a spouse feels truly valued, it creates a positive cycle of love and gratitude that can withstand the challenges that life brings. [51:13]

"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." - Proverbs 31:10-11

Reflection: What specific action can you take today to show your spouse how much you appreciate them?

Day 4: Safeguarding the Marital Bond
Setting boundaries is a proactive measure to protect the sanctity of marriage. It involves identifying potential threats to the relationship and establishing clear guidelines to prevent these threats from causing harm. This could mean setting rules around interactions with the opposite sex, being transparent with one's spouse, or seeking accountability from trusted friends or mentors. By being intentional about protecting the marriage, spouses demonstrate their commitment to each other and to the vows they have made before God. [04:01:44]

"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." - Hebrews 13:4

Reflection: What boundaries do you need to establish or reinforce to protect your marriage from potential threats?

Day 5: Prioritizing Family Over Fleeting Pursuits
In a world that often values career success and personal achievement above all else, it is vital for spouses to remember that their marriage and family are of utmost importance. Prioritizing these relationships means sometimes saying no to good opportunities if they come at the expense of family time and unity. It is about investing in the legacy that will last beyond one's lifetime – a legacy of love, faithfulness, and a family that honors God. By keeping these priorities in order, spouses can build a strong foundation that will support them through all of life's seasons. [01:12:14]

"But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." - 1 Timothy 5:8

Reflection: What is one change you can make this week to better prioritize your marriage and family over other commitments?

Quotes

"Your marriage will get in trouble if the wedding vows are considered conditional. Marriage is no longer considered a sacred covenant before God and divorce begins to be considered as a possible solution to an unhappy situation. Every one of us today can leave this conference with a resolve in our soul going forward for the rest of my life. I'm going to be faithful and true to my mate. The D word is not an option." [04:30:25] ( | | )

"A marriage will get in trouble if the man and woman fail to understand appreciate and even enjoy just how really different they are. Men are like dogs. What does it take to have a happy dog? Three things and only three things. Number one you feed him, number two you play with him, and number three you praise him and you got a happy dog. Well, what do you do to have to have a happy husband? Feeding, play with him, praise him and you're going to have a happy dog for the rest of your life." [04:32:40] ( | | )

"A marriage will get in trouble when forces a person's outside the marriage encroach on the all-important time the two of you need alone to build and maintain a healthy relationship. I believe the most valuable commodity every one of us in this room has today is time. All of us can figure out ways to make more money. We cannot figure out ways to make more time." [04:16:02] ( | | )

"The fox of intimacy stagnation now you say all right Danny, that's a pretty recognizable little fox. Yes, what's the key to killing that little fox? The last thing I talked about in the last session where you and your mate grow to be one another's best friend. Because if the two of you over the duration of your marriage grow to be best friends, I promise you, you will experience an intimacy that is so much broader and so much deeper than you could have ever ever ever imagined when you got started." [04:05:57] ( | | )

"A marriage will get in trouble when it is not being nourished by regular and genuine communication. Communication more than anything else is the key to having a healthy, healthy marriage. If you begin to have difficulty in dealing with your in-laws or your child rearing or your intimate life or your finances mark it down, communication broke down." [04:09:08] ( | | )

"Number one, your mate should have all your passwords. But it's my phone. No, it's not your phone. It's y'all's phone. Well, it's my computer. No, it's not your computer. Shaw's computer Shaw's iPad not only does Shaw have all my passwords both secretaries have my passwords my uh, uh, Technology guy has my passwords." [04:27:11] ( | | )

"Catch the foxes for us the little foxes that spoil the vineyards for our vineyards are in blossom. The new king james says catch us the foxes the little foxes that spoil the vines for our vines have tender grapes. Most marriages get in trouble not over big things but over little things things we don't notice at first." [03:57:06] ( | | )

"Number one is the lord Jesus. And if he didn't send you here, you need to go back home. The lord Jesus number two, you're married your wife. Number three, you got a family your children. Number four your local church god ordained the local church. God did not ordain the seminary. Seminary comes in at number five." [01:12:14] ( | | )

"Number one, uh, your mate should have all your passwords. But it's my phone. No, it's not your phone. It's y'all's phone. Well, it's my computer. No, it's not your computer. Shaw's computer Shaw's iPad not only does Shaw have all my passwords both secretaries have my passwords my uh, uh, Technology guy has my passwords." [04:27:11] ( | | )

"Number one, uh, your mate should have all your passwords. But it's my phone. No, it's not your phone. It's y'all's phone. Well, it's my computer. No, it's not your computer. Shaw's computer Shaw's iPad not only does Shaw have all my passwords both secretaries have my passwords my uh, uh, Technology guy has my passwords." [04:27:11] ( | | )

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Transcript
What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?
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