Choosing Forgiveness: From Bitterness to Breakthrough
Summary
### Summary
Good morning, church family! Today, we celebrate the incredible work God is doing through our community, especially with our youth and young adults. From the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at Eagle Mountain High School to our thriving student ministry and young adult groups, your generosity and service are transforming lives. As we conclude our series "Brokenness to Breakthrough," I want to share a personal journey of faith, betrayal, and ultimately, forgiveness.
At 15, I began my walk with Jesus, which transformed my life and my family's. However, my early Christian journey was marred by betrayal from trusted church leaders. These experiences left me carrying a heavy burden of bitterness and resentment. Despite these wounds, God called me into ministry, and I eventually planted Eagles View Church. Yet, the unresolved bitterness weighed me down, affecting my relationships and ministry.
In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches about forgiveness, emphasizing that we must forgive not just seven times, but seventy times seven. This radical forgiveness mirrors the grace God extends to us. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a choice. It’s not denying the wrong done to us, enabling sin, or waiting for an apology. It’s about releasing the debt owed to us, just as God has forgiven our insurmountable debt through Christ.
Forgiveness frees us from the prison of bitterness and allows us to experience the fullness of God's love and peace. It’s a gift that God wants us to receive so we can be all He designed us to be. Today, I invite you to lay down your burdens at the feet of Jesus and experience the breakthrough that comes from true forgiveness.
### Key Takeaways
1. Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling: Forgiveness is not about waiting for a feeling to emerge; it’s a deliberate choice to release the debt owed to us. Feelings may follow, but the act of forgiveness is a decision we make in obedience to God’s command. This choice liberates us from the prison of bitterness and allows us to experience God’s peace. [59:03]
2. Forgiveness is Not Diminishing the Wrong: Acknowledging the gravity of the wrong done to us is crucial. Forgiveness does not mean we minimize the sin or the pain it caused. Instead, it recognizes the severity of the offense and chooses to release the offender from the debt they owe us, just as God has done for us through Christ. [59:51]
3. Forgiveness is Not Enabling Sin: Forgiving someone does not mean allowing them to continue in their harmful behavior. Boundaries are essential. Forgiveness can coexist with holding someone accountable for their actions and ensuring that justice is served, especially in cases of abuse or addiction. [01:01:18]
4. Forgiveness is Not Dependent on an Apology: Many times, we may never receive an apology from those who have wronged us. Forgiveness is not contingent on their remorse but is a personal decision to release the burden of bitterness and resentment, freeing ourselves from its destructive hold. [01:02:53]
5. Forgiveness Reflects God’s Grace: Our ability to forgive stems from understanding the immense grace and mercy God has extended to us. We forgive because we have been forgiven a debt we could never repay. This perspective shifts our focus from the offense to the grace we have received, enabling us to extend that grace to others. [01:16:12]
### YouTube Chapters
1. [0:00] - Welcome
2. [30:49] - Celebrating FCA at Eagle Mountain High School
3. [31:37] - EVC Student Ministry Growth
4. [32:22] - Embracing Young Adults in Our Church
5. [33:08] - Introduction to "Brokenness to Breakthrough"
6. [33:31] - Personal Journey with Jesus
7. [34:47] - Betrayal and Early Church Wounds
8. [35:53] - Confronting Inappropriate Behavior
9. [37:31] - The Weight of Unresolved Bitterness
10. [39:31] - Further Church Wounds and Ministry Challenges
11. [42:17] - The Burden of Bitterness
12. [45:50] - Realizing the Need for Forgiveness
13. [50:28] - Understanding Forgiveness
14. [53:06] - Jesus’ Teaching on Forgiveness
15. [57:18] - The Depths of God’s Grace
16. [01:02:53] - Forgiveness is Not Forgetting
17. [01:16:12] - Releasing the Debt
18. [01:24:23] - The Misery of Resentment
19. [01:28:51] - Laying Down Burdens and Finding Freedom
Study Guide
### Bible Reading
- Matthew 18:21-35 (The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant)
### Observation Questions
1. In Matthew 18:21-22, how does Jesus respond to Peter's question about how many times one should forgive someone who sins against them?
2. What is the significance of the large debt owed by the first servant in the parable (Matthew 18:24)?
3. How does the first servant react when he is forgiven his debt, and what does he do to his fellow servant who owes him a smaller amount (Matthew 18:28-30)?
4. What is the king's reaction when he learns about the first servant's actions towards his fellow servant (Matthew 18:32-34)?
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think Jesus emphasizes forgiving "seventy times seven" times? What does this teach us about the nature of forgiveness? [56:47]
2. How does the parable illustrate the concept of God's grace and mercy towards us? [01:16:12]
3. What are the consequences of harboring bitterness and resentment, as described in the sermon? [50:08]
4. How does understanding what forgiveness is not (e.g., not enabling sin, not dependent on an apology) help us in the process of forgiving others? [01:01:18]
### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a time when you struggled to forgive someone. How did holding onto that bitterness affect your relationships and your spiritual life? [50:08]
2. Jesus teaches that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. What steps can you take to make the deliberate choice to forgive someone who has wronged you? [59:03]
3. The sermon mentioned that forgiveness is not enabling sin or forgetting the wrong done. How can you set healthy boundaries while still choosing to forgive? [01:02:53]
4. Think about a person in your life who has hurt you and has never apologized. How can you release the burden of bitterness and forgive them, even without an apology? [01:01:18]
5. The pastor shared his personal journey of carrying unresolved bitterness. How can you identify and address any unresolved bitterness in your own life? [42:17]
6. Forgiveness reflects God's grace. How can remembering the grace and mercy God has extended to you help you extend forgiveness to others? [01:16:12]
7. The sermon emphasized that forgiveness is a gift that sets us free. What practical steps can you take this week to lay down your burdens at the feet of Jesus and experience the breakthrough that comes from true forgiveness? [01:28:51]
Devotional
Day 1: Forgiveness is a Deliberate Choice
Forgiveness is not about waiting for a feeling to emerge; it’s a deliberate choice to release the debt owed to us. Feelings may follow, but the act of forgiveness is a decision we make in obedience to God’s command. This choice liberates us from the prison of bitterness and allows us to experience God’s peace. When we choose to forgive, we align ourselves with God's will and open our hearts to His healing and peace. This act of obedience can be challenging, especially when the hurt is deep, but it is essential for our spiritual growth and freedom.
Forgiveness is a powerful act that reflects our trust in God's justice and mercy. It is not about condoning the wrong done to us but about freeing ourselves from the chains of resentment and bitterness. By choosing to forgive, we allow God's love to flow through us, bringing healing and restoration to our hearts. Remember, forgiveness is a journey, and it begins with a single, deliberate choice. [59:03]
Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV): "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Reflection: Think of a person or situation where you have been holding onto bitterness. Can you make the deliberate choice today to begin the process of forgiveness, trusting God to help you through it?
Day 2: Acknowledging the Gravity of the Wrong
Forgiveness does not mean we minimize the sin or the pain it caused. Instead, it recognizes the severity of the offense and chooses to release the offender from the debt they owe us, just as God has done for us through Christ. Acknowledging the gravity of the wrong done to us is crucial. It allows us to confront the pain honestly and seek God's healing. By facing the hurt head-on, we can begin the process of true forgiveness, which leads to genuine healing and freedom.
When we forgive, we are not saying that what happened was okay or that it didn't hurt us deeply. We are simply choosing to let go of the hold that the offense has on our hearts. This act of releasing the debt owed to us mirrors the grace that God extends to us daily. It is a powerful testament to the transformative power of God's love and mercy in our lives. [59:51]
Colossians 3:13 (ESV): "Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."
Reflection: Reflect on a time when you felt deeply wronged. How can acknowledging the gravity of that wrong help you in the process of forgiveness today?
Day 3: Forgiveness and Boundaries
Forgiving someone does not mean allowing them to continue in their harmful behavior. Boundaries are essential. Forgiveness can coexist with holding someone accountable for their actions and ensuring that justice is served, especially in cases of abuse or addiction. It is important to understand that forgiveness is about releasing the burden of bitterness, not about enabling sin or harmful behavior. Setting healthy boundaries is a crucial part of the forgiveness process, ensuring that we protect ourselves and others from further harm.
Forgiveness and accountability can and should coexist. By setting boundaries, we create a safe space for ourselves and others, allowing for healing and growth. This does not diminish the act of forgiveness but rather strengthens it, as it shows a commitment to justice and righteousness. Remember, forgiving someone does not mean you have to allow them back into your life in the same way. It means you are choosing to let go of the bitterness and trust God with the outcome. [01:01:18]
Proverbs 25:28 (ESV): "A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls."
Reflection: Think about a relationship where you need to set boundaries. How can you forgive the person while still maintaining healthy boundaries to protect yourself and others?
Day 4: Forgiveness Without an Apology
Many times, we may never receive an apology from those who have wronged us. Forgiveness is not contingent on their remorse but is a personal decision to release the burden of bitterness and resentment, freeing ourselves from its destructive hold. Waiting for an apology can keep us trapped in a cycle of hurt and bitterness. Instead, we are called to forgive regardless of whether the offender acknowledges their wrongdoing. This act of forgiveness is a testament to our faith and trust in God's justice and mercy.
Forgiving without an apology is one of the most challenging aspects of forgiveness, but it is also one of the most liberating. It allows us to take control of our healing process and not be dependent on the actions or words of others. By choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from the chains of resentment and open our hearts to God's peace and love. [01:02:53]
Luke 6:37 (ESV): "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven."
Reflection: Is there someone you need to forgive who has not apologized? How can you take the first step towards forgiveness today, trusting God to help you release the burden of bitterness?
Day 5: Reflecting God's Grace Through Forgiveness
Our ability to forgive stems from understanding the immense grace and mercy God has extended to us. We forgive because we have been forgiven a debt we could never repay. This perspective shifts our focus from the offense to the grace we have received, enabling us to extend that grace to others. When we truly grasp the depth of God's forgiveness towards us, it becomes easier to forgive others. This act of forgiveness is a powerful reflection of God's love and grace in our lives.
Forgiveness is a reflection of God's character and His work in our hearts. It is a testament to the transformative power of His grace and mercy. By forgiving others, we demonstrate the love and forgiveness we have received from God, pointing others to His incredible grace. This act of forgiveness not only frees us but also serves as a powerful witness to the world of God's love and mercy. [01:16:12]
Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV): "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Reflection: Reflect on the grace and forgiveness God has extended to you. How can you extend that same grace to someone in your life today, even if it feels difficult?
Quotes
1. "I want you to hear this. If you are a young adult or if you are a student, you need to hear this. This is a church that loves you. Amen. Right church? We love you. We want you here. We are excited that you are here. Yeah, clap for them. Okay. Because we want you to know that you are not just the future church or whatever. You are a part of our church. You are a part of the church. Right? And we love you. And I just want you to know that." [32:22] (30 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "Whenever I was 15 years old, I was over at the church Boswell High School right across the street there. This was all cow pastures back then. You should know that, okay? But I was going to high school over there. And it was when I was around 15 years old that I began a journey with Jesus. We started, my family was unchurched, but we started going to a church and I started hearing about Jesus. And it was when I was 15, 16 years old, right in that age where I actually, not religion, I actually started understanding that Jesus wanted us to be a personal relationship with me, that he loved me, that he died for me. And I understood that." [33:08] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "I don't care how strong you are. You know this is going to be this, that when you're carrying something like this, it eventually begins to weigh you down. And I got to a place in my 11th year where I was burned out. I was exhausted. I was hypersensitive to anything that anybody would say to me because I was wounded and I hadn't dealt with stuff. So someone might give me a legitimate criticism, a constructive thing, but here's what that would be. It wouldn't go into the depths of my heart. That would just be one of these on the outside and it would be kind of like Velcro." [42:58] (39 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "Bitterness can become an infection of your heart. An infection makes things worse than the original wounds, right? It begins to affect everything, but it can become this infection of the heart. And then what that means for you, if you are a follower of Jesus, and I know many of you are today, you are being robbed of the joy and the peace and the rest in Jesus and the relationship. And it's affecting every part of your life because it's too heavy to carry and it just continues to weigh you down and impact you." [52:11] (43 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "Forgiveness is not a feeling. And some of us are waiting for this feeling to forgive to emerge. And this is what I'm just going to straight up tell you. I never got that feeling. If you're waiting on the feeling, the feeling likely will never come for you. You're waiting on this feeling, but what we need to understand is forgiveness is more about a choice that you make. It's not a feeling that you're waiting on. The feeling will, in many cases, never come. Now, it may catch up later after you make the choice to forgive." [59:03] (37 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
6. "Forgiveness is not denying that sin has occurred, that you've been sinned against, or it's not diminishing the evil that has happened to you. Again, I don't know the things that have happened to some of you, but I know some of those things are horrific. So please, the last thing I ever, when I do a talk like this, I'm always so concerned about those who have had horrible things done to them, that you would think in any way that I'm diminishing the pain that you have experienced. Please know that I don't know what you've been through. I want you to hear this. What happened to you was a big deal. It was such a big deal that Jesus himself had to die for that sin." [59:51] (44 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
7. "Forgiveness is not enabling sin further. Some of you, maybe you have a person that you love that's in your life that is an addict, or maybe they're even an abuser, or maybe it's not enabling that. And so I want you to hear this. When we talk about a talk like this, it's not saying that it's okay for that behavior to continue, where you put yourself back in that situation. That's not what is being said here today, where you can just keep, I forgive you, you can just keep doing whatever it is that you've done to me with no boundaries whatsoever. That's not what we're talking about. That's not what the scripture says either." [01:01:18] (38 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
8. "Forgiveness is not forgetting. Very well-meaning people are like, should forget that because the Lord forgets. Well, they kind of take a scripture, Jeremiah 31, that says, where the Lord remembers our sins no more. I want you to understand what is being said there. God is omniscient. God knows everything. God isn't up there scratching his head, wondering, and trying to remember what happened or that you did. When this is being said, what is being said, what is being said, what is being said, is that God, because of the blood of Jesus Christ, chooses to cover that and he chooses to not look upon that anymore, but he looks upon, he looks upon his son whenever he looks at us and he doesn't see our sin anymore." [01:02:53] (53 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
9. "Forgiveness is not restored trust. Those are two different things. Maybe you've been betrayed in some kind of way. You can forgive and your trust is still broken. Trust takes a second to destroy and a long time to rebuild. We need to understand that forgiveness, you can forgive, but there's going to be time where some of those things take to heal. Okay? Forgiveness is not, and this is big for me too, reconciliation. I know there's a lot of points, but I would just want, I know some of us are hung up on forgiveness because we don't understand it. It's not reconciliation. These are two different things. Reconciliation takes two people who are coming together with humility and maybe there's repentance on both sides and forgiveness there." [01:04:29] (56 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
10. "Forgiveness is not resuming the relationship without change. We learn as we, as we go along. And, and here's what I'm saying here. Sometimes there needs to be new boundaries that are put in place. I can forgive you, but there are new boundaries that are in place. Are you starting to catch the drift? Are you starting to see, when I started understanding this, it began to like, began to open my eyes to, well, then why in the world am I going to keep carrying this? It's, it's not the smartest thing that I ever did again, but I didn't realize all that I was carrying at this point." [01:06:10] (44 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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