Choosing Compassion Over Judgment: A Call to Kindness

Devotional

Day 1: The Power and Pain of Judgment

Judgment, whether small or large, can create lasting wounds and separation.

Every day, people make judgments—some minor, some that echo for years. Sometimes, a single word or action can create a rift that is hard to heal, leaving both parties hurting. The story of a family divided by a moment of judgment reminds us that once something is said or done, it cannot be undone, and the pain can linger for years. Yet, recognizing the impact of our judgments can be the first step toward healing and reconciliation. [46:50]

Matthew 7:1-2 (ESV)
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”

Reflection: Is there a judgment you have made—big or small—that may have hurt someone? What would it look like to take a step toward healing that relationship today?

Day 2: Grace and Kindness Bridge the Gap

Showing grace and kindness, even when wronged, can begin to heal broken relationships.

When faced with hurtful words or actions, it is natural to want to judge in return. But taking a step back, breathing, and choosing grace over retaliation can open the door to understanding and reconciliation. Even if we cannot change the past or another person’s beliefs, we can choose to respond with compassion, which may bridge the distance between us and those we love. [59:28]

Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Reflection: Who in your life needs to experience your grace and kindness today, even if you feel they don’t deserve it? How can you offer it?

Day 3: We Are All Children of God

No one is “other” in God’s eyes; we are all beloved and worthy of respect.

It is easy to see ourselves as different or separate from others, especially when we disagree or feel hurt. But in God’s family, there are no outsiders—everyone is a child of God, deserving of love, respect, and kindness. Embracing this truth helps us move beyond division and see the beauty in our differences, strengthening our community and our witness to the world. [01:01:07]

Galatians 3:28 (ESV)
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Reflection: Who do you tend to see as “other” in your life? What is one way you can affirm their worth as a child of God this week?

Day 4: Don’t Let Time and Judgment Steal Your Relationships

Unresolved judgment and pride can rob us of precious time with those we love.

Holding onto judgment or waiting for someone else to change can create wedges that last for years, sometimes until it is too late to make amends. The pain of lost time and missed opportunities to love and be loved is a heavy burden. Choosing to reach out, forgive, and seek understanding can restore relationships and prevent regret over time lost. [01:00:09]

James 4:11-12 (ESV)
“Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Reflection: Is there someone you have been separated from because of judgment or pride? What is one step you can take today to begin mending that relationship before more time is lost?

Day 5: Be the Hands and Feet of Jesus

Actively share Jesus’ love by offering kindness, compassion, and encouragement to others.

Every day is an opportunity to give away a little bit of Jesus—to say something kind, to serve, to show compassion, and to let others know they are loved. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus in a world that desperately needs grace and understanding. Don’t let the chance to make a difference pass by; instead, grab a handful of Jesus and pass Him along to someone who needs it. [01:03:15]

Colossians 3:12 (ESV)
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”

Reflection: Who can you intentionally encourage or serve today as a way of sharing Jesus’ love in a tangible way?

Sermon Summary

Today’s reflection centers on the deep and lasting impact of judgment—both the judgments we receive and those we give. I shared a personal story from 17 years ago, a moment that still echoes in my life. On the day of my mother’s funeral, my sister-in-law, shaped by her upbringing in Turkey, expressed a painful judgment toward me and my wife, Katie, because of our sexuality. In that moment, I was deeply hurt, and I responded with my own judgment, creating a wedge that would last for years.

This experience taught me that some words, once spoken, cannot be taken back. The bell cannot be unrung, and the toothpaste cannot be put back in the tube. My brother, who was caught in the middle, encouraged me to talk with my sister-in-law, but I refused, believing the problem was hers, not mine. Looking back, I see how my own hurt led me to close off the possibility of reconciliation. The years that followed were marked by distance—seventeen years of missed hugs, missed moments, and missed opportunities to love and be loved.

When my brother later affirmed his love and pride for me, it was a healing moment, but it could not erase the years lost to judgment and pride. His words reminded me that we are all exactly where we need to be, surrounded by love and community, if only we open our hearts to see it. Yet, the wedge remained, and when my brother passed away, I realized how much had been lost—not just to me, but to all of us.

We all have “others” in our lives—people we see as different, people we judge or who judge us. But in God’s eyes, there is no “other.” We are all children of God, deserving of love, respect, and kindness. We may never change another’s mind, and that’s okay. What matters is that we do not let judgment rob us of years of relationship and grace. Instead, we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to offer kindness, to say something nice, to give a little Jesus away wherever we go. Let us choose compassion over judgment, understanding over division, and love over pride. Let us mend the bridges we can, and never miss the chance to hug each other through our differences.

Key Takeaways

1. Words Once Spoken Cannot Be Unheard The things we say in moments of pain or judgment can echo for years, shaping relationships in ways we never intended. Once a word is spoken, it cannot be taken back, and its impact may last a lifetime. We must be mindful of the power our words hold, especially in moments of conflict or grief. [46:50]
2. Judgment Creates Distance, Grace Builds Bridges When we respond to judgment with more judgment, we only widen the gap between ourselves and others. Grace, on the other hand, has the power to bridge divides, even if it does not erase the past. Choosing to understand where someone is coming from, even when we disagree, can open the door to healing and reconciliation. [58:41]
3. We Are All Children of God, Not “Others” It is easy to see ourselves as insiders and others as outsiders, but in God’s family, there are no “others.” Recognizing our shared identity as beloved children of God calls us to treat everyone with respect, kindness, and love, regardless of our differences. This perspective transforms our communities and our hearts. [61:07]
4. Don’t Let Judgment Steal Years of Relationship Holding onto hurt and judgment can cost us precious time with those we love. The years lost to pride and division can never be regained. We are called to seek reconciliation, to forgive, and to cherish the time we have with one another, for life is fragile and fleeting. [60:09]
5. Give a Little Jesus Away Every Day Being the hands and feet of Jesus means offering kindness, compassion, and love in tangible ways. Sometimes, a simple act of grace or a kind word is exactly what someone needs. Let us be generous with our love, passing along the presence of Christ in all we do. [63:15]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:45] - Community Connection and Introductions
[02:10] - Announcements
[03:30] - Preparing for Today’s Reflection
[04:50] - The Challenge of Preaching on Judgment
[06:00] - Family Background and Setting the Scene
[07:30] - The Day of the Funeral
[09:00] - A Niece’s Gift of Photography
[10:30] - The Confrontation with My Sister-in-Law
[12:00] - Processing Hurt and Choosing to Leave
[13:30] - The Difficult Conversation with My Brother
[15:00] - Years of Distance and Missed Opportunities
[16:30] - A Healing Call from My Brother
[18:00] - The Power of Grace and Reconciliation
[19:30] - We Are All Children of God
[21:00] - Passing Along a Little Jesus
[22:00] - Final Reflections and Benediction

Bible Study Guide

Bible Reading

Matthew 7:1-5 (ESV) — > “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”

2. Ephesians 4:31-32 (ESV)
> “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

3. Galatians 3:26-28 (ESV)
> “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Observation Questions

In the sermon, what was the specific judgment that the speaker’s sister-in-law made, and how did the speaker respond in that moment? [[51:57]]
According to Matthew 7:1-5, what warning does Jesus give about judging others?
What did the speaker’s brother say during their phone call that was so healing, and how did it affect the speaker? [[57:11]]
In Ephesians 4:31-32, what are the actions and attitudes Paul tells believers to put away, and what does he say to do instead?

Interpretation Questions

Why do you think words spoken in judgment can have such a lasting impact on relationships, as seen in the speaker’s story? [[49:33]]
How does responding to judgment with more judgment create distance, and what might it look like to respond with grace instead? [[58:41]]
The speaker says, “We are all children of God, and we all deserve respect and kindness and love from each and every one of us regardless whether I agree with you or I don't agree with you.” How does this idea connect with Galatians 3:26-28? [[01:01:07]]
What does it mean to “give a little Jesus away” in everyday life, and why might small acts of kindness matter so much? [[01:03:15]]

Application Questions

The speaker shared that some words, once spoken, “cannot be taken back.” Can you think of a time when something you said or someone said to you created a lasting impact? How did it shape your relationship? [[49:33]]
Is there someone in your life with whom you have a “wedge” or distance because of judgment or hurt? What is one small step you could take toward mending that relationship, even if it’s just a kind word or prayer? [[01:00:09]]
The sermon encourages us to “choose compassion over judgment, understanding over division, and love over pride.” What is one practical way you can do this in a current relationship or situation? [[01:04:42]]
The speaker’s brother affirmed their identity and love, which brought healing. Who in your life might need to hear words of affirmation or encouragement from you this week? [[57:11]]
The idea of “giving a little Jesus away” is about being the hands and feet of Christ. What is one tangible act of kindness you can do for someone who is different from you or who you may not always agree with? [[01:03:15]]
The speaker mentions that holding onto hurt and judgment can cost us “precious time with those we love.” Are there relationships in your life where pride or past hurt is keeping you from connection? What would it look like to let go of that pride? [[01:00:09]]
The sermon says, “We may never change another’s mind, and that’s okay.” How can you practice loving and respecting someone even when you strongly disagree with them? [[01:02:30]]

Sermon Clips

He said, first of all, I want you to know how much I love you and he said, and I also want you to know you are exactly where you need to be in life, to be with in life. I see your love. I see the home that you have made together. I see the community that you have surrounding you and your business and I want you to know that I am so proud of you now. To say that I wasn't bursting into tears kind of like I am right now is an understatement. [00:56:56] (49 seconds) #ProudAndLoved

Something so nice and kind and generous coming from someone that you love, it validates you, it says you're okay. Now don't get me wrong, it didn't wipe out the 17 year ago thing that happened with my sister in law, but I don't want to talk about what she said or what he said years later. What I want to draw attention to was what my brother said that in my rage I did not listen to. Seems to me that the two of you need to talk. [00:57:54] (51 seconds) #WordsThatValidate

If I would have just stopped and showed kindness to her rather than judge back, maybe, just maybe, that distance would have been bridged slightly. Not condoning what she said, but the 17 years that I missed hugging my brother and my niece and my nephew, that wedge that was there, you can't get that back. My brother is no longer here with us. A year and half ago he went to the Lord. Not that that was the worst thing because now he's in heaven. [00:59:44] (60 seconds) #MissedMomentsMatter

We all have an other. I never realized I was the other until it smacked me in the face because here in this sanctuary we are not other. We are all children of God and I praise God for each and every one of you and this church because we are all here just loving each other through one day at a time. We are all children of God and we all deserve respect and kindness and love from each and every one of us. [01:01:21] (40 seconds) #MendTheBridge

We are all children of God and we all deserve respect and kindness and love from each and every one of us regardless whether I agree with you or I don't agree with you. It's okay to disagree but it's not okay to miss 17 years of someone. You know who that person is you're thinking of that person right now. I'm just telling you don't do this. [01:01:51] (38 seconds) #DontMiss17Years

Regardless whether I agree with you or I don't agree with you, it's okay to disagree, but it's not okay to miss 17 years of someone. You know who that person is. You're thinking of that person right now. I'm just telling you, don't do this. Please try to mend that bridge. We're not going to change their mind, they're not going to change ours, and that's okay because you know what, it would be a heck of a world if we were all just alike. [01:02:02] (49 seconds) #LoveThroughDifferences

We need to be different. We need to love each other through that because together we're stronger. So I'm going to steal something from the Smander family, God love you all. Probably two months ago Lori came up and gave me a little Jesus. It was the cutest little thing I ever saw, but I never knew how much I needed that at that time and she didn't either, but she handed me, she says here, I think you need a little Jesus. [01:02:51] (35 seconds) #PassAlongJesus

Today I found a lot of little Jesus, so as you leave the sanctuary today I want you to do me a favor. I want to grab a hand full of Jesus and I want you to give Jesus away, say something nice, give Jesus. We are the hands and feet, let people know that we are the hands and feet of Jesus. Don't let the time go by, you cannot recapture that, and the judgment that we have doesn't just hurt the other, it hurts us. [01:03:31] (50 seconds) #HugThroughJudgment

Seriously folks, you know who your other is. We all have things that we don't like about another person. Let's look past that, let's just hug each other through it. I'm a hugger, believe me, I'm a hugger. Let's just hug each other through it because right now, right now what we need more than anything is understanding from our neighbor, kindness, grace and to say something nice. [01:04:32] (38 seconds) #ListenWithCompassion

We spend much of our life talking and judging and assuming that we already know. Maybe we need to slow down, ask questions and truly listen, give more than you get, choose compassion over judgment, serve with kindness. Let's leave this world just a little better than we found it, say something nice and we all need a little Jesus, so grab a handful of Jesus as you go and pass them along. [01:10:31] (37 seconds) #CalledToServe

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