Building Strong Families Through Mutual Submission and Love
Summary
In Ephesians 5, Paul moves from the deep theological truths of the gospel to the practical outworking of those truths in daily life, especially within the family. The days we live in are evil, and the world is full of confusion, especially around issues of identity, authority, and the structure of the home. In the midst of this, God calls His people to walk wisely, making the best use of the time, and to be filled with the Holy Spirit rather than being influenced by the world or by substances. The Spirit-filled life is marked by worship, gratitude, and mutual submission—qualities that are to be lived out not just in the church, but especially in the home.
The foundation of a Christian family is mutual submission out of reverence for Christ. This means yielding to one another, putting the needs and interests of others before our own, and seeking God’s will together. Submission is not a popular concept in our culture, which prizes self-assertion and independence, but in God’s design, it is the path to true harmony and strength. Each member of the family has a distinct role: wives are called to submit to and respect their husbands, not as inferiors, but as partners who yield to the husband’s leadership in the same way the church submits to Christ. This does not mean blind obedience or passivity; rather, it is a dynamic partnership where the wife’s unique strengths and perspectives are essential, sometimes even providing necessary opposition for the good of the family.
Husbands, on the other hand, are called to a far-reaching, sacrificial love that mirrors Christ’s love for the church. This is not about dominance or passivity, but about taking responsibility, leading with humility, and laying down one’s life for the good and growth of the wife and family. The husband’s headship is not optional; it is a reality, and he is called to be a good and healthy head, nourishing and cherishing his wife as his own body.
Children, too, have a vital role: to obey and honor their parents. This is the first commandment with a promise, and it is foundational for their well-being and for the health of society. When any part of this structure is neglected—when men fail to lead, women fail to respect, or children fail to obey—families and societies unravel. The antidote to the confusion and chaos of our world is to build our homes on the rock of God’s Word, empowered by the Holy Spirit, and to live out these roles with humility, gratitude, and love.
Key Takeaways
- Mutual submission is the bedrock of Christian relationships, both in the church and the home. Yielding to one another out of reverence for Christ means putting aside self-interest and seeking the good of others, even when it goes against our instincts or cultural norms. This posture of humility is only possible through the filling and influence of the Holy Spirit. [16:06]
- The call for wives to submit and respect their husbands is not a call to inferiority or silence, but to a willing deference that strengthens the partnership. True submission includes honest dialogue, even opposition when necessary, as a means of helping and supporting the husband’s leadership. This dynamic tension, when rooted in love and respect, brings balance and stability to the marriage. [24:10]
- Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church—with sacrificial, self-giving love. This means taking initiative, bearing responsibility, and seeking the spiritual and practical good of the wife above one’s own comfort or preferences. When husbands lead in this way, it becomes much easier for wives to trust and follow their leadership. [29:01]
- The biblical roles for men and women are not about cultural stereotypes or superficial traits, but about God’s design for order, flourishing, and witness in a confused world. The world’s definitions of masculinity and femininity often miss the mark; God’s Word calls us to something deeper and more enduring, rooted in Christ and empowered by the Spirit. [36:11]
- Children are called to obey and honor their parents, which is foundational for their own well-being and for the health of the family and society. This obedience is not natural, but must be taught and modeled, and it comes with the promise of blessing. When each member of the family embraces their God-given role, the home becomes a place of stability and light in a dark world. [38:31]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[03:03] - Reading Ephesians 5:15–6:4
[05:52] - Paul’s Pattern: Theology to Practice
[06:53] - The Evil of Our Days
[07:48] - Being Filled with the Spirit
[09:12] - Worship and Addressing One Another
[10:23] - The Family as Antidote to Cultural Confusion
[11:50] - Mutual Submission: The Foundation
[16:06] - Submission Defined and Modeled
[18:28] - Gratitude and Worship in the Family
[19:45] - Wives’ Role: Submission and Respect
[24:10] - Submission as Dynamic Partnership
[26:23] - Husbands’ Role: Love and Sacrifice
[29:01] - Christ as the Model for Husbands
[36:11] - Biblical Roles vs. Cultural Stereotypes
[37:54] - Children’s Role: Obedience and Honor
[39:59] - The Reality of Headship
[43:02] - The Need for the Holy Spirit
[44:49] - Our Need for Grace in Family Life
Study Guide
Bible Study Discussion Guide: Ephesians 5 – Christian Family Foundations
---
### Bible Reading
Ephesians 5:15–6:4 (NKJV)
> 15 See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise,
> 16 redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
> 17 Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
> 18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit,
> 19 speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord,
> 20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
> 21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
> 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
> 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
> 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
> 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
> 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
> 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
> 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.
> 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
> 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
> 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
> 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
> 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
> 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
> 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:
> 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
> 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
---
### Observation Questions
1. According to Paul, what are some of the marks of a Spirit-filled life in the context of family and church? (Ephesians 5:18-21)
2. What specific instructions does Paul give to wives, husbands, and children in these verses?
3. How does Paul connect the relationship between Christ and the church to the relationship between husbands and wives?
4. In the sermon, what does the pastor say is the foundation for all Christian relationships, including those in the home? [[13:18]]
---
### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does Paul emphasize mutual submission before giving specific roles to wives and husbands? How does this change the way we understand the rest of the passage? [[13:18]]
2. The sermon says that submission is not about inferiority or blind obedience. What does true biblical submission look like in a marriage, according to the pastor? [[24:10]]
3. The pastor points out that the husband’s headship “is not optional; it is a reality.” What does it mean for a husband to be a “good and healthy head” of his family? [[39:59]]
4. Why is the filling of the Holy Spirit so essential for living out these family roles, according to the sermon? [[43:02]]
---
### Application Questions
1. The sermon says that mutual submission means “putting the needs and interests of others before our own, and seeking God’s will together.” In your family or close relationships, what is one area where you find it hard to yield or defer to others? What would it look like to take a step toward mutual submission this week? [[16:06]]
2. For those who are married, the pastor described submission as a “dynamic partnership” where honest dialogue and even opposition can be helpful. Can you think of a recent time when you or your spouse provided necessary opposition for the good of your family? How did you handle it? [[24:10]]
3. Husbands are called to love their wives “as Christ loved the church.” What is one practical way a husband can show sacrificial love in daily life? For those who are not married, how can you practice sacrificial love in your closest relationships? [[29:01]]
4. The sermon challenges cultural stereotypes about masculinity and femininity. Are there any cultural expectations about gender roles that you have accepted without thinking? How do they line up with what Paul teaches here? [[36:11]]
5. Children are told to obey and honor their parents, and this comes with a promise. If you are a parent, how are you modeling obedience and honor in your own life? If you are not a parent, how do you show honor to those in authority over you? [[38:31]]
6. The pastor said that when any part of the family structure is neglected, “families and societies unravel.” Have you seen examples of this in your own experience or in the world around you? What can you do to strengthen your own family or community? [[39:59]]
7. The sermon says that living out these roles is only possible “through the filling and influence of the Holy Spirit.” What is one way you can intentionally seek the Spirit’s help in your family life this week? [[43:02]]
---
Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Ask God to fill each person with the Holy Spirit, to help them walk in humility, gratitude, and love, and to empower them to live out their God-given roles in their families and relationships.
Devotional
Day 1: Walking Wisely in Evil Days
Paul calls believers to live wisely, making the best use of their time because the days are evil. In a world where confusion and moral decay seem rampant, Christians are urged to be intentional about their choices, seeking to understand and follow the will of God. This means not being swayed by the culture or by fleeting pleasures, but instead being filled with the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to live differently. The wise life is marked by discernment, gratitude, and a focus on what truly matters, even as the world around us grows darker. [07:48]
Ephesians 5:15-18 (ESV)
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,"
Reflection: What is one area of your daily routine where you are tempted to drift along with the culture rather than intentionally seeking God’s wisdom? How can you invite the Holy Spirit to guide you in that area today?
Day 2: Mutual Submission Out of Reverence for Christ
Mutual submission is a foundational principle for Christian relationships, both in the church and in the family. Rather than seeking to dominate or insist on our own way, we are called to yield to one another out of reverence for Christ, putting the needs and interests of others before our own. This posture of humility and deference is countercultural, but it reflects the heart of Jesus and creates a community where love and respect can flourish. In the family, this means prioritizing God’s will and seeking to serve each other, not just ourselves. [17:35]
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
"Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Reflection: In what relationship today can you intentionally choose to yield your preferences or desires for the sake of another, as an act of reverence to Christ?
Day 3: Wives: Submission and Respect
Wives are called to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, not as an act of inferiority, but as a willing deference to the husband’s leadership within the family. This submission is set within the context of mutual submission and is meant to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church. It does not mean blind obedience or enduring harm, but rather a posture of respect, encouragement, and support, even when there is healthy tension or disagreement. God designed this dynamic to bring balance, strength, and unity to the marriage relationship. [22:54]
Ephesians 5:22-24, 33b (ESV)
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. ... and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Reflection: Is there a way you can show respect or encouragement to your spouse (or another family member) today, especially in an area where you may not fully agree?
Day 4: Husbands: Love and Sacrifice
Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church—sacrificially, selflessly, and with a commitment to their growth and well-being. This love is not merely about feelings or romance, but about daily choices to put the needs of the wife above one’s own, to nurture, cherish, and lead with humility. The husband’s role is to reflect Christ’s servant leadership, taking responsibility for the spiritual and emotional health of the family, and laying down his life for his wife’s good. [30:53]
Ephesians 5:25-28, 33a (ESV)
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ... let each one of you love his wife as himself..."
Reflection: What is one practical way you can lay down your own interests or comfort today to serve and build up your spouse or family?
Day 5: Children: Obedience and Honor
Children are instructed to obey and honor their parents, which is the first commandment with a promise: that it may go well with them and they may enjoy long life. This principle is not just for young children, but for all who have parents, as honoring them brings blessing and stability to the family and society. Obedience and honor are learned behaviors that require teaching and example, and they are essential for healthy relationships and for learning to submit to God’s authority. [38:31]
Ephesians 6:1-3 (ESV)
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'"
Reflection: Whether you are young or old, what is one way you can show honor or gratitude to your parents (or a parental figure) today?
Quotes
Chatbot
-
I'm an AI bot trained specifically on the sermon from Nov 15, 2021. Do you have any questions about it?