Building Selfless Marriages Through God's Guidance
Summary
### Summary
This morning, we gathered to worship and pray together, focusing on several key areas: Pastor Stephan Luis's restful holiday, the ongoing young adult camp, and the need for a part for the camp's water system. We also praised God for the testimonies of His work in our church. We then continued our mini-series on selfless marriage, emphasizing the importance of following God's way rather than culture's way. Ephesians 5 provides a foundation for a God-focused, selfless marriage, highlighting mutual submission, wives submitting to husbands, and husbands loving their wives as Christ loved the church. These principles are only possible through the Holy Spirit's guidance.
Today's focus was on common issues in marriage: differences, unmet expectations, and blaming. Differences, while initially attractive, can become sources of conflict. However, these differences are meant to complete us, not separate us. Unmet expectations often lead to frustration and blaming, which can be traced back to the very first marriage in Genesis. Blaming is a natural but destructive response that shifts responsibility away from oneself.
To move from a self-focused to a selfless marriage, we must take several steps. First, don't take the easy way out; good marriages require hard work. Second, pray continually, using crafted prayers from Scripture to guide us. Third, listen carefully, seeking to understand rather than to respond. Finally, act in love, demonstrating our care through actions that align with our motives.
In conclusion, a selfless marriage requires walking in step with the Holy Spirit. The steps discussed today are not groundbreaking but become effective when we put them into practice. Let us commit to praying continually, listening carefully, and acting in love, allowing God to transform our marriages for His glory.
### Key Takeaways
1. Differences in Marriage: Differences between spouses, while initially attractive, can become sources of conflict over time. These differences are not meant to separate us but to complete us, providing skills and perspectives we may lack. By focusing on Jesus and growing closer to Him, we can turn these differences into strengths that unify us. [27:55]
2. Unmet Expectations: Unmet expectations are a common source of frustration and conflict in marriage. We often assume our spouse shares our expectations, leading to disappointment and anger when they are not met. Open communication about expectations can prevent misunderstandings and foster a more harmonious relationship. [34:01]
3. Blaming: Blaming is a natural but destructive response to conflict, shifting responsibility away from oneself. This behavior dates back to the first marriage in Genesis. Recognizing that our spouse is not the enemy and that we are fighting a common enemy can help us work together to resolve conflicts. [37:46]
4. Prayer and Scripture: Prayer is essential for a selfless marriage. Using crafted prayers from Scripture can guide us when we don't know what to pray. Regular prayer helps us draw closer to God and align our actions with His will, strengthening our marriage. [50:30]
5. Acting in Love: Demonstrating love through actions is crucial in marriage. Our motives may be good, but our actions need to align with them. Over-communicating our motives and being open to correction can help ensure our actions reflect our love and care for our spouse. [01:03:06]
### YouTube Chapters
[0:00] - Welcome
[14:56] - Introduction to Corporate Prayer
[15:24] - Prayer Points
[16:07] - Opening Prayer
[21:28] - Introduction to Selfless Marriage Series
[22:13] - Recap of Last Week's Sermon
[23:05] - Ephesians 5: Foundation for Marriage
[24:02] - Common Issues in Marriage
[25:36] - Caveat on Serious Issues
[27:16] - Issue 1: Differences
[30:48] - Issue 2: Unmet Expectations
[36:25] - Issue 3: Blaming
[40:21] - Power of Unified Prayer
[42:50] - Steps to a Selfless Marriage
[50:30] - Importance of Prayer
[56:13] - Listening Carefully
[59:57] - Acting in Love
[01:06:14] - Conclusion and Prayer
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:21-33
2. Galatians 5:16-17
3. Genesis 3:11-13
#### Observation Questions
1. According to Ephesians 5, what are the three key principles for a God-focused, selfless marriage? ([22:13])
2. How does Galatians 5 describe the conflict between the desires of the flesh and the Spirit? ([23:05])
3. In Genesis 3, how did Adam and Eve respond when God confronted them about their disobedience? ([37:46])
4. What are the three common issues in marriage discussed in the sermon, and how do they typically manifest? ([24:50])
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does mutual submission in marriage, as described in Ephesians 5, challenge cultural norms about relationships? ([22:13])
2. What does it mean to walk by the Spirit in the context of marriage, according to Galatians 5? How can this help in resolving conflicts? ([23:05])
3. How does the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 illustrate the destructive nature of blaming in relationships? ([37:46])
4. Why is it important to recognize that differences in marriage are meant to complete us rather than separate us? ([27:55])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your own marriage or a close relationship. Are there differences that have become sources of conflict? How can you reframe these differences as strengths that complete you? ([27:55])
2. Think about a recent conflict where unmet expectations played a role. How could open communication have changed the outcome? What steps can you take to ensure better communication in the future? ([34:01])
3. Blaming is a natural but destructive response. Can you recall a time when you blamed your spouse or someone else for a problem? How can you take responsibility and work together to resolve conflicts? ([37:46])
4. Prayer is essential for a selfless marriage. What specific prayers from Scripture can you incorporate into your daily routine to strengthen your marriage? ([50:30])
5. Demonstrating love through actions is crucial. Identify one specific action you can take this week to show your spouse or a close friend that you care. How will you ensure your motives align with your actions? ([01:03:06])
6. Listening carefully is a skill that can improve relationships. What are some practical ways you can become a better listener in your marriage or close relationships? ([57:36])
7. Reflect on the concept of not taking the easy way out in marriage. What hard work are you willing to commit to in order to move from a self-focused to a selfless marriage? ([42:50])
Devotional
Day 1: Embracing Differences in Marriage
Differences between spouses, while initially attractive, can become sources of conflict over time. These differences are not meant to separate us but to complete us, providing skills and perspectives we may lack. By focusing on Jesus and growing closer to Him, we can turn these differences into strengths that unify us. Recognizing that our differences are part of God's design can help us appreciate and value our spouse more deeply. [27:55]
Ephesians 4:2-3 (ESV): "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."
Reflection: Think of a specific difference between you and your spouse that has caused tension. How can you view this difference as a complementary strength and work together to use it for the benefit of your marriage?
Day 2: Managing Unmet Expectations
Unmet expectations are a common source of frustration and conflict in marriage. We often assume our spouse shares our expectations, leading to disappointment and anger when they are not met. Open communication about expectations can prevent misunderstandings and foster a more harmonious relationship. By discussing and aligning expectations, couples can create a shared vision for their marriage that honors God and each other. [34:01]
James 4:1-2 (ESV): "What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask."
Reflection: Identify one expectation you have of your spouse that has not been communicated. How can you lovingly and clearly express this expectation to them today?
Day 3: Overcoming the Blame Game
Blaming is a natural but destructive response to conflict, shifting responsibility away from oneself. This behavior dates back to the first marriage in Genesis. Recognizing that our spouse is not the enemy and that we are fighting a common enemy can help us work together to resolve conflicts. By taking responsibility for our actions and seeking forgiveness, we can build a stronger, more united marriage. [37:46]
Proverbs 28:13 (ESV): "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy."
Reflection: Reflect on a recent conflict where you blamed your spouse. How can you take responsibility for your part in the conflict and seek reconciliation today?
Day 4: The Power of Prayer and Scripture
Prayer is essential for a selfless marriage. Using crafted prayers from Scripture can guide us when we don't know what to pray. Regular prayer helps us draw closer to God and align our actions with His will, strengthening our marriage. By praying together and for each other, couples can invite God's presence and power into their relationship, fostering unity and love. [50:30]
Colossians 4:2 (ESV): "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving."
Reflection: Choose a specific Scripture to pray over your marriage today. How can you incorporate regular prayer into your daily routine to strengthen your relationship with your spouse and with God?
Day 5: Acting in Love
Demonstrating love through actions is crucial in marriage. Our motives may be good, but our actions need to align with them. Over-communicating our motives and being open to correction can help ensure our actions reflect our love and care for our spouse. By intentionally acting in love, we can build a marriage that honors God and blesses our partner. [01:03:06]
1 John 3:18 (ESV): "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
Reflection: Think of one specific way you can show love to your spouse through your actions today. How can you ensure that your actions consistently reflect your love and care for them?
Quotes
### Quotes for Outreach
1. "Even if it's your own way, you will always follow a way. So we look for difference between culture's way and God's way, and which one will we follow in that. And a quick recap again, just what is God's way in that? And we looked through Ephesians 5, barely scratched the surface in Ephesians 5, but Ephesians 5 has a good foundation for us, and how we can have a God-focused and a selfless marriage." [22:13] (23 seconds)
2. "But when we walk in sync with the Spirit, that is when these things are possible and we can do it. But so for this week, just like last week, my wife sent me a meme that I can share with you guys and I love memes. So this meme this week is where the wife says, you know what? I'm going to ignore him all day long so he knows how mad I am at him. And then the husband goes, oh, what a nice, quiet day." [24:02] (21 seconds)
3. "So if we make our aim Jesus and we put God on top and we're both here, no matter how far apart we are, if we both grow closely to Jesus and we walk towards Jesus, we will walk in unity together. So it's not about trying to get together like this. It's trying about focusing on God. And as we grow closer to Jesus, you will become more unified because Jesus' way will become your way." [31:39] (27 seconds)
4. "Imagine the power of all our married couples in this church when they gather and you're gathered most of the time, I hope, right, that you'll be together. But when you are gathered and you pray together and you agree upon something the Lord's laid upon your heart, it will be done. So this is a powerful thing we already see here in Scripture when two or more gathered." [40:21] (21 seconds)
5. "So in conclusion, I just want to say this. Don't discount God from your marriage. To have a selfless marriage, we need to be in walk with the Holy Spirit. Again, Galatians 5. So I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. And there's many other desires of the flesh, too, but these are also things like we're holding to expectations or blaming and doing these things out of our flesh so quickly, for the flesh desires was contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit contrary to the flesh, they are in conflict with each other so that you do not do whatever you want." [01:05:21] (34 seconds)
### Quotes for Members
1. "So what can we talk about today? Today we're talking about what we do when things go wrong in our marriage, because for all of us in our marriage, things will go wrong. And it's actually quite simple. So when things go wrong in our marriages, husbands, you are wrong. Wives, yes, you are correct. So in conclusion, for today's message, we will go and have cinnamon. There's much more to this yet, but that's how it feels like a lot of times, right, when we do this." [24:50] (29 seconds)
2. "So the message is called selfless marriage. And that is the aim and that is the goal. And I believe that is what God has called us to do here as married couples is to have a selfless marriage before the Lord. And towards one another as well. The thing is, though, I am not associating struggles or difficulties with emotional or physical abuse or ongoing affairs." [25:36] (23 seconds)
3. "So what happened here? Let's just take this apart and I'll kind of paraphrase this a little bit. So they ate the fruit. God shows up. Adam, what did you do? Did Adam take responsibility? No. Adam said, Lord, this wife you gave me, it's her fault. We were fine with me and you and the animals and life was grand. And now she is here and now things are messed up. And then God went to Eve and said, Eve, what did you do? And did Eve take responsibility in this? No. Eve said, Lord, it's the devil's fault. The devil made me. And it's his fault for this." [37:46] (36 seconds)
4. "So I would say when we act in love, take it to prayer. And I love us. I didn't toss this verse in there, but the Holy Spirit intercedes for us, right? So why would you simply ask this question? Holy Spirit, what are you interceding for my spouse today? How can I come in agreement with you today, Holy Spirit, and intercede for my spouse as you are interceding for them? And again, that's how action comes out of love and even correction. I'm not saying we never correct our spouses. No, we correct in love and we do it carefully and we do it in step with the Spirit." [01:05:21] (38 seconds)
5. "So in conclusion, I just want to say this. Don't discount God from your marriage. To have a selfless marriage, we need to be in walk with the Holy Spirit. Again, Galatians 5. So I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. And there's many other desires of the flesh, too, but these are also things like we're holding to expectations or blaming and doing these things out of our flesh so quickly, for the flesh desires was contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit contrary to the flesh, they are in conflict with each other so that you do not do whatever you want." [01:05:21] (34 seconds)
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