Building Relationships on the Foundation of Christ
Summary
In our journey through the Song of Solomon, we delve into the essence of relationships, singleness, dating, marriage, and intimacy. Yet, the foundation of all these is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Without a firm relationship with Him, our earthly connections will falter. Our first priority must always be our vertical relationship with Christ, for it is the cornerstone upon which all other relationships are built.
As we navigate the complexities of relationships, we must recognize that not everyone is called to marriage. Singleness is a gift and a calling, just as marriage is. For those who yearn for marriage, it is crucial to understand that there is a right and a righteous way to pursue this desire. With an estimated 120 million singles in the United States and a significant portion engaging in online dating, the search for a lifelong partner is a prevalent quest.
In Song of Solomon Chapter 1, we are presented with a profound example of attraction, relationship, and marriage. This biblical narrative offers us a divine "Hallmark movie," showcasing the journey from initial interest to marital bliss. We witness the attributes of attraction, beginning with physical allure. The Shulammite woman's candid expression of her desire for Solomon's kisses and her admiration for his fragrance illustrates the importance of physical attraction. However, she also acknowledges her own physical appearance, describing herself as "dark but lovely," which may have been a source of insecurity in a culture that favored fair skin.
Physical attraction is the spark that ignites interest, but it is character that fuels a lasting connection. The Shulammite woman praises Solomon's character, likening his name to the purest oil, a symbol of his integrity and honor. A man of godly character will naturally exhibit these traits, and they will be evident without the need for scrutiny.
The role of godly friends in affirming and advising on relationships is also highlighted. The Shulammite's friends rejoice in her potential union with Solomon, recognizing it as a blessing. Their support and discernment can be invaluable in guiding one's choices in love.
As the Shulammite woman seeks to engage with Solomon, she demonstrates intentionality and discernment. She has a clear profile of the man she desires to marry and refuses to compromise her standards or her commitment to God. Her resolve to maintain her integrity and to honor God above all else is a testament to her character.
In summary, the pursuit of a romantic relationship must be grounded in a steadfast relationship with Christ, an appreciation for physical attraction balanced with character assessment, the wisdom of godly counsel, and an unwavering commitment to God's standards.
Key Takeaways:
- Physical attraction is a God-given catalyst for relationships, but it must be coupled with character assessment to ensure a relationship that honors God. A godly partner's character will be evident and will not require extensive searching to uncover. [19:39]
- Godly friends play a crucial role in our relationship journeys. Their spirit-led advice can provide clarity and confirmation, helping us discern God's will for our relationships. Cherish the counsel of those who walk with the Lord and seek their wisdom. [22:54]
- A clear understanding of the type of partner you seek is essential. Create a profile of godly attributes that align with your values and do not compromise on these standards. God honors those who honor Him in their relationships. [36:02]
- The Shulammite woman's example teaches us the importance of not compromising our integrity for the sake of a relationship. Stand firm in your identity in Christ and trust that He will provide a partner who respects and cherishes your commitment to Him. [39:49]
- True love is not just about finding the right person; it's about becoming the right person. Focus on developing your character to reflect Christ, and in doing so, you will attract a partner who is also seeking to honor God with their life. [35:26]
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
- Song of Solomon 1:2-7
"Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine; your anointing oils are fragrant; your name is oil poured out; therefore virgins love you. Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers. We will exult and rejoice in you; we will extol your love more than wine; rightly do they love you. I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother's sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept."
#### Observation Questions
1. What does the Shulammite woman express about her physical attraction to Solomon in Song of Solomon 1:2-3? How does she describe his fragrance and name? [08:11]
2. How does the Shulammite woman describe her own physical appearance in Song of Solomon 1:5-6? What cultural context might explain her feelings? [12:09]
3. What role do the Shulammite woman's friends play in her relationship with Solomon according to Song of Solomon 1:4? [21:41]
4. How does the Shulammite woman demonstrate her standards and commitment to God in Song of Solomon 1:7? [36:02]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why is it important for the Shulammite woman to balance physical attraction with character assessment in her relationship with Solomon? [15:03]
2. How do the Shulammite woman's friends contribute to her relationship discernment, and why is their godly counsel significant? [22:54]
3. What does the Shulammite woman's resolve to maintain her integrity and honor God above all else teach us about the importance of personal standards in relationships? [39:49]
4. How does the Shulammite woman's example illustrate the concept that true love involves becoming the right person, not just finding the right person? [35:26]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current or past relationships. How have you balanced physical attraction with character assessment? What changes might you need to make to align more closely with the biblical example? [15:03]
2. Think about the role of your friends in your relationship decisions. Do you seek and value godly counsel from friends who walk with the Lord? How can you better incorporate their advice into your discernment process? [22:54]
3. Consider the standards you have set for a potential partner. Are there areas where you have compromised or are tempted to compromise? How can you strengthen your resolve to honor God in your relationships? [39:49]
4. In what ways are you focusing on developing your own character to reflect Christ? Identify one specific area of your character that you want to work on this week to become the right person for a future or current partner. [35:26]
5. How do you handle feelings of insecurity about your physical appearance in the context of relationships? What biblical truths can you hold onto to combat these insecurities? [12:09]
6. Have you ever experienced a situation where godly friends advised you against a relationship? How did you respond, and what was the outcome? How can you be more open to such counsel in the future? [22:54]
7. Reflect on a time when you felt pressured to compromise your integrity for the sake of a relationship. How did you handle it, and what did you learn from that experience? How can you apply this lesson to future relationships? [39:49]
Devotional
Day 1: Attraction Anchored in Character
Physical attraction is a natural part of human connection, but it is the character that sustains a relationship. While the initial spark may draw two people together, it is the shared values and integrity that will carry them through the trials and triumphs of life. In the context of a Christ-centered relationship, physical attraction should be appreciated but not isolated from the evaluation of one's character. A partner's godliness and moral fiber are what truly enrich a relationship and align it with God's design for love and marriage. This understanding helps individuals to look beyond the surface and seek a deeper, more meaningful connection that honors God. [19:39]
Proverbs 31:30 (ESV): "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."
Reflection: How do you balance physical attraction with character assessment when considering a potential partner?
Day 2: Wisdom from Godly Companions
The counsel of godly friends is invaluable in the journey of relationships. These friends, who walk closely with the Lord, can offer insights and discernment that align with God's wisdom. Their perspective can help one to see beyond the emotions of the moment and to consider the long-term implications of a relationship. By cherishing and seeking the advice of those who are spiritually mature, individuals can make more informed decisions that honor God and contribute to a healthy, Christ-centered relationship. [22:54]
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV): "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!"
Reflection: Can you identify a godly friend whose counsel has been crucial in your life, and how can you actively seek their wisdom in your current or future relationships?
Day 3: Clarity in Partner Selection
Understanding the type of partner one seeks is crucial in the pursuit of a godly relationship. By creating a profile of attributes that align with one's values, individuals can avoid compromising their standards. This clarity helps in discerning God's will and in recognizing a partner who shares a commitment to living a life that honors Him. It is important to remember that God honors those who honor Him in their relationships, and having a clear vision of what one is looking for can prevent settling for less than what God intends. [36:02]
1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV): "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the wearing of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your inner self, the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."
Reflection: What are the non-negotiable godly attributes you seek in a partner, and how do you ensure you do not compromise on these standards?
Day 4: Integrity Over Compromise
The example of the Shulammite woman teaches the importance of maintaining one's integrity and not compromising for the sake of a relationship. Standing firm in one's identity in Christ is essential, trusting that God will provide a partner who respects and cherishes that commitment. This integrity is a testament to character and a beacon that attracts those who are similarly committed to honoring God in their lives. Upholding God's standards in relationships is a powerful witness to His faithfulness and love. [39:49]
Psalm 26:1-3 (ESV): "Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness."
Reflection: In what ways can you ensure that you maintain your integrity and identity in Christ when pursuing or engaging in a relationship?
Day 5: Becoming the Right Person
True love involves not only finding the right person but also becoming the right person. Focusing on developing one's character to reflect Christ is essential in attracting a partner who is also committed to honoring God. As individuals grow in their faith and character, they become more aligned with God's will for their lives, including their relationships. This growth is a journey of transformation that prepares one to be a godly partner, capable of contributing to a relationship that glorifies God. [35:26]
Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV): "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
Reflection: What specific steps can you take to develop your character in Christ, and how can this growth influence your current or future romantic relationships?
Quotes
- "Physical attraction is the initial spark required to ignite a flame... but there should also be character assessments." This highlights the importance of both physical attraction and character in forming a relationship. [15:03] (Download | )
- "A man of Godly character will exhibit Godly character... you won't have to dig to uncover it. It will permeate out of him." This emphasizes the natural expression of a godly partner's character. [19:39] (Download | )
- "Godly friends who are walking in the spirit have to give on your relationships... they see a good thing and they are applauding it." This quote underscores the value of godly counsel in relationships. [22:54] (Download | )
- "Get you a profile of who you're looking for and what you want that person to be... Imperfect people cannot demand perfection." This advises having a clear understanding of the partner you seek. [42:55] (Download | )
- "She lets him know real quick that she is not going to compromise who she is to be with him." This quote stresses the importance of not compromising one's integrity in a relationship. [39:14] (Download | )
- "If you want to experience [love] in its fullness... you need to have a character assessment lined out of person that you're before you ever even get in that relationship." This quote speaks to the necessity of character evaluation before entering a relationship. [35:26] (Download | )
- "Be serious in your search because it is absolutely possible for you to choose, date, and marry the wrong person." This quote cautions the seriousness of the search for a life partner. [06:18] (Download | )
- "Looks initiate attraction but what this has shown us is that character develops affection." This quote connects the initial role of physical attraction to the deeper role of character in developing love. [34:08] (Download | )
- "You won't have any issue whatsoever with having a wife that willingly submits to your leadership if she knows you were leading her towards Christ." This quote speaks to the mutual respect and submission in a Christ-centered relationship. [34:08] (Download | )
- "Don't let the world hijack the definition of submission... submission unto Authority is God's Perfect Design for relational love." This quote addresses the biblical perspective on submission within relationships. [29:12] (Download | )
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