Building Meaningful Friendships: Lessons from Jesus

Summary

### Summary

Hello, friends. Today, we delved into the profound topic of friendships, exploring their significance and the qualities that make them truly meaningful. I shared a personal story about my college friends, Lee, Ricky, and Chris, illustrating the depth and longevity of true friendships. These are the kinds of relationships that stand the test of time, where friends show up for each other in significant moments, even decades later. We all crave such deep connections, and this desire is reflected in the media we consume, from TV shows to movies, which often highlight the power of friendships.

However, the world is changing, and so is our definition of friends, especially with the advent of social media. While we may have hundreds of "friends" online, these connections often lack the depth and authenticity we seek. What we truly need are "2 a.m. friends"—those we can call in the middle of the night during a crisis, knowing they will be there for us.

We turned to John 15:12-15 to understand what Jesus teaches about friendships. Jesus, who had a close-knit group of disciples, emphasized three key qualities of true friendships: reciprocity, sacrificial love, and transparency. Reciprocal friendships involve mutual giving and receiving, not one-sided relationships where one person always takes. Sacrificial love is the willingness to lay down one's life for a friend, as Jesus did for us. Lastly, transparency means being open and honest, sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

Building such friendships requires effort and intentionality. Start small by reaching out to those who might be on the fringes, and be the first to initiate deeper conversations. It's also crucial to pray for God to bring the right friends into your life. These steps, though challenging, can lead to the formation of the deep, meaningful friendships we all desire.

### Key Takeaways

1. Reciprocal Friendships: True friendships are reciprocal, involving mutual giving and receiving. Jesus commands us to love each other as He has loved us, which means our friendships should not be one-sided. We should seek relationships where both parties invest equally, providing support and care for one another. [09:55]

2. Sacrificial Love: The highest form of friendship is one where we are willing to lay down our lives for each other. This kind of love is rare but is the standard Jesus sets for us. It involves putting the needs and well-being of our friends above our own, even to the point of making significant sacrifices. [12:27]

3. Transparency: True friends are transparent with each other, sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings. Jesus exemplified this by confiding in His disciples, treating them not as servants but as friends. We should strive for friendships where we can be our authentic selves without fear of judgment. [17:21]

4. Starting Small: Building deep friendships doesn't happen overnight. Start small by reaching out to those who might be on the fringes and inviting them into your circle. Simple acts of kindness and inclusion can be the first steps toward forming lasting bonds. [19:54]

5. Going First and Praying: Be the first to initiate deeper conversations and gatherings, even if it feels risky. Additionally, pray for God to bring the right friends into your life. These steps, though challenging, can lead to the formation of the deep, meaningful friendships we all desire. [23:23]

### YouTube Chapters

[0:00] - Welcome
[01:14] - College Friendships
[02:21] - Unexpected Changes
[03:33] - Lifelong Friendships
[04:45] - Media and Friendships
[06:02] - Importance of Friendships
[07:07] - Social Media Friends
[08:23] - John 15:12-15 Introduction
[09:55] - Reciprocal Friendships
[11:02] - Sacrificial Love
[12:27] - Example of Sacrificial Love
[13:47] - Transparency in Friendships
[15:00] - Context of Slavery in Jesus' Time
[17:21] - Jesus' Transparency
[18:47] - Next Steps: Start Small
[19:54] - Next Steps: Go First
[23:23] - Next Steps: Pray
[24:53] - Personal Story on Praying for Friends
[27:25] - Closing Prayer

Study Guide

### Bible Study Discussion Guide

#### Bible Reading
- John 15:12-15

#### Observation Questions
1. What are the three key qualities of true friendships that Jesus emphasizes in John 15:12-15?
2. How did the pastor describe his relationship with his college friends, and what qualities made these friendships stand the test of time? [03:33]
3. According to the sermon, what is the difference between social media "friends" and "2 a.m. friends"? [07:07]

#### Interpretation Questions
1. Why does Jesus command us to love each other as He has loved us, and how does this relate to the concept of reciprocal friendships? [09:55]
2. What does sacrificial love look like in the context of friendships, and why is it considered the highest form of love? [12:27]
3. How does transparency in friendships, as exemplified by Jesus' relationship with His disciples, contribute to deeper connections? [17:21]

#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current friendships. Are they reciprocal, or do you find that one person is always giving more? How can you work towards more balanced, mutual relationships? [09:55]
2. Think of a time when you had to make a significant sacrifice for a friend. How did that experience impact your relationship? If you haven't had such an experience, what might sacrificial love look like in your life? [12:27]
3. Are you transparent with your friends about your deepest thoughts and feelings? What steps can you take to foster more openness and honesty in your friendships? [17:21]
4. Identify someone in your life who might be on the fringes and could use a friend. What small steps can you take this week to reach out to them and start building a deeper connection? [19:54]
5. Have you ever been the first to initiate a deeper conversation or gathering? If not, what holds you back? How can you overcome this fear and take the first step towards forming meaningful friendships? [23:23]
6. Reflect on the importance of praying for the right friends to come into your life. How can you incorporate this practice into your daily routine? [24:53]
7. Think about a specific friend who has been there for you during a crisis. How can you show your appreciation for their support and strengthen your bond with them? [03:33]

Devotional

Day 1: Reciprocal Friendships
True friendships are reciprocal, involving mutual giving and receiving. Jesus commands us to love each other as He has loved us, which means our friendships should not be one-sided. We should seek relationships where both parties invest equally, providing support and care for one another. Reciprocal friendships are not about keeping score but about mutual respect and love. When both friends are committed to giving and receiving, the relationship becomes a source of strength and encouragement.

In John 15:12-15, Jesus emphasizes the importance of loving one another as He has loved us. This love is not passive but active, requiring us to be intentional in our relationships. It means being there for each other in times of need and celebrating each other's successes. Reciprocal friendships reflect the love of Christ and are a testament to the power of genuine, mutual care. [09:55]

John 15:12-13 (ESV): "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."

Reflection: Think of a friend with whom your relationship feels one-sided. How can you take a step today to make it more reciprocal, showing them the love and support they need?

Day 2: Sacrificial Love
The highest form of friendship is one where we are willing to lay down our lives for each other. This kind of love is rare but is the standard Jesus sets for us. It involves putting the needs and well-being of our friends above our own, even to the point of making significant sacrifices. Sacrificial love is not about grand gestures but about the daily choices we make to prioritize our friends' needs.

Jesus' example of sacrificial love is the ultimate model for us. He laid down His life for us, demonstrating the depth of His love. In our friendships, we are called to reflect this kind of love, being willing to go the extra mile for our friends. This might mean giving up our time, resources, or comfort to support them in their time of need. [12:27]

1 John 3:16 (ESV): "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

Reflection: Identify a friend who is going through a difficult time. What is one specific way you can show sacrificial love to them this week?

Day 3: Transparency
True friends are transparent with each other, sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings. Jesus exemplified this by confiding in His disciples, treating them not as servants but as friends. We should strive for friendships where we can be our authentic selves without fear of judgment. Transparency builds trust and deepens the bond between friends.

Being transparent means being vulnerable and open about our struggles, fears, and dreams. It requires courage to let our guard down and trust that our friends will accept us as we are. In a world where superficial connections are common, transparent friendships stand out as a source of genuine support and understanding. [17:21]

James 5:16 (ESV): "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

Reflection: Think of a friend with whom you have not been fully transparent. What is one thing you can share with them today to deepen your friendship?

Day 4: Starting Small
Building deep friendships doesn't happen overnight. Start small by reaching out to those who might be on the fringes and inviting them into your circle. Simple acts of kindness and inclusion can be the first steps toward forming lasting bonds. It's about being intentional in our interactions and making an effort to connect with others.

Starting small means looking for opportunities to show kindness and extend an invitation. It could be as simple as inviting someone for coffee or sending a thoughtful message. These small gestures can make a big difference in someone's life and pave the way for deeper connections. [19:54]

Proverbs 18:24 (ESV): "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Reflection: Identify someone in your community who might feel left out. What is one small act of kindness you can do for them today to start building a deeper connection?

Day 5: Going First and Praying
Be the first to initiate deeper conversations and gatherings, even if it feels risky. Additionally, pray for God to bring the right friends into your life. These steps, though challenging, can lead to the formation of the deep, meaningful friendships we all desire. Taking the initiative shows that you value the relationship and are willing to invest in it.

Praying for the right friends is crucial because it invites God's guidance into our relationships. It acknowledges that we need His help to form the kind of friendships that reflect His love. By going first and praying, we open ourselves up to the possibility of forming deep, lasting bonds that enrich our lives. [23:23]

Philippians 1:3-4 (ESV): "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy."

Reflection: Think of a friend or potential friend you have been hesitant to reach out to. What is one step you can take today to initiate a deeper conversation or gathering? Pray for God's guidance in this relationship.

Quotes

1. "Like that's the kind of friend I hope you have. College roommate that you're, you're in their weddings and that 20 years after you're still like big moments show up for each other. I want you to have that. And I think if, if you guys were honest, like, I don't think I'd have to say by show of hands, who wants that? We all want that. Like we want close, close friendships. We want good relationships." [03:33] (21 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

2. "But you came because of each other. You came to hang out because friendships matter. I get it. You get it. We know it. The world though is changing even our definition of friends, right? Like social media is changing that. Like, like I've got, I've got over a thousand friends on social media. They're not, they're not really friends though." [06:02] (21 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

3. "What we call, like at City Church, we call them 2 a.m. friends. Meaning that if the world falls out, that the bottom of your world falls out, you get tragic news at two o'clock in the morning, you know immediately who you're calling. It's that 2 a.m. friend. They'll pick up the phone. And if they have a car, they're on their way to your house. That's the kind of friends you want." [07:07] (20 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

4. "Here's what Jesus said. He said, this is my commandment. Love each other in the same way I've loved you. You love someone like I love you. That's the reciprocal nature. I'm going to give and you give back in equal portions. Like, you've probably had a friend that probably not, they're not a 2 a.m. friend, I wouldn't think. But you've got a friend that like only calls you when they need something. Right?" [09:55] (24 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

5. "You need that reciprocal 2 a.m. friend. Here's what Jesus says next. Verse 13. This is, if you're a verse memorizer or you want to practice that discipline, this would be a good one. Verse 13. There's no greater love. And then to lay down one's life for one's friend. Like you won't find a better friendship than finding a friend that would literally, and Jesus is talking literally, literally die in your place." [12:27] (27 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

6. "Here's what 2 a.m. friends look like. One, it's reciprocal, right? You give as much as you get, willing to lay your life down, which that's the highest of bars, but it's also transparent. What that means is you want the type of friend that, that you can share what you are really deeply feeling. Guys, and I say guys, I'm talking like gentlemen, men in the room. It's hard for us. Girls, y'all do so much better than us than that. Like, like y'all share your feelings." [18:47] (29 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

7. "But you start small. It might be how you find friends. You start looking for people that, that maybe you're on the outside looking in. And that's a good start to a friendship. I came in this afternoon. I was at a conference in Dallas and it was a really interesting type conference. It wasn't one where you go sit and you listen to a speaker. The first night, Monday night, they had like this dinner meet and greet." [19:54] (22 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

8. "It's hard to go first and be the first person to speak transparently. Because what if no one else does? It's hard to be the person that invites people together and go, hey, do y'all want to get together and do something this week? Hey, we can come over to my house. Hey, does anybody want to? It's hard to go first because if no one shows up, that hurts. It's hard to be the person who reaches out because you might get rejected and it hurts." [23:23] (28 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

9. "I was a sophomore in high school. I had lived in Killeen, Texas all my life. When we, my mom remarried and my dad was an Apache helicopter pilot for the army. And so we went and lived in Germany for three years. And this was before cell phones, before internet, before like you had to write letters and it took months. And so I was really out of communication with friends. Three years later, we moved back to the same town, to the same house. But everything had changed in three years." [24:53] (27 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

10. "They say it takes 300 hours before you'll step into the realm of possibly being a best friend of somebody. So it's not easy. But it's worth it. 2 a.m. friends you need, you're designed for them. You want them. It's hard. You know, I'm going to add something. I said start small and go first. I'm going to add a third thing. If you're a note taker, start praying. Start praying that God would bring you friends." [24:53] (31 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)

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Transcript

What was the most surprising thing in this sermon?

Were there any personal stories shared?