Building Love and Respect in Marriage Daily
Summary
In this episode of the Marriage Momentum Podcast, we delve into the intricate dynamics of love and respect within marriage, drawing inspiration from Emerson Eggerichs' book, "Love and Respect." The discussion centers on the everyday expressions of love that go beyond grand gestures and focus on the small, meaningful actions that build a strong marital foundation. We explore the concept of truly seeing and appreciating one's spouse, emphasizing the importance of being present and attentive in the relationship. This involves understanding the unique emotional and psychological needs of a partner, particularly how women often seek acknowledgment and validation in their daily lives.
The conversation highlights the significance of communication, not just in terms of frequency but in the quality of interactions. It's about talking to each other, not at each other, and creating a safe space where both partners can be vulnerable and authentic. The episode also touches on the importance of dreaming together, encouraging couples to share their hopes and aspirations without fear of judgment or dismissal. This openness fosters a deeper connection and mutual understanding.
Moreover, the episode underscores the value of cherishing one's spouse, likening them to a priceless heirloom that should be treated with care and respect. This involves not only physical affection but also emotional support and spiritual leadership within the home. The role of prayer and spiritual connection is highlighted as a means of strengthening the marital bond and fostering respect and admiration.
Ultimately, the episode encourages couples to pursue each other continuously, to see and appreciate the unique qualities of their partner, and to build a relationship that is grounded in love, respect, and mutual esteem.
Key Takeaways:
1. Seeing and Appreciating Your Spouse: True love in marriage involves more than just grand gestures; it requires daily acts of appreciation and attentiveness. By focusing on your partner and acknowledging their efforts and presence, you communicate that they are valued and cherished. This simple act of "seeing" your spouse can transform the mundane into meaningful moments. [06:30]
2. Quality Communication: Effective communication in marriage is about engaging in meaningful conversations where both partners feel heard and understood. It's crucial to create a safe space for vulnerability, allowing each other to express dreams and fears without judgment. This fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the marital bond. [12:59]
3. Cherishing Your Partner: Treat your spouse like a priceless heirloom, with care and respect. This means showing affection without ulterior motives and valuing them for who they are. Such treatment reinforces their worth and builds a foundation of trust and love. [24:48]
4. Spiritual Leadership and Prayer: A strong marriage is often rooted in spiritual connection. When a husband leads in prayer and spiritual matters, it not only strengthens the relationship but also breeds respect and admiration. This spiritual leadership is a cornerstone of a healthy, loving marriage. [21:29]
5. Continuous Pursuit and Esteem: Never stop pursuing your spouse. Show them that they are worth the effort and that their dreams and desires matter. This ongoing pursuit and esteem create a dynamic where both partners feel valued and motivated to invest in the relationship. [27:33]
Youtube Chapters:
[00:00] - Welcome
[02:58] - Understanding Love on a Regular Day
[06:30] - The Power of "I See You"
[10:23] - Safe Spaces for Vulnerability
[12:59] - Dreaming Together
[15:01] - The Importance of Pursuit
[18:56] - Listening and Validation
[21:29] - Spiritual Leadership in Marriage
[24:48] - Cherishing Your Spouse
[27:33] - Esteem and Value
[31:26] - Building a Strong Foundation
[34:02] - Training the Mind for Positivity
[35:25] - Game: No Sweat or Big Sweat
[39:57] - Respecting Time and Effort
[41:51] - Practical Tools for Marriage
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Ephesians 5:33 - "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
2. 1 Peter 3:7 - "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
3. Colossians 3:19 - "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."
#### Observation Questions
1. What are some everyday expressions of love mentioned in the sermon that go beyond grand gestures? [06:30]
2. How does the sermon describe the importance of communication in marriage? [10:23]
3. What analogy is used in the sermon to describe how one should cherish their spouse? [24:48]
4. How is spiritual leadership portrayed as a cornerstone of a healthy marriage in the sermon? [21:29]
#### Interpretation Questions
1. How does the concept of "seeing" your spouse relate to the biblical command to love and respect in Ephesians 5:33? [06:30]
2. In what ways does the sermon suggest that quality communication can strengthen the marital bond, and how does this align with 1 Peter 3:7? [10:23]
3. How does the analogy of treating a spouse like a priceless heirloom reflect the biblical instruction in Colossians 3:19? [24:48]
4. What role does spiritual leadership play in fostering respect and admiration within a marriage, according to the sermon? [21:29]
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on a recent interaction with your spouse. How can you incorporate the practice of truly "seeing" them in your daily life? [06:30]
2. Think about your communication style with your spouse. What steps can you take to ensure your conversations are more meaningful and less about talking "at" each other? [10:23]
3. How can you show your spouse that they are cherished and valued, similar to the way you would treat a priceless heirloom? [24:48]
4. In what ways can you or your spouse take on a more active role in spiritual leadership within your home? How might this change the dynamic of your relationship? [21:29]
5. Consider a dream or aspiration your spouse has shared with you. How can you support and pursue this dream together, showing them that their desires matter? [15:01]
6. Identify one small, meaningful action you can take this week to demonstrate love and respect to your spouse. How will you ensure this becomes a regular practice?
7. Reflect on the role of prayer in your marriage. How can you incorporate prayer more intentionally to strengthen your bond with your spouse? [21:29]
Devotional
Day 1: The Power of Daily Appreciation
True love in marriage is not defined by grand gestures but by the consistent, everyday acts of appreciation and attentiveness. When you focus on your partner and acknowledge their efforts and presence, you communicate that they are valued and cherished. This simple act of "seeing" your spouse can transform the mundane into meaningful moments. By being present and attentive, you fulfill the unique emotional and psychological needs of your partner, particularly the need for acknowledgment and validation. This practice of appreciation builds a strong marital foundation and fosters a deeper connection. [06:30]
"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)
Reflection: Think of a small, everyday action you can take today to show your spouse that you truly see and appreciate them. How can you make this a regular practice?
Day 2: Engaging in Meaningful Communication
Effective communication in marriage is about engaging in meaningful conversations where both partners feel heard and understood. It's crucial to create a safe space for vulnerability, allowing each other to express dreams and fears without judgment. This openness fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the marital bond. By talking to each other, not at each other, couples can build a relationship where both partners feel valued and motivated to invest in the relationship. [12:59]
"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." (Colossians 4:6, ESV)
Reflection: Consider a recent conversation with your spouse. How can you improve the quality of your communication to ensure both of you feel heard and understood?
Day 3: Cherishing Your Spouse as a Priceless Heirloom
Treat your spouse like a priceless heirloom, with care and respect. This means showing affection without ulterior motives and valuing them for who they are. Such treatment reinforces their worth and builds a foundation of trust and love. By cherishing your partner, you create an environment where both partners feel secure and appreciated, leading to a stronger and more fulfilling marriage. [24:48]
"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." (Romans 12:10, ESV)
Reflection: Reflect on how you can show your spouse that they are cherished and valued today. What specific actions can you take to demonstrate this?
Day 4: Spiritual Leadership and Connection
A strong marriage is often rooted in spiritual connection. When a husband leads in prayer and spiritual matters, it not only strengthens the relationship but also breeds respect and admiration. This spiritual leadership is a cornerstone of a healthy, loving marriage. By fostering a spiritual connection, couples can build a relationship that is grounded in mutual respect and admiration, leading to a deeper and more meaningful bond. [21:29]
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:24-25, ESV)
Reflection: How can you take a step towards spiritual leadership in your marriage today? What role does prayer play in your relationship, and how can you incorporate it more regularly?
Day 5: The Continuous Pursuit of Your Spouse
Never stop pursuing your spouse. Show them that they are worth the effort and that their dreams and desires matter. This ongoing pursuit and esteem create a dynamic where both partners feel valued and motivated to invest in the relationship. By continuously pursuing your partner, you demonstrate that their happiness and fulfillment are important to you, leading to a more vibrant and enduring marriage. [27:33]
"Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God." (Hebrews 13:16, ESV)
Reflection: What is one way you can actively pursue your spouse today? How can you show them that their dreams and desires are important to you?
Quotes
1. "Yes. So the pastor gets up there and he says, do you promise to love and cherish her till death do you part? And of course you're like, oh, of course, if she's in the hospital, I will be by her side. I will be by her side. I will be by her side. I will be by her side and forsaking all others. Of course, I'll never look at another woman again. And you don't realize on a regular Tuesday, she's not in the hospital and you're not looking at other women. You're just looking at the sports game while she's trying to talk to you. And you're also having to have a conversation about whatever she talked to Susie Mae about today. And it is not glamorous and it is not interesting to you necessarily, but it is, a lifelong pursuit of trying to figure her out, trying to pursue her, desire her." [00:02:58] (51 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
2. "And so when I think of a woman and what she truly needs, it is not you know, we all think of women are just they want fancy vacations and coach purses and fine dine like I would beg to differ in my community of influence. Now, this may be a little bit different depending on where your social standings are. But we don't need we don't need a lot of high dollar price items. What we need is for somebody to look at us and say, I see you. So what does that look like? Thank you so much. This dinner was amazing. Wow, you did your hair different. It looks really good. I like that. Wow, you I love the way you treat our kids. I love the way that you are patient with them. I love the way that thank you so much for all of you, all you do for our family." [00:06:33] (51 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
3. "It's not natural for us to think like that. But when a man can really look at a woman and appreciate her for everything that she is, and when she's talking, look into her eyes and forget the phone. Forget the game. Forget what you want to do on Tuesday. Forget what you're got to do tomorrow. You just focus in on her. Like she is the only thing that matters because truly, besides God, she is the only if you lose her, you have lost your family. You have like you're it's she is she is she should other than God be your top priority. And so why would I sit there and scroll through social media? Why would I sit there and answer a text message I've already delayed?" [00:07:53] (46 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
4. "So I've heard couples, we communicate all the time. We talk all the time and I hear them talking. They're talking at each other, not to each other. And she is quick to throw him under the bus, which as we learned in the last episode is damaging. That is going to get her nowhere. And go ahead." [00:10:11] (24 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
5. "And her husband was like, looking at her like laughing with her. And I was like, man, how true is that when I feel the safest is when I can be Kayla at my core, Kayla, who says really dumb things, because I'm trying to look for big words. And I end up saying like something that's totally wrong. Done that 100 times. It's totally Kayla when I am like being really goofy and dancing. And it's like the most jerkiest, ridiculous thing. And you laugh with me, sure. But you're not sarcastic in the way that it would belittle me or make me feel dumb or make me feel unvalued or unimportant." [00:11:19] (43 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
6. "And it's not that a woman, typically, like truly, because we have seen so many cases of this. It is not that she's wanting you to go buy that vacation home and be in the poor house. She is just wanting to dream and she's wanting to know your dreams. Like, what do you? What do you desire? When you see yourself 50 years old at Christmas, what does that look like to you? And you don't ever have to get there. She just wants to know the deep depths of who you are." [00:13:43] (28 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
7. "And we were so connected by the end of the night. Like I just, I'll never forget that. And it's little moments like that. It is not our fancy vacations. It is not how much money you make. It is not like, please hear me, man. It is not how much money you make. It is not how much money you make. It is not how much money you It has nothing to do with your achievements, which is so counterintuitive of what you feel. Well, that's what drives us. Yes. It has nothing to, it's all about, does he see me? Is she like, is he, does he care enough to take the time to hear me out? Does he care enough to still think that I'm beautiful? Does he, you know, does he have wandering eyes? Like that, those are all things that women are just constantly thinking." [00:18:03] (41 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
8. "I'm going to hear her out. As a man, it is very, very natural for you to want to fix things. And we may have talked about this last time, but what really, really stands out to a woman, first off, women are multitaskers. We are really good at solving problems. In our head. And so when we come to you with a problem, we're not typically, we're not asking for a solution. And actually when we are, we usually tell you like, Hey, what do you think about this? But if I come to you with a problem, like, Oh my goodness, I lost my keys and I can't find them, whatever." [00:20:12] (37 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
9. "a lot of conflict and uh a lot of conflict that's the word uh bad conversation what's the word uh anyways fights thank you a lot of fights fellowships whatever uh start because yes we are we might be trying to get to the same goal but we are going at it totally different ways and so maybe i have a problem listen i see you yeah i love you through this you are not broken you are not a mess you are just kayla you know like and i love kayla but also knowing that there is going to be sometimes that you won't know what to say she does have a very like the emotions are everywhere there is really major things going on and you have no solution what would mean so much to most christian women somebody that is truly desiring to live for god is for you to be like hey i you just be honest i hate this i don't know what to say and i wish i could fix it for you can let's pray let's pray about it like because that's making me know okay he he really does care he's going to take the time to pray instead of just brush it off like it's not a big deal and there is nothing more uh there's just nothing more pure i'm trying to think of that word too i'm telling you i i want to use big words but they don't come to me and so i'm just glad i'm not saying a super wrong one um but there is something just so special when you wake up in the morning and you hear your husband praying for you when you know that he is spiritual like when he is truly the leader of the home bringing you to church like you couldn't love him more you're so like there is a thankfulness that that he is being stepping up and being the leader and that will breed respect like" [00:21:46] (122 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
10. "I'm going to stand by what I said of like, it's not that she wants the vacation home. Like she has to have the vacation or she has to have the purse. Like it's that exactly what you were saying, that you will pursue after anything to make it happen because she is worth it. Right. So, yes, like, no, no, that can get complicated because it's like, well, you know, what does she want?" [00:29:58] (26 seconds) (Download raw clip | Download cropped clip)
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