Building Lasting Relationships: The Heart of Parenting
Summary
Parenting today is filled with pressures to provide our children with the best experiences, from sports and music to vacations and technology. The world tells us that the right mix of activities will set our kids up for success, but in reality, these things rarely shape who they become as adults. What truly matters, and what has the most lasting impact, are the relationships our children form—especially their relationship with us as parents, with God, and with others outside the home. Our culture often pushes us to make our kids “experience rich and relationship poor,” but it’s the depth and health of their relationships that will determine their ability to thrive in life.
Reflecting on decades of ministry and parenting, it’s clear that the things we obsess over—like getting on the right team, having the latest gadgets, or attending every event—rarely come up as the root of adult struggles. Instead, the quality of relationships, especially within the family and with God, is what shapes character, resilience, and joy. We must be intentional about building these relationships, setting boundaries around busyness, and making space for meaningful connection—like shared meals, one-on-one time, and honest conversations.
We are all products of our relationships, experiences, and decisions, but relationships are the foundation. As parents, we have a unique opportunity and responsibility to “dial up” the influence of these relationships in our children’s lives. The most significant of these is their relationship with God. No one has more potential to influence a child’s faith than their parents. The church is a vital partner, but the primary spiritual influence happens at home, through the example we set and the priority we place on faith.
Proverbs 3:5-6 gives us a powerful framework: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Our goal is to help our children become people who trust God deeply, seek His wisdom, and walk in His ways. To do this, we must ask three questions: Who do I want them to become? Where are they now? How can I help them take the next step? Whether our kids are young, teens, or adults, it’s never too late to build relational bridges and guide them toward a vibrant relationship with God.
Key Takeaways
- The pursuit of endless experiences for our children often distracts us from what matters most: the health of their relationships. While activities and opportunities can enrich life, they should never come at the expense of meaningful connection with family and with God. The true measure of success is not a packed calendar, but the ability to form and sustain deep, healthy relationships. [32:21]
- Our culture’s obsession with busyness and achievement can leave families relationally impoverished. When we neglect shared meals, intentional conversations, and simple time together, we undermine the very foundation our children need to flourish. Prioritizing relational rhythms—like regular dinners and one-on-one time—builds trust and opens doors for spiritual influence. [36:29]
- As parents, we are the primary spiritual influencers in our children’s lives, far surpassing the impact of church programs or outside mentors. Our example, our priorities, and our willingness to share our faith journey shape how our children perceive God and the importance of a relationship with Him. This influence is both a privilege and a responsibility that cannot be delegated. [49:43]
- Guiding our children spiritually requires intentionality: asking who we want them to become, discerning where they are now, and helping them take the next step. This process is not about controlling outcomes, but about walking alongside them, listening, and creating space for honest dialogue. Even small, consistent investments—like bedtime talks or coffee dates—can have a profound impact over time. [58:26]
- It is never too late to build or rebuild relational bridges with our children, no matter their age. Whether they are young, teenagers, or adults, our ongoing presence, love, and spiritual encouragement can continue to shape their lives. Grandparents, too, have a unique opportunity to influence the next generation by modeling a genuine, growing relationship with Christ. [01:04:49]
Youtube Chapters
[00:00] - Welcome
[02:10] - Introduction to Parenting Playlist Series
[04:15] - The Pressure of Modern Parenting
[07:30] - The Explosion of Activities and Experiences
[10:45] - What Really Shapes Our Kids’ Lives
[13:00] - Experience Rich, Relationship Poor
[16:20] - The Cost of Busyness
[19:00] - The Foundation of Relationships
[22:00] - The Three Key Relationships
[25:00] - The “Relational Dial” Analogy
[28:00] - Our Responsibility to Influence
[31:00] - Four Parenting Attitudes Toward Faith
[35:00] - The Parent’s Unique Spiritual Influence
[38:00] - Proverbs 3:5-6 and Spiritual Formation
[41:00] - Three Questions for Intentional Parenting
[45:00] - It’s Never Too Late: Hope for Every Parent
[48:00] - Closing Prayer and Next Steps
Study Guide
Small Group Bible Study Guide: Parenting Playlist – Relationships That Last
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### Bible Reading
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
> Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
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### Observation Questions
1. According to Proverbs 3:5-6, what are we told to do with our hearts and understanding?
2. The sermon described a cultural trend of making kids “experience rich and relationship poor.” What are some examples the pastor gave of this trend? [[32:21]]
3. What are the three primary relationships the sermon says shape a child’s life? [[39:51]]
4. What are the four parenting attitudes toward faith that the pastor described? [[46:37]]
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### Interpretation Questions
1. Why do you think the writer of Proverbs emphasizes trusting God with all your heart instead of relying on your own understanding? How might this apply to parenting?
2. The pastor said that the things parents obsess over (like sports, gadgets, or events) rarely come up as the root of adult struggles. Why do you think that is? [[30:54]]
3. The sermon claims that parents are the primary spiritual influencers in their children’s lives, more than the church or anyone else. What are the implications of this for how parents approach faith at home? [[49:43]]
4. The pastor mentioned that it’s never too late to build or rebuild relational bridges with your children, no matter their age. Why might this be both encouraging and challenging? [[01:03:35]]
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### Application Questions
1. Looking at your own family calendar, are there activities or experiences that might be crowding out time for meaningful relationships? What is one small change you could make this week to create more space for connection? [[36:29]]
2. When was the last time you had an intentional, eye-to-eye conversation with your child (or another family member)? What could you do to make these moments more regular? [[34:40]]
3. The pastor shared about having regular family dinners and one-on-one time with his kids. What is one relational rhythm (like shared meals, bedtime talks, or coffee dates) you could start or strengthen in your home? [[58:26]]
4. Think about the three key relationships: with parents, with God, and with others outside the home. Which of these do you feel needs the most attention in your family right now? What is one step you could take to “dial up” that relationship? [[41:23]]
5. The sermon encouraged parents to ask three questions: Who do I want my child to become? Where are they now? How can I help them take the next step? Choose one of your children (or someone you influence) and walk through these questions together as a group. [[56:42]]
6. If you feel like you’ve missed opportunities in the past, what is one way you can begin to rebuild a relational bridge with your child or grandchild this month? [[01:04:49]]
7. For those who are not parents, how can you be a positive relational influence in the life of a child, teen, or young adult in your extended family, church, or community? [[01:04:49]]
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Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Pray for wisdom to prioritize relationships over busyness, courage to have honest conversations, and for God to help you be a spiritual influence in your family and beyond.
Devotional
Day 1: Prioritize Relationships Over Experiences
In our culture, there is immense pressure to fill our children's lives with endless activities, events, and experiences, believing this is the key to their success and happiness. Yet, when we look back, it's not the missed games, gadgets, or vacations that shape a person's life, but the quality of their relationships—especially within the family. True fulfillment and resilience in adulthood come from the ability to form healthy, mature relationships, not from being "experience rich and relationship poor." As you consider your family's schedule and priorities, remember that investing in relationships—through time, conversation, and presence—will have a far greater impact than any activity or possession. [32:21]
Reflection: What is one activity or commitment you could reduce this week to create more space for intentional time with your child or loved one?
Day 2: You Are the Primary Spiritual Influence
No one has more potential to influence a child's relationship with God than their parents. While the church is a vital partner and resource, the hours you spend with your children far outweigh the time they spend in church programs. Your example, conversations, and daily choices shape how your children perceive God and the importance of faith. Whether you feel equipped or not, your influence is powerful and lasting—your children will filter their understanding of their Heavenly Father through their relationship with you. Embrace this responsibility with hope, knowing God will help you as you lead by example and prioritize spiritual growth in your home. [49:43]
Reflection: In what small, practical way can you model your faith to your child or someone you influence today?
Day 3: Trust in the Lord with All Your Heart
The foundation of a strong relationship with God is trust—trusting Him with all your heart and not relying solely on your own understanding. As Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches, when you submit every part of your life to God, He will guide your path and make it straight. This is not just about believing in God intellectually, but about a deep, heart-level trust that shapes decisions, responses, and relationships. As you seek to lead your children or those you influence, focus on helping them develop this kind of trust in God, so that when life gets complicated, they will turn to Him first. [55:02]
Proverbs 3:5-6 (ESV)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."
Reflection: Where in your life are you tempted to rely on your own understanding instead of trusting God fully? How can you surrender that area to Him today?
Day 4: Be Intentional About Knowing Their Heart
To truly guide and influence your children or those you love, you must first know where they are—emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. This requires intentional, uninterrupted time together: asking questions, listening, and creating space for honest conversation. Whether it's a few minutes at bedtime, a shared meal, or a walk together, these moments build relational bridges and help you understand their joys, struggles, and needs. When you know their heart, you can better help them take the next step in their faith and life journey. [58:26]
Reflection: When is the last time you had an intentional, eye-to-eye conversation with your child or someone close to you? How can you create that opportunity this week?
Day 5: It’s Never Too Late to Build or Restore Relationships
No matter your child’s age or your current relationship status, it is never too late to build, restore, or deepen your connection. Even if your children are grown or you feel you’ve missed opportunities in the past, you can still reach out, ask questions, and show genuine care. Your ongoing pursuit of relationship—rooted in love and a desire for their spiritual good—can have a profound impact, not only on your children but also on grandchildren and others you influence. God’s grace makes new beginnings possible at any stage, and your willingness to take the first step can open doors to healing and growth. [01:04:49]
Reflection: Who in your family or circle needs to know you care about their heart and faith? What is one step you can take today to reconnect or strengthen that relationship?
Quotes
You know, and when you think about it, you know, it's not so much about experiences, it's about relationships. I mean, that's what we've got to be going after. But the trend in our culture, it's not about that at all. The trend in our culture is this, if we can fire up the slide, the trend in our culture is to make our kids experience rich and relationship poor. [00:32:00] (22 seconds)
It's to make our kids experience rich to the neglect of. It's not on purpose. It's just the neglect of. We're not thinking about their relationships. And so we end up making them relationship poor. But here's what we know. This is so true, isn't it? That when you get to be in your 20s and your 30s and your 40s and for the rest of your life, it's the health and maturity of your relationship that makes life worth living, isn't it? [00:34:13] (24 seconds)
When you get to be adults, you are not going to make it very far. They, your children, are not going to make it very far if they can't have healthy, mature relationships. We are always measuring as parents, how involved are they, right? How busy are they? What is their GPA? We measure that stuff. But rarely, if ever, do we measure the health, the maturity, the depths of relationships. [00:37:03] (30 seconds)
And if you can't have healthy, mature relationships in life, you are not going to have good friendships in life. You are not going to be able to hold down a job in life. Your marriage is going to experience difficulty in life if you can't have healthy, mature relationships. But we just want to be consumed with all the experiences at the expense of making them relationship -poor. Now, the good news is Scripture's got a lot to say about this. [00:37:32] (29 seconds)
As a mom or a dad, when it finally breaks through, not just in your head, in your heart, that your heavenly father loves you so much that he sent his one and only son, Jesus, to live, to show us the way, to be the way, to die and pay the penalty for your sin. And he rose again so that you can have life and life eternal. When you finally get that, it changes you and it never stops changing you. And you were like, my goodness, I have a personal relationship with the creator of the universe. And I'm telling you, when you get that, there is nothing more important for your children to get. How could there be? [00:49:01] (42 seconds)
They're watching and they're getting their image of who their heavenly father is and how important it should be and how meaningful it could be through you. Now, some of you, you're so inspired by this. You're like, I got this. Let's go. And some of you are so intimidated by this and you're like, oh no, oh no, I can't do this. [00:53:24] (19 seconds)
So it's a father, son, like son, I want you to know this stuff, which is so cool for our circumstances today. And it's applicable to us, each and every one of us, even if you're not a parent today, it's applicable to you on how we can show our children and lead them in the way they should go. Proverbs chapter three, if you have your Bibles, you can follow along five and six powerful principles. Solomon says, trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. [00:54:30] (32 seconds)
So much so that when life comes at them, as it comes at each and every one of us, I want them to not lean on their own understanding. I want them to go back to their heart and their trust in me. Because if they do that, if that's the kind of relationship that we have with our heavenly father as parents, and we hand off to them, and we try to dial to the best of our ability up into their life, it will make their paths straight. Not like their career path or their star athlete. Like, you know, we all have the hope that they're going to get the scholarship or become professional athletes. And it might happen, but that's not what we're talking about. [00:55:32] (36 seconds)
I wouldn't advise jamming it down their throat. I would advise asking if they want to go to a cup of coffee. Start trying to just through a relational bridge that you build with them with mom and dad. Where are they at? What's going on? They're going to think it's weird. They're going to think they're in trouble if you've never done this before. But it's a place to start. A relational bridge. If they're grown and gone, it is not too late. You are still their parent. It is such a joy to have a relationship with my kids where they come back to me. And they just ask me about tough things. They ask me for advice. We also just get to hang out and have a good time. But I'm still that influence because I realize that there's three dials. Until the day I die, I'm still dad. [01:03:41] (42 seconds)
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