Building Lasting Influence Through Meaningful Relationships in Parenting

 

Summary

Parenting is one of the most significant and challenging callings we will ever undertake. The days can feel long and exhausting, but the years pass quickly, and our time to shape and influence our children is limited. In the midst of busy schedules, sports, activities, and the pursuit of memorable experiences, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most: the quality of our relationship with our children. Experiences are valuable, but if they come at the expense of deep, meaningful relationships, we risk becoming experience-rich but relationally poor.

The heart of raising the next generation is not about perfect discipline strategies or orchestrating the ideal childhood, but about cultivating relationships that carry real influence. The quality of our relationship with our children will determine the weight of our influence in their lives, especially as they grow and begin making their own decisions. Early on, we parent from a position of power—making decisions for our kids, guiding them by authority. But as they grow, our role must shift from power to influence, from control to guidance, so that when the big questions and challenges of life arise, our children will seek our wisdom and trust our counsel.

Paul’s words in Ephesians 6:4 challenge us not to exasperate our children—not to parent from a place of frustration or power, but to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. This means creating an environment where our children feel accepted and safe, even when they make mistakes. It means investing our time, not just orchestrating experiences, but being present and available, so our children know they are loved and valued.

Our relationship with our children will shape the quality of their future relationships, their emotional health, and even their faith. We are called to influence our kids to love God and love people, and the chances of this happening increase with the strength of our relationship. For those who feel they’ve lost influence or connection with their children, the path back is through humble service, acceptance, and a willingness to rebuild trust without strings attached. Ultimately, our influence is not about control, but about preparing our children to walk with God and love others as they step into adulthood.

Key Takeaways

- The Weight of Influence Rests on Relationship
The most significant influence we have in our children’s lives is rooted in the quality of our relationship with them. Authority and power may work in the early years, but as children grow, it is the depth of relationship that allows our influence to endure and shape their decisions, values, and faith. Our goal is not to control, but to guide and inspire from a place of trust and connection. [28:41]

- Parenting Must Shift from Power to Influence
As children mature, our parenting must transition from a position of power—where we make decisions for them—to a position of influence, where we walk alongside them and eventually support them from behind. This shift is essential for raising adults who can make wise choices independently, and it mirrors the way God relates to us: not by force, but by invitation and guidance. [38:34]

- Emotional Health and Acceptance Are Foundational
The emotional health of our children, and their ability to form healthy relationships in the future, is deeply impacted by how accepted and safe they feel with us. Acceptance does not mean agreement with every choice, but it does mean our children know they can come to us with their struggles and failures without fear of rejection. This foundation of acceptance is what enables them to seek our influence when it matters most. [43:09]

- Time Together Is More Valuable Than Experiences
While experiences can be memorable, it is the consistent investment of time—both quality and quantity—that builds the relational capital needed for lasting influence. Even imperfect, everyday moments can become opportunities for connection and conversation. Prioritizing time with our children, even in the midst of busyness, communicates their value and opens the door for meaningful influence. [45:06]

- Rebuilding Lost Influence Begins with Service and Humility
For those who feel distant from their children or have lost influence, the way back is not through demands or guilt, but through humble service and unconditional love. Serving our children without ulterior motives, meeting their needs, and reminding them of their acceptance can begin to rebuild trust and open the door for renewed relationship and influence. There are no guarantees, but love expressed through service is always the right starting point. [47:26]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:45] - Introduction and Family Story
[03:30] - The Tension Between Experiences and Relationships
[07:10] - Parenting Is Hard: The Reality of Raising Kids
[10:45] - The Influence of Parents: Power vs. Relationship
[15:20] - The Receiver Analogy: Tuning Into Family
[18:30] - The Stages of Parenting: Power to Influence
[21:56] - The Biblical Foundation: Ephesians 6:4
[28:41] - Why Influence Matters Most
[30:30] - Shifting from Power to Influence
[35:29] - The Dangers of Exasperating Our Children
[38:34] - Parenting from the Side and Behind
[41:19] - Emotional Health and Future Relationships
[43:09] - Acceptance and Time: Building Relationship
[46:52] - Rebuilding Lost Influence
[52:20] - Youth Ministry Story: Influence in Action
[54:38] - Final Reflections and Prayer

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: The Weight of Influence in Parenting

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### Bible Reading

- Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

- Proverbs 22:6
"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it."

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### Observation Questions

1. In Ephesians 6:4, what does Paul specifically instruct parents *not* to do, and what does he say they *should* do instead?
2. According to the sermon, what is the difference between parenting from a position of power and parenting from a position of influence? ([28:41])
3. What does Proverbs 22:6 suggest about the long-term impact of how we raise our children?
4. The sermon mentions that experiences are valuable, but can come at the expense of relationships. What are some examples given of this tension? ([03:30])

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### Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think Paul warns against exasperating children? What might be the consequences of parenting from frustration or power? ([35:29])
2. The sermon says our influence as parents is strongest when it is rooted in relationship, not authority. Why does the weight of our influence shift as children grow older? ([38:34])
3. How does the foundation of acceptance and emotional safety in the parent-child relationship affect a child’s willingness to seek guidance and share struggles? ([43:09])
4. According to the sermon, what does it look like to “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” in everyday family life? ([37:28])

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### Application Questions

1. Think about your current relationship with your child (or a child you influence). What is one specific thing you are doing—or could do—to enhance that relationship this week? ([50:08])
2. When your child makes a mistake, do they feel safe coming to you, or do they hide it? What can you do to create an environment where your child feels accepted, even when they mess up? ([43:09])
3. Are you more focused on providing experiences or building relationships with your children? What is one way you can shift your focus toward deeper connection this month? ([03:30])
4. As your children grow, how are you intentionally shifting from making decisions for them to guiding them with influence? Can you share a recent example where you let your child make a choice and supported them? ([38:34])
5. If you feel you’ve lost influence or connection with your child, what is one act of humble service or unconditional love you could offer to begin rebuilding trust? ([47:26])
6. How can you make time—both quality and quantity—for your children in the midst of a busy schedule? What is one practical change you could make this week to be more present? ([45:06])
7. The sermon says our goal is to influence our kids to love God and love people. What is one way you can model this in your home or family life right now? ([46:05])

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Closing Thought:
Remember, the strength of your relationship with your children is the foundation for your influence in their lives. It’s not about being perfect, but about being present, accepting, and willing to guide them with humility and love.

Devotional

Day 1: Parenting from Influence, Not Power
True influence in parenting comes from relationship, not authority.

As children grow, the way parents lead must shift from a position of power to one of influence. Early on, parents naturally direct and control their children’s lives, but as kids mature, they need guidance that empowers them to make wise decisions on their own. The quality of the parent-child relationship determines the weight of a parent’s influence, especially in matters of faith and life choices. Rather than relying on authority or “because I said so,” parents are called to invest relationally, so that their children will seek their wisdom and trust their guidance as they navigate life’s challenges. [30:30]

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Reflection: In what area of your parenting or influence with the next generation can you intentionally shift from using authority to building relationship and influence this week?


Day 2: Acceptance and Time—The Foundation of Relationship
Children need to feel accepted and valued through intentional time spent together.

A child’s sense of acceptance and belonging is rooted in knowing their parent is a safe place, even when they make mistakes. This doesn’t mean agreeing with every choice, but it does mean creating an environment where children know they are loved and can come to their parents with anything. Quality time is essential—amidst busy schedules and endless activities, it’s the moments of connection, conversation, and presence that build trust and open doors for influence. Prioritizing time and acceptance over experiences ensures that children grow up secure in their relationship with their parents. [43:09]

Romans 15:7 (ESV)
“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”

Reflection: What is one practical way you can show your child (or a young person you influence) that they are fully accepted and valued by you today?


Day 3: Your Relationship Shapes Their Future Relationships
The emotional health children gain from their relationship with parents impacts all their future connections.

The way a child experiences love, acceptance, and guidance at home sets the tone for how they will relate to others throughout life. Emotional health, modeled and nurtured by parents, becomes the foundation for healthy friendships, marriages, and even their own parenting one day. Investing in your relationship with your child is not just for their benefit—it shapes the legacy of relationships in your family for generations to come. [41:19]

Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Reflection: How has your relationship with your own parents affected your relationships today, and what is one step you can take to positively impact your child’s emotional health?


Day 4: Serving to Restore Broken Relationships
Serving your children selflessly can help rebuild lost influence and trust.

For parents who feel distant from their children or have lost influence, the path to restoration is not through demands or expectations, but through humble service. By looking for ways to meet your child’s needs without ulterior motives, you demonstrate unconditional love and remind them that you are always there for them. While reconciliation is not guaranteed, serving opens the door for healing and renewed relationship, showing your child that your love is steadfast regardless of the past. [47:26]

Philippians 2:3-4 (ESV)
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Reflection: Is there a specific way you can serve your child or a young person in your life this week, expecting nothing in return, to show them your love and support?


Day 5: The Goal—Influencing Kids to Love God and People
The ultimate aim of parenting is to guide children to love God and others.

All the experiences, lessons, and moments spent with children are ultimately about shaping their hearts to love God and love people. This is the core of what Jesus taught and the foundation for a meaningful life. The chances of children embracing this calling increase with the quality of relationship they have with their parents. By leading with influence, acceptance, and time, parents point their children toward a life of faith, compassion, and purpose that will impact the world around them. [46:05]

Matthew 22:37-39 (ESV)
“And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Reflection: What is one intentional step you can take this week to help your child (or a young person you influence) grow in loving God and loving others?

Quotes

Parenting is hard. Raising the next generation is one of the most vital things that we will ever do. Not just as parents, anyone who is involved with the next generation. But the days are long, but the years are short. And maybe you've heard that saying before. And it feels that way. Every day just feels like a grind and you're figuring this out. You're balancing schedules and all these different things. But all of a sudden, you know, it goes by. You're like, oh, my kid is almost 13 years old now. This is crazy. So we only get so much time with them. [00:23:10] (27 seconds)


We don't want to be experience -rich, but relationally poor. Because we can chase after all the experiences and not have the relationships with our children that we need to have. There's also a risk of swinging so hard the other way that we're like, no experiences, no nothing. We're just about relationships. And then our kids grow up without knowing how to handle anything in life. And so this tension is there for all of us. [00:23:48] (24 seconds)


You and I as parents are the number one influence our kids will ever experience in their life, good or bad, will be the number one influence, especially in terms of their faith. In fact, according to the Fuller Youth Institute, when it comes to kids growing in their faith, having faith, and sticking with their faith, the number one influence of that taking place is the parents. [00:29:06] (21 seconds)


We will one day not have the power over the kids that we start with. That's why we have to change how we parent. So we have to switch from a position of size and power to relationship and influence because this is what our children need. They need our influence, not our power. [00:31:26] (19 seconds)


Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in training and instruction of the Lord. He says, do not exasperate your children. And just to translate that, to define that, that means to irritate or frustrate them intensely, or to put them in a no -win situation. [00:34:18] (18 seconds)


If you look at the nature of God, and the best way to understand who God is, is to look at Jesus in the Gospels. It's like looking in the mirror of who God the Father is. God does not operate this way. He doesn't exasperate his people. Jesus never exasperated people in his teachings. [00:35:14] (15 seconds)


They need to know that you are the safest place for them to feel accepted. Now listen, it doesn't mean you have to agree with everything they do. God knows I don't agree with everything my kids do. I'm sure you think the same way with your kids. It doesn't mean you're just like, you accept every little thing they do and say and decision they make. They're gonna screw up a lot. But they need to know that you are the safest place for them to feel accepted. [00:42:48] (26 seconds)


Our job as parents is to influence our kids to love God and to love people. It's relationships. And the chances of this going, of happening in life improves with the quality of relationship that we have with our children. [00:45:49] (16 seconds)


So go and do as Paul tells us to. Instruct, teach, influence. Because the lives of our children depend on it. Their relationships depend on it. The kingdom of God is impacted by it. [00:54:50] (19 seconds)


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