Building Intimacy: The Journey of Vulnerability and Healing

Devotional

Day 1: Vulnerability as the Pathway to Intimacy

True intimacy requires vulnerability, where partners are open and unguarded, allowing for a deeper connection. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing but about having the courage to be seen without control over the outcome. In a relationship, this means being honest about your feelings, fears, and dreams, and trusting your partner to accept you as you are. This openness fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the relationship, creating a safe space where both partners can grow together. [46:11]

"For we are brought to an end by your anger; by your wrath we are dismayed. You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence." (Psalm 90:7-8, ESV)

Reflection: What is one area of your life where you find it difficult to be vulnerable with your partner? How can you take a step towards openness today?

Day 2: Healing Wounds for Deeper Connection

Unhealed wounds can hinder intimacy and create distance in relationships. These wounds, often stemming from past experiences, can prevent individuals from fully opening up to their partners. Allowing Jesus to heal these wounds transforms them into scars that tell stories of redemption. This healing process is essential for building a healthy, intimate marriage, as it enables partners to connect deeply without the barriers of past pain. By confronting these wounds and seeking healing, couples can foster a relationship that is both intimate and resilient. [01:03:54]

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3, ESV)

Reflection: Identify a past wound that may be affecting your current relationship. How can you invite Jesus into this area for healing today?

Day 3: Intimacy Beyond the Physical

While sex is a form of intimacy, true intimacy encompasses emotional and spiritual connection. It involves choosing to pursue and cherish your partner actively, showing love and attraction, and building a relationship where both partners feel valued and understood. This kind of intimacy requires effort and intentionality, starting with small acts of kindness and appreciation. By focusing on these aspects, couples can create a bond that goes beyond the physical, nurturing a relationship that is rich and fulfilling. [43:18]

"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8, ESV)

Reflection: What is one non-physical way you can show love and appreciation to your partner today?

Day 4: Unlocking Intimacy with the Right Keys

Understanding your partner's love language and pursuing them in ways that resonate with them is crucial for building intimacy. This involves learning what makes your partner tick and what makes them ticked, and using that knowledge to strengthen your connection. By using the right keys, couples can unlock deeper levels of intimacy, ensuring that both partners feel loved and understood. This requires ongoing effort and commitment, as well as a willingness to adapt and grow together. [51:07]

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4, ESV)

Reflection: What is your partner's primary love language, and how can you intentionally express love in that way today?

Day 5: Building a Spiritual Foundation for Intimacy

A strong, intimate marriage begins with a spiritual foundation. By prioritizing our relationship with God and seeking His guidance, we can build marriages that reflect His love and grace. Intimacy is a journey that requires dedication, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow together in love and faith. When couples place God at the center of their relationship, they create a bond that is not only intimate but also enduring, capable of weathering life's challenges with grace and strength. [01:08:37]

"Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." (Psalm 127:1, ESV)

Reflection: How can you and your partner prioritize your spiritual growth together this week? What specific steps can you take to invite God into your relationship?

Sermon Summary

In today's gathering, we explored the profound concept of intimacy within relationships, particularly in marriage. We began by acknowledging the effort and dedication required to build a strong, intimate relationship, much like constructing a sturdy wall. Intimacy is not merely about physical closeness but involves emotional and spiritual connection, which requires vulnerability and openness. It's about being "naked and unashamed," as described in Genesis, where there are no secrets, and both partners are fully known and accepted by each other.

We discussed the myth that intimacy is solely about sex, emphasizing that while sex is a form of intimacy, true intimacy encompasses much more. It involves choosing to pursue and cherish your partner actively, showing love and attraction, and building a relationship where both partners feel valued and understood. Intimacy requires effort and intentionality, and it starts with small acts of kindness and appreciation, like making coffee for your spouse or speaking words of affirmation.

Moreover, we addressed the importance of healing from past wounds to foster intimacy. Open wounds can create distance and hinder the ability to connect deeply with others. Healing these wounds involves confronting them and allowing Jesus, the ultimate healer, to transform them into scars that tell stories of redemption and growth. This healing process is crucial for building a healthy, God-honoring marriage.

We also highlighted the significance of using the right keys to unlock intimacy, such as understanding your partner's love language and pursuing them in ways that resonate with them. Pursuing intimacy involves both emotional and physical aspects, and it requires ongoing effort and commitment.

Ultimately, a strong, intimate marriage begins with a spiritual foundation. By prioritizing our relationship with God and seeking His guidance, we can build marriages that reflect His love and grace. Intimacy is a journey that requires dedication, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow together in love and faith.

Key Takeaways

1. Intimacy Requires Vulnerability: True intimacy involves being open and vulnerable with your partner, allowing them to see and accept you as you are. This openness fosters a deeper connection and strengthens the relationship. Vulnerability is not about winning or losing but about having the courage to be seen without control over the outcome. [46:11]
2. Healing Past Wounds: Unhealed wounds can hinder intimacy and create distance in relationships. Allowing Jesus to heal these wounds transforms them into scars that tell stories of redemption. Healing is essential for building a healthy, intimate marriage. [63:54]
3. Intimacy is More Than Physical: While sex is a form of intimacy, true intimacy encompasses emotional and spiritual connection. It involves choosing to pursue and cherish your partner actively, showing love and attraction, and building a relationship where both partners feel valued and understood. [43:18]
4. Using the Right Keys: Understanding your partner's love language and pursuing them in ways that resonate with them is crucial for building intimacy. This involves learning what makes your partner tick and what makes them ticked, and using that knowledge to strengthen your connection. [51:07]
5. Spiritual Foundation: A strong, intimate marriage begins with a spiritual foundation. By prioritizing our relationship with God and seeking His guidance, we can build marriages that reflect His love and grace. Intimacy is a journey that requires dedication, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow together in love and faith. [01:08:37]
** [68:37]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[39:10] - Introduction to Intimacy
[40:24] - The Effort Behind Intimacy
[43:18] - Intimacy Beyond Physical
[46:11] - Vulnerability in Intimacy
[47:52] - Naked and Unashamed
[49:57] - Finding Intimacy in Healthy Ways
[51:07] - Using the Right Keys
[53:17] - Parental Influence in Marriage
[54:53] - Understanding Your Partner
[57:39] - Selflessness in Marriage
[61:15] - Keeping the Marriage Bed Holy
[62:08] - Intimacy Starts in the Kitchen
[63:54] - Healing Past Wounds
[68:37] - Spiritual Foundation for Intimacy

Sermon Clips

Here's a myth for you. Intimacy is sex. I know many of you, that's what you think. When you heard the word intimacy, that's immediately what you went to. I saw your faces, right? Some of you got real excited. Some of you got real comfortable, uncomfortable, right? Intimacy is sex. That's a myth. Sex is a form of intimacy. Sex is a form of intimacy, but intimacy is not just sex. And so I'm not just talking about that today. I'm talking about intimacy. I'm talking about closeness. I'm talking about coming together in a marriage, in a relationship, no matter if you're in Columbia, in Florence, online, wherever you are. I'm talking about having a marriage of intimacy. [00:43:38] (36 seconds)

Vulnerability is not winning or losing. That's hard for me to fathom. It's not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. That's hard. Vulnerability is going, your response is not my responsibility. And so I'm supposed to be vulnerable in this moment or else I can't be intimate or else I can't, you don't know all of me. You only know what I want you to see of me. And so therefore I have to be vulnerable. [00:46:50] (32 seconds)

Here's what intimacy is in all seriousness. It's the ability to be naked and unashamed in every way so we can have a naked and unashamed marriage. We have no secrets. We are vulnerable with each other. We know how each other ticks. We know who each other are. We know who each other is. We know who each other is. We have a strong marriage because it's built on that. Now, here's what I know, and this is going to speak to everybody. I know that everybody in this room, you will not meet anybody in the lobby today. You will not meet anybody at our prayer center in the care corner today. At the Connect Center, you will not meet anybody in the parking lot in Florence. You will not meet anybody in the lobby here in Columbia. Wherever you are, you are not going to meet somebody that does not need intimacy. Everybody needs it. Male or female, we all need intimacy. We all need that in all seriousness. [00:47:52] (47 seconds)

Because everything, as we talked about last week, has an order to it. A way that it's supposed to work. A way that it's supposed to happen. And the Bible does not teach us about intimacy so that it can keep us from the greatness of it, but so that it can push us towards the power and the life-giving nature of it. Because God does not want anything that is going to tear you down. God wants in your life things that are going to build you up. And men typically will receive intimacy with honor, respect, right? It's adventure, men. Most men are adventurous. We're hunters. You know, we want to go throw spears at things. We want to do ridiculous adventure things, right? [00:49:22] (42 seconds)

Because when we got the priorities right, we know where to go. We know how this is supposed to work. Healthy and intimate marriages always start spiritually. They always start spiritually. And so if we're going to have a God-honoring marriage, if we're going to follow God individually and personally, and we build that foundation, let's build our marriages on that too. So I want to give you three tips, if you will, to building intimacy in your marriage. Whether it's coming, whether you're praying for it, whether you've been married for a while now, whatever it is, I want to give you three tips. Number one, use the right keys. [00:51:07] (38 seconds)

And it takes them coming together at the same time in one flesh. One heart, one mind, in unity going, this is the marriage we are going to build. And so it would be wise, if that's the case, for us to learn about our spouse, what makes them tick and what makes them ticked. You know, I joked last week, I have a preacher voice. It's just natural, right? If I get passionate about something, whether it's baseball, football, maybe I'm joking with you about something, maybe it's marriage, maybe it's an argument. I don't know. I don't know. My voice just naturally goes up and gets loud, right? It's not an excuse. It's something that I actually have to learn how to figure out. [00:54:48] (41 seconds)

Selfishness in marriage puts me ahead of you. It means that my, what makes me tick is more important than what makes you tick. And so what it is, is it's now become a breeding ground for distance, for frustration, distrust, affairs, and addictions. Because now it's me over you. So I don't care about how you're gonna feel on the other side I know what I need but selflessness in marriage puts you ahead of me and that becomes the breeding ground for respect for desire for honor commitment and for health it creates a healthy intimate God fearing God honoring relationship. [00:57:39] (43 seconds)

Open wounds create this moment that allows infection, and so now, you already know this infection, the more infected it is, the more radiating the pain is in different areas, right? And so now, you're beginning to hurt in places of your life that the original wound never affected to begin with. Why? Because I left it open and uncared for. And now it's infected. And now my husband can't say anything to me, or my wife can't say anything to me without me getting offended. Why? Because, well, my mom and dad did this to me. They did this when I was 10. You see what I'm saying? Come on. Open wounds allow infection. Open wounds prolong pain. They prolong healing. Open wounds create sensitivity in our lives. [01:04:10] (50 seconds)

Some of you, the problem in your marriage has nothing to do with desire and attraction and want to and push. And it has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with you have all kinds of open wounds that you around. You refuse to get healed. And now your spouse can't do anything to help you. And you're wondering, how do I? Is this just the life that I have to live? Is this just the life that I have to go through? Is this just what I have to do? And here's the truth. What you want, what we can't heal, what we won't confront. [01:06:30] (32 seconds)

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