Building Holy Relationships on God's Foundation
Summary
In our journey through life, we are called to live a life that is holy, set apart, and distinctly different from the world. This call to holiness extends to every aspect of our existence, including our relationships and dating life. The world around us, as exemplified by shows like "Friends," often defines relationships by physical intimacy. However, as followers of Christ, we are to build our relationships on a different foundation—one that is rooted in God's Word and His design for holy living.
Jesus, in the New Testament, provides us with a clear playbook for living a holy life. He likens those who hear His words and act on them to a man who builds his house on a solid foundation, able to withstand floods and storms. Conversely, those who hear but do not act are like a man who builds his house on the ground without a foundation, which falls swiftly when tested. There are only two types of individuals: those who build their lives on God and those who do not.
Our relationships must reflect this holy distinction. They should not be defined by the world's standards but by the transformative power of God's Word. To live a life set apart, we must guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from it. Our hearts are filled with desires—both righteous and evil. As we mature in faith, we hope that holy thoughts will increasingly populate our hearts and minds, leading to spiritual maturity.
We must understand that our behavior is driven by the overflow of our heart. To change our behavior, we must first examine and change our heart. This involves recognizing our desires and processing them through two filters: our perspective on how the world works and our values, which dictate what matters most to us. By aligning our perspective and values with God's truth, we can transform our behavior to reflect holiness in all areas, including dating.
In dating, we must ask ourselves critical questions: Why is dating important to me? What's the purpose of a relationship? How do I treat it? What do I value? Our dating behaviors should not be arbitrary but should have a clear purpose, rooted in finding value in God alone. We must surrender the things that cause us grief and seek relationships not for self-gratification but for what God has in store for us.
Now, let us reflect on the key takeaways from this message:
1. Holiness in dating means setting ourselves apart from the world's standards and aligning our relationships with God's design. We must build our relationships on the solid rock of Jesus' teachings, ensuring that our actions are driven by a desire to honor God above all else. [49:33]
2. The foundation of a holy life is the Word of God. We either build our lives on it because we have surrendered to the Son of God, or we do not. There is no middle ground when it comes to living a life that is holy and pleasing to God. [12:19]
3. Our hearts are the wellspring of our behavior. To live a life that is holy, we must guard our hearts vigilantly, recognizing that both holy and unholy desires will arise. Our goal is to nurture the holy desires and allow them to guide our actions. [13:30]
4. In relationships, clarity and intentionality are key. We must communicate our intentions clearly and ensure that our actions do not create confusion. Our God is a God of clarity, and our relationships should reflect that truth. [28:06]
5. Surrendering to God's plan for our lives means trusting Him with our relationships. We must seek to find our value in God alone and not in the affirmation of others. When we place God at the center of our dating life, we can navigate relationships with wisdom and discernment. [45:27]
In conclusion, let us strive to live lives that are holy, set apart, and reflective of the transformative power of God's Word. Let our relationships be a testament to the world of what it means to build on the solid foundation of Christ.
Study Guide
### Bible Study Discussion Guide
#### Bible Reading
1. Luke 6:46-49 - "Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete."
2. Proverbs 4:23 - "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
3. Ephesians 4:29 - "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
#### Observation Questions
1. According to Luke 6:46-49, what are the two types of individuals Jesus describes, and what distinguishes them?
2. In Proverbs 4:23, why is it important to guard our hearts, and what is the consequence of not doing so?
3. How does Ephesians 4:29 instruct us to use our words, and what is the intended outcome of following this instruction?
4. What example from the sermon illustrates the difference between building a relationship on a solid foundation versus a weak one? ([10:07])
#### Interpretation Questions
1. What does it mean to build your life on the solid foundation of Jesus' teachings, and how does this apply to dating and relationships? ([10:07])
2. How can guarding our hearts, as mentioned in Proverbs 4:23, influence our behavior and decisions in relationships? ([13:30])
3. Why is it important to have clear communication and intentions in relationships, and how does this reflect God's character? ([28:06])
4. How does the concept of finding value in God alone, rather than in the affirmation of others, change the way we approach dating? ([45:27])
#### Application Questions
1. Reflect on your current or past relationships. Are they built on the solid foundation of Jesus' teachings? If not, what steps can you take to align them with God's design for holy living? ([10:07])
2. What are some practical ways you can guard your heart in your daily life, especially in the context of dating and relationships? ([13:30])
3. Think about a recent conversation you had with someone you are interested in. Did your words build them up according to their needs, as instructed in Ephesians 4:29? How can you improve in this area?
4. How can you ensure that your intentions in a relationship are clear and not causing confusion? What specific actions can you take to communicate more effectively? ([28:06])
5. Identify one desire in your heart that may not align with God's values. How can you process this desire through the filters of perspective and values to transform your behavior? ([13:30])
6. In what ways can you surrender your dating life to God's plan, trusting Him with your relationships? What specific steps can you take to place God at the center of your dating life? ([45:27])
7. How can you find your value in God alone, rather than seeking affirmation from others? What daily practices can help reinforce this mindset? ([45:27])
Devotional
Day 1: Foundations of Holy Dating
Holiness in dating requires a foundation built on Christ's teachings, not on worldly standards. This means that every interaction and decision within a relationship should be filtered through the lens of Scripture, with the aim of honoring God. In a world that often prioritizes physical intimacy and self-gratification, this approach sets a distinctly different tone. It calls for a deep understanding of what it means to love another person in a way that reflects the love of Christ—selflessly, purely, and with commitment to growth and godliness. This is not a passive stance but an active choice to build relationships that can withstand the pressures and temptations of the world because they are anchored in something unshakeable. [49:33]
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - Romans 12:2
Reflection: How does your current approach to dating reflect a foundation built on Christ's teachings, and what practical steps can you take to strengthen this foundation?
Day 2: The Word as Our Blueprint
The Word of God is not just a collection of stories or moral guidelines; it is the blueprint for a holy life. To build our lives on this foundation means to surrender to the Son of God and to let His Word shape every aspect of our existence. This surrender is not a one-time event but a daily commitment to seek God's will and to apply His truths to our decisions, our relationships, and our understanding of the world. It is a conscious choice to reject the unstable ground of human wisdom and to stand firm on the solid rock of divine revelation. [12:19]
"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock." - Matthew 7:24
Reflection: In what ways can you more intentionally integrate God's Word into your daily life to ensure that it is the foundation upon which you build everything?
Day 3: The Heart's Influence
The heart is the wellspring of life, and from it flow our thoughts, desires, and ultimately our actions. To live a life of holiness, one must guard the heart with vigilance, recognizing that it is the battleground where holy and unholy desires contend. It is essential to nurture the holy desires by immersing oneself in God's presence through prayer, worship, and Scripture. As these desires grow, they begin to shape our behavior, leading us toward spiritual maturity and actions that honor God. [13:30]
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." - Proverbs 4:23
Reflection: What are some desires in your heart that you need to surrender to God, and how can you actively nurture holy desires this week?
Day 4: Clarity and Intentionality in Relationships
God is a God of clarity, not confusion. In relationships, this means being clear and intentional about our actions and communication. It is important to express our intentions and to ensure that our behavior aligns with those intentions. This clarity helps prevent misunderstandings and fosters a relationship built on trust and honesty. It also reflects the character of God, who is clear about His intentions for us and desires that we live in truth and transparency. [28:06]
"Let what you say be simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything more than this comes from evil." - Matthew 5:37
Reflection: Are there areas in your relationships where you need to practice greater clarity and intentionality, and what steps will you take to address them?
Day 5: Surrendering to God's Plan in Dating
Trusting God with our relationships means seeking our value in Him alone and not in the affirmation of others. It involves surrendering our desires and expectations to His perfect plan, knowing that He desires our ultimate good. This surrender is not passive but requires active trust and obedience, even when the path is unclear. By placing God at the center of our dating life, we can navigate relationships with wisdom and discernment, confident that He is leading us toward His best for us. [45:27]
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
Reflection: What does surrendering your dating life to God look like, and what is one step you can take today to move towards that surrender?
Quotes
"Holiness is about being set apart. It's about being distinctly different. So, when we look at the idea of holiness in relationships and dating, the question should be, does my relationship look different than everyone else's?" [09:10]
"If you want to live a life set apart, live a life that is holy, you have to change your heart." [13:16]
"Our God is a God of clarity, not confusion. If your actions create confusion, it is unholy." [28:06]
"Your value comes from God. He's already determined how valuable you are... But we're looking for value from someone else." [41:50]
"If you're in this place where you wrestle with serial dating or you're in a situationship and you don't know how to get out of it... God has such a huge plan for you." [45:05]
"The same desires, the desires are not the problem. We all have the desires... The holy perspective of a situationship, or the pursuit, if you will, is that the person's feelings matter." [26:32]
"To be in a situation, there's no consideration of the other person. And really the outcome, the damage that comes from a situationship is a lot of confusion." [25:30]
"The desires of someone who's in a situationship are that they want to be with the other person. They desire them. They want to be in a relationship. They desire the status that comes from being in a relationship with this person." [24:04]
"We cannot navigate this world thinking that dating is just part of what you do. It's just kind of, I turned 15, my parents said I could date, so I'm going to date." [42:21]
"Jesus told us it is the overflow of our heart that drives behavior. But here's the thing, we have to then ask the question, if this is true, like Jesus has said, we have to ask the question, what is in our heart?" [14:15]
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