Building Godly Relationships: Spirit, Soul, and Body

Relationships are at the heart of our lives, and God has a perfect design for them. Drawing from the Song of Songs, we see that godly attraction follows a specific order: spirit, soul, and body. The world often reverses this, focusing first on the physical, but true beauty and lasting connection begin with the heart and spirit. The Shunammite woman in the story recognizes her own perceived flaws but emphasizes her inner qualities, reminding us that God looks at the heart, not the outward appearance. When we build relationships on spiritual foundations, we set ourselves up for depth, security, and lasting joy.

Personal stories remind us that spiritual investment in each other is more important than any external connection. Pursuing God together, encouraging each other’s faith, and prioritizing spiritual growth are essential. It’s not about being perfect or having it all together, but about being hungry for God and moving forward together. Leading in sacrificial love, prayer, worship, and shared values creates a strong, Christ-centered relationship. Men are encouraged to take initiative, not just in practical matters, but in spiritual leadership—honoring, cherishing, and speaking life over their partners.

Cherishing one another is vital. Never take for granted the gift God has given in your spouse or those close to you. Words of affirmation, acts of kindness, and shared laughter are not trivial—they are medicine for the soul and glue for the relationship. Emotional connection, expressed through encouragement and joy, is as important as physical attraction. Protecting purity and waiting for the right time for physical intimacy honors God’s design and brings freedom, not shame.

No matter where you find yourself—whether your relationship feels strong or in tatters—God meets you right where you are. He is the restorer, the healer, and the one who makes all things new. If you feel distant from God or from each other, the invitation is to put Him back at the center. His love is not earned; it is freely given. When we surrender our hearts to Him, He brings wholeness, healing, and a new beginning, no matter our past. Let’s keep growing, keep learning, and keep God at the center of every relationship.

Key Takeaways

• 1. Godly attraction follows a divine order: spirit, soul, and body. When we focus first on spiritual connection, we build a foundation that can weather any storm. The world’s emphasis on the physical is fleeting, but God’s way leads to lasting fulfillment and true intimacy. [13:28]
• 2. Spiritual hunger matters more than spiritual maturity. It’s not about how far you’ve come, but about your willingness to keep pursuing God together. A relationship thrives when both partners are moving forward, encouraging each other to grow, and refusing to settle for apathy or complacency. [19:53]
• 3. Leading in love means sacrificially putting the other first, not just in big moments but in daily choices. True leadership in a relationship is marked by selflessness, prayer, spiritual engagement, and a commitment to shared values and vision. This kind of leadership brings security and unity. [22:09]
• 4. Cherishing and affirming one another is essential. Don’t let words of appreciation go unsaid or acts of kindness be neglected. Regularly speak life, take initiative, and create moments of joy and laughter—these are the small investments that yield a harvest of trust and closeness. [38:03]
• 5. God is the restorer of broken relationships and hearts. No matter your past or present struggles, He meets you in your need and offers a new beginning. Placing God at the center is the key to healing, wholeness, and a relationship that reflects His love and grace. [45:25]

Youtube Chapters

• [00:00] - Welcome
• [01:51] - Introduction to Godly Relationships
• [03:40] - Ground Rules for Growth
• [07:30] - Characters in Song of Songs
• [12:36] - The Order of Godly Attraction
• [13:28] - God Looks at the Heart
• [15:43] - Personal Story: Spiritual Investment
• [16:50] - Pursuing God Together
• [19:53] - Spiritual Hunger Over Maturity
• [22:09] - Four Keys to Spiritual Leadership
• [31:45] - Cherishing and Nurturing Each Other
• [35:06] - The Power of Affirmation
• [38:03] - Practical Ways to Show Love
• [40:16] - Protecting Purity and God’s Timing
• [45:25] - God Restores and Makes All Things New
• [47:06] - Celebration and Closing Prayer

Bible Reading

Song of Songs 1:1-17 (ESV) — (Selected verses for focus)

> 5 I am very dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon.
> 6 Do not gaze at me because I am dark, because the sun has looked upon me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard I have not kept!
> ...
> 9 I compare you, my love, to a mare among Pharaoh’s chariots.
> 10 Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, your neck with strings of jewels.
> ...
> 15 Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves.

1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV) — > But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

2 Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) — > Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Observation Questions

1. In Song of Songs 1, how does the Shunammite woman describe herself, and what does this reveal about her view of beauty and worth?
2. According to the sermon, what order does godly attraction follow, and how is this different from the world’s approach?
3. What are some specific ways Solomon expresses value and care for the Shunammite woman in Song of Songs 1?
4. In 1 Samuel 16:7, what does God say about how He views people compared to how humans do?

Interpretation Questions

1. Why do you think the order of spirit, soul, and body is so important in building a strong relationship, according to both the Song of Songs and the sermon?
2. The Shunammite woman is aware of her perceived flaws but focuses on her inner qualities. What does this teach about how we should view ourselves and others in relationships?
3. The sermon says, “Spiritual hunger matters more than spiritual maturity.” What does this mean for couples or friends who are at different places in their faith journey?
4. The message emphasizes that God is the restorer of broken relationships and hearts. How does 2 Corinthians 5:17 support this idea?

Application Questions

1. The world often puts physical attraction first, but God’s way starts with the heart and spirit. In your own life, what are some ways you can shift your focus to value spiritual and emotional connection above the physical?
2. The sermon encourages us to invest in each other’s spiritual growth. What is one practical thing you could do this week to encourage a friend, spouse, or family member in their walk with God?
3. Men are challenged to lead in sacrificial love, prayer, worship, and shared values. If you are in a relationship, what is one area where you could take more initiative spiritually? If you’re not, how can you practice spiritual leadership in your friendships or family?
4. Cherishing and affirming one another is described as “medicine for the soul.” When was the last time you spoke words of affirmation or did something kind for someone close to you? How did it affect your relationship?
5. The message says, “Laughter is like medicine.” Are there ways you can bring more joy and fun into your relationships? What’s one thing you could do this week to create a moment of shared laughter or joy?
6. The sermon talks about protecting purity and waiting for the right time for physical intimacy. If you are dating or single, what boundaries or values do you want to set to honor God’s design? If you are married, how can you continue to honor God in your physical relationship?
7. No matter your past or present struggles, God offers a new beginning. Is there an area in your relationships or personal life where you need God’s healing or restoration? What would it look like to invite Him into that area this week?