Building God-Honoring Relationships Through Intentional Effort

 

Summary

Relationships touch every life, whether single, married, divorced, or widowed. God’s design for marriage and relationships is under attack, and it’s vital for each of us to recognize our role in strengthening the body of Christ by investing in healthy, God-honoring connections. The journey toward “one flesh” is not automatic; it’s a process that requires intentional, ongoing work. No matter your relationship status, the call is to put in the work—on yourself, on your relationships, and most importantly, on your walk with God.

Healthy relationships are built over a lifetime of intentional effort. It starts with the willingness to work on your own soul, recognizing that you cannot change another person—only God can do that. Whether you’re preparing for marriage, navigating the ups and downs of dating, or seeking healing after loss, the invitation is to let God work in you and through you. The enemy seeks to destroy families because strong families are the foundation of a strong society. But God offers a better way, a blueprint for relationships that flourish.

The presence of God in your home is not just a Sunday affair; it’s a daily choice. Like Joshua declared, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Each of us must choose whether we will follow the patterns of our upbringing, the values of the world, or the truth of God’s Word. This choice is reflected in how we invest in our relationships—through teamwork, support, vulnerability, and mutual protection.

Ecclesiastes 4 reminds us that two are better than one, but a threefold cord—when God is woven into the relationship—is not easily broken. Teamwork requires effort, support takes commitment, and isolation is a warning sign. Protecting the relationship is a shared duty, and God must be at the center. Practical steps like regular date nights, honest conversations, and spiritual disciplines such as praying and worshiping together are essential. Investing in your marriage or relationships isn’t just for when things go wrong; it’s how you keep them strong.

Ultimately, the call is to be selfless, to prioritize your spouse’s needs, and to move in sync as a team. Whether you’re just starting out or have been on the journey for decades, God’s grace is sufficient to make all things new. The invitation is open: let God do the work in you, and be willing to do the work for each other.

Key Takeaways

- Intentional Work Is Essential
Healthy relationships don’t happen by accident; they require a lifetime of intentional effort. This means consistently choosing to invest in your own growth and in the relationship, rather than waiting for things to improve on their own. Only when both individuals are willing to do the work—emotionally, spiritually, and practically—can a relationship truly flourish. [08:54]

- You Can’t Fix Others—Only Yourself
Transformation in relationships begins with personal responsibility. It’s a mistake to enter a relationship hoping to change the other person; instead, focus on allowing God to work on your own heart. When both people commit to self-examination and growth, God can work in both, leading to a stronger, more unified bond. [10:36]

- The Presence of God Must Be Central
A relationship that leaves God out is vulnerable to the same struggles as any other. Inviting God into the center of your home and relationship is a daily choice, not just a Sunday ritual. When God is the third strand in the cord, He provides the strength and resilience needed to withstand life’s challenges. [35:46]

- Teamwork and Support Require Vulnerability
True partnership means showing up for each other, not competing or keeping score. It involves honest communication, emotional support, and the willingness to be vulnerable—even when it’s uncomfortable. Regularly checking in, sharing burdens, and encouraging one another are vital practices that keep the relationship healthy and connected. [29:55]

- Selflessness Is the Path to Unity
Putting your spouse’s needs before your own is a practical expression of Christlike love. This selflessness isn’t about neglecting yourself, but about seeking the best for your partner and moving together in unity. When both partners adopt this attitude, the relationship moves from good to great, reflecting God’s design for “one flesh.” [51:46]

Youtube Chapters

[00:00] - Welcome
[00:39] - The Universal Impact of Relationships
[02:02] - Who Needs This Series?
[03:01] - Ecclesiastes 4: The Power of Two
[08:54] - Every Relationship Needs Work
[12:13] - God’s Blueprint: Work and Responsibility
[15:40] - Don’t Look Back—Look Ahead
[16:50] - God’s Design for Intimacy
[17:39] - Genesis 2: Becoming One Flesh
[20:22] - The Enemy’s Attack on Families
[22:13] - Where Is God’s Presence in Your Home?
[26:04] - Choosing Whom You Will Serve
[27:32] - Ecclesiastes 4: Teamwork and Support
[31:19] - The Danger of Isolation
[35:46] - God as the Third Strand
[37:32] - Marriage in Practice: Husband and Wife Together
[43:11] - Selflessness in Marriage
[54:51] - Investing in Your Marriage
[57:57] - Invitation and Closing Prayer

Study Guide

Bible Study Discussion Guide: “One Flesh – We Have to Put in the Work”

---

### Bible Reading

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

- Genesis 2:23-24
“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

- Joshua 24:15
“But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

---

### Observation Questions

1. According to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, what are some of the benefits of two people working together instead of being alone?
2. In Genesis 2:24, what does it mean that a man “shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”?
3. In Joshua 24:15, what choice does Joshua say every household must make?
4. The sermon says, “Healthy relationships are formed over a lifetime of intentional work.” What are some examples the pastor gave of what this work looks like? [[08:54]]

---

### Interpretation Questions

1. The passage in Ecclesiastes talks about a “threefold cord.” What does it mean for God to be the “third strand” in a relationship, and why is that important? [[35:46]]
2. The pastor said, “You can’t fix the other person—only God can do that.” Why is it so tempting to try to change others, and what happens when we focus on our own growth instead? [[10:36]]
3. Joshua challenged the people to choose whom they would serve. How does this challenge apply to the way we build our homes and relationships today? [[26:04]]
4. The sermon mentioned that “isolation is a warning sign.” What are some ways isolation can creep into a relationship, and what are the dangers if it goes unaddressed? [[31:19]]

---

### Application Questions

1. The pastor said, “Every relationship needs work.” What is one area in your closest relationship (marriage, friendship, family) that you know needs intentional effort right now? What’s one step you could take this week to invest in it? [[08:54]]
2. When was the last time you tried to “fix” someone else instead of letting God work on them? How can you shift your focus to your own growth and let God handle the rest? [[10:36]]
3. Joshua declared, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” What are some practical ways you can invite God’s presence into your home on a daily basis—not just on Sundays? [[26:04]]
4. The sermon talked about teamwork and support requiring vulnerability. Is there something you’ve been holding back from sharing with your spouse or a close friend? What would it look like to be more open and honest this week? [[29:55]]
5. The pastor and his wife shared about regular date nights and honest conversations. If you’re married or dating, what’s one thing you could do this week to intentionally connect with your partner? If you’re single, what’s one way you can invest in a healthy relationship with a friend or family member? [[32:52]]
6. The message emphasized selflessness as the path to unity. Think of a recent situation where you put your own needs first. How could you approach it differently next time to prioritize the other person? [[51:46]]
7. The enemy wants to destroy families, but God offers a better way. What is one “pattern of the world” or “pattern of your upbringing” that you need to leave behind in order to follow God’s blueprint for relationships? [[24:49]]

---

Closing Prayer Suggestion:
Invite God to help each person do the work on themselves, invest in their relationships, and keep Him at the center of their homes. Pray for courage to be vulnerable, selfless, and intentional in building healthy, God-honoring connections.

Devotional

Day 1: Teamwork Requires Effort in Relationships
Healthy relationships thrive on intentional partnership and shared effort. Two people working together can accomplish more than they could alone, but this requires both individuals to show up daily, communicate clearly, and make decisions together. It’s not about winning arguments or competing, but about being in sync, valuing each other’s strengths, and being willing to put in the work even when it’s hard. When both partners are committed to the process, the relationship becomes a place of growth and reward. [27:32]

Ecclesiastes 4:9 (ESV)
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil.

Reflection: In what specific way can you intentionally show up as a teammate in your closest relationship today, rather than trying to “win” or be right?


Day 2: Support Takes Commitment
True support in relationships means being a safe place for each other, especially during hard times. It’s not a question of if challenges will come, but how you respond when they do. Supporting one another emotionally, spiritually, and practically requires presence, patience, and encouragement—even when you’re tired or stressed yourself. This kind of commitment is built over time, as you learn to put aside distractions and truly be there for each other, lifting one another up when life gets tough. [29:55]

Ecclesiastes 4:10 (ESV)
For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

Reflection: Who in your life needs your encouragement or support today, and how can you be intentionally present for them?


Day 3: Guard Against Isolation—Stay Connected on Purpose
Isolation is a warning sign in any relationship; when you start handling problems alone and stop sharing with your partner, you begin to drift apart. Staying connected requires purposeful effort—regularly checking in emotionally, planning time together, and having honest conversations, even about tough topics. Don’t let life’s busyness crowd out your connection; instead, make it a priority to nurture your bond, learn each other’s love languages, and pray together, so that you remain close and united. [32:21]

Ecclesiastes 4:11-12 (ESV)
Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Reflection: What is one practical step you can take this week to reconnect with someone you’ve grown distant from?


Day 4: Choose Whom You Will Serve—Make God Central
Every household must make a conscious choice about whom they will serve. It’s easy to follow old habits, traditions, or the ways of the world, but God calls us to choose Him daily—not just on Sundays. When God’s presence is central in your home and relationships, everything else finds its proper place. This means seeking Him continually, inviting His guidance into your decisions, and letting His Word shape your family’s values and actions. [22:58]

Joshua 24:15 (ESV)
And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Reflection: What is one way you can intentionally invite God’s presence into your home or daily routine today?


Day 5: Selfless Love and Mutual Investment
A flourishing relationship is built on selfless love, where each person seeks the best for the other and invests in the relationship even when nothing seems wrong. This means thinking of your partner’s needs before your own, being willing to serve, and making small, thoughtful choices that show care. Investing in your relationship—through prayer, learning, and shared experiences—strengthens your bond and helps you move from good to great, reflecting God’s love in your actions. [51:46]

Colossians 3:18-19 (ESV)
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Reflection: What is one small, selfless act you can do today to invest in your relationship and show Christlike love?

Quotes

God is that third strand. God is that spiritual investment which holds everything together. You're stronger when you invite God in the center of your marriage. This takes spiritual discipline. [00:35:46] (19 seconds)


Be very careful with that. Because the enemy will try to get in your head with shame and condemnation. But I want you to say right now, I'm not going to look back. But I'm going to look ahead because I believe that God has something for me and my past will not hold me back for what God has looking for. Because we serve a God who can make all things new. [00:15:37] (26 seconds)


Stop trying to win all the time. You're not competing against each other. You don't have to win every argument. Just to show that you're right. Sometimes you can just put it down and say, okay, we're going to let that one go. Choose your battles. Don't try to be the winner. Because if you're winning and your wife losing or vice versa, both of y 'all are lost. [00:28:53] (39 seconds)


Only God can do transformation and change on that person's heart so you have to come to realize I can work on me and they can work on them and God can work on both of us. [00:11:04] (24 seconds)


Protecting the relationship is a shared duty. That's my last point. A healthy marriage needs boundaries and mutual defense so that we can walk this out together. This means guarding your time, prioritizing each other over distractions, not letting outside influence come between you. That includes family. That includes friends. That includes work. And oh yeah, sometimes that even includes your kids. [00:34:40] (39 seconds)


I have seen some marriages survive a whole lot of things so if you're in a place right now in your marriage you're saying you know I don't I don't know if we can make it I've seen marriages survive infidelity I've seen marriages survive the loss of a child I've seen them survive sickness money problems but I have not seen any marriage survive or even prosper if the individuals are not ready to do the work. [00:12:10] (33 seconds)


Chatbot

  • I'm an AI bot trained specifically on the sermon from Jun 12, 2025. Do you have any questions about it?

What are the key efforts needed for healthy marriage?
How does support influence relationship resilience?
Why is inviting God essential in marriage?